Chapter Thirteen

Three hours after she left Doctor John's office, Letty was sitting in a half-full McDonald's a few blocks away. She'd managed to grab the last booth by the restrooms, and sat with her back to the rest of the patrons, staring out the window. It was the best approximation of Alone she could manage in public.

The hospital had a small fund for indigent patients, and so gave her a whole one hundred dollars in cash to get her somewhere – Nurse Carole looked a bit apologetic at the amount as she handed it over, but it was the best they could do. Still, it was better than nothing. And she had the secondhand clothes she had been given along with hospital flip-flops. And she had her wedding ring on her finger, and her old phone, replacement charger, and bottle of vitamins rattling around in her old padded bag. All her remaining worldly possessions sat beside her on the bench in one compact space.

Charged does not equal connected, of course; as soon as the phone had enough juice to power up, she'd discovered her monthly prepaid subscription had run out while she was bingeing. But the first block away from the hospital, direction picked at random, had yielded an independent phone store, and she'd used some of her cash to get hooked up. It wasn't the same company they had been using, so she got a new phone number, but she didn't care. She felt better having her electronic pacifier in her hands ready to go, even if she had no use for it at the moment.

A few yards further on, her eye had been caught by the window display of a small boutique clothing store, her very favorite kind, and she hadn't bothered trying to resist. She wandered through the door and around the interior, checking out the clothes. Picking up one irresistibly cute top from the folded pile on a shelf, she came within a split second of slipping it nonchalantly into her bag as she had done a million times before, when the situation hit her and she froze. "Letty Raines Pereira, what are you doing?" she whispered under her breath. She stood there, frozen into place, staring at the void, the top inches away from hiding as a small eternity ticked away... then, closing her eyes, she forced her hands slowly back down until the top was once more on the display shelf.

Taking several deep, gulping breaths, she whispered again, "And if you pick up another one, you're going to put it back down, too, you stupid bitch. Or you're going to lose this baby, just like you lost Jacob." Steady again, determined, she opened her eyes – and locked gazes with the shop clerk, staring dead at her with an utterly blank expression from several racks away. Letty blinked first. Then she silently turned away, and made herself walk to the door.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" It was the clerk. "May I see your bag, please?" She was good: no expression on her face, her voice holding only a mild, polite request.

Letty handed it over with a wry grimace. "It's empty."

A quick look inside, and the clerk handed it back, looking a little sheepish now. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake."

Looking at her again, Letty felt the strangest impulse. "No, you didn't. Your instincts were right. I changed my mind. I have got to stop." She took another deep breath, and plastered on a determinedly pleasant expression. "I'm turning over new leaf – starting today."

This brought a genuine kind look to the woman's face. "Good for you," she said, trying hard not to be condescending. "And good luck."

"Thanks. I am... really... going to need it."

Now, twenty minutes later, Letty sat in McDonald's, shaking. She knew she needed to get moving. She needed to decide where to go, what to do, how to get started on this new life she had inadvertently, unwillingly, bought. But she couldn't get her mind to move. All she could do was stare out the window and try to shut out the noise and calm her nerves. She just kept breathing. That she could do.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" came once more from her side. A McDonald's employee had come to shoo the non-paying customer away.

Without looking up, Letty cringed, choking back tears, fumbling for her bag. "I know, I know, I'm going."

"No, wait, look!" came the unexpected reply. A tray of food appeared before Letty on the table: Quarter-Pounder with cheese, large fries, empty soda cup. "Lunch!" was announced, unnecessarily.

Letty looked up at her then: a preternaturally cheerful teenager with a big smile. "I didn't order – "

"I know," the teen held up a hand. "There's a guy who works in an office somewhere near here. He comes for lunch almost every day, and almost every day, he buys lunch for somebody who needs it. Today it's your turn."

Letty craned her head around, looking for her benefactor. "Who – "

"Too late. He's already gone." The teen picked up the empty cup. "What would you like to drink?"

"Oh... uh... Doctor Pepper, please." She was from the south, after all.

By the time the teen returned with the soda and a tiny cup of ketchup, Letty had herself a bit in hand. "You'll tell him thank you next time, won't you?"

The smile got even bigger. "I do," she nodded. "Every day."

When she was gone, Letty looked the tray over with tears threatening again, this time from the unexpected kindness of a stranger, who didn't even stick around to be thanked. She took a fry and dipped it in the ketchup, eating it with slow relish. Then she stopped, and forced herself to admit it.

"You can't do this by yourself, Letty Raines Pereira. Stop being such a stupid, stubborn, hostile bitch."

She took out her phone and unlocked it, called up Christian's new number, and hit Send before she could change her mind. A moment later, a warm, wonderful, familiar voice was in her ear, and it took a second for her to speak past the new catch in her throat.

"Christian? It's Letty."