Feliciano's point of view

When we enter my house after a long trip, because Ludwig has trouble walking, I lead him to my bedroom and make him sit down on the bed. My father always goes to the market at this time of the day he won't be home until dinner time, and my brother is probably making plans to safe our country with a few other members of the Resistanza.

There's no need to hide him already, so I get a tile of water and a cloth and gently remove the blood from his face. His nosebleed won't stop and I hate to see him like this. He looks so vulnerable.. that in combination with him wearing no uniform,makes it unbelievable that he " used to be" a Nazi.

I sit down next to him and gently touch his shoulder.

" What happened to you.. " I actually say this to myself, thinking about it. That's when I notice the bruises around his neck . That man must have strangled him to cause bruises like that.. .

Ludwig focuses on the door. " What if someone comes in?... " His voice is hoarse, and I'm surprised to hear him speak.

" I will hide you in the closet , don't worry"

" Please.. I'm afraid" He stares up at me, tears are starting to well up in his eyes again.

" I will not let them hurt you" That's when I hear someone open the front door.

" Quickly, hide" I grab his arm and lead him to the closet . There's just enough space for him to pull up his legs, hugging his knees.

" Be quiet , I'll come back as soon as possible" I close the door and run downstairs to meet both my brother and father in the kitchen.

" Hey Feliciano, I didn't know you were home" Romano greets me.

" I fell asleep " I'm nervous, afraid Ludwig will make noise.

Our father hugs us tightly. " In this war" he speaks " I'm so happy to have you two by my side. I love you both" We tell him we love him too.

Half an hour later we're at the dinner table eating pasta. Romano tells me about his day, that he killed two Germans with the other members of the Resistanza.

It makes me sick to hear this but I just smile and listen to him. Of course all I can think about is what I've done today.. and about an injured German hidden in my bedroom.

Father tells about an incident at the market, an old woman beaten and shot by a few nazi's because she didn't show them her identification papers fast enough.

After dinner we listen to the radio secretly for a while, then I tell them I'm going to bed because I'm tired. I succeed to grab a piece of bread in the kitchen without them noticing. When I enter my bedroom I wait a few seconds to see if someone followed me upstairs, then I open the door of the closet and Ludwig stares up at me , a frightened expression on his face.

I whisper " It's only me , love. I have something to eat for you, it's not much but at least it's something. " He takes the piece of bread from me and eats it, chewing slowly. " Danke" He whispers back to me.

"They think I already went to bed, so you can lay down on my bed if you like"

He steps out of the closet very carefully and gets on the bed with me. I gently massage his shoulders and pet his head, to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

" Please tell me what happened, I want to help you" I whisper closely to his ear.

It takes him a few minutes to answer my question.

He whispers " He knew about us.. and he would report us if I didn't do what he asked from me"

My eyes grow wider. " You should have told me. What did he do to you?"

" I don't want to talk about it" He stares at his feet, avoiding my eyes.

" Please!" I shake him.

Having a conversation about things like this is always difficult, but the whispering makes it even harder. We both don't want my family to hear us.

" Fine.. He hit me , he strangled me . .. . and he raped me several times. " He says this quickly, probably feeling ashamed about it.

" Ludwig.. I feel so sorry for you. How could he hurt my sweet boyfriend " I almost raise my voice.

" Please, touch me Feliciano.. I don't want him to be the last one to touch me before I go to sleep"

I pull him closer to me, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. I watch his chest heaving up and down. He really has a very nice body, unfortunately his whole body is covered in scars. I suck the creamy white skin on his lower belly. He moves himself up by his elbows and it arouses me to feel his stomach muscles harden under my touch. Also I'm glad to see that he can move his arms again,even if it's just a little. We don't say a thing nor do we go any further with the touching.

" Sleep well, my German lover" I kiss him on the cheek.

A faint smile appears on his face. " Gutenacht, love"

I let Ludwig sleep in my bed because nobody ever enters my don't wake me in the mornings either, and if they need me they will always knock first, which gives me enough time to hide Ludwig in the closet.

It doesn't take long before Ludwig falls asleep. I watch him, his eyes closed tightly, his right hand tangled in his own hair. His nosebleed finally stopped.

I hear my brother and father go to bed at eleven o' clock, then I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

It's in the middle of the night when I wake up because Ludwig's talking. His eyes are still closed , he has a nightmare.

" Nein. .. verletzt mich nicht. " (Don't hurt me) . He's shaking, his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. I'm glad he didn't scream but kept his voice low. I place my hand on his lips to prevent him from saying anything, then I wake him gently whispering

" Ludwig.. wake up. You just had a nightmare" He opens his eyes and I remove my hand from his mouth. He's still shaking .

" It was just a dream, ssshh close your eyes" I stroke his hair until he falls asleep again.

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