Chapter Four: You Again?
A dull, throbbing sensation in his head caused Beetlejuice to reluctantly open his eyes, groaning. He rubbed his aching forehead, squinting to eye his surroundings and figure out just where the fuck he'd ended up. Strangely enough, he was sprawled out on his moldy brown couch among a dozen beer bottles.
He slowly sat up, wincing from the hazy orange daylight that filtered through his dusty old windows. "How the fuck did I end up here...?" he grumbled, feeling queasy. If he'd been a living man, he would have barfed right there on the spot. However, since he was dead, he simply suffered from the afterlife's worst hangover, minus the puking.
Coffee. For the love of all that was holy, he needed a cup of joe, and he needed it pronto. He held out his hand, as a large mug appeared in it. He greedily slurped down the coffee, racking his brain to remember just what the hell happened last night.
"Now let's see...Bar, hookers, drunk...No, wait...Drunk..then hookers, then bar, then..." he mumbled, trying to recollect the series of events.
The sound of soft footsteps caused Beetlejuice to stop, mid-thought. He slowly tilted his head toward the sound, noting that it was coming from the back room - his bedroom. He grinned to himself, realizing that he must have gotten lucky the night before. With who, he had not the slightest idea, but he wasn't picky.
Suddenly, a pale, slim figure in a long, black gown appeared in the doorway. Beetlejuice nearly felt his eyes bug out of their sockets. Of all the stiffs out there, he got lucky with her - that super hot chick?
The woman stood with her arms folded, hesitating before speaking to him. "You okay? You were really drunk last night..." she spoke, her brow furrowed with uncertainty.
Beetlejuice grinned like a rabid wolf. "I am now, sweetcheeks..."
"Look...um...I think we need to talk..." the woman spoke, her voice uneasy.
Damn, one of those talks already? Just how serious was this? "Uh...sure...Just come on over here and tell ole' BJ what's on yer mind..." he grinned, patting the seat next to him.
The woman paused a moment, before slowly walking over and seating herself beside him. Her big doe eyes looked worried, confusing him. Damn she was a looker! Too bad he didn't remember all the wild sex they'd probably had.
"Do you remember last night?" she asked, her brows lifting in curiosity.
Hell no. "Sure I do! Best night of mah life!" he belted out, painting a big, dopey grin on his face.
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, "And you're not mad?"
"Hell, why would I be?" he shrugged, grinning like there was no tomorrow. Uh, should he be mad right now?
"Hmmm..." she shot him a scrutinizing look, as if she knew something that he didn't, and Beetlejuice didn't like that one damned bit. Now he really was curious. Who the hell was this chick?
"Uh...Want somethin' to eat?" Beetlejuice asked dumbly, with a lack of anything else to say.
The girl shrugged, nodding. "Sure, I could use some food."
"Okay...Whaddya like?" Beetle asked, wobbling into to his kitchen.
"Anything...I'm not picky..." she replied, following him.
Beetle grinned devilishly, as a plate full of dead insects plopped out of the air and onto the table. "Get it while it's hot!" he exclaimed.
"Okay, okay...Not, anything..." the girl grimaced, looking away. "Good to see you haven't changed..." she smirked, her words laced with a familiar sarcasm.
"I...haven't, eh?" Beetle narrowed his eyes, before turning the plate of detestable bugs into a more appetizing choice of eggs and bacon.
"Nope, you haven't." she grinned, seating herself. "Heh...Thanks."
"Ah, it ain't nothin'," he shrugged, seating himself across from her. Polite, too - that was a rarity among the women he'd come across. It made him feel...weird. Really, really weird. And this chick definitely knew him, while he had not the faintest idea who she was. Oh well, time to pick her brain. "So uh...What's a girl like you doin' in a bar that late?"
The young woman, who vigorously chewed a mouth full of eggs, swallowed. "Well...I'm kind of alone right now."
Beetle shot her a look of disbelief. "You? Now why would a smokin' hot chick like you be alone? Aren't men throwin' themselves at ya?"
She averted her eyes from his scrutinizing gaze, gingerly poking at her eggs with a fork. "No. That's definitely not happening. I...kinda had no place to go, and that place was peaceful at night, when it cleared out."
Beetlejuice studied her a moment. "So, yer like...homeless er somethin'?"
"Yeah, I was." she smiled.
Wait, was? Oh, shit.
"Uh..." Beetlejuice stared at her, dumbfounded. "So...?"
"So, I wanted to thank you...You know, for taking me in." she smiled sweetly, almost too sweetly. Was she up to something?
His face fell slack. "I did?"
"Yeah."
"So, uh...Why were ya homeless, again?" he asked, baffled and slightly fearful, though he wouldn't admit it. Something was definitely off. Beetlejuice was a lot of things, but he wasn't stupid. There was no way that a woman that looked like that, and acted like that, was actually living with him without a catch. There had to be a catch!
"I had no place to stay because I had some...penalties against me when I came to the afterlife..." she stated, her pleasant expression straightening.
"Heh, yeah, that's the afterlife for ya. They take into account all that pointless shit from your previous life and tack on a bunch of rules and punishments. It sucks like hell. Believe me, I know. That's how I got the whole name three times bullshit." he muttered, cringing. "So, uh...What'd ya do?"
"I..." she stared into his eyes, a somber look falling on her features. "I sort of...breached a contract...I gave my word, but I didn't exactly...follow through..."
Beetlejuice's face contorted in a bout of confusion. "That's all? Shit, breathers do that all the time. I don't see how that's a big deal. The only way you get penalized that harshly over a broken deal is if...if..." he stopped, his eyes narrowing in on the woman. Wait. One. Minute. That face...He knew that sulky little face! "It's between the living and the dead..." he continued, his voice turning into a low hiss.
"Do you remember me now?" the woman asked, her eyes staring down at her plate nervously, averting from his piercing glare.
"Well, if it isn't Lydia-Fuckin'-Deetz! Little Miss Poe herself..." he growled through a feral smile, standing and leaning toward her, both hands now on the table. "Finally dropped dead, did you? What'd you do, decide you really wanted in this time?"
"No, it's not like that." she stated quietly, placing her fork down and backing away from the table.
"So that's why I couldn't find your scrawny little ass..." he hissed, lurking toward her.
"Well, it's not like I did it on purpose! Look, I-I need to talk to you. I was hoping you'd come back to the bar after I saw you the first time..." she stuttered, backing away from the malicious ghost.
"Oh, really? Why, Deetz? Did you wanna rub it in my face? Well, whoopty-fuckin'-do! You don't have to marry me, after all! Won't do me any damned good to get hitched to a dead broad, eh? A stiff can't get me out, and I FUCKIN' WANT OUT!" he yelled, causing the lights to dim.
The girl's lip trembled. "No...That's not why I was there...I just wanted to..."
"To...what?" Beetlejuice leered in her face, while a few of the bulbs in his house shattered. Beetlejuice felt his blood boil, as the sound of hissing and scurrying filled his home, causing Lydia to shriek. Hundreds of snakes and insects crawled around them, as Beetle sneered, feeling only rage and resentment.
Lydia whispered something, the sound just missing Beetle's comprehension. "Sorry dollface, you'll have to speak a little louder. I can't hear ya for all these fuckin' snakes and shit..." he cackled, as she grimaced, terrified of her surroundings.
She whimpered, fighting back tears. "TO SAY I'M SORRY!" she screamed, her emotions crumbling before his eyes.
Suddenly, the room fell quiet and everything was gone in an instant. Beetlejuice simply stared, bewildered. "Uh...wut?"
Lydia was now sobbing at this point, further confusing the poltergiest. "I wanted to say I was sorry for breaking the deal...I-I need to leave..." she gasped, running out of his view, as the front door slammed forcefully behind her.