Title: Scientologist Ponies: Secret of Survival
Premise: MLP: FIM. Fluttershy is walking through the Everfree Forest when she comes across a cult of scientologist ponies who sing her a threatening song: "Secret of Survival" from The Wind in the Willows.
Date Posted: 03/04/13
Personal Comments: I was taking an online quiz for psychology and listening to this song as I did so, and so this popped into my head.
This is midterms week here, and I am on my toes, so I need to make this quick. Just taking a quick break.
This cult is actually an idea I had for my Didact in Equestria story, which I'm thinking of making into a more developed story. Their leader here, Hieroglyph, will be the secondary antagonist of the story.
I haven't seen Wind in the Willows, but I have seen this song in a Nostalgia Critic episode. It's a pretty neat song. And you know there's this one weasel who at one point, makes his finger nails look like Freddy Krueger.
I do not own MLP or this song. I do not profit from this story.
Fluttershy continued to walk through the dark forest, a mist starting to appear across the ground, forcing her to step even more cautiously.
Another one of her poor little chickens had run astray in here, and she had to find the poor tyke... and fast.
She soon started hearing a sort of hymn. She followed the foreboding singing until she came across a clearing. Standing in a circle were eight ponies standing around a sort of flaming blue pulsating crystal. Also at the front was an unidentifiable alicorn lying still on a cross.
She thought of asking for directions, then hesitated, not wanting to interrupt them. Finally, she spoke up.
"Um... excuse me?" She squeaked.
The stallions all jumped and spun to face her, their faces shadowed by their grey cloaks with yellow linings and odd circular designs.
"Who dares intrude on our holy ground?" One of them demanded.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Fluttershy squeaked. "I-I didn't mean to interrupted. I just-"
"None who do not believe in the Mantle of Responsibility may enter here!" Another one blurted out.
"Guys, easy!" Another replied. "Don't be mean! It's a mare, and cute one at that!" He flashed Fluttershy a smile that made her shutter.
The other shot him a glare.
"What else would you be doing in these woods?" Another demanded.
"I'm just looking for my chicken," She replied. "But what about you? I mean if you don't mind me asking. Who are you anyway?"
"WE are devote members of the Church of Scientology, loyal to the Forerunners!"
"You fool! We shouldn't have told her that! Now we can't let her leave!"
And with that, they all started dancing around Fluttershy, making odd movements, and occasionally performing tricks with their cloaks that made Fluttershy wonder if she were dreaming.
Cloaked Stallions: First you see us, then you don't.
Now you hear us, now you won't.
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Now you feel us, now you can't.
Are we real? Perhaps we aren't?
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Fluttershy: Is it really such a nasty world?
One Stallion: Oh yes, a very nasty world.
Stallion: Nastier than you could ever dream of.
From up above, and from beneath.
Eyes and jaws, claws and teeth.
Ready to attack you you're a snack you'd better run!
Stallion #2: Don't come walking in The Everfree if you haven't got a gun.
Stallions: Ha haha haha ha.
Every pony for survival has to look out for himself.
Got no nannies here or grannies dear to look after your health.
You're in the Everfree, and any filly sees plainly you got no business to be here!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
First you see us, then you don't
Now you hear us, now you won't
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world.
Now you feel us, now you can't
Are we real? Perhaps we aren't?
It's our secret of survival-
It's our secret of survival-
It's our secret of survival in a very nasty world!
"Boys, boys!" A calm voice shouted out. "What is going on down here?"
In came a new cloaked stallion who had his hood removed. He was a unicorn stallion, looking quite thin, and had a neatly-combed mane and freckles.
"Brother," one replied, "We have an intruder, a mare."
"A mare?" The leader's voice showed enthusiasm. He turned to Fluttershy. "What could she be doing here?"
"Please, I'm just looking for my chicken," Fluttershy replied.
"Oh, I believe I can help," He replied. "My name is Hieroglyph. I'm the head of this church. Please come in and have some tea." He gestured for Fluttershy to follow.
Fluttershy stood still, very unsure about this colt, and especially after what she had just witnessed.
"I'm sorry for the trouble they caused you," Hieroglyph continued. "Sometimes they can be a little... overzealous."
He then started coughing, so he his horn glowed as he lifted up an inhaler to his mouth to take in a puff.
"Um... okay..." Fluttershy nodded, still uneased as she followed Hieroglyph and his followers down the dim path.