It had been an infuriatingly long week of incredibly slow recovery before he was able to speak.
He hadn't known it, not until Luke showed up. He had no reason to ever try speaking to anyone else.
Threepio was in his usual spot and somehow the droid's presence was comforting to him, although the droid was, as usual, not at all comforted by him.
He moaned in worry every time he made any attempt at movement. Any attempt at conversation with the droid would prove futile. Part of him, the darker side of him, wanted to try to and see what would happen if he did. A tiny flick of his wrist, moving his head, movements that had slowly been becoming less painful, but actions that would send the droid into an anxiety-driven fit, no doubt. It would prove for amusement on his end at least. Another part of him, a part he thought long lost but was steadily growing larger with each passing day, told him not to torture the droid he had once created and loved, and certainly not for a reason such as petty amusement.
"Good Morning, Master Luke." Threepio chirped happily as the doors hissed open.
He felt his spirit lifting as soon as Luke's smiling face walked in the door. Somehow, every day he convinced himself that Luke would see sense and leave him there to die alone.
Yet without fail Luke was always there. Sometimes he popped in a few times for minutes only on busier days and other times he stayed for hours. He looked forward to those days the most.
Luke was a distraction, from the pain, from the darkness. He had missed over twenty years of his son's life and those few hours a day provided a glimpse into who Luke was and who he was becoming.
"Heya, Threepio." Luke greeted with a grin and then tugged at his clothing.
It was only then that he realized how Luke was dressed.
"What do you think? They were found in the old Jedi temple on Coruscant. I think they were my father's."
They were indeed. One of Anakin Skywalker's old Jedi robes, he recognized them almost immediately.
"Oh, they do look great on you, Master Luke."
Luke beamed with pride and for a second he saw nothing but the image of young Anakin Skywalker, a confident young man prepared to take on the universe.
The uniform looked it's age, it's colors faded, riddled with holes and scorch marks from the last time he had worn it, retired when he returned for the last time from the Clone Wars. The old republic symbol was still on the shoulder pads.
His 'saber even sat in it's hilt on Luke's hip.
He expected the flood of rage he always felt when he thought of Anakin Skywalker but to his great surprise he only felt a wistful sadness and pride for his son. He wondered if that was how Obi-Wan had felt towards Anakin.
The rage crept up on him again at the thought of Obi-Wan and pushed that thought aside. Obi-Wan hadn't cared for anyone, least of all him.
His anger heightened further as he was reminded of the strict Jedi code. Luke possessed great skill and would have been a talented Jedi, but Luke was far too loving to be a Jedi. He also would not have been allowed to be his master, to have Luke as his padawan.
He must have made some sort of noise because Luke suddenly looked in his direction and Threepio jumped.
Luke flashed a smile. "You're awake. Good."
He walked over to his side and immediately grabbed a hold of his hand. Because he could not yet speak it was their way of communicating, he could acknowledge he heard Luke by squeezing hand.
Luke's face had softened, his eyes still shining with pride but also looking more hesitant. "I'm right aren't I? These are yours?"
He squeezed Luke's hand once.
Yes.
"I hope you don't mind. I know seeing them must bring back bad memories for you but I saw them and I knew...I just got this feeling, I know it was the Force connecting us. I thought it would be perfect for today."
He paused for a long moment. "I don't know if I told you but I plan on rebuilding the Jedi Order. I'm the last one, the last Jedi…" he looked off distantly in a contemplative silence. Then he shook his head and shrugged, looking back at him. "At least that's what Master Yoda told me."
So it had been Master Yoda that trained him. He knew there was something familiar about Luke's skills that were not Obi-Wan's.
"It is not going to be like it was." Luke explained hastily. "Or at least I'm going to try and make it different and I have to believe there are other beings out there that can also use the Force. Han thinks it's all foolishness but he doesn't know, he can't feel it like I can." His brow furrowed. "You still feel it, too, don't you?"
He squeezed Luke's hand again and Luke's lips twitched up and he leaned in closer.
"Father, I only know a little of what made you turn to the Dark Side. The Jedi won't be what you knew them as, what you once were. It will be different, it will be great."
He once cursed everything the Jedi were but the Jedi were dead. All that remained was Luke and he was hardly trained and clearly didn't hold to the beliefs of the old Jedi order. He embraced family, embraced love and attachment.
He wasn't sure the Jedi could be restored but watching Luke, his young face set in hopeful determination, he knew if anyone could rebuild and reform the Jedi it would be Luke.
"I know you probably don't approve but I'll show you what the Jedi can really be."
"Luke,"
Luke's eyes slowly widened as a version of his name left his voice modulator.
He hadn't realized he actually spoke until he saw Luke's expression, the sound of the voice was unfamiliar. Whoever had designed this new suit had clearly taken the design of his old one but fitted it to be new and perhaps not so menacing as Vader had been.
"Father?" Luke grabbed his hand in both of his and raising his brow expectantly.
He tried again and it hurt but it was more clear. "Luke, my son…"
Luke's smile widened. "You're speaking!" He looked over his shoulder in excitement. "He's speaking!"
"Oh!" Threepio uttered in surprise. "Oh, my, that is...wonderful." His tone suggested he thought it was anything but.
Luke looked back at him, his smile still on. "How do you feel?"
Of course that would be the first question Luke asked.
Luke's smile faded as he fell silent. "Are you in pain?"
He was but it didn't matter, not then. Truth was he had been silent for so long he didn't know what to say or even how to answer the question he didn't want to answer.
"No." he said quickly as Luke once leaned over to adjust his medication. Luke froze and glanced back at him quizzically.
"Leave it." He still found it a challenge to speak, much to his frustration.
Luke nodded, his lips pressing in a small smile as he sat back down.
Luke also fell silent after that. His young face was eager but conflicted, no doubt a million possible questions running through his mind. It seemed now they were able to actually communicate, it wasn't so easy to do so.
A brief look of alarm flickered over Luke's face and he looked quickly to the doors and then frowned as he turned back to him.
"I wish I could stay." Luke said suddenly. "I have to go….I'm going to meet with the New Senate about proposing the New Order. Leia is part of the committee but she'd kill me if I were late." He laughed quietly and as always his heart ached at the mention of Leia.
"I didn't expect you to...to be speaking. I always hoped you would get there but I didn't think...there's so much to talk about."
"Yes." He agreed, speaking aloud but also squeezed Luke's hand out of habit.
"There will be time for that later." He managed to get out and was partly relieved Luke was leaving. It hurt to speak and he wasn't sure If he was emotionally ready to have the conversations Luke wanted to have. "Go."
He couldn't have put emotions into the modulator if he wanted to but he hoped at least it didn't sound so threatening to Luke's ears as it did to his own.
Luke hesitated for a moment but then a small smile crossed his lips and he nodded. "I'll be back later." He vowed and his hand moved to his lightsaber as he straightened up. An action Anakin had done countless times as a Jedi.
Luke deserved his own saber, as every new Jedi Knight did, but for now, Anakin's lightsaber would do. A legacy, something good he could actually pass down to his son.
"Luke," he called out to him as his son began to turn away.
Luke looked back at him, brow raised. "Father?"
"You've done well, my son."
It was an odd feeling but he knew he didn't speak as Vader, as he wanted Luke to join him on the Dark Side. He was speaking from whatever part of Anakin still existed and he hoped Luke knew that too.
Luke stared at him for a moment, his hand twitched his lightsaber and Padmé's grin once again lit up his face.
He said nothing but spun around quickly on his heels, nearly crashing into Threepio as he dashed toward the door.
Luke Skywalker left the room, the proud son of Jedi Anakin Skywalker.
"Wish me luck!" he called as the door hissed closed behind him.
He knew if Luke was anything like Padmé, he would sway the senate in his favor.
Luck was all he needed, for his skill would surely be on his side.
"Good luck Master Luke!" Threepio called after him with a wave.
Threepio remained facing towards the doors and he watched him in silence for a few long minutes. His earlier curiosity to test the droid's reaction to him was now too hard for him to resist. If he did not have the strength to yet speak to Luke, perhaps he could try on Threepio.
"Hello Threepio."
The droid yelped and whirled toward him. He always had the same expression but somehow he looked more surprised than usual.
"Oh! You're speaking to me and you know my name. This cannot be good."
"I know everything about you."
"Oh dear." Threepio nervously between him and the door and he realized how menacing that sounded.
"Do you remember me?"
Do you remember Anakin?
"I certainly know who you are." The droid confirmed, with a bit of fear and hostility. "I doubt there is a being, living or droid who does not."
He knew it was a futile question. A droid's memory could not be returned once it was wiped. His first creation would now only see him as the enemy. The thought left an odd feeling of emptiness inside him.
"I will not harm you, Threepio."
"Oh." Threepio sounded surprise but not any less comforted. "That is good to know."
He knew there was nothing he could do to convince him so he fell back into silence. Threepio was none the more comforted and neither was he.
Luke had returned later as promised.
He was awoken out of a rest when the doors hissed open. The nurses had been in and out a few times a day but he felt a small shift in the force as he had been learning to recognize when his son was near.
Luke looked exhausted, weary and he was no longer dressed in Anakin's robes.
He could see the dejection on his face as soon as he opened his eyes.
"I take it the meeting did not go well."
Luke paused, startled by his voice. He too had forgotten for a moment he could speak again.
Then Luke sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair.
"They can't see what I'm trying to do! Leia was on my side but there was only so much she can do. They won't even give me a chance!"
Luke paced across the small room and his constant movement was enough to make him dizzy.
There was something so familiar about Luke's words, Luke's frustration with the senate, and it caused an odd sinking feeling in him.
Luke had resisted the Dark Side once before but if he was not careful he could fall down the same path that he had been led down.
"You must keep trying, son." He urged quietly.
"You would think they would want the Jedi back!" Luke said in exasperation.
"The relationship between then Jedi and the senate has always complicated to say the very least."
Luke let out another sigh and turned to face him with a frown.
"You must convince them." He hoped Luke would have better luck than he did. Luke didn't have the Chosen One hanging over his head.
"I'm not sure how to do that." Luke answered, throwing himself into the chair beside his bed. "I didn't finish my training with Master Yoda."He admitted, his lips turning up in a small, sheepish smile. "I sensed Leia and Han were in danger, and he warned me against going to find them before my training was complete but I couldn't just let them get hurt! He didn't like that."
"Well, it appears some things never change." He muttered bitterly.
Luke furrowed his brow with a frown. "What?"
"The Jedi Order I knew forbid personal attachments. Master Yoda, as you are well aware, is one of the oldest Jedi and believes firmly in that ideal."
Luke's eyes widened and he leaned in closer.
"Forbid? How could they forbid emotions?"
"Decades upon decades of Masters training their young Padawans not to."
Luke slowly sat back, a pensive look on his face. "Obi-Wan was your master wasn't he?"
"Yes."
"I dont understand," Luke leaned forward again, "Obi-Wan seemed to care about you. He always spoke kindly of you, well, of Anakin."
"He wanted to sway you, son. Away from me."
Luke's frown deepened. "I don't believe that."
"Believe what you will, my old master certainly hadn't the heart."
Luke's brow pressed together and he was suddenly struck by how much he resembled Padmé.
He shook his head again stubbornly. "No, that can't be right. Old Ben was one of the kindest men I ever knew."
"Old Ben?" He wondered in surprise. Of course it would make sense that Obi-Wan would change his name to remain out of sight but to have such a personal nickname from Luke, he had to be close to him.
"Tell me Luke, did he raise you?
"What? No...no he didn't. I was raised by my aunt and uncle, Beru and Owen"
"On Tatooine?" That actually got his head to turn towards Luke and for a moment his head spun.
"Yes, why?"
He waited for his vision to clear. "I...am from Tatooine." He finally bit out. He hadn't thought about that sand-ridden hell of a planet in years and a slow rage burned inside him that his son was forced to grow up there too.
"I know." Luke said with a small, sad smile. "They didn't talk about you much. Every time I tried they only told me the barest amount of information."
"It was clever, to bring you there. A place I dare not return to."
Luke chewed on his bottom lip for a long moment, a clear debate raging in his head.
Finally, he asked. "What happened between you and Obi-Wan?"
He knew as soon as the boy had mentioned Obi-Wan earlier, that particular question was not too far behind. He hated thinking about it and didn't want to talk about it but felt Luke at least deserved the truth. "The Jedi stifled me, Luke. Restricted my power, my emotions. I saw the flaws in the Jedi, that everyone else refused to see, and Obi-Wan was the very manifestation of all they stood for."
Luke frowned and slowly sat back. As he observed his son's behavior he realized how malicious his voice must have sounded. He could not seem to help it when it came to talking about his old master.
He paused, forcing himself to calm down. "He didn't listen to me, he wouldn't. Nobody would. No one except Chancellor Palpatine."
Luke's eyes widened in sudden realization. "Yes, Luke, he manipulated me, took advantage of my anger and resentment toward the Jedi and used it against them. He told me what I wanted to hear, let me believe the Dark Side of the force could satisfy the needs the Jedi were not meeting. With his death I realize the hold he had on me, how it had brainwashed me. I allowed it to convince me the Jedi, and Obi-Wan, were evil because it's the only thing that felt right to me at the time. I...cannot for certain tell you what I believe in now but I still do not agree with the Jedi principles. You must understand something Luke, I may no longer be a sith but I am no Jedi."
"I know that." Luke nodded solemnly. "You cannot be what you once were but you are Anakin Skywalker. I looked into your eyes and saw the humanity, your love and your pain. It was Anakin who broke through the darkness and saved my life and it was the life of my father that I chose to save."
"Perhaps you shouldn't have." His voice was low, despondent.
"Don't say that," Luke shook his head and reached out to place his hand over his. "You're here for a reason…"
"Yes, son, that reason being your insistence on saving a life that maybe wasn't meant to be spared." The volume of his voice rose with every word. He caught the flames of anger trying to roar to life and consume him and forced it back down, quieting his voice. "You are like your mother in that way, compassionate to a fault."
Luke blinked, clearly been thrown at the sudden mention of his mother, then his eyes widened and a soft smile crossed his lips. "My mother?"
"Yes, she always believed in me, believed in the good of me, the good in people."
Luke's smile grew sad. "She sounds wonderful."
"She was." His heart ached, burned at the memory of Padmé. He hadn't thought about her in many years, refused to let his mind go to her, and what he had done. With the knowledge of the existence of Luke and Leia, and how similar his children were to her, her memory came flooding back to him in heart clenching waves.
Luke seemed to be hanging on to every word he said about her. Luke and Leia were separated, Luke had grown up on Tatooine, Leia as the Organa's daughter, which led him to a devastating conclusion.
"You never knew her?"
Luke frowned and shook his head. "No, I lived with Uncle Owen for my entire life. They said she died when I was born," he scoffed quietly, bitterly, "Never told me about Leia. I mean, I can understand why but still…" He sighed heavily. "I feel like I was trapped on that planet and my whole life was kept a secret from me."
"They never told you about her?" Red flashes of anger burned before him before he realized with a sobering thought, his marriage to Padmé had been a secret. They only met Padmé once before when they came to Tatooine. They hadn't known her and unless Obi-Wan and told them they wouldn't have known she was his mother.
Luke shook his head again. "However little they spoke about you they spoke about her even less. I think she was a queen, is that right?"
He felt a small relief Luke knew that much but he hated the fact Luke did not know her at all.
"Queen Padmé Amidala, yes. A queen for two terms and then a senator for the republic. She did great things, Luke, she was a woman like no other but forgotten in Imperial rule."
A flurry of different emotions crossed Luke's face as he processed all the new information. Joy, at hearing about the good his mother had done and getting to know more about her, wistfulness at the fact he never knew her himself and could never know her. His brow pressed together, a clear question on his mind and he waited for him to ask it.
"Did she know?" Luke asked quietly, slowly looking over to him, "That you had turned to the Dark Side?"
He knew it was coming but he was not prepared for the flood of emotions he had long locked away about that time. The anger that fueled him, the betrayal from those he thought were his friends, the fear of losing her and the despair of having lost her. All of it came together inside him now as the memories flashed quickly before him.
"Those last few months before your birth were not good for me." Looking back at it, he knew Padmé could sense the changes in him and when she faces him on Mustafar, begging him to turn away…. "Yes...yes she knew, at the end."
Luke said nothing but frowned deeply and dropped his head, staring at his lap.
"You should have known her." His hands slowly curled up, the pressure in his chest intensifying. "She should have been saved."
He shut his eyes, forcing angry tears away as harsh memories clouded his vision.
"Anakin, you're breaking my heart."
"She's the one that deserves life, she's the one that deserves you."
"Stop now. Come back, I love you."
He could feel his heart pounding, the machinery that kept it besting struggling to keep up with the emotions pulsing through his veins.
His lungs burned from misuse, trying to grasp for deep breaths that wouldn't come.
He shook, rage, shame, disgust flashing white and hot through him.
"What are you doing? What's happening?" Luke's panicked voice filtered in through the dark haze that threatened to take him over.
He grasped on tight to Luke's light, reaching out to him.
Father? The voice was crisp, clear, warm and bright, ringing inside his head with an air of wonder.
He held tighter onto Luke's presence, calling out to him and the light intensified.
Don't let it consume you. Resist the darkness, I know you can do it, I've seen you do it. Come back to me Father, come back.
Luke's words, mirroring his mother's from that night so long ago, called him from the darkness, reached him in ways Padmé hadn't been able to that night, a way he didn't allow her to.
He stopped struggling and let Luke's bright presence in the force guide him back.
His heart rate slowly returned to normal, the pain in his chest became less with every automatic hiss of the respiratory system of the suit.
He waited until the storm had passed, holding onto Luke's calming presence.
He slowly became aware of himself again, letting the dark emotions settle in the pit of his stomach, still there but hidden for now.
He tried opening his eyes but found his eyelids heavy from exhaustion. His damaged body was not used to that much exertion.
He lay in silence for a while, he wasn't certain how long but he knew Luke hadn't left. He could still feel him, both physically, Luke's hand on his chest, and his warmth in his mind.
He finally was able to open his eyes and slowly turned his head to where Luke sat. Luke was on the edge of his chair, pressed against the side of the bed, one hand on his chest, the other holding his hand, his eyes full of concern, confusion and awe.
"Forgive me, son…" he said slowly. "I appear to have lost control."
"Everything in the room started shaking."
He almost laughed bitterly, he hadn't had a tantrum of the Force since he was a youngling just learning how to control his skills, not of that magnitude.
"I saw...I felt…" Luke continued… "I was in your mind, I felt what you were feeling, I heard you calling out to me in my mind. How…" Luke shook his head.
"Most Force sensitive beings have telepathic abilities. I have such an ability and as my son so do you, our familial bond strengthening that connection even further."
"Telepathic?" Luke's eyes widened. "Is that why I could sense when Leia and Han were in danger?"
"You and Leia are connected as we are. Your bond to her is strong even if you didn't know it."
"Wow." Luke murmured in awe.
"Your talents are strong, Luke, but you are undertrained. Did Yoda not explain this to you?"
"Well I left, like I said. Master Yoda taught me a lot but he's gone now and so is Obi-Wan," he sighed, "and there is still so much for me to learn."
He was grateful that Obi-Wan was no longer around to teach him, and Yoda was hardly better. Luke would have to teach himself, a challenge Luke would have to face.
"You will learn in time, my son. You just need patience and determination."
Luke nodded, the corners of his lips pulling up in a half smile. "Patience I was never really good at."
"Neither was I."
Luke glanced back at him and his smile widened and then he laughed, no doubt picturing a young Anakin Skywalker.
He felt that strange wistfulness again, remembering all the times his master had ordered patience from him, often with a resigned sigh.
Luke was connecting himself to his father, discovering their shared traits lied in more than their midichlorian count.
Luke shared a lot of traits with his mother, but he shared a lot with Anakin too.
"You were wrong, Father." Luke said, his smile fading into something more serious. "You said it was my mother who deserved to be saved. You were wrong, it was both of you. She should be here with us...and Leia."
For a moment Luke's face twisted up in pain and dejection and he was painfully reminded of all the damage he had done to his family.
All he had wanted to do was save them, save her, make the universe the best place it could be for them. Instead his children grew up without him, without each other, without Padmé and in a universe where he worked to destroy them.
His own pain was only magnified by that of Luke's. The flames of anger began to flicker back to life and drew back Luke's attention to him.
"What's done is done, all we can do now is move forward."
Easier said than done, my son.
For as long as he lived he would hold onto the guilt and shame over the destruction of his family at his own hands.
He hardly could think of the alternative, if he had never pledged himself to the Dark Side.
What would they have done? Would he have remained a Jedi, having to hide the children and the truth of their parentage from the Jedi Order? Would they all have to go into hiding? Would Palpatine have even succeeded without his help?
Multiple different possibilities flashed past his vision, all of then impossibilities and useless to fret upon.
They were in the here and now,Irving with the consequences of his actions.
Luke thought he had been doing him a favor, saving his life but death would have been a relief. Instead, he was forced to live in a world he had helped create, a world where many people, including his children, had suffered and now he suffered too.
"You must be tired."
Luke's voice cut through his dark cloud of self loathing and he refocused his vision on his son.
Luke wore a half smile. "I know I am." He fell back against the chair. "It's been a long day. I think we both could use some rest."
"Yes," he agreed, suddenly feeling his own exhaustion, "go and rest, Luke."
"It was good to speak with you today." Luke said sincerely and with a smile. "I've learned so much but there's so much more I want to know. Would you tell me? About my mother? About the Force?"
"Are you certain you want to ask me about the Force?"
"Yes." Luke nodded with certainty. "You may have been a Sith but you were trained as a Jedi. You were known as one of the greatest."
"Known by who?" Everyone he knew in the Order always critiqued his way of handling situations. They refused to allow him a seat on the council, clearly, in his eyes, they had not thought that highly of him.
"I don't know, everyone I guess. The great Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. That's what I've always heard."
"Whether that is true or not, I am no longer that man. I am not a Jedi and I will not become one again, even for you, my son. I will tell you what I know of the ways of the Force if that is what you want but it will be up to you to decide what you do with that information."
Luke frowned. "I know you must be in conflict. I know the dark side held you for many years but I trust you also know enough of the light to teach me."
"Luke…"
Luke shook his head. "We will discuss it another time." He slowly stood up and smiled tiredly. "For now, we rest."
Luke was still holding onto his hand. He turned his head down, his brow furrowing in concentration as he stared at their hands.
He wondered what Luke was doing when he was suddenly struck by such an overwhelming feeling of love and a strangled gasp left his throat at the unfamiliar feeling.
Luke's face lit up in a smile and he lifted his head to look at him, proud of his newly acquired skill, and eyes shining in genuine affection.
Not for the first time and certainly not for the last, he found himself in surprise of everything Luke was.
"Goodnight, Father. Sleep well. I will see you tomorrow."
Luke gave his hand a squeeze and with another test of their newly found mental bond, he swore he could actually feel it as if it were flesh on flesh.
"Goodnight, my son." He managed once he finally found his voice.
He watched as Luke left the room, still overcome with that unusual sense of peace.
It faded as Luke's presence drifted further and further away but it lingered just enough to keep the sting of darkness away and for the first time in a very long time, he fell easily asleep, his pain dulled, and without trace of a nightmare.