Chapter 29: It's Showtime!
Beetle immediately materialized in the middle of the biggest, loudest party those two broads had thrown yet. "Hehehe..." he chuckled deviously to himself, pulling a cigar and a pair of shades out from the pocket of his Hefner-esque robe. He breathed in deeply, smelling the lovely infusion of booze, weed, vomit, and that fragrant aroma commonly known as hot ass that filled the apartment. He placed his shades on, grinning from ear-to-ear, and admiring the vast sea of scantily clad college chicks grinding on trashed frat boys. "Ah...Good times, good times..." he mused, his initial excitement overshadowing the pain of potentially losing contact with Deetz.
He stalked about casually, lit cigar in hand, looking for broad number one and number two. Shit. He'd forgotten their names already. Betty and Bimbo? Junie and Sal? Ah, who gave a fuck? They were wasted. Nobody would know the difference anyway. He shrugged, taking a drag off his smoke and moving on.
Beetle walked past an end table, picking up a bottle of booze, and noting the funny taste in it. Roofies or something, he'd figured. Good thing he was dead, he thought, pouring it out in the floor so someone might be spared the bad trip. Damn, when did he become so chivalrous? He'd promplty determined that he'd been hanging around Lydia Deetz far too long. And that fact helped him feel a bit better about the whole sham of a marriage that was about to ensue. Yep, definitely a wise choice. Indeed.
After about fifteen minutes of hearing annoying, slurred banter and listening to some crappy new Euro pop shit, Beetlejuice finally laid eyes on the glorious sight. Brunette broad number one was laying across the kitchen table as drunk fuckboys took shots off her navel, while Blonde broad number two was doing the whole chug booze through a hoze schtick.
"Heh. Classy. My kinda women." Beetle mused, puffing on his cigar in a corner as he contemplated the exact details of his plan. He smirked to himself, fitting all of the pieces into place in his mind, before going off to find Deetz and that fat pumpkin roll.
"Heh heh heh...Well if it ain't my good ole' buddy, Jerry!" Beetle appeared in the room, startling both Lydia and Gerald as he threw a suffocating arm around his unfortunate client. "How the hell are ya?!"
Gerald nervously began to answer, until Beetle interrupted him.
"Wait, no. Lemme guess. Ya feel like shit, amirite? Cause ya sure look like it, Jerr! But don't you worry that fat little head of yers, the Ghost With the Most, the Neitherworld's top entrepreneur, businessman, and renowned bio-exorcist is here to make your pathetic existence just a little more tolerable! Whaddaya say, Jerr? Ya ready?!" he asked, delighting in the fact that the little porkchop was quivering with anxiety under his overbearing grip. Heh. Served him right for taking so damned long!
"Ah-hem!" he heard Lydia clear her throat, as he pulled his arm away from Georgie-boy like a scolded puppy under her glare. Damnit! She wasn't supposed to be having that effect on him anymore. "So, BJ...Did you spot them?" she asked stepping up to him, as he tried to push away the strange feeling of guilt, regret, and general mushiness inside himself.
"Yup, and I'll need both of ya when the time is right, that is." he answered, trying to instead focus on reeking havoc and being set free.
"Mr. Juice...Just what exactly is going to happen?" Fatboy stepped up, curious about his brilliant plans.
"So glad you asked, Pudgy! Well, I'm gonna fuck up their party. Like, seriously fuck it up. I'll have them so scared they'll be sober in no time! Then I'll pick one of the dames, call the priest while everyone is running and screaming in terror...and that's where you two come in. I'll send Deetz the signal via her brain and them, boom! You two are my witnesses! I'll say that shit...Yadayada...Get mah ring on that finger..." he said pulling out the ring and eyeing it. "Then one lucky lady will be able to call herself Mrs. Juice, and my ass is free! HAHAHA!" he laughed, as Lydia seemed to faintly smile, averting her eyes. He simply forced himself to ignore her semi-sad expression.
"Yeah..." Lydia smiled sadly. "I'm happy for you, BJ. You've finally got the chance you deserve." she said, stepping up and giving him a hug, and thoroughly shocking the shit out of him.
He stood frozen, feeling the warm electric from her embrace flow through him along with a certain feeling of sadness and another sort of warmth - not the temperature kind. "Heh.." he laughed nervously. "I'll send ya a postcard or somethin', Deetz." he spoke, feeling that he sounded lame as fuck, as he stiffly patted her on the back.
Feeling a sadness of his own he quickly let go, feigning happiness once more. "Well, see you two in the funny papers!" he remarked, before vanishing.
This was it. This was his moment. He'd better not fuck it up.
Beetle appeared in the middle of all the chaos once more, slicking back his wild hair with a nasty old comb and adjusting his shades. "Hehe...It's showtime..." he sniggered to himself, before snapping his fingers. And at that very snap, all of the lights blacked out, leaving a bunch of horny, crazed, completely wasted college students in complete and utter darkness.