Just going to warn you now that there might not be a new chapter tomorrow. It will depend on how productive I am in the next hour. I haven't even started to write it yet and I will have no time tomorrow to write it. Let's just hope that the next hour is productive for me.

Could I let you fall by yourself
While I'm wasted with someone else

Chapter 15

Merlin did have a small moment of panic when Morgana wasn't lying next to him when he woke. Turning over, he left out a sigh of relief as she was sat by the window, wearing his shirt. He was glad that he hadn't made enough noise to disturb her and he desperately didn't want the image to break. He was scared that she was going to turn to him and tell him that last night was some big mistake. Some big drunken mistake.

In all honesty, he probably would have to agree with her but he felt like he needed this moment. A moment to believe that things were how the should have been. This could have been them in any hotel that she chose. He would be some doctor and using the contacts that his uncle had made in the world of medicine rather than still being in Uther's clutches. And there was a big reason behind why he was still in Uther's clutches.

The image of imagining Morgana staring out on Paris was gone as she turned towards him and smiled. She pushed herself from the windowsill and walked back over to the bed. He sat up as she sat down and he was glad when she kissed him.

"This shouldn't have happened." She said.

"No, it shouldn't have done."

Morgana bit her lip. "Just because it shouldn't have happened, doesn't mean that it wasn't right, right?" She paused for a moment. "I know the last thing that we should be doing is starting an affair but… I have realised everything that I have missed in the last few years. I know I should have stayed. I know our story should be different."

"Maybe this should be a one-night thing. I just feel like Alvarr is everywhere, constantly watching my every move. If I was beaten up just for being your ex, just for lying to him and saying that I didn't still have feelings for you, I would hate to think what he would do if we started an affair and he found out about it." He paused as he leant towards her, resting his forehead on hers. "I wish things were different."

Her hands rested on the back of his neck.

"Then let me tell you everything. The truth is, I have been trying to find a way to leave Alvarr for months. I may not feel like I belonged in London but I didn't belong in Glasgow either. Morgause, my sister, had introduced me to Alvarr. He was a friend of Morgause's boyfriend and it wasn't anything serious, to begin with. It was just a bit of fun and that was all I wanted. He just announced one day that I was now dating him and I had no say in the matter whatsoever. That is our relationship. Him calling all the shots and I am just meant to be whatever he wants me to be."

"Morgana..."

"Look, he hasn't hurt me yet. He may have forced me into… doing some things with him that I wasn't comfortable with but he hasn't hurt me yet. I just can't find the strength to tell him that there are just some things that I don't want to do. There were rumours I heard about the last girl that he dated and did something similar to. They weren't nice rumours and I don't want to repeat them. Merlin, my train of thought is if Alvarr can have other girls on the side, ones that I know about, why can't I have the only man that I had and would ever want?"

He wanted to kiss her but he didn't. He knew that he couldn't just kiss away her pain like they were in some movie. If this was some movie, there would be some happy ending. Merlin couldn't see a happy ending with them in this situation.

"I am sure we will make something work."

There was a part of Morgana that wondered whether she had pushed Merlin into starting their affair. She felt like he had enjoyed their night together and it was something that he wanted but she felt like she might have just guilt tripped him into doing it.

She couldn't deny that Alvarr made things difficult and there was a part of her that wanted him to feel part of what she felt. She knew that she should never have started her relationship with Alvarr, even if she could call it a relationship. All she knew was that she had to act like the perfect girlfriend to make sure that nothing bad happened to her.

"I'm sorry that you have to do the walk of shame."

Merlin looked up at her and she knew that look instantly. It was the look that he had given her when he was watching her at the window earlier that morning. It was also the look that he used to give her whenever she used to wear one of his t-shirts when she used to stay over.

"I haven't done the walk of shame for a long time. I would love to do it, holding your hand and head held up high. There is nothing wrong with having a good night and not planning ahead."

She laughed at him. "I would like to do that as well."

He walked the few steps to stand at the edge of the bed. He had already found his clothes, he just needed his shirt back now.

"I wish I could tell you to keep my shirt."

"I think that it will give the game way very quickly."

She remained crossed legged on the bed but undid the few buttons she had done up to hand him over his shirt. She was glad that she had put her bra on before she had put his shirt on earlier. She picked up the t-shirt that she had packed and put it on.

"I will go first. I have a shift at the shop to get to and I don't think Gaius is going to be overly happy with me. It will give you the opportunity to give it an hour or so before leaving yourself."

"Is this what you want Merlin, truly?"

He gave her the look again. "You said that I didn't deserve you. Well, I don't think that Alvarr deserves you. I think that you went to totally the different end of the spectrum. You do deserve someone who will treat you with a little respect."

She was fully prepared to let him go but she found herself launching herself off the bed to kiss him one last time before he left her.