The Princess Diary

To my darling children,

This is something I probably should have started doing much sooner, except that – and I know that this will probably sound like a very poor excuse when you're older – I have been so very busy, and so much has happened over the last few weeks and months that I'm honestly not sure if I would have been able to find the time until now. Now, everything seems to have calmed down a little bit, and I should be able to do this properly.

I don't know your names. I don't know what you'll look like. I don't know whether you will be boys or girls. I only know that you are growing inside of me, getting a little bigger and stronger every single day, until you're ready to come out into the world.

Although I haven't seen you yet, I love you both so much. You are my children, and I will always love you for as long as I live. I want you both to know that, and to know it beyond doubt. You are, I'm sure, my greatest gift to the world; and this little book is my gift to you.

I didn't know either of my parents very well. My mother especially, I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with her as I would have liked. For as long as I was alive she was very ill and very weak, and when I was five years old she died. The memories that I have of my mother sparkle in my memory like jewels, but unlike the royal jewellery that may already be yours if you are reading this – and you are a girl, I suppose – my jewellery box of memories of my mother has always been very small and nearly empty. She didn't leave me very much to remember her by, just a dress that, well, let's just say that I don't have it any more and leave it at that. My father remembered her, and loved her very much, but I didn't ask him very much about my mother because it made him so sad. I thought that there would be time to talk about mother later. But then, my father left me too.

My darlings, I hope and I pray that you will know my love, and that I will know you. I pray that your father will see you grow into fine young men or beautiful young ladies, and see you married, and hold his grandchildren in his arms. Whatever happens, I know that you will not be alone. Even if my misfortune repeats itself, you will be well taken care of by our wonderful friends, whom I hope you know and love as I do: Marinette & Etienne, Angelique and Jean, Augustina, Christine. My beloved children, I hope to be in your lives every day for as long as you still want me there. But I cannot guarantee it. I left my mother very weak when I came into the world, and – although I haven't told your father this, or anyone except for my friend Princess Frederica of Normandie; I daren't tell anyone that I'm almost as worried about this as your father, they all think I'm so confident that I haven't a care in the world - I don't know if I will be there to welcome you, or for how long.

I'm writing this diary because I want you to be able to read this and know me, even if I am longer there. I want, I would like for you to know who your mother was, and what I did and felt and dreamed of. You may not need this. Your father may have told you all you need to know about me. You may not care to know. But I would like to leave this to you, something that I would like my own mother to have left me.

Except, now that I come to write this I'm not at all sure how much I ought to say, especially about what came before. How much should I tell you about my childhood, my early life, even the last up until now? I don't know. I suppose I shall have to see as I go, and if I ramble too much then please forgive me. I was born on the 6th of September 1789; I turned twenty-one a few months ago. My father was a merchant, but when he married my mother he brought a chateau and retired to the country where they could raise a family in comfort and security without him having to be away on business all the time. I don't know, my father was kind enough to never tell me this, but I think they might have hoped for more than one child. It wasn't to be, after I was born my mother was left so weakened that there was no way she could have borne me a brother or sister. But they were both so kind to me, they loved me so much and they never let me forget it. They gave me everything I wanted but at the same time they never let it spoil me. If I am allowed to truly be your mother, then I hope with all my heart that I can be half as good a mother to you as my mother was to me in the time allowed to her.

That time was all too brief. She passed away when I was five years old. Please forgive me, my dears, if I don't say too much about this. Even now, I find it very hard to think about.

I still had my Papa, and once I had learned how to smile again we were very happy together for a time. But Papa was worried that he couldn't raise me by himself, and I think that he still wanted more children, if only so that I would have sisters, for I was a rather lonely child, I must admit. And so he married again, to a woman of good family with two daughters just my age whom he adopted as his own.

And then my father died. As to what happened next, I beg you to forgive me if I don't want to write about it, those who know me well will tell you that I didn't talk about it very often. It was not a happy time, and I fear my stepfamily did not treat me particularly well. I fear they hated me, even if couldn't tell you why.

It was not a happy time, but with each dawn I sought and found new hope that some day, my dreams of happiness would come true.

Never lose hope, my darlings. If I am no longer here, if I can teach you one thing then let that message reach out of the pages of this book and touch your hearts: never give up, never lose faith, always keep believing: in yourselves, in those who love you, and in the knowledge that things can and will get better no matter how dark or hopeless things may seem at the time. So long as you believe then something, some magical act of kindness, will always come along to brighten up the sky.

So it was for me, when I was able – against even my own expectations – to attend the royal ball where I met your father. I didn't go to the palace expecting to find love, but I was determined to have one single night of happiness, and I wasn't going to ally my stepfamily to deny me that. Please, my darlings, please don't let anyone stand in the way of your dreams of happiness. Never be cruel, and never set out to hurt others, but don't let the cruelty and desire to cause harm of other people stand in your way.

I met your father and I fell in love with him on the same magical night. As I was standing at the back of the ballroom, lost in rapture at the size and scale and beauty of the ballroom, I felt someone touch my hand. I turned around, I felt so surprise I almost thought I could faint, and there he was. The most handsome man that I had ever seen. He bowed to me. No one had ever done that before. I curtsied clumsily, and then he took my hand again and kissed it. I felt as though I must be dreaming. This couldn't possibly be real, this couldn't be happening to me. But it was, and he led me out onto the dance floor and soon I'd forgotten about everyone in the room, everyone in the whole world, except him.

I didn't know his name, and he didn't know mine, but we danced together all night until I had to leave (I'll let your father tell you about that, he isn't nearly as embarrassed about it as I am), but he found me the next day and asked me to be his bride. I said yes. Of course I said yes because I knew, I absolutely knew as surely as I've ever known anything in my entire life, that I loved him and he loved me and we were destined to be together for as long as fate allowed it.

Since then, our lives haven't been the happily ever after that I had hoped for, but there has been joy as well as sorrow, and I wouldn't want you to think that I wasn't happy in my life for all its troubles. I made enemies: Serena, Grace, Theodora, but I also made great friends too: Marinette, Angelique, Jean, Princess Frederica. This life has been hard, sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Life isn't perfect. The world isn't perfect. We aren't perfect, and nor are the people around us, even the ones we love most in all the world. But so long as we believe, and so long as we're willing to work hard and never give up, then all things that are not perfect can be made better. I have tried to do that here, in this palace and in this life.

Your father – I hope he will forgive me for saying this – isn't perfect and neither am I. We loved each other from the moment we met, but it took us a little while to really know each other as more than a beauty – forgive my lack of modest, my dears, it's something I've always struggled with – and a devastatingly handsome gentleman. He didn't trust me at first to be much of a help to him in his duties as a prince, and to be perfectly honest I didn't trust myself in that regard either; and when I found out that he had a son that he hadn't told me about, that he hadn't told anyone about, then I'm a little ashamed to say that I was furious with him. But we grew, and we learned, and we didn't give up on one another, and because we kept our hearts open our love for one another has only grown stronger and stronger, and now your father and I are not only deeply in love but also best friends, and I believe now that our love will remain even one my beauty fades, which isn't something I might have said in the first few weeks after our wedding day.

You will grow up with a stepbrother, named Philippe. He is not my son, but I love him just as much as I love you; I beg you to be kind to him, and to love him as the brother that I may not have been able to give you.

My life has gotten better and better, and not only because your father and I understand one another better now than we first did. The false friends and secret enemies who populated my household at first, the ladies-in-waiting who hated me and wanted to bring me down, have all gone now, I don't have to worry about them and neither do you. In their place are friends I can trust, friends I can rely on, friends who love me and whom I love in return. If anything happens to me, or God forbid should happen to your father to, I know you'll be well taken care of.

The Duke and Duchess of Cornouaille are gone as well, although with luck you may have the good fortune to meet her grace the duchess and her children some day. The Duke, I'm afraid to say, was not a kind man. He did not like me, and he tried to hurt me and your father. But he is dead now. It was a very horrid business so I hope you'll forgive me if I don't say any more than that, but he is dead and his cause is finished. His wife, Anne, has turned out to be a lovely person and a dear friend, one I am sad to say that I did not get the chance to know better before she went away. She left not long after her husband died. She went to Italy, a place called Etruria. She writes to me every now and then, and seems very happy there.

When I first married your father, there were quite a lot of people who thought that I didn't deserve to be his wife, still less to be a princess of Armorique and a future queen of this country. I didn't have a title, you see, nor a lot of noble ancestors that I could name; I didn't even have any money. People like Serena thought that they could force Eugene to get rid of me, people like Grace thought that they could kill me, men like the Duke thought that they could destroy my marriage. They're all gone now, and things seem to be getting better. People don't sneer at me the way that they did at first, and I don't even hear them laughing behind my back any more. Now, when people compliment me I think they're being sincere. I think they're going a little bit far when they call me the Realm's Delight, but anything is better than being the target of the realm's derision, so I will accept delight and gladly so. Although I can no longer dance the night away in your father's arms, I can at least get through a party without feeling thoroughly miserable by the time its over, which let me tell you is a great improvement.

If my life has been improved immeasurably by the efforts of my friends, I hope it isn't too proud of me to say that I have tried my best to make this country a little better by my own efforts. If there is something besides you that I am proud of it is my efforts to serve this country, and in particular it's poor and hungry. The monarchy has immense power, and when you sit upon the throne I hope that you will remember to use that power wisely for the good of all of Armorique's people, not just for the richest. I want you to know that, although they might complain about your interference or worry about what your plans will do to their majorities, most of the politicians in this country are earnest, decent and hard-working men. I've certainly found that. Though I got off to a bit of a rocky start with some of them – Lord Roux especially – I feel as though we understand one another, and together we have accomplished so much for the lost and forgotten of Armorique. If this is all the time that I am allowed, I am content with the legacy that I will leave behind.

You may hear some things about your grandfather. I wouldn't want you to believe anything negative about him. Despite what some may say he has always been incredibly kind and courteous to me, even when no one else was. He welcomed me into his family and became another father to me. We've never been anything less than happy and content with one another.

It was six months ago that Anne went away, six months in which you've been growing inside of me, getting bigger and bigger all the time. I hope you don't mind me telling you that I'm not able to move very much at all because of you two. I love you, but I'll be glad when I can hold you in my arms instead of in my belly. I can't wait to see you, and the doctors tell me it will only be a few days now, you'll be born just before Christmas. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait. I will write to you each day until you arrive, telling you about me in case there is no other way for you to know. I don't know if you'll care, but I would have liked some way to know my mother after she was gone.

I hope to see you every day for many years to come, but if that is one wish that cannot come true, remember that I love you very much and always will.

Your mother,

Cinderella

Author's Note: The unusual format of this chapter was a decision I made to cover up the problem that the overly-rapid pacing of this story had landed me in, which was that Cinderella was only three/four months pregnant and already all the conflicts in the story had been resolved. And yet at the same time it didn't feel right to end the story before the birth of the children, since the story started with the news that she was pregnant and the fact of the pregnancy was what motivated Henry to act. It feels only proper that the story should end with the birth of Cinderella's children but then what to do about all the time between delivery and where the last chapter left off? My original plan was to use diary entries to briefly narrate over the intervening six month timeskip, but when I was thinking about why Cinderella would suddenly start keeping a diary (when if one has been mentioned before now I've forgotten) I thought back to the fears that she confessed to Frederica that she might not be there for her children (because of her mother, and the general dangers of childbirth) and the idea of writing to her children just in case seemed like a good one. And so this letter, summarising Cinderella's story so far and delivering a few tidbits of information (like what happened to Anne). I hope it worked out.

Next chapter: babies.