Merlin had done a lot of foolish, careless things in his life. But none of them had ever had such far-reaching consequences as losing his book of magic.

"He has the grimoire?" Gaius exclaimed, looking about ready to topple right off the bench and faint onto the floor of the infirmary.

"Had!" Merlin stressed hurriedly. "Had the grimoire. I've got it back now."

Gaius needed more than just a moment to collect himself from his shock. He almost looked ill and Merlin felt a wave of guilt crashing down on him for once more troubling his guardian. "Merlin," Gaius wheezed eventually, clasping a hand to his chest. "You will be the death of me. Mark my words!"

"I'm so sorry," Merlin replied miserably, cringing a little. He had done a lot of apologising as of recent.

"How on Earth did Lucan get a hold of the grimoire?" Gaius asked, eyebrows raised in the most intimidating of arches.

Merlin rubbed a hand over his neck. "Well…"

One would think that two years of hiding his magic in a place that would have him set on fire were his secret ever revealed would have taught him to be careful. Not careful enough, apparently. Otherwise, Merlin would have never taken the grimoire out of the physician's tower and to the library.

Merlin had wanted to do research on some of the terms and places he had found in the magic book and it had simply been such a chore to go back and forth between infirmary and library to cross-reference everything. A book in a place filled with books? Hardly suspicious! So he had brought it with him, settled down in the far corner of the library and done his research.

Eventually, Geoffrey of Monmouth had shown up behind him, shooing Merlin away as he was wont to do and Merlin, in his haste and panic not to get caught, had taken the wrong book back home. He had realised his mistake half-way across the castle and promptly retraced his steps, but when he had finally convinced Geoffrey to let him back inside, the grimoire was not where he had left it.

At first, Merlin had been convinced Geoffrey must have accidentally put the book on some shelf and Merlin vowed to return and find it. But the next day, Sir Lucan had approached Merlin in the armoury where Merlin had been sharpening Arthur's daggers.

"Saw you in the library the other day," he had said and Merlin had flinched so badly he had very nearly cut himself. "Didn't know a servant like you could read. Made me curious. Interesting book, I must say. Tell me, Merlin, how much is your secret worth?"

Merlin had lived in fear ever since. The book did not only contain spells – condemning in and of itself – but was littered with notes in Merlin's handwriting. Arthur would recognise his scrawl at once. He had complained about it often enough. If the Prince got his hands on that book, Merlin was done for.

"How could you have been so careless!" Gaius hissed after Merlin had finished his tale.

"So very sorry."

"That book will never leave these quarters again, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Gaius," Merlin sighed and made sure to look appropriately chastened.

In spite of Gaius's ire, though, Merlin couldn't help but feel relieved. Finally, for the first time in weeks, he was no longer in a constant state of desperation and bone-crushing fear. Lucan was gone. The book was back under the floorboard. Arthur hadn't found out about his magic. All was as it should be.

"You can count yourself lucky Arthur didn't follow up on Lucan's claims," Gaius told him sternly.

Merlin nodded miserably. "I know. I left the throne room as soon as I could to retrieve it."

Gaius shook his head, then rubbed a hand over his face. "You need to be so much more careful, Merlin. After what happened with the witchfinder…" He trailed off and shuddered.

Merlin swallowed. "I know, Gaius. Believe me, I learned my lesson. Being blackmailed…" He looked away.

Living under Lucan's threats had been the kind of torture Merlin wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. Trying to come up with enough money to satisfy Lucan had been exhausting enough. He was already working two jobs and didn't need more work on top. But the constant stress and disturbed sleep, the dread whenever he saw Lucan around the castle or the training grounds, the necessity to hide everything from Arthur… On top of all that, he hadn't even dared to confide in Gaius, fearing his reaction.

Of course, he had tried to get the book back, every chance he got. But he had only been able to sneak into Lucan's chambers a few minutes at a time without drawing attention and he hadn't found the book then. With each passing day, he had become more and more scared, more and more desperate…

Some of his past turmoil still seemed to show on his face, because Gaius leaned across the table and reached out with a hand to pat one of Merlin's. "It's over now, my boy. You can thank Arthur for that."

"Already did," Merlin replied with a crooked smile.

It had been heart-felt gratitude, too. Arthur's interference had not only saved Merlin, but likely kept him from doing something he would come to regret. Towards the end there, the stress of it all had almost been too much. Merlin had been coming closer and closer to crossing the line.

Not only had he nearly stolen from Arthur – and just the thought that Arthur knew about that drove hot, prickling shame up Merlin's spine – but late at night, lying awake and filled with fear, Merlin had considered even more drastic measures to rid himself of Lucan.

Without the grimoire, Merlin hadn't been able to look up any specific spells that could have helped him, but he instinctively knew how to use his magic for violence. He didn't need an incantation to push people into walls, to hurt them, to kill them…

But he had only ever done those things to protect Arthur, directly or indirectly. And besides, had a knight of Camelot suddenly vanished, someone would have investigated the matter and might have traced it all back to Merlin.

"And you're absolutely certain nobody saw you take the book from Lucan's quarters?" Gaius asked with a worried frown.

"Quite sure. After the verdict, I went right up to the guards and volunteered to pack up Lucan's belongings," Merlin told him. "It was the perfect cover to go through his things alone without anybody becoming suspicious."

It had taken him over an hour to find the book, wrapped in a cloak and wedged deep within a chest, the lock of which Merlin had had to blast open with magic. He had smuggled the grimoire back to the tower under his tunic.

"Good thinking," said Gaius, then let out a sigh. "Still, Merlin. You need to be so much more—"

"Careful, yes. Got it." In the face of Gaius's raised eyebrows, he added, "I swear it, Gaius. I'll be keeping my head down from now on."

Fortunately, the matter was dealt with now. Lucan had been banished from Camelot, never to return, and even if he did, who would believe him about Merlin? He was disgraced! His word was worth nothing!

And it was all thanks to Arthur. Arthur, who had gone out of his way to protect Merlin, had realised something was wrong without Merlin having to tell him, had apparently led a thorough investigation to expose Lucan. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Arthur wasn't as oblivious or easily fooled as Merlin liked to believe.

It was merely the topic of magic where ignorance came into play, through no fault of Arthur's own. In a way, it was flattering that he had, once again, simply refused to believe Merlin could be a sorcerer. Arthur had grown up hearing that sorcery was synonym with deceitful and evil. He didn't believe Merlin capable of those things. Therefore, Merlin could never be a sorcerer.

I, as Crown Prince, personally vouch for his integrity and good character. Gods, hearing those words at court – Arthur trusted Merlin. He cared for Merlin. It made Merlin feel equal amounts giddy and guilty. Giddy, because Arthur was so very clearly his friend, in spite of rank. Guilty, because Merlin had had to lie again, about the magic, about everything. He desperately wanted to tell Arthur the truth. He wanted rid of this terrible burden. But…

If you ever put me in a position like that again… Arthur was right. If Merlin ever revealed his secret, he would force Arthur into making some drastic decisions. Send a friend to his death or essentially break with his father, the King? Merlin couldn't ask that of the Prince. No, things would have to go on as they always did, at least until the day Arthur would sit on the throne himself.

The next morning, Merlin fully expected a return to normalcy. But when he showed up at Arthur's quarters, the door was locked and the Prince gone. One of the guards down the hallway waved Merlin over.

"His Royal Highness has given you the day off," the man said.

"The whole day?" Merlin asked, stunned.

"It seems so."

Merlin frowned. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound like the Prince at all."

The guard only shrugged and turned away.

Merlin supposed he should be grateful for the unexpected free time. Instead, it made him nervous. He didn't like inexplicable, unusual things happening around Arthur. Usually, that meant sorcery was involved. Therefore, instead of going to enjoy a free day like a normal person would, Merlin tried to track the Prince down.

He found him easily enough. Arthur was on the training grounds, but one look told Merlin he would do well not to bother Arthur. The Prince was busy beating a training dummy into submission with his sword. There was straw and wood all over the place from where he had hacked two other dummies to pieces, and the other knights were giving Arthur a wide berth. No wonder – the Prince looked positively livid and about ready to turn his sword on anybody who dared approach him.

Arthur had had some bad days before, usually involving unreasonable demands from the King or other bad news. He didn't appear cursed or enchanted to Merlin so he decided to keep his distance for now and returned to the infirmary, where Gaius was glad for Merlin's help.

True to the guard's word, Arthur didn't call for Merlin for the rest of day. Merlin spotted the Prince a few times around the castle when Merlin was out delivering some medicines for Gaius, but their paths didn't end up crossing.

By the time he had dinner with Gaius, Merlin had chalked the day off as a rare but welcome reprieve after weeks and weeks of stress.

He was almost ready to go the bed when Arthur showed up in the physician's tower, offering up only the faintest of knocks before entering Gaius's rooms.

"Sire!" Gaius exclaimed and automatically got up from the bench. "Are you injured?"

Arthur shook his head, waved away the formality and closed the door behind him. He looked tense, but not necessarily upset. Still, Merlin didn't like this, the Prince showing up here late at night.

"I'm sorry, did you have need of me after all? I was under the impression I had the day off," he said, aiming for a placating tone.

"So you did," Arthur said. "I've come to talk to you, Merlin."

Merlin tensed. He exchanged a quick look with Gaius, whose face gave away his own apprehension. Arthur sounded calm enough, but he was frowning a little, too, and the whole situation immediately set Merlin's teeth on edge. The last time Arthur had wanted to talk…

"Now?" Merlin asked with a look at the window, trying and failing to keep the rising anxiety from bleeding into his voice. It had long gone dark outside.

Arthur nodded as he approached. He hesitated for a moment, then sat down next to Gaius and across from Merlin, lacing his fingers on top of the table. Merlin, more unconsciously than not, mirrored his position.

"Yesterday night," Arthur said in a very neutral sort of voice, "I went to have a look at Lucan's chambers."

Merlin tried his best to keep his expression in check, even as a feeling of dread immediately started to rise up his throat.

"Oh?" was all the response he managed.

"I just thought it was a bit strange," Arthur continued and his eyes seemed to be pinned on Merlin now, alert and assessing. "Even as he was dragged from the throne room, Lucan insisted he had proof that you had used magic. It made me curious, why he would be so insistent. I just thought I'd check, see if I found anything unusual, something that could have made him think you actually were a sorcerer."

Merlin felt his hands start trembling and he laced his fingers together all the more tightly, willing them to still.

"When I went to his chambers, everything had already been neatly packed up. I went through his things anyway, just to make sure. Didn't find anything, though," Arthur continued, his voice still calm and even. "Don't know what I expected, really. I knew there was no proof to be found because you are not a sorcerer. I know that for a fact." He paused. "Or I thought I knew that."

Merlin's heart started picking up speed so fast, it momentarily made him feel faint. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Gaius shift nervously.

"Because here's what's odd, Merlin," Arthur went on. "When I asked around this morning, the guards told me that it was my personal manservant who had volunteered to clean up Lucan's chambers, right after the hearing." Another pause. "The same manservant who told me he had gone to muck the stables."

Merlin swallowed and did his very best to meet Arthur's gaze unflinchingly. He didn't know what else to do. Speaking up certainly wasn't an option.

"I wondered, you know," Arthur said, "why you didn't come to me about Lucan. Why you didn't trust me enough. You had to know I wouldn't believe some made-up nonsense about you using magic. We've been through this before. You once confessed to being a sorcerer yourself and I didn't believe it then, either!"

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and Merlin had to unlace his hands and dig his fingers into the wood of the table to steady himself.

"Then I kept wondering: Why wouldn't he tell me? Have I really given Merlin so little reason to put his trust in me? Have I been such a bad master?" He tilted his head a little. "Have I been such a bad friend?"

At this, Merlin mutely shook his head. Because Arthur wasn't a bad friend. Not where and when it counted. He would have liked to tell him that, right then. But he couldn't speak. Something was constricting his throat, two ice-cold hands pushing down on his windpipe, nearly cutting off all air.

"That's good to know," Arthur said. "So you do trust me?"

Merlin nodded and something in Arthur's face gave. He looked softer, somehow, and when he spoke again, his voice had gone gruff in the way it always went when he was trying to mask some emotion.

"I realised," he said, "that there is one other reason why you wouldn't tell me. Why you would be scared to tell me. Something that would explain why you looked so terrified when I first told you I knew about Lucan." He hesitated again, searching Merlin's face. Whatever he found, it made him frown deeply. "Merlin," Arthur added. "The truth now, and only the truth. Lucan… he did have proof, didn't he? Proof that you're a sorcerer. That you used magic."

For a moment, Merlin actually forgot how to breathe. A hundred ways to say no, to deny the truth jumped to the forefront of his mind, somehow immediately swept aside again by the sheer openness of Arthur's face: plainly worried, plainly caring, but – and this was the important, the incredible part – not a bit of anger, or fear, or betrayal.

He couldn't lie to Arthur. Not again. Not when he looked like that.

"Yes," Merlin whispered. "He did."

"Proof that you made disappear, when you left the throne room in such a haste."

Merlin swallowed. "Yes."

"Because you actually are a sorcerer."

Merlin took a shaky breath. This was it. "Yes."

Arthur seemed impossibly calm then, not the faintest tremble or twitch about him as he looked at Merlin. Merlin had always imagined Arthur would either shout or attack if he found out, but Arthur seemed to be coming to terms with it quietly. It probably helped that he had already figured it out for himself and had only sought to have it confirmed.

Arthur's composure somehow soothed Merlin's own frantic nerves. The secret was out and with every passing second Arthur wasn't screaming in his face, it looked like that revelation might not actually be a complete disaster.

Finally, the Prince chanced a sideway glance at Gaius, who had gone pale, but steadily met Arthur's gaze.

"You knew," he said, and Gaius nodded gravely. "But I already guessed that much."

Arthur leaned back on the bench and when he raised his hands from the table, Merlin couldn't help but flinch back. But Arthur only went to rub both hands over his face and let out a long, long groan.

"Lords, Merlin," he said, his voice muffled. Finally, he let his hands fall to his side. "How long?"

Merlin grimaced. "A long time."

"Since before you've come to Camelot, then?"

"Yes."

Arthur pressed his lips together and seemed to need a moment to stomach that.

"What was the proof?" he finally asked. "What did Lucan have on you?"

"I own a book of magic," Merlin confessed shakily. "Lucan got a hold of it."

Arthur seemed to rake his eyes over Merlin for a moment, as if to assess him, then closed his eyes and let out another sigh. Merlin chanced another glance at Gaius, but his guardian's eyes were trained on the Prince. He seemed to be watching the entire situation with a lot less alarm and a lot more careful consideration than Merlin might have thought possible, given the circumstances.

"You're taking this… rather better than I thought," Merlin ventured eventually, then cursed himself an idiot. Did he want to get killed?

Arthur's eyes flew open and he immediately pinned Merlin with a glare. "I just spent nearly two weeks trying to find out what terrible secret you might be hiding from me," he snapped. "Believe me, Merlin, I was prepared for the worst."

Merlin hunched his shoulders. "Is this… the worst?" he asked shakily.

Arthur, by the gods, made a sound very much akin to a snort. Perhaps it was one. "My manservant of two years, who I've come to trust completely, turns out to have been a sorcerer in disguise all along? Yes, pretty high on the list," he said drily.

Merlin stared at him. He was still waiting for the shouting to start, the other shoe to drop. "What— what will you do now?"

"I have no idea," Arthur admitted.

"Will you tell your father?"

"Will I tell my—" Arthur glared again. "No, I bloody well won't tell him! I just stood in front of the entire court proclaiming I could never believe you to be a sorcerer! I vouched for you, you idiot!" Merlin raised his hands in a defensive gesture, shrinking back, and Arthur let out another sigh at that. "Merlin," he added, his voice suddenly turning incredibly weary, "The longer I investigated Lucan, the more I realised how much I was willing to do for you, how much I was willing to overlook. I think I might have helped you cover up a lot of things that Lucan could have revealed." He paused, then added gravely, "I think I'm willing to overlook this, too."

This… couldn't be happening. Surely, this was not how things were supposed to go.

"Overlook that your manservant is a sorcerer," Merlin said with disbelief.

For the first time since Merlin's confession, Arthur turned his head away, fixing his eyes on a wall. "Here is what I realised once I had figured this all out," he said, voice rough. "You're a sorcerer, yes. Believe me, I was very, very angry when I finally allowed myself to come to terms with that. It was good you were on the other side of the castle at that time, or I might have done something unthinkable…"

Merlin swallowed as he remembered the state of the training dummies. Arthur had a point.

"Then," Arthur continued, "I took some time to look at the facts. For two years, you have lived at Camelot, in close contact with me, yet you never attacked me. When somebody finally found out about your secret, you let yourself get blackmailed and threatened. You didn't attack Lucan with magic, either. Instead, you went out of your way to get your hands on money, working side jobs, selling herbs… And though you were tempted, you didn't steal from me. So either, you're just an incredibly shoddy and incompetent sort of sorcerer—"

Merlin let out a snort that might also have been the start of a sob.

"—or you're simply not an evil one." Finally, Arthur glanced back at him and it was that look, a look filled with nothing but calm and trust, that was Merlin's undoing.

"No, Arthur," Merlin whispered and suddenly, there were tears in his eyes and a big lump in his throat, "I'm not evil."

"Of course not," Arthur said gruffly. "I think I know that much, you idiot. The longer I think about all of this I realise…" He trailed off, then added, "You saved my life a few times, didn't you? With magic?"

Merlin nodded and ran a sleeve over his face. It came back wet. Gods, this was— Merlin had no idea what he was feeling right now, but it was very nearly making his chest explode.

At some point, Gaius had got up and fetched the tea pot from the fire. He set down a cup in front of Merlin, brushing an encouraging hand over his back before retreating from the table, giving them both room to breathe and talk.

Merlin took a few more minutes, sniffling and rubbing at his face. It should have been embarrassing, having a break-down in front of Arthur, but the Prince kept quiet and didn't look like it was bothering him in the slightest.

"What now?" Merlin finally asked when he had calmed a bit, fingers curled around the steaming cup in front of him.

"Now," Arthur said and leaned forward again, placing both forearms on the table and fixing Merlin with a stern look, "you will quit lying to me. You will tell me everything. I mean absolutely everything. I am done putting pieces together."

"Yes, sire," Merlin said immediately. He paused, then added bravely, "Arthur, you must know, there are things I've done for you, for Camelot… You'll be so incredibly angry—"

"Everything," Arthur interrupted, holding up a hand. "The good, the bad, unfiltered. I think I deserve that much if I am to consider keeping this under wraps."

Merlin nodded. Part of him desperately wanted to keep hiding. The dragon, Morgana… Surely, if Arthur knew about those things, he would lose this strange sense of calm and steadiness he was still radiating and vow to throw Merlin on the pyre after all.

But Arthur was right, too. He deserved to know. He deserved Merlin's trust. Lying wasn't an option anymore.

"All right," Merlin said and braced himself. "Maybe let's start with the fact that I was born with magic…"

Loosely set somewhere between season 2 and 3 when Morgana was missing. Hope you enjoy!

Notes: I hope you liked the story, would love your thoughts if you enjoyed! :)