Kim rested her head on her steering wheel for just a moment. It was spinning. It was hard to organise her thoughts considering what had gone on in the past few days. What she did know was that everything had changed and she had no idea what to do about it or how to feel. The fact that he had taken off again without a word told her that she needed to stop caring but that was easier said than done.

Going to his place, it was empty again. This time though it felt more permanent and that didn't feel good at all. It made her sick to the stomach.

It wasn't until she stepped out of her car that she noticed himleaning on the bonnet of her car.

"Adam?"

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" Kim didn't want him to be anywhere else. She was confused at how all this had made her feel because she liked that he was here of all places when maybe she thought he'd be somewhere else, talking to someone else. She thought she had put Adam in her past, as far as their romantic relationship anyway but perhaps that wasn't quite the truth. "I thought you'd gone…."

"No." Adam swiftly cut her off. "I was waiting for you."

"Why?"

"I wanted to say goodbye, I left last time without saying goodbye and I shouldn't have. That was a shit thing to do."

"What are you doing Adam?"

"Hopefully something I am good at." He sighed. He'd done a lot of soul searching in the past and always fell back into hold habits. Actions had consequences, his actions had consequences and it was no good blaming everyone else and burying his head in the sand any longer. "Not good at anything else."

"Well that's a lie."

"Is it?"

"Drop the whole woe is me attitude, okay?"

He had gone to see Voight late last night, once he knew the bullpen would be empty. "Fine mess you got yourself in to." He pulled open his bottom drawer and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of bourbon. Pouring two glasses he slid one across the desk towards his officer.

Adam picked up the glass and studied its contents for a moment. "Sure, although I actually didn't do anything did I?" He didn't need to be criticized for something he didn't have any control over. He had done nothing wrong, he hadn't lied, he had ticked all the boxes with his CI, and all he had done was try and move on and put his past behind him.

"No, except fish from the company pier."

"No rules against that. My problem was I trusted someone who doesn't feel the same." He knocked back the bourbon in one mouthful. "I'm sorry I put us under the microscope again."

"I know. It has to end though."

"What Upton and I? It's as dead as Marcus Cole." Adam shook his head. "She's a good cop, but she wasn't good for me."

"And what about Burgess?"

"She deserves better than me." Ruzek slid the glass back across the desk and stood up. He held out his hand to his boss. "I've asked for furlough, for a year. Ivory Tower agreed."

Voight was disappointed. He didn't want to lose him but wasn't going to talk him out of it. If his heart and his head weren't in it he didn't need him on his team. Not right now. "You give me a call in a year's time. There is always a spot for you here. You belong here." Voight shook his hand. "Intelligence is your family."

Adam waited just a moment and then nodded. "Thanks Boss."

It may have been rash but it was the right thing to do, he felt like he had no choice. The only other thing he wanted to do was talk to Burgess. He'd walked away from her too many times and he had told Voight she deserved better and he honestly believed it.

"Don't you get it? Haven't you figured it out?" Unleashing all his pent up frustrations was a relief. It felt good to let it all go, probably with the only person who could handle it and wouldn't judge him. It wouldn't change a damn thing; he was still leaving but this time he wasn't slinking away. "The problem here is me, I fucked everything up, I fucked us up, I fucked Al up, that's all I do." It wasn't anger, Kim didn't get that he was angry but she did hear the pain inside him.

"How did you fuck up Al?"

"Doesn't matter now does it? He's dead." He looked at the ground sadly. "I could have stopped it but I didn't I tried to fix it and it all went to shit anyway. That whole mess is my fault."

Kim stepped forward but the look on Adam's face stopped her from getting too close. "I don't understand, make me understand."

"I can't."

"You know that chain of events was set in place when Justin was murdered. You know this." Everyone knew the reason Al was in jail. But things were done back then that couldn't be changed now. Truth be told that brutal ending had been decades in the making.

Adam didn't even seem to hear her. "And you, I fucked you over back then, I didn't fight for you, I let you go and now this mess." Waving his arms around angrily, he couldn't even say her name right now. It had been a mistake, not quite the biggest mistake of his life but it was up there. The biggest mistake of his life was standing in front of him.

"Adam."

"Anyway, doesn't matter now." He waved her away. "The best thing I can do is leave, try and figure myself out before I fuck up anything else."

"You can't run away."

"Don't you get it? I'm the problem." He slapped his chest angrily. "I go away, the problem goes away."

Kim's voice waivered, she shook her hands trying to stop herself from crying. She didn't want to say goodbye. "I don't want you to go."

"Trust me, I need to do this."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"Adam, please. Just stay and we can work it out. I'll help you." Suddenly she couldn't imagine a world without Adam in it. It seemed cruel. All those years when people told you that you don't know what you've got until it's gone she never believed it, people come and go from your life and that was all part of it. There was a reason everyone crossed your path, some for a short time and others were meant to stay for longer but they were all their for a reason. Right now the thought of losing Adam completely was crushing, more so than when she broke off their engagement, perhaps because he was always still just there and part of her knew he always would be. "Whatever is going on we can get through it, you are better here with us. Stay please."

He took a few steps towards her and rested a hand on her cheek, running his thumb back and forth for a moment as Kim closed her eyes and waited to feel his lips on hers but instead he kissed her forehead. "I think I will always love you." His breath was warm against her skin; it was comforting and familiar as he rested it there for a moment trying to memorise her one last time.

"Adam, don't go."

Tears spilled down her cheeks as he moved his head slightly and whispered in her ear.

All she could do was nod.

As the taillights of his car finally disappeared she stood for a moment longer, squinting into the dark waiting for them to come back. They didn't and he was gone and the hole in her world was enormous.

She'd see him again, of that she had no doubt she just wish she knew when.

Just a short work of FICTION. Hope you enjoyed it, not sure you loved the ending but...