Chapter 4: Be Careful What You Wish For

Once upon a time, there was a greedy pawnbroker named Filbrick Pines. He had a wife and three sons. The sons' names are Sherman, Stanford, and Stanley. Filbrick's biggest desire was to become a millionaire or, should it not happen, that at least one of his sons became a millionaire so he could afford to leave the place where he lived. The first time Filbrick thought his wish would become true was when he and his wife were called to the twins' High School Principal's office. The Principal told Mr. and Mrs. Pines that Stanford's science fair project could earn the boy a place at West Coast Tech, which could turn him into a future millionaire.

"I'm impressed." Filbrick said and everyone who knew him knew how hard it was to impress him.

Unfortunately, Stanley's prospects weren't as good. The Principal thought Stanley would never finish High School (and he was right) and would end up having to do barnacle scrapping for a living. Things took a turn for worse when Stanley accidentally destroyed Stanford's project, ruining the young genius' chances of going to West Coast Tech. Stanford thought it was on purpose but Filbrick didn't care. All he cared was that Stanley destroyed his chances of having a millionaire son. Filbrick was so furious he threw Stanley outside the house and said his youngest wouldn't be welcome back until he made them a fortune.

"Filbrick, what did you do?" Ma Pines asked.

"What I should have done right after his Bar Mitzvah." Filbrick grunted to his wife.

"Dad, do you really believe he can make a fortune?" Stanford fearfully asked.

"Of course not, Stanford." Filbrick answered. "Otherwise I'd have kept him."

"But, Filbrick, what's going to happen to Stanley?" Ma Pines asked out of worry.

"I don't care and stop saying the knucklehead's name!" Filbrick commanded. "Our main concern is to make sure Stanford will become a millionaire in spite of not going to his college of choice."

"Do you really believe I can do it, Dad?" Stanford asked.

"Of course I do, son." Filbrick answered with his "impressed" smile. "All you have to do is to build a better perpetual-motion machine or build something else you can sell for millions so we can retire to a nice condo in Florida and rub your success at the faces of those who didn't believe you. The one thing better than being rich is to flaunt it in front of those who underestimated you."

Years had passed and Filbrick never had any news from Stanley until he read the headline "YOUNG ENTREPRENEURS CHANGE WORLD – MAKE MILLIONS".

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Filbrick screamed in horror.

"What happened?" His wife asked.

"Read this." He answered and showed her the newspaper.

Ma Pines was happy for what she read. "This is fantastic! When's he returning?"

"What are you talking about, woman?" Filbrick asked.

"Stanley met your terms, Filbrick." She answered. "He may come back now."

"Of course he may but I'm certain he won't." He explained.

"How do you that?" She asked.

"Because I wouldn't." Filbrick answered.

"Then let's go see him and give our congratulations." She suggested.

"I won't go crawling to the son I rejected." Filbrick replied. "I'm writing a letter."

"A written congratulation?" She asked. "Okay."

"He's not the one I'm writing to." He replied and then started to work on the letter.

Stanford Filbrick Pines,

I trust that, by the time you're reading this letter, you probably already read about your knucklehead twin's fortune. Meanwhile, you're still in a cabin in the middle of nowhere wasting your college grant with made-up creatures. Are you trying to become a scientist or are you trying to open a tourist trap to get money from suckers who believe in things like the Jersey Devil? Either away, aren't you ashamed of yourself that the knucklehead beat you to the millionaire status?

Sincerely,

Filbrick Pines

After mailing the letter, Filbrick decided to have a sandwich at Knuckles'. "Congratulations, Mr. Pines." Knuckles said.

"Uh, it's not my birthday." Filbrick explained.

"I know that, Mr. Pines. I'm congratulating you for the good news." Knuckles explained. "I've read that one of your sons became a millionaire. Aren't you happy?" He asked and other patrons decided to join.

"I've changed my mind." Filbrick said. "I'm going to eat hot Belgian waffles at the other side of my shop."

Filbrick ordered and ate some waffles and, for a brief moment, they made him forget his troubles until it was time to pay for the food. "Are you paying or should I send the bill to your rich son?" The waffle guy joked.

Filbrick didn't take it well. He paid, making a point to leave the exact change so there would be no tips, and then grabbed the waffle guy by the collar. "One more joke and I'll make you taste a knuckle sandwich and I don't mean the one from the other side of my shop." He threatened and then left. Not without getting the receipt for the waffles, of course.

"Isn't he afraid of being arrested?" A customer asked.

"He wouldn't." Another customer answered. "His son Stanley can bail him out and bribe a jury." The two of them laughed at the joke.

Filbrick decided to walk aimlessly until he was interrupted by a random guy around the twins' age. "Mr. Pines?"

"I remember you." Filbrick commented. "You're Crampelter, the leader of the bullies who used to pick on my boys."

"No hard feelings, right?" Crampelter meekly asked. "Look, Mr. Pines. Times are hard. Is Stanley willing to let me into his workforce? I'll do anything for as long as it doesn't involve barnacles!"

Someone with a camera interrupted them. "Excuse me, are you Filbrick Pines?" He asked and Filbrick nodded. "Mr. Pines, I'm conducting an interview about the millionaire who emerged from our town. Have you always known your son Stanley would become rich and famous?"

"Go away!" Filbrick ordered and ran.

End chapter.