Disclaimer: Depression, possible character death(happy ending though), language, ect.
I Don't Own Merlin
Note: Some of the knights should not technically be knights because of the time it takes place. In this, Uther is alive, so therefore some of the knights in the show have not been knighted. Just, ignore that fact.
It was pointless really. Trying to fall asleep as the entire day collapses on your mind the second your head brushed the pillow. Every second replays, you wish you hadn't said something, did something. You tend to regret a lot of actions and the consequences never fail to remain you of all that has been lost. Never a moment passes that your mind isn't attaching itself to the thoughts. These very thoughts, the ones that degrade and disintegrate the self esteem. It washed away like a leaf in a river, it drowns and gets pulled down into the deep and darkened currents.
He felt so cold, like he himself was dragged under rushing waters. The luscious maroon covers embroidered with gold threat laid atop him, giving no comfort. There was no heat no matter how many blankets were laid on him. There wasn't any nor would there ever be any again.
Arthur paid no attention to the servant that entered his chambers just seconds after a shiver ran down his spine. The cold was eating him away, he should be thankful that the fireplace was being relight. It's blaze had worn out in the night. Very sporadically in the dark hours more wood was added for fuel, but still the embers withered down to coal. The castle walls were frigid, as were the metal trays of old food at his bedside. It was untouched as would be any new that replaced them. Last nights nearly frozen dinner was whisked away and once again he was alone. Nearly alone.
" Arthur, you must get out of bed, it's time to start accepting what happened. You're wasting away," Gwen said from the far side of the room. She herself looked like a shadow of her former self. The bags under her eyes were black and heavy. Her clothes were clean but worn from overworking; it's all she had done since the accident a month ago.
Arthur made no effort to acknowledge what she has said but knit his brow together. It was strange, the emotions he felt when he really felt nothing at all.
" For goodness sake Arthur, you can't keep living like this!" Gwen faces the prince with furious, pleading eyes. Had she been able to see his face, the paleness of it would have caught her eye like a pearl against black coal. She would have also seen the equally distressed and angry face hidden by the cold covers. It was best this way. Less feelings got hurt and relationships dwindle a little slower.
Still being met by silence, Gwen walked several paces towards the large occupied bed.
She took a breathe and settled her emotions," I know it hurts, but you're scaring everyone. You're scaring me,"
This took the scowl from Arthur's face but didn't illicit any deeper reaction. Her words struck a string within his heart. He didn't mean to scare anyone. Why should they be scared? It wasn't as if the world was dropped on them like a boulder. They didn't have the cold, burning sensation eating away in their chests like a festering disease. They didn't have the guilt because it wasn't their fault. It was his.
His thoughts trailed back to what always seemed to be cemented in his focus; Merlin. Specifically why Merlin wasn't in his chambers this moment prying the blankets from his bed. Why his voice hadn't been heard for over a month within these icy walls that were usually filled with glee and warmth. It was like all of the colors were being siphoned until they became shades of grey. It wasn't going to stop because a wrong had been done, and not one that could be righted.
" Just leave me alone," Arthur's rough, unused voice pleaded.
Sympathy flashed over Gwen's face though failing to dampen her determination. Sweet and gentle has not worked as of yet to dislodge the Prince from his depression. Other tactics had to be used.
" We have. We have given you time, but now it's time to come back," Gwen took a step closer but stopped when Arthur recoiled.
She sighed and tightened her jaw.
" You need to come back," A lighter tone than she wanted spoke outward, and then she left. The large wooden doors shut with a small thud and he was alone; truly alone.
Like the disease it was, the memories came flooding back as his mental dam broke for the 100th time.
" I know you dislike going on quests Merlin, but that does not mean that I should be hearing you exasperate every 2 minutes,' Arthur said without turning around on his horse. Behind him followed his most trusted and loyal knights, and then his servant. His very annoyed, yet coincidentally very annoying servant.
"I just don't understand why we go into the most dangerous places known to man kind over a weak lead is all," Merlin responded with little hesitation. He's had a gut clenching feeling since they left the citadel. The same type of feeling that was always proved to be right. His instincts were always on point like a seamstress's needle.
" It's not a weak lead Merlin, we were told where to find the sorcerer. Our source was certain,"
" Your source? You mean that noble of whom you've just met?" Merlin questioned with full authority. It was quite literally his job to contradict the Prince when he was being a fool; like he was now.
" You cannot speak that way about Lord Darwin. He's respected by my father," Arthur snapped though lighter than he should have. He didn't want to get his servant in trouble around the others. He'd feel obligated to serve him a punishment.
" Another man's respect has nothing to do with your own," Merlin piped with the typical ignored wisdom.
" That's enough, I'll hear no more about it,"
" Fine," huffed Merlin quietly. He looked onward into the woods with unease and followed like the obedient servant he was.
"We'll stop here," Arthur announced to the men who trailed not far behind him. The shadows within the trees were starting to become deeper darkness as dusk settled.
Everyone let out a breath of relief and hopped off of the exhausted horses. Their hooves were as tired as the men's backsides.
Merlin took the initiative to start unpacking the sleeping sacks before being barked at to do so. Each one was laid about the forming fire Elyan was trying to light unsuccessfully. There was other quiet hustling around camp up until the darkness overtook. The foot traffic ceased and the quiet night became the loudest thing. Merlin stirred the cast iron pot filled with stew quietly, as to not disturb the calm air. There wasn't much conversation, a few quiet words spoken from one knight to the other. It was mellow nights like this that held mutual peace with the earth and it's people. It was serene.
" It's finished," Merlin muttered with a small smile playing his lips.
" Oh finally," Gwaine pushed past the other knights like a bear fresh out of hibernation. His stomach growled like the real thing with anticipation.
" Take it easy, there's enough for everyone," Percival chuckled and made a less obvious bee-line for the steaming stew.
Both Arthur and Merlin stayed at their bed sacks to wait for the raid to end. They gave each other a deeper than usual knowing look. It wasn't the kind met with uncontrollable laughter, though it easily could have. It was more the kind where not even smiles were necessary for the warmth to invade their moods. They understood what they other was thinking.
The calm night resonated into a calm morning. Birds chirped in the near distance and sparkling dew laced everything in a cool blanket.
Arthur's fist shot up in the air and caught everyone's attention, silencing them. In an instant the calm turned into tension. Arthur signaled silence again and without taking his eyes off from the woods, bent down to grab a sword. The knights followed suit and crept silently behind their prince. Merlin fumbled to keep just as quiet. His curiosity was getting the better of him. What had Arthur seen or heard to get him this riled up? Other than the quelled bad feelings from yesterday, everything had seemed perfect.
Ahead of them in a tiny clearing that could have been easily missed, sat a man about a fire. The flames were small but provided the man much needed warmth from the chilled morning. His clothes resembled those of someone alike Merlin's standing. He was not a noble man, council member, nor a lower town resident. Somewhere in the middle perhaps.
The man's hands raised and an unknown tongue spoke from his lips. The fire blazed higher and brighter. Two figures, one a lady clad in a banquet dress and the other, a man in dress suits danced around one another. It was a party waltz within the licking strands of burning heat. It was beautiful.. But.. It was magical.
" It is you sorcerer! You were the one who killed all of my kingdom's crops!" The bellowing sound of Arthur's voice echoed off the trees.
The man looked up startled to see red everywhere. The capes and faces alike shone bright in the crimson.
"I don't know what you speak of. I have killed no crops," The man stood upright, fighting the urge to just run. Everything he's been taught went right out the window. It was ironic how you forget everything you have learned when you're actually confronted.
" Don't lie to me, you have magic!"
" That does not mean I have committed the crimes that you speak of. I am of peaceful nature: Innocent,"
Arthur took a step closer letting the man take a submissive step back.
" How should I know that?" Arthur's brow knitted together farther.
" How should you not?"
Arthur thought for a split second but retaliated with knowledge.
"Because you're evil. You're a sorcerer."
Behind him, Merlin winced and blinked back frustrated and defeated tears.
" Not all sorcerers are evil!" The man cracked and yelled" It's about time my people stop being persecuted for matters we cannot control!"
" You lie! Magic corrupts the soul!" Arthur yelled back. The knights behind him held much the same energy but held their tongues. The servant on the other hand cringed throughout the argument. It was hard to pick sides in cases like this. Should he continue to stay loyal to a man that he can't not be loyal to? Or should he protect his people? The people that are his blood, his very being.
" The soul has nothing to do with what the body can yield!" The man took a step forward with sudden confidence.
This is bad, Merlin thought. Never should a person with a sword being directed at them engage in the violence directed towards them. They should agree and get away. It's always agree and just. GET. AWAY.
" You're lying. You have already been corrupted. You are under arrest for practicing magic and treason against Camelot. We are taking you back to the castle and to the dungeons," Arthur spoke with much authority.
" This is outrageous! I haven't hurt anyone. You have Pendragon. You have killed mercilessly!" The man with no name took two large steps forward and reached for the dagger pinned to his belt.
It was probably the worst mistake he's ever made. It would cost dearly. Out of instinct the Prince lunged his own weapon forward and slashed the man in the neck. Bright red blood spewed from the massive cut in across the taught artery. The dirty civilian clothes plunged to the ground down with the man as his knees weakened and buckled.
Everyone stood in stunned silence. The birds stopped chirping. All sound replaced with the squirting and gasping from the fallen sorcerer who now lay in the dirt.
Merlin couldn't look at the scene in front and adverted his eyes. The tears sparkled in his eyes but did not yet fall. It was painful, but he couldn't show it. It was safer that way. The man who they hadn't even learned the name of was now dead. It was as if his life meant nothing. He was not given a chance to explain himself. It was all because of the title that followed him like sickness. It was the same sickness he himself had. Had it been him at the fire, would Arthur have killed him? So mercilessly and without proof of crime?
The small area was still too quiet while the knights looked about the makeshift camp. It stayed that way for only a few measly moments. Quickly preceding the tragedy, another more menacing figure stepped out from the woods and into the clearing.
" You, Arthur Pendragon, have failed Camelot. And now, you shall pay the price,"
" Are you threatening the life of our king?" Leon spoke in a deep gravel voice. He stepped forward, a step or two in front of Arthur.
The sorcerer in front of him, dressed in faded, light blue robes and long beard showed no fear. He stayed calmer than the waters of a lake under a full moon.
Arthur held up his sword once more and stepped forward as if it hadn't just been used to take a life.
" What is it that you speak of?"
" The man you just killed was innocent. Still you do not see the pain and suffering your name has caused. You see magic as evil rather than what it truly is. I'm afraid you've left me no choice. What you've taken from me, I must therefore take from you. A man."
Before anyone could hardly react to this revelation, the elderly man shot a crackling beam of light from his hand, passing all the knights and landing into Merlin's abdomen. The force flung the young man back several feet and down to the ground. His head hit the dirt and bounced from the force. His lapis blue eyes fluttered instinctively.
" Merlin!" Arthur shrieked and furiously looked back to the suddenly missing sorcerer. His eyes searched but were met with nothing but trees. The old man was gone. He had vanished into thin air, leaving them to huddle around a man that easily was the most kind, loyal, lighthearted one there.
" Merlin mate, stay awake," Gwaine panted as he ripped off the warlock's shirt to uncover a large, burnt and bloody gash. It bled quickly along the chard skin and into the absorbent earth below. It was bad, very, very bad. There was already red and purple bruising beneath the surface of his skin. If the gash didn't kill him the internal bleeding would.
"Guh," Merlin groaned as one of the knights added pressure to the wound.
" Sorry, I need to stop the bleeding," Another said. Their voice was shaking, pretending to remain confident in this whirring storm.
" Merlin," Arthur whispered and got down to his knees by Merlin's head. He held a hand along the sweaty brow of his friend.
" Ar-tur,' Blood invaded his mouth quickly, choking his words.
" I'm here Merlin, you're okay. You're going to be fine." Arthur reassured the man. He nodded his head to himself, closing his eyes tightly together.
Merlin shook his head shakily and coughed, spatting blood onto the prince's petrified face.
Acting as if it didn't happen. Arthur spoke the only words he could think of.
"Yes. We're going to get you back to Camelot where Gaius will take care of you." He said like he believed it himself. They all knew it wasn't true. Camelot was a day's trip away. They wouldn't make it in time. It was hopeless. Nothing could be done, they all knew it. No one would say it, but they knew it...
Merlin knew he was dying. He couldn't feel in his arms and legs, the sudden weakness that overtook his system. The pain was excruciating. It pulsed with every weakening beat of his heart. The very liquid that gave him life was now painted on every one of the men huddled around his dying form. It was so RED. He could taste the metallic color on his cracked lips. He was done for. Suddenly his eyelids were as heavy as lead.
"No, no no no, stay awake Merlin. I order you to stay awake!" Arthur cried out panicky.
Lazy eyes shot open and looked dreamily at mirrored blues ones above.
" That's it Merlin, don't make me put you in the stocks," Arthur coughed a laugh out through his tight throat.
The smile that crept to Merlin's lips faded, and his heavy, tired eyelids fell once more. His chest fell and didn't rise again.
" NOOO! Please please Merlin, just open your eyes. Please, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," Cried the prince. The very sight broke the hardened knights down to tears. The sobs reverberated into the silent forest, so isolated from the rest of the world.
Please please please review! Next chapter is just about done!