When Jason finally cracked his eyes open, light was flooding in from the window pouring all over the floor. He grumbled, rolling away from the light on instinct. He blinked a few times, curing up in the warmth under the covers. He blinked a few times, wondering what the hell time it was. Finally he turned over, squinting at the sunlight. The amber light pooled around the floor next to the bed, landing on his kit still on the windowsill. That got him up. He knew morphine shouldn't be in direct sunlight.
He stood up and pulled the kit into his lap on the bed. He glanced at the clock on his bed stand, almost six o clock. He had managed to sleep the night and day away. He supposed that was for the best, now he could just jump into patrol.
Jason pulled the glass bottle up to his face, it was almost empty. As he pulled the last few drops of precious liquid into the syringe, he knew he would need to hit someone up for more. He would rather detox cold turkey rather than hit up Bats, but luckily, he knew someone who could help.
He pushed the needle into his arm, hardly feeling it anymore. He stretched his neck back and forth, feeling the pull of muscle across bone. His collarbone was still sore, and probably would be for a few weeks.
He ignored his gut intuition as he picked up the phone and dialed Roy's number.
He felt the fire travel from his shoulder down into his heart again like a lit match. The fire never seemed to dull, every time felt like the first. It felt like a bomb, exploding in every single blood cell in his body. Suddenly the world was calmer, and quieter. He took a deep breath of air in, letting the crisp air cool his fiery insides.
He pulled out the needle and placed everything back into the kit. He walked over to the closet, electing to wear long sleeves today. He didn't want judgment from Roy, but then again, Roy wasn't one to pass judgement on others.
Jason wandered into the kitchen and poured himself a hefty mix of bourbon and coffee while waiting for Roy.
The sun was almost set by the time Roy showed up. His smile almost lit up the apartment, and Jason was glad to have his company.
Roy walked in and took a look around the trashed apartment before turning to Jason, "Jesus you look like shit."
Jason rolled his eyes, "Thanks a lot pal. Knew I could count on you."
"You okay? Wanna talk about it?" Jason knew it was an empty gesture and shook his head. He knew Roy had his own demons, and Jason wasn't about to have a group therapy session.
"I just need something stronger. The morphine isn't really doing the trick anymore," Jason didn't really even comprehend what he was saying. He was trying so hard to detach himself from his own voice. He didn't recognize it anymore. Roy shot him a look before walking over to the countertop and setting his backpack down.
"What's your poison?" Roy joked, Jason could tell he wasn't comfortable either.
"Anything man," He repeated, "Anything to take the pain away."
"What's hurting?"
"Busted collarbone, few ribs, nothing major."
Roy shot him another look, "You probably shouldn't patrol tonight."
"Who are you? Batman?" Jason laughed despite the ache returning to his chest. He knew Roy was right, but he didn't care to be babysat right now. He and Roy had been…. distant lately.
Roy shrugged, unzipping his backpack, "I mean, I have some china white. But that might be a bit strong for you."
Jason shook his head, "Too far man, I don't wanna die…again."
Roy laughed at the dark humor before rummaging around in his backpack again, "Dilaudid?"
Jason grimaced as he pulled up one of his arm sleeves, "Perfect. What do I owe?"
Roy rolled his eyes, pulling a large bottle out of his pack. "Come on man, we're friends. First one's on me."
Roy winked, placing the glass bottle in front of Jason. The air was pregnantly still, Jason didn't know what he was doing. What is the proper etiquette for a drug deal? Roy sensed his tension and reached into his bag for a fresh needle and syringe.
Jason watched his, eyes as big as saucers, he could feel his adrenaline spiking. It was right there, so close. He absentmindedly wondered what would happen if he drank it. Roy fiddled with the syringe before picking the bottle and pulling the stopper out, filling only a small amount up.
"Start there, it's powerful, trust me," Jason almost licked his lips in anticipation as he took the needle from Roy's fingers. His hands were shaking as he positioned the needle just next to the other marks in his forearm. He could feel Roy staring at him and he said nothing.
"Push it slow," Roy watched him intently, as if he would collapse on the floor. Jason blinked a few times as he pulled the needle out.
"I don't feel anything," He said, stretching his neck again like he did when he pushed the morphine. Roy ignored him and started filling up another syringe for himself, "Give it a minute."
Jason sat there, feeling like a lump. He tried to focus on his heartbeat, waiting for the fire. But the fire never came. He watched as Roy injected the needle into his arm, littered with track marks as well. Looks like Roy was having a tough time too.
It started as a tickle at first, but it hit him like a brick in the face. As he watched Roy, he could feel his eyelids starting to droop. His limps felt like dead weight, like he had five-pound weights attached to his fingertips. "Woa man, this is a lot…different."
Roy laughed as he pulled the needle out, it didn't look like it affected him at all. "I like to think of myself as a drug connoisseur, much better than addict. But yeah, it helps if you cut it with some fentanyl to wake you up. Dilaudid is a good downer and takes the pain away. But for me, I need a little sumthin' to wake me up again."
Jason nodded, feeling distant. It was almost like he was a few steps behind everything else. His body was here, but his brain was a few clicks behind. This wouldn't be good for patrol, he would be a dead giveaway.
"Well shit man," Jason said, trying to blink to keep himself upright, "If you're offering, I'll take whatever you have."
Roy gave him a steady glance. He didn't want to condone this new habit of Jason's, but a small part of him enjoyed meeting people at the bottom. It made himself feel less bad about his own addiction. He pulled a small white bag from his pack and started pouring a small amount of powder onto the table top.
Jason could feel his heart beating louder, reminding him he was alive. He liked that feeling. He didn't like this though. He felt like he was underwater, everything was lightly muffled. Roy focused on cutting two thin lines of the powder in front of them. He pushed a small amount of powder into a little baggie and tossed it in Jason's direction before putting the rest away. He nodded at the two lines.
"Take the smaller one," Roy instructed. Jason didn't even want to ask what it was, but a small part of him was excited. There was a little part inside of him that he hadn't given control over too, but he wanted to. The part that wanted to shoot and kill and drug and not feel anything at all.
He looked at Roy, feeling like the water was drowning him. He needed to wake up. He could feel his heart racing as he knelt down over the countertop and put one finger to his nostril. He breathed in deeply.
"FUCK," He shot up, eyes wide open as he cursed, "Shit, Jesus."
Roy laughed, "I told you, this stuff is powerful."
Roy knelt over and made swift work of the line in front of him before shooting up in mostly the same manor Jason had.
Jason took scope of his body, the pain was gone. He felt distant, but sharp. The air had spikes and he could feel every brush on his skin. It was like he was sleepwalking, but awake. He couldn't describe it. His teeth felt sandy as he brushed his tongue over them, wiping away all the excess powder.
"Well I can patrol like this, this is nice," Jason stretched his arms out in front of him, itching for some action.
"Wanna go together?" Roy asked, feeling a weird bond with Jason now. Sometimes drugs were like that. It was intimate to shoot up together. In the back of his mind he felt guilty, but the china white was making quick work of that. He cracked his neck before pulling his gear from his backpack.
Jason nodded, thankful for the company. That was healthy right? Having friends? Jason tried to not think, everything was too sharp. "I'll change. Meet at the docks in fifteen."