An American Ninja in Konohagakure

A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump, Viz and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

Roofhopping, Naruto decided, was absolutely boss. If anything else 'ninja', this was it. Just striding and leaping from roof to roof, backflipping over gaps between houses, and swinging from tree branches. Sliding down tree branches was pretty boss, too. He felt like Tarzan, in the Disney movie! Well, not as long of hair. He'd gotten his hair cut clean and short, at his father's suggestion. He supposed it made sense, but he didn't like how the Old Hokage and Jiraiya would sometimes rub his short buzz cut.

That was a little annoying. They probably just did it to piss him off.

"Hmm..." He saw a roof tops nearby, ones he hadn't jumped over. He grinned, and backed up. He ran as fast as he could, and leaped over the road to a nearby wall. He landed, gripping it tight, and vaulted up and over the wall. He grabbed onto the edge of the roof and flung himself up with his remaining momentum, and ran up over the roof. He slid down the other side, reaching out to grab a handhold to slow down.

Unfortunately, a roof tile broke and he slipped. With a yelp, he tumbled off the roof and landed on the ground.

"GAH!" He winced and sat up. "Ow, ow..." He looked over the deserted streets, not seeing a single soul. He scratched his cheek, frowning.

"Uh... Hello?" He called out. "Anyone?"

He stood up and saw a few symbols on the walls. It was a red and white... Paddle? He tilted his head.

"Huh," he said, shrugging. Well, he had liked sneaking into old and abandoned places. This looked like it hadn't been lived in, in a while. He proceeded through, walking around the deserted buildings. His steps brought him to a small house in a deserted row near the center. He didn't know what it was, but there was a feeling of unease in the air. Of sadness, and terror.

This chakra stuff was weird. Was he feeling his own feelings, or was he feeling what had been left behind? He didn't know. Hell, maybe there were really ghosts here. He didn't know-This world was nuts.

"What are you doing here?" A harsh voice asked. Naruto jumped, and turned around. A boy his age, and his height, with spiky black hair stood before him. He wore blue and white shorts, and some kind of arm warmers. He was glaring death with black eyes-Hardened eyes, like flint. In his hand was a package.

"Uh... I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't know... I don't know my way around here." He shrugged. "At all. I'm a little lost. How do I get out of here?"

The boy pointed his thumb back over his shoulder. "That way," he said flatly. Naruto nodded.

"Thank you," he said, remembering his manners. The boy nodded again, just as curt. Naruto walked past him, and happened to glance backwards.

The same symbol he'd seen all over the district-It was sewn onto the back of the guy's shirt. He paused, and turned back. The blue clad boy stiffened.

"... What?" He asked sharply. Naruto blinked.

"You uh... Live here?" Naruto asked. "I mean, you have the same symbol on your shirt as the other-"

The boy spun around, glaring intensely in a mix of disbelief and anger.

"You don't know?" The boy asked. Naruto scowled.

"No! I don't! I haven't been here since I was a baby!" Naruto growled.

Some recognition lit up in the boy's eyes. He snorted.

"Oh. You're... The Uzumaki kid," he said flatly. "The one off in Whirlpool for ten years."

Naruto shrugged.

"That's what they call me," Naruto said. It had been Sarutobi's suggestion for Naruto to take his mother's surname while he was in Konoha. It would let him fit in better, so as to not have too many questions about where he'd been be asked. "And... Um..."

Naruto was sure he'd seen this kid around the ninja school, but given how hard he'd had to work to catch up he hadn't been making a lot of friends. Not that this kid looked like he wanted friends.

"Uchiha Sasuke," he replied. "This..." He glanced around the houses, his figure stiffening. "This was the Uchiha district. Where my family..."

Naruto frowned. "Your family... Oh. Oh!" Naruto grimaced. "Ohh... I... I'm sorry." He stared at the other boy. "You're... The last?"

Sasuke scowled, angry. "... I might as well be," he replied flatly. Naruto nodded. His father had said there were plenty of things people didn't want to talk about, and to let it go. Not to press on painful wounds.

"What happened?"

Naruto was also impulsive and kind of an idiot sometimes. Sasuke looked angry... But he sighed, still tense but not directed at Naruto himself. He was looking... Somewhere else.

"We... We were Konoha's strongest clan," Sasuke said shortly, wistfully. "The fire of the Leaf... And then... One of our own decided..." He shook his head. "... That man slaughtered them all... In one night."

Naruto cringed. "Oh God," he muttered. His eyes widened. "Oh... And you're paying respect to... Oh." Naruto nodded. "Ah... I can see why you'd be pissed that I'm here."

Sasuke glared, barely able to spare a nod. Naruto sighed.

"I... I'm sorry. I mean... My family's gone too. I mean, my biological one. My adopted one is... But it is hard, being... The last," he explained. Sasuke's eyes were still narrowed, but... His shoulders lost some of the tension. He returned a nod.

"... I see," Sasuke managed. Naruto rubbed the back of his head and headed off. He made it to the door of the compound, and stepped out into the street. He looked back at the Uchiha district, silent and suffocating. He cringed. He made to head off... But paused. He walked over to a smooth stone, and sat on it. He waited.

About an hour later, an extremely bored Naruto was thinking maybe he should just go, get some dinner... But he finally heard sandal treads. He stood up and looked over at Sasuke, who was walking out of the distinct. He immediately noticed the blonde boy, and stared.

"Why are you still here?" Sasuke asked. Naruto ignored the rudeness, and shrugged.

"Well... Um... I have money for dinner, and you looked like you could use a meal."

"I can pay for my own meals," the Uchiha boy said. Naruto sighed and nodded.

"Yeah... But wouldn't it be better to have one with someone else?" He asked. Sasuke stared at him. "I mean, at least we can talk about ninja school... Which would be cool, since I don't know much about it."

The boy continued to stare, and Naruto growled.

"If this is some kind of-" Sasuke tried, but the blonde lost patience.

"Look, you stupid bastard! I just want to eat with you because you look like you could use a friend!" Naruto said. "And I could use a friend! And I... Well, I don't know what's good to eat around here, so maybe we could eat? Together?"

Sasuke blinked. "... Did you really just ask me to eat with you while insulting me-?"

"Yes! I did!" Naruto growled. "You want me to do it again?! Asshole?!"

Sasuke blinked, several times. "No."

"No, you don't want to eat with me, or no you don't want me to insult you?" Naruto asked.

"No."

"THAT DOESN'T HELP!" Naruto shouted.

And so, a friendship is born... God help us all.