Chapter 30: Run
First Lydia heard a roar of screams on the other side of the door when things fell to complete darkness. She heard Gerald gasp in unison with the chaos. "It's okay. Hold on..." she concentrated hard, until a small, lit candle appeared in her hand. "There. It's just BJ. He's doing what he does best." she smiled warmly, watching Gerald's face twist in confusion.
"I'm sorry if I'm overstepping my bounds, Lydia, but I really don't see the point of this marriage ceremony. I just can't fathom why he'd want to be out in the realm of the living again, while he has a perfectly wonderful friend like yourself in the afterlife. Seems a bit redundant..." he spoke in earnest, causing Lydia to both feel pleasure and sadness. It was a nice gesture, but Beetlejuice had his afterlife-long dream of living again, and that was long before she'd came along. "I would consider myself lucky to call you a comrade if I were him."
"Thank you, Gerald. You're very kind." she answered sheepishly. "He'll come back sometime, I'm sure...Meanwhile, I can visit you, if you'd like some company from time to time." she suggested, as the portly man smiled.
"I'd like that, Miss Lydia. Maybe I can show you my library, once this rubbish is taken care of..."
"Oh, believe me. BJ will take care of it. He won't let you down." she smiled, pushing away her feelings as they both sat in the dim candlelight, waiting for his signal and listening to the storm beyond those four walls.
Beetle stood in the center of the room, snapping his fingers again, as a bright spotlight appeared from nowhere, illuminating his ghostly form for all to see. "Oohs" and "Ahhs" began to escape from drunken spectators as he juiced a microphone into his hand. "Well, how the fuck is everyone tonight?!"
He was greeted by drunken whoops and wasted whistles. Oh, this would be so easy! They were too trashed to know he wasn't part of those bitches' party! "Is everyone havin' a good time? Enjoyin' Suzy and Sheena's party tonight?" he asked, while a drunken chick yelled out that those were not, in fact, the broad's names.
"Oh, uh...Sarah and Julie?" he inquired.
"NO!" someone in the crowd blabbered.
"Eh, whatever the fuck...IT DOESN'T MATTER! YA KNOW WHY?!" he continued, pumping the crowd up.
"Why?" they replied, much to his delight. Hell, he'd already had them eating out of the palm of his hand.
"CAUSE WE'RE HERE TO FUCKIN' PARRRRTYYYY! NOW WHOSE WITH ME?!" he screamed, as the crowd roared, and various pairs of boobs were flashed. Nice.
"FUCK YEAH! HERE WE GO!" he yelled, as two more spotlights were shined on the two prisoner's he'd so conveniently trapped via contract.
Lydia's ex appeared under one, playing a double bass guitar, with a ball gag in his mouth and his arms and legs chained so that he couldn't move from his spot. Beetle sneered, seeing the terror in the hipsters eyes, either from the rude awakening or the fact that he was now forced to play some shitty hair band cover music. Either way, it was fucking priceless.
Under the other spotlight, Blondie herself appeared, chained to a stripper pole in a cage, dressed appropriately for that occasion. She, too, was less than happy about the fact that he was forcing her to dance for a bunch of drunk, horny fratboys. This, too, pleased Beetle. Served them both right for fucking Deetz over.
And, just like the magic that he worked, the crowd fell under his spell, jumping, and moshing, and flashing like one big, inebriated masterpiece.
"THAT'S RIGHT, LET ME HEAR YOU SCREEAAAMM!" he yelled, as everyone screamed and whooped together in unison.
''I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SCREEEAAAMMMM!" he yelled again, grinning widely and waiting for the moment that those happy screams would change to those of terror.
Juno sat at her desk, filing papers and hating eternity, as per standard procedure, when Miss Argentina scurried into her office. "Miss Juno. This was faxed to you marked ASAP. It's concerning the...ugh...asshole..." she sighed, rolling her eyes.
Juno grabbed the paper, seeing that it was an excessive noise ordinance warning from the other realm. That could only mean one thing. Only one idiot was stupid enough to be jumping sides and being loud as hell about it. Shit! Couldn't Juice learn to stay out of trouble for a few damned years? He was already on probation, and he'd land right back in jail for an extra long sentence if she didn't intervene. Even worse, she already figured just why he was on the other side, and that was the exact reason it would be the long haul for him this time, if he was to be found out. Strangely enough, her client's vibrations were a bit off lately, which was making him even easier to detect.
"Oh, hell. You know the drill. I need you to make a certain call for me...Then take messages while I'm away. I'm gonna make this quick!" Juno ordered, before vanishing into a cloud of white smoke.
"Lydia Deetz? Where's Juice?!" an angry Juno popped into the room, as Lydia jumped up, startled by the sudden appearance.
"Uh...He's out there..." she admitted, knowing far too well that this meant his ass was in trouble. Just what kind of trouble, she was unsure of, but it was trouble, nonetheless.
"Miss Deetz, we have to stop him! I know his ass well enough to know that he's trying to get out of here, and he's not aware of just how steep the penalty is for another attempt at leaving this realm. Why, the idiot is still on probation as we speak! I know he has the ring! Whoever's finger that ring goes on will be his wife! Permanently! Once it's on, it's not coming off until the mortal dies! And if it DOES land on the finger of a living mortal, he's looking for at least a thousand or more years of solitary - if he's lucky! Now, let's get out there and stop his ass before he lands me in jail with him!" Juno spat, wide-eyed and ready to do nothing short of cutting BJ's balls off.
Lydia gasped, in a strange, alarming state of shock, grabbing Juno by the arm instantaneously as she realized just what all that meant. That mortal girl wouldn't be affected. No...It was...
"Miss Deetz, what the hell are you doing?! Let me go, before I-"
"I'M WEARING THE RING! IT'S ME! I HAD NO IDEA!" Lydia belted out before she could control it, ripping off her glove and shoving her hand in front of Juno's alarmed face.
"You..You're serious?!" Juno gasped, grabbing her hand and eyeing the ring.
"Does that mean...?" Lydia asked, her face blank and her mind racing and confused.
"Oh, it does. It most certainly does." Juno calmed down for a brief moment, before warning her again. "Well, we still need to put a stop to this, because he's still gonna get time if the Neitherworld Police get here before he quits his shit. Then I'll be working through his god forsaken paperwork for years...Ugh..." she moaned, rubbing her head in frustration. "C'mon Mrs. Juice. Follow me, or your ass will land in jail too if they assume you to be his accomplice." she gestured, as Lydia, partially frozen in shock, followed behind, unable to speak at the moment.
"Heh heh heh!" Beetle chuckled to himself, taking in the sheer glory of the moment. There he stood, with crowds of stupid morons just asking to be manipulated, and, of course, he'd gladly oblige them. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his undead veins, his excitement both euphoric and predatory in nature.
"IS EVERYONE HAVIN' A GOOD TIME TONIGHT?" he yelled in his mic, inducing a wave of screams, whistles, and drunken replies. Good.
Now feeding off of his victims' and the pure energy rush, Beetle decided it was time to pounce. "I CAAAAAN'T HEAAAAR YOOOOOU!" he continued, as the drunken partygoers became even more loud and boisterous.
At that very moment, his demeanor fell dark and menacing, as the sound of a snake's rattle could be heard echoing throughout the appartment. "AHAHAHA, C'MON YA BUNCHA' PUSSIES! SCREEEEEEEAAAAAAM!"
What started as a good time for the spectators, quickly changed into something completely different. The blonde's cage began to shapeshift, with arachnid-like legs growing from the bottom, as it began to rapidly amble through the crowd, emitting a different type of scream from his audience. The stripper pole began to hiss and contort like a large serpent, as the woman cowered in the corner, clutching the bars and screaming at the top of her lungs.
Beetle grinned maliciously, turning and pointing toward his other prisoner. Lydia's ex began to whimper as his guitar began to sprout hundreds of centipede-like appendages, each one gripping him and squeezing tightly while Beetle forced him to keep playing.
People began to stagger and stumble over each other, attempting to scramble for the exit. Unfortunately for them, he'd already chained it shut.
"AWWW, DON'T GO! WE'RE JUST GETTIN' STARTED!" he yelled, grinning to himself as he snapped his fingers. What seemed like millions of insects began to swarm, surrounding the party, while snakes began to slither down the walls and right under the feet of his unfortunate partygoers.
The crowd began to jump and hop away from the slithering terror under their feet, all the while flailing wildly at the vicious pests swarming into their faces.
"YEAH! NOW YER REALLY MOVIN! GAWD, I THROW ONE HELLUVA PART-EE!" he scoffed, grabbing a drunken, young fratboy as he attempted to run for his life.
"Well, I see yer havin' quite an excitin' time! I think this party has it all, don't you? The music, hot drunk bitches, atomosphere...Whaddayasay?!" he asked, shoving the mic in the young man's face and causing him to faint. "Heh...Yeah, I like it, too..." Beetle grinned, stepping over the guy's body as he moved onward, scanning the area for either of his potential brides.
When he finally spotted the two chicks shivering in a corner, he felt a sharp twinge of pain in knowing that he'd be leaving the most awesome person he'd known behind. Of course he stuffed it down where it belonged, which was in the dark recesses of his brain, along with other unwanteds like those pesky little suppressed memories and mommy issues. Perfect.
Beetlejuice straightened his robe, knocking the dust and man-stink off of it, before clearing his throat and suavely lighting another cigar. He stepped up to the two dames all sexy-like, ignoring their blatant terror and disgust. "So...Uh, you ladies having a good time tonight?"
The only reply he obtained was a jumbled mess of crying and confusion.
"Heh...Yeah, me too. It does bring a tear to my eye to see such a celebration! One fit for the perfect bachelor...That being mahself!" he chuckled, nudging the brunette playfully with his elbow, and accidentally causing her to faint.
"Well, that should make it easier." he shrugged, turning to the blonde, who gasped, wide-eyed, staring at her incapacitated friend on the floor.
"So, uh...I know this is a little early. I mean, it seems like we've only just met and all, but...I think it's meant to be, don't you?" he began, pulling out his comb again and slicking back his wild hair.
"W-what are you talking about?" the blonde college chick asked, her face curled up in what Beetle liked to refer to as pure desire. Others may have called it something different. Possibly disgust.
"Ya ever hear of love at first sight, Dollface? Well, here it is! What I'm offerin' you is a once-in-a-lifetime marriage! The kind ole' Willy Shakespeare himself spoke about in days of yore! Except even better! None of that fall in love, then want to kill yerself bullshit...er...Well, at least not on my end! HAHA! Ya ever seen the movie Titanic?" he asked, snaking an arm around the broad's shoulders and causing her to yip in horror.
She didn't respond verbally. Probably too choked up on all those sexual feelings, Beetle mused. She merely nodded, too afraid to speak.
"Heh, it was great, wasn't it? All the wreckage and the freezin', but hey, that's beyond the point! Had a pretty fuckin' awesome love story, dontcha think? Well, except for the part where that bitch didn't share the door or whatever. Just don't do that shit, okay? Point being: I'll be the king of your world, baby! Whaddya say? Wanna get hitched?" he asked, and before she could begin to form the word "no", he may have accidentally forced her to reply with an overjoyed "HELL YEAH! PLEASE BABY! I'LL DO ANYTHING TO BE YOUR WIFE!"
"Awww...Thanks Pookie-Wookie...I knew ya'd come through..." he laughed deviously, before a big, red, gawdy wedding dress appeared on the girl, who attemped to scream, but failed miserably due to the fact that her lips were clamped shut. She stood, wide-eyed, prying at her lips and whimpering as they wouldn't budge.
"It's okay Snookie-Bear! Just a minor case of cold feet, is all!" Beetle remarked, before forcefully linking his arm in hers as he unlocked the chained door, watching the hysterical crowd flee for their lives, nearly killing each other in the process. He grinned as the last person scrambled off, followed by the swarm he'd created.
Now that the room was dark and empty of partygoers, he snapped his fingers, watching what's-his-face and his pet Bimbo fall to the floor, no longer inhibited by his power. "Alright, Suckers. Party's over. Now get outta here before I change my fuckin' mind!" he cursed, watching the two former prisoners flee as well.
Beetle grinned maliciously, turning back to his bride-to-be. "Look how far we've come, Hunny-Bunny! Seems like just a few minutes ago we'd just met! And, now, here we are!" he spoke, feigning a lovey-dovey voice, just to amuse himself, as she continued to whimper and struggle. "Well, this is it..." he said, as a long, red carpet rolled out to meet them at the end of the room, and a strange, alien-like priest appeared at the other end behind a pulpit.