the size of my what?
008. pie

Sakura was jolted awake when she heard a crash in the next room over. Her eyes shot open and oh no, Itachi wasn't lying beside her—someone discovered them together but really what were the chances of that, considering they were in a country with no shinobi?

She and Itachi had purchased a small house, saving it for when things were finally right. Once a year, Sakura took a two-week leave to "travel"—and they spent those two weeks there, together—alone, and at peace.

So who the hell was in the kitchen?

Yawning widely, she grabbed a kunai off of her bedside table (one could never bee too cautious) and crept silently out of the bedroom and down the hall, peeking into the kitchen.

And there Itachi was, clad in his black t-shirt and boxers, moving soundlessly as he picked up two pans from the floor to place them back in their proper places in the dish rack. She watched in utter awe as he made his way to the fridge, his hand on the handle. He looked around, as if expecting something, before opening the fridge and pulling something out.

It was the pie that they were going to eat tomorrow, to celebrate five years of this risky and dangerous relationship.

Then it hit her. He was going to eat their pie! By himself! That jerk!

The moment before his knife cut into the pastry, her kunai whizzed past his hand and embedded itself into the table, right beside the pie. He looked up and regarded her evenly as she stepped out from behind the corner, glaring at him maliciously.

"That is our pie," she said slowly. "Our pie. Not your pie."

He was still for a long moment, before he put the knife down. "Of course," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I wasn't planning to eat it."

Oh, hah. As if she'd fall for that.

"Yeah, right," she said sarcastically, stalking over to him and snatching the knife off the table and waving it at his face threateningly. "If I hadn't woken up from your stupid blundering, you would've eaten it all, and said that someone mugged us during the night."

"You read me like a book," he said, just as sarcastic. "Would you like me to tell you a secret?"

"No," she retorted—but she was curious, and she knew he could tell.

"I was actually going to slip this into it." He pulled a box out from the pockets of his boxers (what the hell, boxers had pockets?). Her eyes narrowed at it.

"If that's a poison, and you've secretly been dating me as a spy for Akatsuki after all of these years, I swear to God, you do not want to know the things that I'll do to you after telling Sasuke how small your penis is—"

"If you would let me finish my sentence," he said, cutting her off abruptly, "I said that I was going to slip this into the pie." He flipped open the box, and she stared at it. Even in the dark of the night, she could still see the way it shimmered a little from the moonlight shining in from the window.

It was a ring. Her mouth hung open in utter shock.

Then she fainted.

When she woke up, she found Itachi lying beside her, eyes soft and one of his hands playing with her hair. It was moments like these that were bliss.

"Good morning," he said lightly, pulling in to kiss her. She responded sleepily and sluggishly, but smiled when he pulled away, and cuddled up against him.

She sighed, content. "Good morning."

They lay there for a long while, and she was happy with just listening to him breathe. She was about to fall asleep again until he moved against her, taking her hand in his. "About last night," he murmured into her hair. "How do you feel about it?"

"Hm? About what?" She didn't remember what happened last night—oh.

Oh.

"Well, about that…" Her cheeks flared, and she was glad he couldn't see her face. "What's the ring for?"

There was a moment of silence. "For one of the most renowned medics in all of the shinobi nations, you're rather thick."

"Whatever," she grumbled. "You're Itachi. I can't just jump to conclusions." Which meant—wait, what the hell, he proposed to her? "Wait—so you proposed to me?" She pulled back a little so she can stare at him in horror.

"I'm not getting very positive feedback," he said solemnly.

"Well, it's not that, but—seriously, you proposed?"

"Is that so difficult to believe?"

"Well, it's not that I don't want to marry you, but considering the situation right now…you're a wanted criminal, my teammate is out to kill you, and my village wants your head. It's not exactly…the best way to start a marriage."

"Marriage isn't about what's around us," he said, lips curving into a smirk. "It's about what's inside."

She cringed. "God, Itachi, that was so corny." He only chuckled and pulled her in for another kiss. And before she knew it, the ring was on her finger. Dammit, he was a sneaky one. She sighed. "I suppose that's a yes."

"I wouldn't have taken any other answer." His warmth promptly disappeared as he stood up and stretched. "Would you like some pie?"

Grinning, she mimicked his actions. "That sounds good."

It was silent as he cut the pastry in the kitchen. "So," he said lightly, "what was that you said last night about the size of my penis?"

A/N: DAMMIT I'M SO SORRY, I ALWAYS FORGET TO UPDATE THIS. SORRY SORRY SORRY!

I hope this made up for it. D: