"Wait a minute," Gray said halfway through the fight and stopped. Erza, and all the skeletons surrounding them, also stopped. "Skeletons are basically dead, right?"

Erza nodded. "Right."

"How do you kill something that's already dead?"

Pursing her lips, Erza tilted her head. Some of the skeletons looked at each other and lowered their weapons also.

"I usually hit them until they are defeated," Erza mused. "But I do not know the answer." She pointed her sword at one of the skeletons. "You! How do you die if you're already dead?"

The skeleton scratched its skull. "Well. I mean. I've never thought about it."

"And how exactly can you think?" Gray asked. "You've got no brains."

"And if they have no brains, they should not have a sense of identity." Erza hummed. "What of it, skeleton? Have you a name?"

"Bob," replied the skeleton. One of the other skeletons clacked its teeth together.

"Whaddaya mean we got no sense of identity?" it asked. "We all know who we are and who each other is!"

"Yeah, but we've got no eyes, either," Bob replied. "How do we know who's who, Derek?"

Derek opened his mouth. Then closed it. He lowered his face, stroking his jaw in thought. Then he looked up.

"We got no vocal cords either," it said. "How can we talk, then?" He pointed at Gray. "Answer that, Mister Clever!"

"Yeah, you humans all spread lies and gossip about how us skeletons eat flesh," one of the other skeletons cried. "How can we eat if we've got no stomachs?!"

"Yeah! All humans do is spread lies and slander!"

"Disgusting, defamatory discrimination! You'd think they'd leave the dead alone!"

"Humans don't deserve us!"

"Damn straight!"

"Fellas!" Derek raised his hands in the air. "From this day forth, we skeletons are goin' on strike! A general strike, until the humans apologise! We ain't gonna skulk around in dungeons no more!"

"Yeah!"

"I'm with Derek!"

"No more dungeon skulking!"

"Equal rights!"

"Pensions!"

The skeletons had mobilised. Gray tried his best not to break out laughing, but Erza considered them all seriously.

"In other words, you are peacefully protesting your role in the world for better rights, yes?"

"Yeap," Derek replied.

"Have you any experience in this field?"

"Sure do!" He slapped his ribcage in pride. "I was a politician in life. Became mayor! Then them ungrateful humans hung me."

"That's the worst," Bob said. "I got electrocuted. What about you, Sam?"

"Fell off a cliff tryna catch a butterfly."

"Ouch."

Erza tapped her shield against the ground, silencing them. "If you are going to protest, then are you going to let us pass in peace?"

The skeletons looked at each other. Some of them shrugged. Then Derek nodded. "Sure, why not. It's our way of stickin' it to the man, ya feel?"

"You have our warmest thanks." She curtsied. "Thank them, Gray."

"Oh, right." Gray nodded. "Thanks, guys. Saves us a hassle."

"The quest item is down the dungeon." Bob pointed out. "You take the first left that comes. The other routes are booby trapped."

"Got it." Erza sheathed her sword. "Mayor Derek, a word."

"Ehh?"

"There is a town not far from here called Littleleaf. They flaunt the largest graveyard in the district. You should go there if you want a holiday."

Face, meet palm. Erza, why are you like this?

"That's a great idea," Derek said. "Say, you ain't bad as far as humans go. You married?"

"I–I–I'm." The very tips of her ears reddened. Gray pressed his lips into a line. Don't laugh, don't laugh. Erza coughed into her hand. "That is to say. No. No, I am not married. No."

"Well, if you're ever in the market, my great, great grandson Billy could use a woman like you to sort him out." Derek sighed. "Whatta disappointment."

"Oh. Um." She tucked a coil of hair behind her ear. Her voice was small. It was adorable. "I am flattered. Uh."

Taking a deep breath, Gray decided it was time to rescue her. So, he put his arm around her shoulders and said, "She's already got someone, fellas. Billy will hafta find someone himself."

Erza gawked at him in wide-eyed surprise. Derek also looked him up and down.

"You?" he asked. "That's surprising. She don't look like the kinda woman to fall for someone like you. But I guess weirder things have happened."

Gray felt his eye twitch. Sure, Jellal was front and centre on Erza's mind, but someone like him? Why did everyone think that? What was so fundamentally un-Erza-able about him?

"You're one to talk," he returned. "You don't even have muscles or skin to hold you together."

Derek reared up. "That's…" he began, finger raised, but soon lowered it, "accurate." He looked back at his friends. "That's new. What is holding us together, like? Bob?"

"Nothing, basically," Gray went on. "Your joints don't even have glue. You could fall apart any moment."

And then, to his surprise, Derek did explode into a pile of bones. His skull, lying atop the pile, said, "Dang it."

"What happened?" Erza asked.

"That's how skeletons die," Bob said sadly. "Excess existential thought."

Erza knelt by Derek's bones. "Will you be okay?"

"Take me a month or so to reform, but I'll be fine, madam."

"You should definitely go to Litteleaf. They have an assorted collection of skulls."

"I just might. I just might. Bob, pick up my skull, would'ja?" Bob did so, and held Derek at level with Gray's face. "That was a dirty trick."

"Was it?" Gray smiled. "You have nothing keeping you together, nothing keeping you alive. In fact, you don't even know if you're real." He glanced over all the skeletons. "Are either of you real? Do any of you exist? Can you prove it? You think therefore you are, sure, but you don't even have a brain, so are you really thinking?" He paused. "Are you really real?"

To his delight, all the skeletons fell to pieces. A collective groan echoed throughout the dungeon. Erza crossed her arms and stared at him. Gray shrugged.

"Dungeon cleared." He pocketed his hands and started walking. "Now let's get that item and go back. I'm hungry."

Questing had suddenly become fun.