Chapter 4: Fairy Ed - Part 2
Crocus (Mercurius Royal Garden)
The King and Queen of Diamonds sat in the garden for midday tea with their sentient toy servants, Mr. Yum-Yum and a doll named Polly Poo-Poo. The little monarchs chattered and giggled to each other as they enjoyed their tea when a tall red-haired woman, a powerful sorceress by the name of Irene Belserion, entered the garden.
"Hello, my Queen, how are you?" greeted Irene, smiling politely. "I see that you're having tea with his Majesty, the King. May I join you, if it is quite alright with you?"
"Ah, Irene, how nice of you to visit us!" greeted the Queen. "Go on, have a seat. Endulge yourself."
"Thank you." thanked Irene as she sat opposite of the King. "I won't be here for long, however. I do have two regions to look after. I'm sure you'll understand."
"Of course, take all the time you need." The King replied with a hospitable tone in his voice. "Would you like some tea?"
"Certainly." Irene accepted as Polly Poo-Poo poured tea into her cup. "No lumps for me, dear."
"So, what brings you here on this nice day, Irene? Anything to report?" inquired the Queen of Diamonds.
"Actually, there is one thing that you should know at this point." Irene informed the King and Queen as she sipped her tea. "Mard Geer has been vanquished not too long ago."
"Hmph! Figures. I knew he wouldn't last long." scoffed the Queen. "I told Zer-Bear he would be useless, but nooo, he just HAD to resurrect him, anyway."
"But what about the Eds? Where are they? Are they still on the run?" asked the King with anticipation.
"I don't know much about the Eds, but from what I've heard, Mard Geer was taken out by one of their allies. A warrior by the name of... Goku, I think." Irene continued.
"Really? My Queen, isn't that the same one who defeated Leader 1?" asked the King of Diamonds.
"I dunno know. It could've been anyone." The Queen assumed.
"Speaking of which, do you know those agents that the Miracle Worker sent to investigate Leader 1's disappearance? Zeref passed this message onto me so that you would be the first to know." informed Irene.
"What about them?" The King asked.
"Well, when they were in Leader 2's universe, they figured out where the Eds were, so they decided to follow them for they're own agenda. As far as I know, of course." said Irene which made the King and Queen nervous.
"You mean, they've gone rogue?" The Queen asked fearfully, knowing the extent of the three agent's power.
"I guess that is one way to put it. They've drifted away from their current objective of serving the Miracle Worker and they're now transfixed on having the Eds to themselves." continued Irene, taking another sip of her tea.
"This could be a problem to our plans, my Queen! What do you think we should do?" consulted the King.
"Don't worry about it. Zeref said that he's going to draw the Eds to us." assured the Queen with a levelheaded tone. "As for the agents, however, the best course of action that we have is to annihilate them. If they try to take the Eds, then we'll kill them. They are only a liability at this point anyway."
"Would you like me to take care of them for you, your Majesties?" Irene insisted.
"Why, yes, Irene! You're practically perfect for the job!" The King said approvingly.
"But I wouldn't underestimate them if I were you. They're more powerful than all the Leaders combined." warned the Queen.
"I can assure you, not even those three can destroy the likes of me." Irene said confidently as she got up from her seat and proceeded to leave the garden.
"Good luck, Irene! Toodle-oo!" The King waved good-bye to the sorceress as she exited the garden. "She's not gonna last long is she?"
"Nah, but if she does manage to survive their wrath, you-know-what will happen." giggled the Queen in a sing-songy tone as she waved around a clicker in her hand, toying with four red buttons connected to it.
Meanwhile
The plasmic bubble flew high into the air like a bullet with the Eds, Luffy, Eren, Wendy and Happy inside. Ed and Luffy were laughing with joy while their companions screamed as they broke through the atmosphere at the speed of light. Finally, the speed of the bubble shield slowed down, much to everyone's relief. Just then, however, gravity takes it's toll and the bubble began to plummet back down.
"We're going down!" screamed Eren.
"This is the end, Eddy! The end of us! All of my dreams of seeing the world are going to be dashed in an instant! I never got to see Paris, or swim the English Channel! I didn't even get to say goodbye to my mother!" cried Edd.
"I don't wanna die! I'm too young and adorable!" exclaimed Happy as he started to hyperventilate.
"Happy, stop hyperventilating! You're gonna waste the oxygen!" warned Wendy.
"Hey, is it me or are we slowing down?" said Eddy as he noticed the speed of the bubble decreased as it expanded.
"Guys, Happy doesn't look too good. I think he needs to take his inhaler." said as Ed as he pointed to the panicking Exceed.
"Of course! The more air that's blown into the bubble, the speed of the bubble will decrease." deduced Edd.
"Great idea! Everyone start blowing!" said Luffy as he started to breath heavily as did everyone else.
Sure enough, the bubble expanded and slowed to a near halt. "It's... working! Keep... blowing!" commanded Eddy as he spoke between breaths.
"My... lungs are... on... fire... can't... breathe... anymo--" wheezed Happy as he passed out from constantly breathing.
"Bubble, bubble! Oil and rubble!" Ed guffawed as he blew in more heavy breaths.
"How... long are... we gonna... keep... breathing?" said Eren as he hyperventilated.
"It won't... be long now... until we... hit the ground." said Edd as he blew weak breathes. "If we wait between breaths, we would give the bubble time to slow down as the lack of weight would decrease the gravity, which will soften the landing, thus giving us a higher of survi--"
Suddenly, the bubble bursts as the group was halfway towards hitting the ground, causing them to fall the rest of the way. They all screamed as they fell further and further to the ground.
"Wendy!" screamed Happy as he swooped down and caught the Sky Dragon Slayer in time.
"Thanks, Happy!" Wendy thanked the Exceed. "But what about the others?"
"I can only carry one person at a time!" informed Happy. "Even I can carry each person at a time, I won't have enough magic to carry everyone to safety!"
"Maybe I can use my Wind magic to catch them! Double time, Happy!" ordered Wendy.
"AYE!" affirmed Happy as he swiftly glided towards the falling Eds and heroes.
"Look at me, guys! I'm floating!" laughed Ed as he flapped his arms like a bird.
"We're not floating, we're falling, you idiot!" yelled Eddy.
"Falling with style, that is!" added Luffy as he stretched his arms and scooped up the Eds and Eren. He then stretches his body flat and turns himself into a makeshift glider just before they hit the ground.
"Whew! That was a close one." sighed Edd, who looks down and went wide-eyed once he realized that they were still above ground. "But now my Acrophobia is currently prodding at my psyche!"
"Yeah, I thought we were gonna be dead for sure." Eren said with relief.
"Nice work, Rubber Boy! That was some quick thinking!" thanked Eddy.
"No problem, Eddy!" smiled Luffy.
"Are you guys okay? That was a nasty fall you had!" Wendy asked concernly as Happy carried her through the air.
"Well, we were quite shaken up for a minute there, Wendy, but we're alright!" Edd assured the young mage, who kept his eyes closed and hoped that he wouldn't fall.
"Let's head back to the guild and regroup with Natsu and the others! There's a lot of things that we need to sort out first!" said Wendy.
"Aye!" affirmed Happy as he and Wendy turned back around and flew back towards the guild.
"Hey! Wait for us! How the heck do you steer this thing?!" Eddy exclaimed.
"I got it!" said Luffy as the pirate steered himself and the others towards the same direction that Wendy and Happy went.
"I can see my house from here, guys." Ed commented as he randomly pointed to some houses in the distance.
Fairy Tail Guild Hall
Natsu, Naruto, Goku and Edward return to the heavily damaged Guild Hall as they're cosmic guide, Yuna, returns to help heal the other Fairy Tail mages, who were heavily injured during the fight against Mard Geer. Yuna came back from the infirmary with her first aid kit.
"So how are they, Doc? We didn't beat them up too badly, did we?" Naruto asked concernly.
"Nah, they're fast healers, they'll be fine." assured Yuna, who was currently dressed in a nurse's outfit. "And judging by the number of bandages I've wrapped them in, it won't take long for them to recover."
"Well, in that case, I guess we won't be needing this." said Goku as he picked up Edd's giant first aid kit and threw it high up into the air, making it fly over the entire town, never to be seen again.
"Wasn't that Double D's first aid kit?" asked Edward.
"Whoops, my bad." Goku said sheepishly, realizing the blunder that he made.
"Have you guys seen Luffy, Eren and the Eds around?" Yuna asked.
"Yeah, and I haven't seen Wendy or Happy since the fight." Natsu said, realizing that his two guildmates are missing.
"Oh, uhh, I kinda..." Goku said sheepishly.
"Ugh, don't tell me." groaned Yuna frustratingly. "The Eds and the others somehow got trapped in a bubble and you tried to pop it but you ended up kicking them high up into the air at Mach 20, didn't you?"
"WHAT?!?" The other heroes shouted, realizing what they just heard from their guide.
"Yeah, how did you know?" Goku asked, impressed by Yuna's deduction.
"The longer I've been around you guys, the more predictable your stupidity is to me." explained Yuna sarcastically as she glanced at her watch. "Speaking of which, 3, 2, 1..."
Just then, Luffy, Eren and the Eds came flying into guild hall and crash-landed, leaving the latter sprawled onto the wooden floor. Eddy recovered from the stunning fall and glared at Luffy. "Nice flying, Howard Hughes! You made us crash!"
"I guess you can say that I 'winged it'!" humored Luffy.
"Ba-dum-tss!" imitated Ed, punctuating the bad pun with a drum sting.
"Nice of you to join us, boys." greeted Yuna.
"Or, you could say that we 'dropped in'." Edd added humorously.
"Ba-dum-tss!" commented Ed, repeating the same drum sting again.
"Hey! We're back, everyone!" Wendy called out as she and Happy descended upon the guld hall.
"You two okay?" Natsu asked with concern for his two friends.
"Yeah, we're fine. That bubble ride was really wild though. I'm still a little dizzy from the ride." Wendy replied.
"Aye! And I flew us here!" chimed Happy.
"Well, that's a relief." Natsu smiled.
"How's Erza, Gray and Gajeel?" Wendy asked.
"They're okay, but they're probably gonna be out for a little bit." affirmed Natsu.
"Well, until those three can tell us what the hell happened here, we can catch up with Yuna's findings on that negative trail of energy that we've been searching for." said Edward as he sat down on a nearby bench.
"Yeah, what did you find, Yuna?" inquired Eren.
"I didn't find much, really. I was tracing the trail outside of Magnolia when the signal on my Nega-Tracker was cut off." informed Yuna. "I don't know why, but I can assume that it must've been a surge of magic that blocked the signal."
"If it's magic that's interfering with your search, then it can only be dark magic that's causing the problem." Happy assumed.
"Perhaps, but there's something that I don't understand," said Edward. "Who is messing with all the natural forces in our universes? Goku has Ki, Luffy has Devil Fruit, Natsu has magic, Naruto has Chakra, Eren has... whatever the hell he has, and I have Alchemy. How could all that phenomenal power from every infinite universe be manipulated all at once?"
"In favor of our enemies? I don't know." Yuna replied. "But I have a theory; Since the Dragon Balls went missing from Goku's universe, it's a possibility that some unknown perpetrator, the Miracle Worker, stole them and used them to gain power over this entire mulitverse, and the worlds in it."
Goku rested his arms behind his shoulders and sighed. "Well, they are pretty powerful, and it does explain why our former enemies came back as well."
"Precisely, and this also involves the Eds and the people who knew them." Yuna continued.
"So whoever the Miracle Worker is, they know who we are, and they have brought us through this crazy misadventure since we have some sort of significance to them." deduced Edd.
"That's possible, but I'm still piecing this thing together so it's not a very solid hypothesis." Yuna added.
"Look, I don't care why this is happening, or what the hell is even going on, cause until I find out where my other comrades are, we're gonna find the bastards who destroyed our home, and grind their asses into the ground!" proclaimed Natsu as he beats his fists with boiling anger.
"Keep in mind, Natsu, that whoever may have taken charge of this dimension, they could be one of the Cul-de-sac kids under the influence of the Corruptonium." reminded Edd.
"Yeah, so go easy on 'em. But not too easy." Eddy advised the Fire Dragon Slayer. "And don't forget to 'em hard, but not too hard or you might kill 'em."
"Wait, wait, I'm confused. Are you gonna kill them, or spare them?" Happy asked, scratching his head in confusion.
"No, I'm gonna teach'em a lesson!" explained Natsu.
"By... killing them?" Happy inquired.
"Yeah!" affirmed Natsu.
"NO!" yelled Eddy and Edd.
"Hey, guys, can Naruto turn invisible?" Ed asked Luffy.
"No, why?" Luffy replied.
"I can't see him anywhere." Ed said as the shinobi was sent flying from out of nowhere and crashed into the floor.
"Uggh..." groaned Naruto as his unconcious body displayed a large, red bruise on his head.
"Hi, Naruto! Did you turn invisible?" greeted Ed as he picked up the unconcious teen on his feet.
Just then, he hears a loud set of footsteps, slamming against the wooden floor as a tall figure entered the room. A recuperating Erza, with bandages wrapped around her forehead and torso, stood over the tall Ed and blond shinobi. She gave an angry glare at the two before approaching them.
"SCARY LADY NO GOOD FOR ED!!!" exclaimed Ed as he and Naruto ran for their lives.
"Who are you?! And what are you doing here?!" barked Erza as she stomped towards the unassuming intruders in her guild hall.
"H-hi, I'm Eren..." greeted Eren, who was slightly terrified by the scarlet-haired woman. "Nice to meet--D'AAHHH!!!"
Erza throws Eren against a wooden pillar as she pursued the others with a menacing scowl on her face. "I said, who are you, and what are you doing here?!"
"Wait, Erza, it's not what you think!" Wendy tried to explain as the Requip mage advanced towards the heroes, Yuna and Eds, chasing them back up against the wall with fear.
"Get back, Wendy, they might be dangerous!! I don't know who you are, but you have to three seconds to answer me! Or I will use this!" threatened Erza as she brought out her sword. "1..."
"Oh crap! She's starting at 1! Who knows how long it'll take until she reaches 3!" exclaimed Goku.
"2..." counted Erza as she brought her sword closer to the group.
"Yuna!! Do something!!!" shouted Edd.
"Oh, hell no! She's too scary!" exclaimed Yuna as she turned into her chibi form and hid in Edward's coat pocket.
"3!" Erza finished counting down as she was about to strike the first person, which was Edd, until Natsu grabbed the blade of her sword before she could do damage to the sock-headed boy.
"Erza! Calm down! They're just some friends that I met!" Natsu explained as he snatched the sword from Erza. The near-death experience left Edd paralyzed and fainted.
Erza's eyes widened as she recognized her lost friend. "Natsu... you're back."
"Yeah, I'm back alright!" smirked Natsu as his superior friend embraced him in a hug.
"Oh, thank God, you're safe." Erza gasped thankfully as Natsu returned the hug.
"Um, pardon me, but are we going to ignore the fact that this psychotic lady tried to kill Double-D!" shrieked Eddy.
"Sorry about that, but I wasn't going to kill him, I can assure you. I was only trying to slice his hat in two or something. Just to get a rise out of him." replied Erza sheepishly.
"Yup, you gotta a rise out of him alright." said Naruto as he and Ed were fanning an unconcious Double D.
"Hey!! What about me?!" shouted Eren as he got up from the floor while he struggled walk with his back broken in many places. "You broke my spine!"
"So your back is cracked, huh?" said Gajeel as he slowly walked towards the injured scout, despite being in a wounded state. "Lemme help ya with that. Gotta warn ya though, you're gonna hear a loud crack. Followed by some sharp pain in your lower back."
He grabs Eren's arms from behind, places his non-injured foot on his back and applies force. "Wait, wait I--G'AAAHHH!!!"
Everyone winced as they heard Eren's spine crack. Ed covered his ears when the cracking sound echoed in his eardrums. Edd was just about to regain consciousness when he heard the sound of Eren's ligaments aligning, making him pass out once more.
"Oww! What the hell?!" cried Eren when he suddebly feels the rush of relief in his back. "Hey, that actually felt nice."
"You're welcome." Gajeel grinned as he patted Eren's upper back.
"Ugh, Christ, what's all that screaming?" groaned a bandaged Gray as he rubbed his temples tenderly when he noticed Natsu. "Natsu?"
"Hey, Gray. I'm back." smirked Natsu when he received a punch to the face instead of brotherly affection.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?" yelled Gray angrily. "Where were you when we needed you, asshole?!"
"It wasn't my idea to disappear, you icy idiot!" Natsu recanted as he got up in Gray's face.
"SCREW YOU!!!" growled Gray, tackling Natsu to the ground as they both fought each other.
"My word, how unprofessional!" cried Edd, watching the two rivals brawl.
"What is it with you guys fighting with your friends? It's so stupid!" scowled Eddy. "I only fight with my friends if they're being complete jerks."
"Ah, it's no big deal. Friends fight all the time, it's how they bond." assured Goku.
"Yeah, like this!" said Luffy as he punches Edward in the face.
"Ow! That wasn't bonding you just punched me in the face!" Edward yelled as he rubbed the red abrasion on his face.
"Bonding or not, now isn't the time to be fighting." Yuna said professionally as she turned back to her original form.
"And that's where I come." said Erza as she cracked her knuckles and unleashed her most stern glare. "BOYS!!!"
The teen mages ceased their quarrel and glanced towards Erza whose authoritative stare leered at them and mentally commanded Natsu and Gray to stop.
"AH! We're friends! We're friends!" Gray quivered, forcing a smile and shook hands with his rival/friend.
"Aye, aye!" Natsu cried nervously.
"Gehehe, Pavlov at his finest." chuckled Gajeel.
"Now then, Erza. Would you mind explaining what happened to Fiore after Natsu disappeared in full detail? It's important that we get as much information as possible." inquired Yuna, whipping out her tablet to jot down some key facts.
"Well, let's see... after Natsu vanished, we went searching for him for awhile until it got dark, so we all went home." Erza recanted as she took account for the last few days. "But then, the next day, the kingdom was attacked by this army, led by two monarchs named the King and Queen of Diamonds. Queen Hisui, our leader, didn't want to have a full scale war in her hands, so she tried to do everything in her power to make peace with them, but instead she decided that it would be best if our army surrendered."
"So then what happened?" asked Naruto, to which Erza replied with a ssomber silence. Gray, Gajeel, Wendy and Happy were silent as well, which meant that what came next would only get even more serious from there.
"They took our Queen hostage and then they sent their armies to attack our cities and enslaved both magic-users and non-magic-users." Erza explained further. "I don't know what they did with the wizards, but those who didn't use magic were sent to do manual labor."
"And our guild?" Natsu asked with fearful anticipation as Erza turned to him with a sad glance.
"They were taken as well." Erza said, making Natsu gasp lightly. "Everyone. Mirajane, Lisanna, Elfman, our master..."
"Freed, Evergreen, Bixlow, Laxus, Pantherlily... Levy..." listed Gajeel, as he thought about the short mage who maytered to him the most.
"Juvia, Cana, Alzack, Bisca, Azuka..." whispered Wendy, as tears ran down her eyes.
"Romeo, Macao, Jet and Droy... Carla." cried Happy, as he started shedding tears excessively.
"Lucy..." mentioned Gray mournfully, as he looked at Natsu with apologetic eyes.
Everyone else, including the Eds, were saddened by this turn of events, including Ed, who started to bawl. "I FEEL LIKE SOGGY POTATOES!!!" He uses Eddy's shirt to blow his stuffy nose, much to his disgust.
"I know, Ed. So are we." Luffy said sympathetically, patting Ed on the shoulder.
Erza felt her heart weighing heavily, but continued. "Me, Gajeel, Gray, Wendy and Happy were the only ones left. We went into hiding for awhile until, to our surprise, Mard Geer came and discovered us. Wendy and Happy got away, but the rest of us were taken prisoner."
"That was almost when they found you guys, and they injected us with that corrupted crap in our bodies. It's still tender there." Gray said as he rubbed his sore neck that was inflicted by the needle that was stuck in his jugular.
"Then, when woke up, the first thing I saw was that little pervert groping my breasts while I was unconcious!" Erza continued as she glared at Naruto.
"NARUTO?!?! YOU CUPPED ERZA'S CLEAVAGE WITHOUT HER CONSENT?!?!" exclaimed Edd, as he wagged his finger scoldfully at the ninja. "Have you no shame?!"
Naruto blushes profusely. "I didn't do it on purpose! I was only checking up on them to see if they were awake, but then I tripped and fell on top of her! I didn't do anything else to her I swear!"
"Whoa! You cupped a feel from a girl?" Eddy said impressively. "How did it feel?"
"Warm... and firm." Naruto smiled cheekily as he made a groping gesture with his hands.
Yuna then conks the two perverts on the head for obvious reasons. "So long story short, here we are. I guess everything's explained now."
"Not everything. We still don't know where the Fairy Tail mages are." Eren said mindfully.
"My guess is, is that they are kept in the palace dungeon at Mercurius in Crocus. That's where they usually keep prisoners, especially during times of war." Gajeel assumed.
Natsu then stepped up on a table to make a profound statement. "If that's where they are, then we'll look there. No matter what, we cannot give up on our friends. If the King and Queen of Diamonds think they can come in, destroy our home and hurt our family, they got another thing coming! WHO'S WITH ME?!?"
"YEAH!!!" boomed the Fairy Tail mages as they exprssed their signature hand gesture.
"Well said Natsu." smirked Yuna, congratulating Natsu's speech with a thumbs-up.
"But if we're going to do this, we need a well formulated plan." Edd added.
"Why need a plan when we can hit them head on with a strong Qi blast or something?" Goku said.
"No, a full frontal assault exactly what they'll be expecting. We need a strategy." reminded Edward.
"Ooh, ooh, I know!" said Ed, waving his hand with excitement.
"What is it, Ed?" Eddy frowned as he expected Ed to say something stupid or absurd.
"Why don't we build a giant horse, stuff it with with gelatin, and give it as a humble offering to their majesties the King and Queen of Dancing?" Ed suggested.
"That's 'Diamonds', Ed." corrected Eren.
"You're welcome." Ed said naively.
"Actually, I can see where you're going with this, Ed. Minus the gelatin." Edd said, understanding Ed's ridiculous plan as he drew schematics for a contraption that will be proven useful. "We could use the same method of attack used by the Trojans, but with some technical advancements in engineering, this strategy could succeed."
"That's an awesome idea! But instead of a horse, can we make it a tiger, or a wolf?" Naruto suggested.
"Or better yet, how about a dragon? That would be badass!!" said Natsu, grinning with delight.
"Aye! And put in a fish dispenser!" added Happy.
"Guys, we're building a trap, not a parade float! Can we just stick to what we've got?" Gray said as he tried to get everyone on track with the plan.
"We're having a parade? Ooh, ooh, can I be the stick twirler?" Ed asked.
"Ed, just shut up and gather the supplies already." ordered Eddy.
"Roger wilco, Eddy!" affirmed Ed, giving a mock salute while accidentally hitting the shorter Ed-boy in the back of the head.
Meanwhile...
Irene roamed the barren and empty landscape near the edge of Fiore as she was tracking down the agents of the Miracle Worker, who have gone rogue and are currently on the hunt for the Eds. She walked a few more paces before she stops in her tracks.
"You can come out now, ladies. I know you're there." addressed the red-haired woman as the sound of obnoxious laughter consumed the atmosphere.
"Well, well, look who saw through our disappearing act. It's Little Miss Strawberry Shortcake herself." mocked a female voice, whose tone sounded more deeper than a regular girl's voice.
"Look at what she's wearing, Lee. She's so ratchet for a big girl like her." taunted a second feminine voice, which sounded more regular but still with a tone as rough as the first one.
"Yeah, she dresses like our Mom! Except our Mom isn't a hussy like her!" laughed a third female, whose voice sounded more obnoxious than the other two girls.
"If you're not afraid of me then why don't you put on a brave face and reveal yourselves to me so that I can see you better?" Irene insisted, who was slightly annoyed by the three figures.
"Us? Afraid of you? HAHAHAHA!!! I think it should be the other way around if you ask me." The first voice laughed as she suddenly appeared out of thin air via cloaking device. Her physical presence is nothing more than a teenage girl with orange beehive hair, dressed in a white sailor outfit with red polka dots.
"We've killed at least a dozen jerks alone to get here. This chick's got a lot of nerve just by looking at us in the face. I respect that." said the second girl, who deactivated her cloaking device and revealed herself as another teenager with blue hair. She also wore a sailor suit, but it was black with a camoflage-green skirt.
"Yeah, usually when they see the Kanker Sisters, they would run, scream, or pee themselves. And she did none of those. Can we kill her anyway?" asked the third girl, who deactivated her cloaking device as well. She was another teenage girl with blonde hair and had a bucktooth similar to that of a beaver. She wore a light grey sailor suit with a red skirt.
"You brats don't look threatening to me. In fact, I think you're adorable. Especially in those revealing outfits of yours." sneered Irene.
"What did you say about me?!" growled the blue-haired girl.
"She said you were adorable, Marie, but in a condescending way." said the blonde girl.
"I know what she said, May! And I already know the context of it!" shouted Marie.
"Cool it, girls. Look, Irene, we're not here for you, we're only here for our men." said the orange-haired girl named Lee.
"Oh, about that," Irene mentioned. "Leaders 3 and 4 wanted me to inform you not to lay a hand on the Eds. They are viable to the mission."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got all that from the Miracle Worker. But we don't care, we love our little senpais. We can care less about those little Cul-de-sac squirts." proclaimed Lee.
"Yeah, so back off, old lady, or we'll knock your block off!" May threatened the sorceress.
"I figured you wouldn't be compliant enough." Irene sighed. "Which is why I have to kill the three of you."
"Ha! Good luck with that, Belchy-ron!" taunted Marie.
"Interesting last words. Highly original." smirked Irene as she equips her staff and uses it as a blunt weapon. "I believe short-range combat would give you a fair chance against me."
"Works for me, toots. Leave her to me girls." May and Marie nodded as Lee equipped herself with a dagger, to which the blade expanded as she wielded it. "Let's dance."
Lee dashed towards the sorceress and slashed her knife at her, but instead of hitting skin, the blade hits Irene's staff which defected the attack. The sorceress flicks the dagger from her face with the staff and jabs Lee's abdomen, knocking her back and follows it with a blow to the head.
"You're very uncoordinated for an assassin. I was hoping for a challenge." said an underwhelmed Irene.
"That's because I'm just getting started." said Lee as she jumped from left to right to avoid Irene's pursuing strikes.
"You can't run forever, girl! I'm more experienced than you!" gloated the sorceress.
"Well, I'm younger than you!" Lee said teasingly as she leaped into the air and delivered a swift kick to the back of Irene's head. Irene recovered from the harsh blow by performing a somersault.
"Marie! Tag me!" ordered Lee as she tags her sister and the latter joins in the battle.
"Hope you can handle bullets, magic girl!" Marie arms herself with a pair of automatic pistols and fires a stream of bullets at Irene while the wizard woman blocks the lead bullets with her wooden staff.
"This seems unfair. Whatever happened to short-range attacks?" said Irene as she easily evaded the bullets.
"You didn't say I couldn't use guns! You should've been more specific!" Marie said as she dodges the fatal jabs from Irene's staff.
"Hold still you--" growled Irene as she tries land a hit on Marie, but the blue-haired Kanker blocks the staff with the pistol in her left hand, and uses the other one to pistol-whip Irene at least three times, stunning her. "What the fu--AAAHHH!!!"
Marie shoots the sorceress in her right knee, followed by a bullet in her left knee. Irene falls to her wounded knees, leaving her unable to stand. "Y-you... B-BITCH!!"
"Y'know, having a bullet to the knee is the worst kinda pain next to a kick in the groin." Marie informed with a sadistic edge in her voice.
"Well, two can play at that game!" Irene shouted, as she used her Enchantment spell to pull the bullets out of her broken knees, throwing them towards Marie in an attempt to kill her.
The Kanker only had a split second to dodge both bullets, which merely grazed her by the strands of her blue hair. "Hey!You shot my hair! On the bright side, though, you got rid of some split ends." said Marie as she looked at herself in a compact mirror.
"FUCK YOU AND YOUR SPLIT ENDS! WHEN I GET BACK ON MY FUCKING FEET, YOU'LL BE GETTING MORE THAN JUST FUCKING SPLIT ENDS!!!" screeched Irene, as she finally reached her limit.
"Hey! Watch your language!" May yelled as she berated the scarlet-haired sorceress. "Tag me in, Marie!"
"Alright, alright! Geez!" huffed Marie, as she tagged her blonde sister.
"I'm gonna wash your mouth out!" scolded May as she pulled out a baseball bat while charging at the fallen mage.
"I have had just about enough of you hussies!" growled Irene as she used her Enchantment magic to make May phase through her, and then run straight into a boulder.
"Ooo..." seethed Lee and Marie as their small-minded sibling smacked into the boulder.
"I'm okay, girls!" yelled May assuringly.
"You two are next!" Irene scowled, glaring straight at the other two Kankers.
"I wouldn't get my hopes up, lady." sneered Lee as she and Marie flank the sorceress with grappling hooks from a compressed hook launcher attached to their hips. Each hook pierced one of the wizard's wrists, making her writhe in agony beyond compare.
"These... these are nothing compared to what I'm about to do." grinned Irene as she fought through the pain. She tries to break free from the hooks using her magic, but somehow, the magic had no effect on them. Everytime she used her magic, the hooks would reroute it to the ground. "W-what?! I can't break them!! What did you do to me!"
"The wires from our grappling launchers are designed to cancel and drain out any and all magic power." Marie elaborated while she restrained Irene's left flank.
"Which means you're screwed." Lee laughed mockingly while she had the right flank. "May! Finish her off!"
May gets back up and charges towards the ensnared woman, with her bat in hand, she builds up her energy to unleash her most brutal bashing upon Irene.
"NO! NO! I REFUSE TO GO DOWN LIKE THI--" screeched Irene as May thrashed the life out of the mage, leaving her bloodied, bruised and near death.
"How do you like that, huh?! You like it?! Yeah, you absolutely love it!! Have some more of this! And that! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT!!!" May screamed as her psyche deteriorated with every blow upon the damaged woman.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! May cool it! Cool it!" Lee said as she tried to calm her hysterical sibling. "Marie, hold her back!"
Marie gives Lee her other wire so that Irene doesn't escape while she goes to calm May. "May! May! Give it a rest! Geez, girl! We still need to know where the Eds are!"
Lee ties the battered Irene with the wires to interrogate her. "Okay, banshee. Where are the Eds?! Talk or will kill you!"
Irene breathed heavily as she spoke. "They're... t-they're... being lured... by Z-Zeref... to Crocus."
"Where's Crocus?" growled Lee as she tightened the wires.
"It's southeast of here!" gasped Irene. "So I suggest you leave me here and leave immediately."
"Give me one reason why." scowled Lee.
Meanwhile, in the Mercurius throne room, the King and Queen of Diamonds, also known as Leaders 3 and 4, were watching the confrontation unfold from their Lacrima Monitor. Leader 4 whipped out her clicker, her thumb hovering over the second to top button on the remote; Irene's button.
"I think you already know what will happen." smiled Irene.
The Queen grinned with malice as she slowly lowered her thumb on top of the button. She savored every passing second of it.
"Stop giving us riddles, woman! You're already annoying the heck out of me!" demanded Marie as she held a mentally drained May in her arms.
"Can I have a cherry soda, please?" May asked dizzily.
"Kankers, do me a favor..." implored the weakened Irene.
"What?" Lee asked rudely.
At that moment, Leader 4 presses the labeled button.
"Tell Erza I love her." whispered Irene as she peacefully closes her eyes and went limp.
Silence surrounded the Kankers like an invisible drape as the scarlet woman's life force blew out like a candle. The quiet dragged on in the empty landscape, until Lee stood up.
"Well, guess that's it, then." Lee said softly as she knocked over Irene's kneeling body over on the ground.
As the sisters walked away in silence, the calm air was disrupted by a bloodcurdling scream. The scream emanated from Irene, despite being deceased, as the corpse thrashed for a bit with blood pouring like a fountain from her eyes and nostrils. The cadaver started to twist and warp into a different form like a violent mold of clay, and grew and size until it was fully evolved into a dastardly form.
The girls watched in horror as the perished woman became a gnarly creature from Hell. "Lee! What's going on?!" yelled Marie.
"I don't know!" exclaimed Lee.
"Please have mercy, Irene! I didn't mean to kill you! It's nothing personal!" May pleaded with the disgusting beast as it finally shaped into a dragon-like monster.
The monstrosity screeched as it lost all thought and reasoning. Like any wild animal, it goes berserk and flies away from the scene.
Once it disappeared, May was the first to speak. "What the heck was that?!"
"Whoa, I think she was full-on corrupted." Lee realized.
"Just like what happened to that Blackbeard guy back in the Grand Line!" exclaimed Marie.
"Should we go after it?" May asked.
"Well, according to this compass, it's going southeast to that Crockpot place. Which is exactly where we'll find the Eds." affirmed Lee as she pulled out a compass.
"But what'll we do after we find the Eds? Do we kill Irene again, or what?" inquired Marie.
"Nah, we can leave that to the professionals." assured Lee as she went behind a bush and recovered a motorcycle with two sidecars, one on each side of the vehicle. "Come on, girls. Let's follow that lizard!"
Marie and May went over to the motorcycle and each sat in one sidecar. "Kanker Cycle! Away!" beamed May.
"Shut up, May! We're not calling it that!" Lee yelled as she revved up the engine and took off towards southeast as the Yandere Kanker Sisters continued their quest for their senpais.