Title: Me in My Happy Place 1
Premise: Assorted franchises. Me conversing with characters from several franchises that I've been into lately. We have a talk about my problems and where I stand right now.
Date Posted: 12/19/13
Personal Comments: I decided I was going to do this after finals. Going to try and figure out some answers to some problems I have before the next semester starts. This was the first step. Next I was thinking of reading this book on Aspergers Syndrome and Anxiety. After that I'll research cognitive distortions, another issue I have.
It's snowing like crazy outside right now. It's beautiful.
Listened to "New Century" from the Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs soundtrack, and Sayaka's theme ("Decretum") from Madoka Magica while writing this, as well as Prayer Garden's Snowfall, and Rose's Theme from Titanic.
I continue to stare down at the blank white page before me in that little private testing cubicle. I had been sitting at this page for about ten minutes now. I could not remember the formula for this statistics problem. I knew this exam was going to turn out bad. I imagined returning home to a disappointed family, along with many more negative thoughts. I could not take it. I slouched back and let my mind wander away.
I found myself in what appeared to be a large, grand dining room in a fancy mansion. The windows looked out into a snowy forest. The floors were a hard, smooth wood. I looked upon the walls and saw pictures of people I knew; Devon, Ethan, Austin, Mike, Mom, Laura, a few other significant people in my life.
I looked at the fine mahogany table before me, and saw several characters from several franchises I have been into lately. Sitting at the table were the five girls from Madoka Magica; Madoka, Sayaka, Homura, Mami, and Kyoko. Kyubey was with them too, all eating the enticing-looking delicacies placed before them. Some of them were smiling and chatting with each other.
Also at the table were Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, and Wendy from South Park, along with Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison.
The Mane Six were at the table as well; Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy.
And at the end of the table, was a figure in a black cloak. I instantly recognized him, the minute I looked upon his face; my own face, with sharp teeth and slitted hazel eyes. Werdna.
There were two more figures at the table. One was large, and wearing another grey sweatshirt. I looked upon the former's face. David? The other wore a familiar blue jacket, her face revealed. I instantly recognized her. It was Laura.
"There he is!" Werdna's hoarse voice called out. My eyes darted to him. "Come on over here. Have a seat!"
I one of the many empty seats, and headed over towards one at the corner in between Mami and Werdna.
As I walked over, I looked to the corners of the room. There were two coffee tables with arm chairs in the far corners of the room. In one corner, I could see Lee Everett from The Walking Dead sitting with Kenny playing a card game. Clementine was sitting on Lee's lap.
On the table in the corner, I saw Oswald Mandus (Amnesia), Chester V (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs), and Salad Fingers. They were sitting around, sipping tea and chatting it up.
Werdna called them over, and so they all rose from their chairs and trudged over.
As I took my seat, Werdna suddenly snapped his fingers, and in a flash of light, the table extended, with a few more seats lined up at the bottom. Mandus, Chester, Salad, Lee, Kenny, and Clem each took their seats at the end of the table. Po and Master Shifu (Kung Fu Panda), followed by Subject Delta and Eleanor (Bioshock), even came in from the door at the end of the hall and joined us as well.
"You like what I've done with the place, Andrew?" Werdna asked. "You know why it's like this?"
"Well, by this point, I've realized my happy place isn't based on a location or setting," I replied happily. "My happy place is just thinking about any of these series' or franchises that I like. As long as all of you characters are here, the setting can be anywhere."
"Exactly," Werdna nodded. "I could snap my fingers and we could be anywhere else if you'd like."
"No, here is fine," I shrugged.
"That's a lot like Q from Star Trek!" Butters giggled.
"Or Discord even!" Pinkie Pie cried.
"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Obvious," Stan groaned.
A couple of manpigs (Amnesia) suddenly wabbled into the room carrying food treys. They placed the dishes before a few guests who had no food, and removed the cover to reveal the steaming delicacies.
"I do have a question," I spoke up. "What are David and Laura doing here?"
"I think you already know," Chester replied. "You wanted this to be like Keith Aisner's Asylum, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, David and Laura are the embodiments of your fears, just like Gary had one," Mandus finished.
I looked over at David. He said nothing as he continued eating.
Mandus continued. "Laura use to fill this role for you, but lately, I think it's fair to say David has sort of replaced her, all things considered."
I nodded. "That's true. Although Laura's words still do hang over me."
"You can think of Fear here as like The Dark Presence from Alan Wake," Kyle added. "It wears the face of someone you know."
That made sense to me.
"I know you wanted to wait until break before we had a talk like this," Madoka said. "But given your talk with David the other night, I think it would be best if we do this now before something else happens."
"First," Salad Fingers stammered, "Why don't we wash those bad thoughts away. Show these ruffians the door? They were acting quite bad-mannered earlier." He pointed a green finger at David and Laura.
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Fingers," Werdna replied dryly.
"Why not?" I asked. "You can just snap and make them disappear, can't you?"
"No, I can't," Werdna answered. "You remember this scene in Asylum, right Andrew?"
"Where Gary is having dinner with his mom and his Fear?"
"Yeah, that part. Tell us what you remember from that scene."
I thought for a second. I did remember that scene very well. "I don't remember the exact terms from my textbook, but I remember that scene represented that there was a balance between fear of death and love of life that makes us human, and what drives us forward and allows us to make the choices we made. Something I had seen in my Psychology textbook, I remember."
"Exactly!" Werdna exclaimed. "They showed that everyone has to constantantly live with their fears and doubts and other negative feelings, just as you will have to. There are more people out there besides Laura and David that will instill those fears in you. Probably a lot of those people will have more evil intentions than Laura and David will. They won't be trying to help you like the latter two were."
"People like Sergei from High School?" I asked.
"Possibly," Mandus replied. "Still, whether they try to help you or not, people will say things that get to you on some level at this rate. Actually, in fact, you should know that even without these people, your fears are very real. They will never completely disappear, no matter what you go through in life."
"Yeah, I guess that's true," I sighed.
"Hey, Andrew, let me ask you something," Twilight spoke up. "Why did you want to have this conversation with us rather than speak with a real person who is willing to help you?"
"I think I can answer that," Cartman replied before I could. "It's like how I use to be with my stuffed animals, and like how Salad Fingers is with his... well, whatever the Hell he does." He gestured Salad Fingers, who was playing with the spoon at his seat. "See, it's been theorized that Salad likes to have a little control over his world. You may notice how much he likes to control what the people in his world say, as he speaks their lines for them, based on the memories of his old life. He gets upset when confronted by someone like Mabel who can speak on her own.
"I am somewhat like that. I do like controlling what my stuffed animals say. But really the thing is I liked my stuffed animals because they were the perfect friends to me. They praised me and complimented me and went along with whatever I wanted to do, not asking me to give into or respect their needs.
"In reality, I'm sure you noticed that that doesn't happen; real friends like my three best friends here have their own opinions and needs, and they don't go along with whatever I want. And you remember that one episode? '1 Percent'?
"Yeah," I nodded.
"You know how then I decided to grow up. I decided to accept that there are no perfect friends, but the friends I do have are pretty damn good."
"Aw, thanks dude," Kyle smiled.
"So basically," Cartman continued, "you set this up with us because, A, you like having some degree of control as to how the conversation goes; you want to be able to do this your way and be able to sort out your own thoughts. And B, until you have a chance to get all your current thoughts sorted out, you don't want to have a conversation about these things with people who will offer any sort of real judgment or opinion or bias on your situation."
"Yeah," I nodded. "That about sums it up."
"But you didn't need me to tell you that," Cartman chuckled. "You already knew. You already figured out this stuff about me after you saw that episode."
"Did it occur to you that all this might be a big freakin' waste of time?" Rainbow snapped. "I mean sure, you're taking time to think about it all, but don't you think it might help more if you do one of those other things? Talk to Laura? Or Bonnie? Or maybe read that Aspergers book like you were thinking about? Or research cognitive distortions? Or... or something?"
"Yeah," Kyoko added. "You've already been thinking about this stuff anyway and taking notes! What do you need to talk it out with us for?"
"Hey, it's the boy's project. Let him do what he wants!" Kenny snapped.
"Let's not let this escalate people," Werdna said calmly, raising his hand.
Chester spoke up as he stroked his beard. "Perhaps this is just a method of diary-keeping or note taking he is trying out. He's writing down all this thoughts and discoveries in a way that he prefers and would understand. And perhaps if anyone else were to read this or if he were to show it to anyone, they would understand it better to some extent themselves."
"Maybe," I nodded.
"Um, could you explain to us exactly what Werdna is here please?" Fluttershy asked.
"Certainly," I replied. I was excited. Getting to explain such things were fun. "One, he's an imaginary friend that I like to bounce things off of with. I say he's a split personality to me like Gollum so I don't actually have to say 'I have an imaginary friend.' Although to some extent, the latter is somewhat true because I do sometimes seem to be two different people. David himself said so. Werdna is also the manifestation of my fanboy obsession and my desire to ignore reality by fanboying over different movies, shows, cartoons, games, books, and the like. I describe him as if you put Disney's Hades, Pitch Black, Frank the Bunny, Gollum, and myself in a blender."
"Oh. I see," Fluttershy nodded happily.
"So then, anyway," Shifu said. "Why don't we go back on the fear aspect for a minute. Or really just talk about David. I know you were reluctant to start on this exploration project because you were afraid a third party member would think it was David's idea, and not yours. Correct?"
"Correct," I nodded.
"And yet here you are, working on that stuff. So right there you can say you're living with your fears."
"And that one day you went to see Bonnie, she DID make it clear that it was your idea, and nobody can take it away from you," Sayaka added.
"Why don't we stick on David right now in fact," Salad Fingers asked. "Tell us all your thoughts on him, why don't you? And all those talks and sessions and what-nots you had with him?"
I was silent. I thought for a moment, taking a second to get my thoughts together, thinking about the whole situation and everything David had said to me.
"Well, for starters," I finally said. "I know David is my friend, and he had good intentions, but I really didn't want or need his help, and he should have backed down and dropped it when I told him I didn't want his help. And that's what led to that breakdown from the last night. He dug his own grave.
"I guess some of his actions were reasonable. I was being a jerk to him at times. Like that night I told him to stop laughing with his friend while I was printing something out.
"Also, I think I was being logical at times. Some of the answers and realizations he told me I had already realized. I knew, or had ideas, of what I needed to do. I guess I just didn't have the mental capacity to carry them out because of my emotions. I felt like that's what separated him from me.
"And it sprung up my fears when he told me these things that I already knew. I regret not walking away when I had the chance. It was only until Bonnie told me how his threats of calling public safety were null that I worked up the balls to tell him off."
"You see Andrew," Chester interjected. That is why you don't need friends. They just hold you back! You can do so much more if you just try to solve things on your own. Just look at you go right now!"
"That's not true, Chester," Twilight shouted at him. "True friends who really care about you will always try to help you. Sometimes they might not always work, but the support is always nice. And sometimes, the help your friends offer really CAN help out. You never know."
"Yeah, friendship is magic and all that," Werdna commented. "Let's settle down now." He turned back to me. "Continue Andrew."
After another pause to get my thoughts straight, I continued. "When I really think about it, I remember earlier in the semester when I would get frustrated and all he would offer me was a simple 'I'm sorry.' But then later on, when I started showing signs of aggression, like when I punched the wall that one time, he would talk to me for longer. I think to some extent, it did feel good to know he wanted to talk, that he cared enough to listen to what I had to say. I guess… as much as I didn't like talking to David later on, when he seemed to get colder, it made me happy to know that at least he cared enough to talk about it."
"But of course," Homura interjected. "You didn't focus on that. You just focused on the negative stuff."
"Did he?" Madoka asked, skepticism in her tone. "Or maybe he just focused on what David did, as oppose to the fact that David did anything at all."
"And that's understandable," Mandus nodded. "I'm certain a lot of people would look at it the same way."
"So I think at some point I did like having David's help," I continued, "like when he gave that extra push that I needed to go to the library to do my homework without my phone. He really helped me out that one time, and I do think I got more work done after that.
"It's also nice that David was willing to talk about things rather than call public safety right away. Anyway, hopefully now things between us will be better at the start of the next semester. I mean I remember when Dex said how tension between roommates can get particularly high at this point in the semester."
"Well, this question might be a little difficult for you Andrew," Werdna said. He took a breath and asked, "do you really think you forgave him? I mean Laura did say that since you said you forgave him that's sort of an obligation to let things from this semester go."
I thought again before speaking. "Um… I'll admit, at the time, I only said I forgave him because I was tired and I wanted him to calm down so I could go to bed. I mean it was Two O'Clock in the morning for crying out loud! And I had my Acting final in the morning. In truth, I don't think I was over it at the time."
"And? How do you feel now?" Mami asked as she sipped her tea.
"Well… I-I did acknowledge before that I did appreciate some of his talks. It was nice that he was trying to help me even though he may have hurt me in some areas. He did do some good for me like I said. And I think maybe some of his points maybe have been stuff I hadn't thought about before. I-I don't remember exactly what specific ideas he-he gave me and which ones I came up with myself though. Some of the hurtful stuff still sticks with me though.
"And a lot of times when he said he was being logical and he was right, it came across as gloating to me a lot. Not sure if that was my flaw, as a cognitive distortion, or if it was on his part, not really focusing on how he said it. But then when I think about his attitude like that, it makes me really mad and… God that's why it made me so happy to watch that son-of-a-bitch sob!"
"So he hurt you, and you hurt him," Sayaka observed. "Why don't you call it even?"
"Yeah, that's a good idea," I huffed. I took a few deep breaths. "So, I guess I can try to view the negative stuff as water under the bridge, and focus on the fact that he tried, and that there were moments when he did help me."
"You know, Andrew," Pinkie interjected. "I just want to point out that lately, you barely seem phased at all that it's Christmas Time. Aside from a few glancing thoughts about what to get your friends and family, and playing Batman: Arkham Origins. Just throwing that out there."
"Well, first I was distracted by the end of the semester stuff," I stammered. "And then there were these such thoughts, my obsession with Madoka Magica, and wanting to play 360 games. So I guess I've been distracted by a lot of things. I mean, you know, I was planning on putting life on hold until after I finished this session with you guys."
"Doesn't seem to be working out too well," Kenny laughed. "Taking longer than you thought it would?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I nodded.
"Let me ask you something Andrew," Lee spoke up. "Do you still think about suicide?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "It still crosses my mind every now and then. Not right now that much since I don't really have anything troubling me at the moment."
"Well, uh, that's bad," Mr. Mackey stated. "Suicide's bad. M'kay."
Mr. Garrison put a hand on Mackey's shoulder. "Why don't you let these guys handle that?" he said. Mackey sighed in disappointment and turned back to his food.
"Tell us why," Eleanor . "What sort of thoughts make you want to end your life?"
"Well, in high school, I think I mainly wanted to do it as a means to hurt Laura for how much she was hurting me."
"I remember when you wanted to go Ra's Al Ghul on her," Werdna chuckled. "I remember how you felt she she was telling you the same crap over and over again, and you wanted to go up to her and be like 'don't you have anything new?' But she beat you to it by saying you kept playing the suicide card over and over again."
"Yes, I remember too," I muttered. "That's because I did keep making the same mistake over and over again. I never learned my lesson."
"One of the things we need to work on," Werdna replied with a smirk.
"Didn't David make that suggestion?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I realized this before he did," I snapped back. "This is one of those things I didn't need that bastard to tell me."
"See, his words still haunt you," Homura huffed. "You're still not over it."
"I guess not," I shrugged sadly. "Anyway, yeah, I still do think about ending my life at times. I mean… you know I still cut my arm when I'm really frustrated."
"Dude, do you really want to end your life?" Kyle asked. "I mean, you have so much to be happy for. You have a wonderful life. You have a loving family, you live in a nice house in a nice town with great food and pretty much all the material goods you want. And you're going to a great college. Do you even appreciate everything you have?"
"I… I'm not sure I do." I admitted sadly. "And that's part of the problem. I… I feel like I'm almost never happy unless I'm hiding from reality in my world of fantasy and fandoms. Unless I'm quote-unquote intoxicated by electronics."
"Really?" Lee asked. "Well, what about all that time you've spent with Devon? Or with Ethan? Or Austin? Tom? Mike? Did those times mean anything to you? Were you ever happy with them?"
After a pause, I replied. "Yes, of course I was happy with them."
"Or even with your family? You've been happy on some of the trips you've taken together, right? Or when you went to see movies together or play games together. When you were all together and having a great time. Times like those made you happy, didn't they?"
"Well, yeah."
"Or how about when you've accomplished something?" His voice was raising now. "Like when you studied hard for an exam or worked hard on a paper and got a good grade on it? Or when you did well at a swim meet? Or when you performed well on your acting final? Did ANY of those moments make you happy?"
"It's true, I HAVE been happy at those times!" I shouted back.
"So you CAN be happy without us! Without your so-called happy place!"
"Yes! Okay I can!"
We all took a breather. Lee was right. I have been happy at times like the ones he had described.
"And yet you still think about killing yourself?" Lee asked after a minute.
"Yes," I continued. "You know though, Bonnie said that a lot of people think about suicide in college. It's not as uncommon as I thought it was. The way she put it, a lot of people aren't serious about it, and they have protective factors."
"Yeah? And what are YOUR protective factors, Andrew?" Kenny asked.
"I guess… I'm afraid of what will happen after I die. I know once it's over, it's over. No second chance. I do like everything I have in my life and I don't want to loose it all. I do have hope that I'll make it through the tough spots and I'll figure out what to do with my life."
"Are you worried at all about the people who will mourn you?" Madoka asked.
"I think so. I don't know. I'm not sure because I feel like because of my Aspergers I don't care about them as much as I should. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse. I don't know!"
"But do you care about them AT ALL?" Eleanor demanded.
I thought hard about it for a moment before answering. "Yes. I do care about them."
"It's like I've said before, Andrew," Kenny announced. "You don't just kill yourself because the going gets tough. You stick it out as long as you can, and do whatever you can and help the people who need you. Anyone who tries to take the easy way out is a coward."
"Well I AM a coward," I snapped back.
Kenny was silent. He did not have a response to that. He just glared at me for a moment before glancing away for a moment and then looking back at me.
"Let's backtrack a little," Mandus suggested. "Andrew, why do you think ending your life now would be the easy way out?"
"And you can't simply say 'you don't think you'll ever find happiness.'" Shifu added. "We've established that you can be happy by enjoying aspects of life and reality."
I thought for another minute. "Well, one thing is… well I decided on my major right? English with minors in psychology and creative writing? Well that's all fine and good, but what am I going to do with those majors? I still have no idea what kind of career I want to pursue. I know I have some talent with writing and analyzing stories, but what am I going to do with those skills? I feel like that's all I'm really good at! I don't really feel like there's much of a future for me. I just… I don't know!"
"Heh, now you know how Madoka felt at the start of our series," Sayaka giggled. A few angry glares shut her up. "Sorry. Continue."
"A lot of the good stuff I have today is provided for me. I barely have to work for it. And then one day when my parents aren't around anymore to provide for me, I won't be able to provide for myself."
"Ah yes," Werdna nodded. "The future can be scary in that respect. Your mom has said so herself I remember."
"And considering my poor social skills," I continued, "I'm afraid I won't ever be able to make many more friends or really get with any girlfriends. I just can't really find it in my interest to really try too hard to gain those things."
"Well, there you go," Rarity interjected. "You're just not trying too hard to gain those things. And if you're not trying too hard to make friends or girlfriends, you must not want them that much. I think this is just you comparing yourself to other people again. Again, you're still more focused on being like everybody else than being you. I thought you had decided the other day you were done with that, and were just going to be yourself, stop comparing yourself to others."
"But sometimes I don't even know that much about me," I complained. "I don't know exactly what makes me happy besides you guys or being intoxicated. And there are certain aspects about myself that I don't like, like how quiet I am or how I'm not interested in things that most other people my age are interested in. I'm not funny, I'm as dull as a rock."
"You can be funny sometimes," Lee reassured me. "You've made good jokes before. You've made other people laugh."
"Yeah, I guess so."
There was a moment of silence. I wasn't sure what to say next, and neither was anybody else for a moment.
"Hey, Andrew," Homura spoke up. "I don't know if this is the right time to bring this up, but do you remember the message- -or moral- that really spoke out to you at the end of our show?"
"Yes," of course I do," I nodded.
"Repeat it for us, will you?"
I took a breath and recited the message that appeared after the credits of the final episode of Madoka Magica.
"Somewhere, someone is fighting for you. As long as you remember that, you are not alone."
"Yes, now how does that apply to you?"
"Well… I know Mom and Laura work hard to provide for me. I think that's the big thing. So they are fighting for me. I like to think my Dad is doing the same. Oh, and my Aunt Sue too. If you want to stretch it a little, I'd like to thank all the soldiers in the middle east, and the president, and everyone else fighting for our country as a whole."
"Yeah, that's a bit of a stretch. We don't have to go that far," Chester replied. "But those other four work here."
Lee first rubbed his chin before he spoke up. "Let's try this," He said. "Why don't we make a list of all the significant others in your life right now?"
"Okay, sure. Let's do that," I nodded. That sounded like a good idea.
Werdna snapped his fingers, and a pen and paper suddenly appeared in Lee's hands. He started to write as I listed off some names.
"Alright, there's my Mom. There's Laura, Mom's partner. There's Mike, my dear brother. Aunt Sue. My Dad. Umm… I'd say most other family members are in sort of a secondary category. They are important people in my life, but not sure if exactly I'd call them significant."
"Sort of the same group that maybe Eli and a few of your distant friends would fall under?" Sayaka asked.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"So who else is there?" Lee asked. "Outside of family?"
After another moment's thought, I continued. "Well, there's Ethan and Austin, my two best friends from high school. I suppose Bonnie is significant because she's my primary therapist who's helping me through most of my problems right now and hopefully knows a lot about me. There's Tom, David and Dan. My three best friends at college and my suitemates."
"Tom I can understand," Twilight interjected. "But after everything that's happened with David, are you sure you two are still close?
"Well, I'm still not sure. I think so though. And he and I are still roommates, so he still is a big part of my life."
"And what about Dan? You haven't talked to him in a long time."
"No, I still say he's significant. I don't think we've drifted apart too much. I think once I get back to the brony mindset, he and I will have more stuff to talk about. He's still my fellow brony, and we're still thinking of going to BronyCon this year together."
"Okay, that's good. We'll think positive on that," Lee said as he wrote that down. "Any other friends from college you can think of? Anybody in that circle of friends you have dinner with? Or anybody?"
"What about your Xbox friends?" Sayaka asked. "Gabe and Maverick?"
I thought for a second. "Okay, yeah, you can count them."
"Alright." Lee made a note of that. "Anybody else?"
I shook my head. "It somewhat pains me to admit it… well maybe not since I think I came to terms with it a while back… but I don't think I'm really close to anybody in that circle of friends."
"Alright then," Lee made another mark.
"What about Devon?" Mami asked. "I know you still think about her a lot, and you've talked about wanting to get back together with her."
"Yeah, that's true," I nodded. "I guess we can count her."
Lee made another mark on his paper. "Okay, so that's everyone?"
"Yeah, I think so." I replied. After another moment of thinking, I spoke up again. "Another thought that's been getting to me is that I feel like I barely know some of the basic stuff of many of those significant others."
"What do you mean by 'basic stuff?'" Mandus asked.
"Stuff like some of their past history. Favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite TV shows."
"Now I think you're just making up stuff again," Lee said. "You know a few of those things for a few of your significant others."
"Yeah, a few of them, but not all of them. I feel like a jerk when I think about that stuff. I just don't think I pay that much attention to those kinds of things. I mean look at me now! I barely know what to get anyone for Christmas! I feel like I barely know my own mother at times! And I'm not sure if it's because of my Aspersers or if I'm just using that as an excuse! But maybe it's because having less friends means having to deal with less of that stuff! And that's why sometimes I think I'm better off being alone! Or again, kill myself! Or-or-"
"SHUT UP! GET A GRIP!" Kyoko reached across the table and slapped me across the face.
After a moment of a few deep breaths and rubbing my cheek, I calmed down.
"Thanks, I needed that," I said.
"Maybe this is another cognitive distortion thing," Werdna said. "Or maybe there will be something on it in your book. You'll see.
"You've gotten by okay with this kind of perspective on your significant so far, haven't you?" Mr. Garrison pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess I have."
After another moment, I spoke up again. "Okay, thanks everyone. I think I'm ready to go for now."
"Are you sure, Andrew?" Salad Fingers asked. "I mean, I feel like a lot of these topics are left inconclusive. We just scratched the surface on some of these things. Perhaps it would help to discuss them in more detail."
"I agree, Mr. Fingers. But to do that would take much more time. Time I don't have. I've already spent five days of my winter break talking this out with you guys. I need to get back to reality. There are things I need to do. Like in that one Robert Frost poem, 'I have promises to keep.'"
"Stuff and things?" Sayaka laughed.
"Yeah," I smiled. "Stuff and things."
"Don't forget your Christmas shopping," Pinkie reminded me. "That's a biggie."
"Right," I nodded. "One more thing I'd like to bring up before I go, I know my Mom says that everyone is going through this stuff around my age. She says most college students have these sort of thoughts. I agree with her. It would make sense for college students to worry about their future, what career they might want to pursue, who they are, fearing the future, what will make them happiest in life, those sort of things. But then not everyone has the same mental issues I have. Not everyone has Aspergers Syndrome or poor social skills."
"That is true, Andrew," Mandus nodded. "Not everyone is going through EXACTLY what you are going through. Transference from adolescence into adulthood is different for each individual, is my guess. And likewise, each individual must find their own answers, as I believe you are doing here, correct?"
"Yeah, that's correct," I replied.
Another moment of silence.
"Anything else you'd like to say for today, Andrew?" Werdna asked.
"No, I think that's all for now," I replied.
"Very well," Werdna said. "Until next time then." He snapped his fingers, and I found myself back in my test cubicle.