I'm back after months.. you probably didn't think I would come back ever again. I've been spending a lot of time with my family and I couldn't put my mind to fanfiction because of my father's sickness. But a few days ago I suddenly realised that life goes on, and that I should do some fun things too.. and I thought about the readers waiting for the next chapter and it was enough to start writing again. This is a very short chapter but it felt so weird to be writing again that I was just glad I came up with this.

And yes I'm already writing that one-shot.

Enjoy ! and please R&R!

Warnings: drama & sex & grammar mistakes (Nothing new)

Ludwig's point of view

It feels a little strange to be wearing my uniform again, after months. I really don't want to leave, how can I live without Feliciano? and saying goodbye to Schmuell will be awful too.

When I enter the bedroom I feel very insecure. Is leaving the right thing to do? I don't want to be send to the Eastern Front, where every thirty seconds a German soldier dies, but it will definitely happen.I feel better than before, but I'm not ready to fight, walking is getting difficult again. What if I die? I can't leave Feliciano .. I can't leave Schmuell, atleast not forever.

I wish I could do something for Schmuell, I wish I could find his parents in poland and release them, bring their family back together. The little boy truly deserves it. But that's just not possible... Maybe his parents are already dead.

You think you know the feeling of being powerless, atleast I thought I did, but right now is the first time I really feel that way. I've been a monster, and maybe I still am, but I really want to make the world a better place, not for myself because I don't deserve it; but for my friends, and there's just nothing I can do. Life is very cruel.

I wish I never fought for my country, I even wish I wasn't a German. The faces of hundreds of children, women and man hunting me in my dreams.. I ruined my own life, and I'm slowly going crazy. I truly hate myself, and I hate it even more to see other people love me, adore me, because they don't really know me.

Yes, leaving them is the right thing to do. Leaving them forever. Gilbert, Schmuell and Feliciano will eventually forget about me. Schmuell will stay with Feliciano. Gilbert will just go on without me and get drunk.. and Feliciano, he'll fall in love with someone else, a healthy person who can walk, run and make love to him like there's no tomorrow, do the things I'll never be able to do anymore.

Meier was right, I'm just bothering everyone with my problems and my sickness and I should have died that day.

"Ludwig?" Feliciano's standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

I turn to face him, trying to fake a smile. "Ja I'm okay." I close the small distance between us and hug him tightly. "I love you so much, Feli. You're beautiful and sweet and ... and you're just everything to me. Don't ever forget about that"

"I know that, thank you and you know that I think the same way about you, but I'm worried about you" he strokes my hair and it's so difficult not to cry.

"Don't be. I'll be okay. " I lean into his touch and inhale his smell.

"I know you're very strong and smart, but what if you get into trouble again?"

"Don't worry , I'll never get into trouble anymore, I'm very sure about that"

"What do you mean? Ludwig you're scaring me"

"Just bitte, break up with me. I'm begging you to break up with me"

"What? NO! I will NEVER break up with you. I love you!"

"Feliciano you don't understand! I'm very sick and - and crazy and I'll always be that way and you deserve a boyfriend who's healthy and happy .. I've told you this before, please listen to me and break up with me. Do you want to push me around in a wheelchair? or do all the fun things on your own because your boyfriend's too sick to get out of bed? Or do you want to clean up after I've been banging my head against the wall out of craziness until I'm bleeding? Is that the future you want?"

"YES, I don't care what the future will be like as long as I'm with you! Just like I told you before. I will care for you, just like you always care for me, and I'm not leaving you because some useless bastard raped you and wanted to kill you, just because he couldn't be with you! I could have never dreamt to have such a sweet and attractive boyfriend like you! and I want to make love to you right now!"

"Was?.. I - I eh" He pushes me down onto the bed and starts undressing me immediately. "Schmuell's downstairs, so don't worry about that"

"Felicano, what are you doing?"

"Proving to you that you're perfect instead of useless" His tongue is everywhere on my body, his hands are tangled into my hair.. and it feels wonderful.

"Where should I start? nrh, your pretty blonde hair?" He tightens his grip on the blonde strands and kisses me forcefully.

"Feli, my brother's already waiting for me downstairs! We have to say goodbye now."

"I am saying goodbye, just in a special way"

I finally manage to relax under his touch. The slender Italian starts pulling down my pants and underwear, but just enough to reveal my erection. "I hate this war but I must admit you look so sexy in that uniform Ludwig" I don't know what to say to this.

He starts sucking me off and I buck my hips and wrap my arms around his neck.

"You like it?"

"hrn ja, sehr gut. I want to be inside of you Feliciano" I gently flip him onto his back and spread his legs. I pause to admire his beautiful body. "Hrmm so beautiful, I can't stop touching you"

Felicano's point of view

He's stroking my stomach, his left hand travels down to my thighs and he starts rubbing circles with his thumb, very slowly. His hands are cold,like they always are. His touch is still very unsteady, shaking and it tickles but I try not to laugh because I don't want to ruin the mood. I watch his face, he's staring at my body not noticing me watching him, his hands still busy trying to please me. The look on his face is dead serious and it's really cute.
Finally he looks up at me and gosh I'm so hard. It's not really his touches, but more his looks that make me feel hot. "You're so good at this Ludwig, you make me feel so hot"

He can't handle compliments nor dirty talk very well and ends up blushing furiously.

"Please take me, I need it" I get on my hands and knees and it doesn't take long before I feel one of his cold fingers entering me. "Does it feel good?"

"Oh yess, more please" I moan softly. Another cold finger enters me and he starts scissoring them inside of me.

"Please more, I want you"

He pulls his fingers out of me, then I feel the tip of his cock against my entrance.

"Are you ready Liebling?"

" Si ! " He slowly enters me, very slowly. "Are you feeling well?"

"Yes I'm okay, nngrn it feels good" He pushes deeper inside of me. He's so big it hurts, but it hurts in a good way. I moan and grab the bed sheets.

"Am I hurting you?" His voice sounds slightly panicked.

"Oh no, not at all this feels wonderful"

After what Meier did to him he's always extremely careful with me while we're having sex. I can't imagine how it must have felt for him when Meier fucked him senseless without being careful at all.

I hope you all liked this chapter!

Thanks for reading and please make me happy and leave a review? The more reviews, the sooner I'll update ;-)

BTW, Someone wants to RP with me by e-mail? (Yes I'm lonely...) If you do, just leave me a message.

Hugs & Kisses

P.S. I think there will be one, maybe two chapters left for this story, then it's finished. But I promise I'll start writing a new ww2 GerIta fic when this is finished.