A FATHER'S WORST FEAR

Just to throw this in here. I don't own any of the characters and I'm not making a profit. Now on to the good stuff...

It was nearly midnight when Chris stood outside of Roy's den debating whether or not to knock. Chris's father recently took up his time going over safety procedure manuals in his den after one of his firefighters was killed when a roof collapsed. Being station 51 shift C captain had left Roy with a feeling of insurmountable guilt. It brought about the new rule that Joanne created, which was "Don't bother your father when he's in the den."

Chris sucked in the air and then knocked. He stood out for an eternity. "I'll be up in a few minutes honey." Chris slowly opened the door up and stuck his head in the crack. Roy turned and forced a smile. "Shouldn't you be going to bed. You have class tomorrow."

"Dad, can we talk." Roy's heart started to race. It was never good when a son says can we talk. As a senior in high school, teenagers try to avoid their parents, especially because at eighteen years old, they know everything.

"Yes, son. What's on your mind?" Roy closed the manual up and gave his son his full attention. Chris walked into the den, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the corner of the desk looking out the window, trying to find the right words.

"I've been thinking about what I want to do after high school." He sighed. "I want to become a paramedic." He could feel his father's disapproving stare boring through his back. He paused. "I've heard stories of you and Uncle Johnny. Saving lives. I want to help people, dad."

Roy took a moment to collect his thoughts. He kept thinking about the close calls John had with a car running him down, the snakebite, numerous burns, and broken bones. Then he thought about Roger Whitney. The warehouse roof collapsing on his body. A broken back and a punctured lung. It was a slow painful death, but they didn't have enough time to get to him. Roger didn't even live long enough to serve his probationary year. "Son, I'm proud that you want to help people, but there are other ways. Look at Uncle Kel. He saves lives in the hospital. It's less dangerous. And better pay." Roy forced a chuckle. "You have straight As. I know you can be a great doctor. I just don't want you to get hurt and I really don't want you being a firefighter-paramedic. I don't want you to end up...I just wish you wouldn't." He looked down at the safety manual with a tear sliding down his cheek. He was remembering the funeral of his firefighter and then he pictured his son lying in the coffin.

Chris knew what Roy wanted to say. He didn't want Chris to end up dead like Roger Whitney. Chris realized at that moment, that he couldn't become a firefighter/paramedic, it would kill Roy with constant worry for his son. However, he still wanted to save lives and maybe being a doctor would fulfill that need. "Do you think I could volunteer around the hospital then?" Chris turned to face his dad with a smile on his face.

Roy sighed with relief. "We can check into it, tomorrow after school. Now, it's time you go to bed! Good night, son."

"Night dad." Chris got up from the desk and left the den. He went upstairs to finally go to bed.

Chris walked down the hall until he passed his sister's bed room. "What'd dad tell you?" Jen asked from her bed.

Chris stepped inside Jenny's bedroom. Jen reached over to turn on the light on her night stand while her brother took a seat at the desk. "I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, it's only been three months since Roger died in that warehouse fire. Dad, would be too worried about me. I can't do that to him."

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"I'll probably apply to UCLA for pre-med. Uncle Kel would probably give me a recommendation. And I'm going to check out some volunteer opportunities at the hospital."

"I can't believe dad talked you out of it. Are you sure you really want to be a doctor? I mean, you seemed really excited about being a firefighter. You got to make yourself happy." Chris just smiled. His little sister was stubborn and hard-headed.

"You'll understand my decision when you get older. Fourteen is too young." She rolled her eyes. Chris was going off again about how he knew more because of age.

FOUR YEARS LATER

"Honey, can you go to the store and pick up a few groceries." Joanne handed her daughter, Jennifer, a slip of paper with the list of groceries she would need for the picnic/barbeque that night.

"Chris!" Jennifer called yelled out. Joanne gave her the 'be quiet' look. Roy's crew had responded to three fires during the night and he was now sleeping. Jennifer walked out towards the living room where her brother was lounging on the couch watching MASH reruns on the television. "Chris, do you want to go grocery shopping with me?" He was about to say no when he saw his mother pull out the vacuum. He knew he could go shopping or help clean. "We can get some ice cream." She hoped that that would persuade him to go and signal to him that they needed to talk.

"Alright, but you're buying." He got to his feet and put on his tennis shoes, which were laying by the door. He grabbed his car keys off the hook. "Bye, Mom" He slammed the door. Joanne sighed and shook her head. Her kids would never learn even after all these years.

"Sorry, mom. I think Chris is just excited about ice cream." Jennifer put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. She gently closed the door behind her.

Jennifer power walked to the the running car. She couldn't wait to get to the ice cream parlor to tell her big brother her news. She opened up the door to the blue Monte Carlo and instantly threw the trash on her seat into the backseat. She sat down and slammed her door.

"Careful the car is an antique. So, what do you have to tell me? Is it good or bad?" He asked. He remembered all the information that had been passed along with a trip to the ice cream parlor. When their dad or uncle Johnny got hurt, it was the first place Joanne took them. Chris first discussed applying for the fire academy with his sister there. And she spent the next time trying to make sure he was making the right decision about ditching the dream to be a doctor.

"It's um...good...and...um...bad. I guess." She sat there is quiet deciding if she should tell him in the car or not. He continued to ask her questions while she sat there ignoring him. She was trying to find the right words to give him the ambiguous news.

She wasn't even aware of that they finally made it to the ice cream parlor until Chris slammed his door shut. She got out and slowly walked towards the door that Chris held open for her. She went up to the counter and ordered herself a vanilla ice cream while he got a banana split with all the works. She paid for their ice creams and they sat in the back corner.

"So?" Chris asked, with the spoon hanging out of his mouth.

"You know how dad didn't want you to be a firefighter. Afraid you'd get hurt." He nodded. He remembered the conversation all too well. Chris had finished his nursing and pre-med undergraduate degree and was going to be starting his first year in medical school. If he had not listened to his father he would be a paramedic or maybe promoted to an engineer or dead like Roger Whitney. He tried to block that thought out of his mind. "So, I applied for the academy. I passed my physical and I'll be starting classes next week." He started chocking on his cherry. He settled after a couple of coughs. "I don't want dad to know. He thinks I'm going to be getting a head start this summer on my college classes."

"Don't you think someone will tell him. 'Hey there's this girl with your last name in the academy.' Or he gets a call from Uncle Kel saying, 'Jenny's been hurt in a fire.' Or you get assigned in Uncle Hank, Marco, Chet, Mike, or Johnny's station."

"Chris, what if I don't make it through the academy? I know it's going to be tough. Or he tries to talk me out of it. Chris, this is something I want to do. This is something I have to do."

"Jen." He couldn't argue with her. He could see the look of determination in her eyes. And he knew all to well the guilt trip his dad would lay on her, just like Roy did to him. They both let out a sigh at the same time. "Good luck. And if you need help or to talk to, I'm here. Just don't get hurt okay. I don't want to see you at Rampart."

"I promise I'll try to stay away from Rampart." She smiled and they ate the rest of their ice cream with random chit-chat of Chris's summer job as an orderly at Rampart and of the fire academy. They finished their ice cream in silence, neither one of them knew what to say. After they were done eating, they picked up the groceries for the picnic.

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