Natsu's eyes wandered around the room. He was sitting on his bed with back leaned against the wall and knees bent up to provide lean for his arms. Sleep eluded him that night; no matter how many times he tried to close eyes and drift into sleep it would simply be dispelled in a way that candlelight scatters the darkness. For his usual self this was something that was new, to stay up all night without doing anything or anyone was incomprehensible… but it happened. His mind had hundred thoughts and every thought had thousand questions but each thought and each question would return to the very root of the problem. Lucy. That particular thought always brought same image into his head. One image, one face, one smile and that smile was directed to him.
But if that wasn't enough, if the torment of this new feelings that he couldn't understand was not a sufficient issue then it certainly was the fact that Gray did what he did best and yet again brought some common sense to him. This came in a form of a single question that even Natsu repeated inside his mind over and over in hope that answer would come.
What if I only like her because I cannot have her?
Would that make any sense? What would happen if she would to accept him and then his nature would to resurface yet again, demanding to get away from her after obtaining the trophy? What if Lucy doesn't accept that well?
Natsu quickly shook his head violently, ruffling his already messy hair with attempt to force those thoughts out of his mind. There is that possibility, but then he would yet again say her name and same image appeared before his eyes. How could he do such a thing to her? It isn't truth, no… it is not truth and I know it because… because I won't do that to Lucy.
His eyes looked up and toward the small alarm clock that stood on nightstand just beside his bed. It was 5:39, dawn was already there, casting still faint light through his window, illuminating the dark room. Hand slowly reached up and rubbed the face, moving from forehead down to rub sleepless eyes and dry lips until palm and fingers would rub his chin and cheeks, feeling light stubble that was akin to sandpaper. He could try and get some sleep, catch maybe half hour, hour of rest and hope that lectures will not be a torment to his senses. Other option was to get up and spend remaining time preparing himself and perhaps… talking to someone who actually can be considered an adult. The latter seemed so tempting at this point.
With slow movement, Natsu got himself out of the bed, stretching upward as much as his arms and legs would allow… it was time to wash himself.
House was quiet, most likely everyone is still asleep. Wendy never had difficulty getting up early and at this point Igneel was used to his work hours but he never witnessed him or Grandeeney getting up, although in retrospective, it was always Natsu the one who was best at imitating zombie in the morning. It felt good though, being first to get up and stroll through empty house with only small bits of light that Sun casted. It was invigorating even. He walked inside the bathroom entered straight to the shower, followed by shaving that was usually conducted night before instead early in the morning but… circumstances were different. At very end, when all his morning preparations were done, he returned to his room to dress himself and wait for the time when his lectures would to begin. All this would have been a very well thought plan but his nose was invaded by the gentle and mouthwatering smell of burning meat. Breakfast. Yes, breakfast but it was not breakfast that made him walk out of the room and straight down to the kitchen. It was about the one who was making it.
Natsu always wondered how she got up so early, how she had all that energy in herself to be 'dedicated to household' to make meals, to wash clothes, clean… oh yes… cleaning brought vivid memories. Along with sense of determination, there was a sense of guilt that lingered and pulled his neck down like a pair of iron balls strapped onto a collar, tightening with each minute passing. Before he could ask what he wanted, he needed to drop this weight.
He walked to the kitchen and pulled a chair, making her turn to see what caused this sound. She smiled at him, same warm smile she had every day and same one he wanted to ignore. However, she managed to convince him over and over that there was not a single drop of resent in her and each day she started the same way she started this day… with a smile and a simple "Good morning."
Natsu nodded and responded "Good morning." She returned to her cooking and he was summoning courage that was there, but needed a little push to emerge. "Umm… Gran?" he called and she looked over shoulder toward him. There was no way he could back down now.
"Can I… umm… can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked and question was followed by a hard swallow of his saliva that gathered in mouth. Not because of food, no, he was nervous and she noticed it. This wasn't the usual Natsu she knew, one whose attention was always easy to sway and with mind that was fixed on his prize, one who eagerly wanted to avoid her on subjects that would remotely remember him of his own past… This young man was on the edge of his seat, both hands were on the surface of the table table, rubbing one palm against another looking like a boy who ate all cookies from the jar and was there to confess. His confidence was nowhere to be found.
"Of course, dear." Baffled by his sudden initiation of conversation so early in the morning, she turned back to the stove to turn it off and place pan away from the hot surface before she took a towel to wipe her hands and sit at the table across him. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah…" mouth said but head was waving "No… ummm… okay, okay… look…" he mumbled "I am… sorry."
She raised her eyebrows at his words, not all of them; just last ones "What for?"
"For everything. I know I was an as-" he stopped in middle of his word that clearly should have ended with –hole. Instead he made a small pause to find more suitable one "-tonishingly difficult to handle in the past and… I acted the way I shouldn't have."
She smiled, wide, radiating warmth that made him even more uncomfortable.
"I know you acted because you cared and I didn't read that right. All the confusion made me say some sh-… to say some stupid things. For what it's worth… I am very sorry…" he finished, taking deep breath and exhaling slowly through his nose, daring not to look into her eyes. Every bad word or bad thought he had that was remotely related to her, every time he would take her deeds for granted believing that she was there for her own selfish reasons suddenly came to him… the weight that was supposed to fall off became even heavier.
"You do not need to be sorry, dear." She said, making him look up at her. "It was long time ago. Long enough to be forgotten."
Natsu smiled faintly at her words "Yeah, I guess you are right." He took a deep breath, feeling relief fill his entire being. But apology wasn't reason why he came to her, as much as he owed it to her, he needed to know something… something that only she knew. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, anything." She eagerly responded, feeling slight relief as the long-standing knot in her stomach finally loosened up.
"How…" Natsu started but then he abruptly stopped. Feel of slight anxiety rushed through his entire body once again, remembering that he never spoke with anyone about this. Gray was not in for consideration, he desperately needed an adult. After few moments of deafening silence he continued. "How did you come to love my dad?"
"That is not an easy question." She felt caught defenseless with the question but she continued "When we first started dating, Igneel was very different kind of man."
"What was he back then? In high school, that is."
"He was serious, stern but easy to talk to and very determined boy." Grandeeney spoke with gentle voice, almost dreamy as she caught herself reminiscing the past.
"That is exactly like he is now." Natsu rose his eyebrow "I don't see the difference."
"Oh but there was. Women can catch even the most subtle of differences when it comes to men and even though it would seem that he is same person, he is quite different nowadays. Back then, he would often stand out from the crowd in a manner where he would understand when it is good moment to involve himself and when to simply stay aside. All attention would quickly turn to him whenever he would speak, but above that, he always kept his eyes on his goal."
Natsu chuckles slightly, aside from few traits she managed to describe the perfect resemblance between them two, especially the determination which quickly became evident as he remembered how often he would press until he would reach his own goals.
"Sounds like I picked a lot from him."
"Indeed you have." She smiled wide at him, leaning her chin in hand as she leaned forward. "You are spitting image of your father when he was younger, most prominent of traits being the stubbornness."
"I am not st-…" He quickly said but her laughter made his cheeks burn hot and red. "Okay maybe I am bit."
"Oh my dear, a bit doesn't even come close." Her smile was wider, brighter.
"So… it was just that?"
"It was more than enough. I remember when he was talking he would always radiate confidence around himself. I was a shy girl back then, I had only few close friends and not much experience with such boys but when he would look at me I simply couldn't avert my eyes."
"Did he just ask you out?" Natsu asked, digging deeper into the story with great interest but still carrying a sliver of desire to see he could compare himself to his father.
"Yes." She responded "But since I still wasn't all that ready yet, I refused him."
"Why? I mean… you liked him right?" He asked and she nodded in response "So didn't you go for it?"
"He was very attractive man, smart, but I was shy, I did not know what to do. There was disappointment, his and mine and he respected that and gave me time to reconsider but always kept himself somewhere near where I could see him."
Natsu grinned, realizing just how much he and his father were alike, how much they shared same lines of personality and even some of the tactics with only difference being the patience. In retrospective, Natsu was never patient type, not with his hobbies, not with his studies, not with his girls.
She continued, noticing that Natsu was about to lose himself in even deeper thoughts "But eventually, once I gathered my own courage, I approached him and told him that he can ask my father."
He looked at her, confused by her words. "Ask your dad?"
"Customs were different back then. Nowadays, everyone has all the freedom to choose whom they will love but back in those days parents were more conservative regarding their children's partners. If a boy wanted to date a girl, he would have to ask her parents or risk losing every chance to be accepted by them. My parents were no exception."
"And what did he do?"
"He asked." She chuckled and looked away, remembering that moment. "My father was a very strict man who had just as strict requirements from boys if they would to ask me out. Igneel just came in front of him, still in his high school uniform and said 'Sir, I respectfully ask you to allow your daughter to go out with me'. Naturally, my father declined immediately but next moment, Igneel asked again. This repeated for three more times… my father would say no and your father would ask immediately after. He didn't back down even when my father became very agitated and demanded him to leave the house… he just stood there, tall, with small grin on his face and asked again. I do not know what my father saw in him… maybe it was the determination that every other boy lacked or mirror of himself of younger days… I do not know."
"And that was it?" Natsu asked, his eyes widened as story progressed.
"We went outside of the house and first thing he did was took deep breath and coughed few times. We both felt pressure being gone. First, he laughed and then he just took me by my hand and went straight to a small cake shop at the corner. He wanted to celebrate and that was also our very first date."
"Wow…" was all that Natsu could say. It was nothing like first dates he had with any girl so far. Story described his father being confident but not nearly as vigorous as Natsu is and yet again… he felt infinitely inferior to him. "And that's how you knew you like him?"
"He was simply everything I dreamed about… different, assertive, everything that other boys lacked and because of that my father never accepted them but Igneel didn't back down. That day he managed to capture my heart with a single sentence, repeated over and over. But, as if that wasn't enough, he continued to surprise me."
"What did he do?"
"We didn't have cellphones like you do today. Texting in such a way when you can quietly and secretly talk to anyone was impossible, so, instead of that, he would write me a letter every Sunday."
"A letter?" Natsu asked, raising his eyebrows again.
"Yes, a letter. A small one, often no more than few sentences, placed in envelope and delivered right on my window where my father couldn't find it. In front of our parents, we had to be modest, distant, public affection that exists today was rare and often frowned upon and we needed a way to say things we otherwise couldn't. Every letter was different and always implied more than it was written just to keep me in expectation for another one. And I always did." She allowed herself to let out a single long, dreamy sigh as she yet again remembered small piece of her past.
Natsu was captured by the story, seeing just how different things were in the past but how similar they indeed are. Instead of letters there were texts, instead of sneaking to the windows there were calls. His eyes widened a bit as all that suddenly made few cogs turn in his head… So many ideas, so many things to do that were forgotten. He smiled. For the first time since he saw the endless ice he got a hope in a form of a fiery spark.
"And… is it same today? I mean, you…"
"Still love him?" She quickly interjected and nodded with wide smile "Not one bit less than when we were young and talking over my window. He is different nowadays, more composed, stoic. He achieved all that he wanted in life but he still takes time to surprise me."
It was difficult for him to imagine his father being such a person today, in fact he rarely did see him show much affection to her, but then again, Natsu rarely tried to look and notice. Too busy with his life, too busy with trying to add a notch to notice just what happened inside house. It didn't take long for him to lose himself in his own thoughts, slipping out of the mind that she was still sitting across him, but Gran didn't allowed to be ignored, not when her own curiosity has been piqued.
"Now I have a question." She said, turning to look at him, making his thoughts quickly disappear and eyes focus back on her. "How come you are suddenly interested in how your father and I first met?"
"I was just… curious." He swallowed again as his anxiety skyrocketed again. The truth is, he wanted to know how a girl feels when she falls in love, a term that he so easily shrugged without a second thought. He understood his own feelings to a degree, but Lucy was another story. All he knew is that underneath the layers of make-up, girls held an intricate web of feelings and emotions where one thought led to thousand more. He needed an adult who was in love… who is in love.
"You were curious before but not about these things. Is this in any way related to a girl I keep hearing from Wendy?"
Words struck Natsu like a lightning, making him widen eyes. He didn't know how much Wendy said, for all he knew she could be telling fairy tales of all sorts. Grandeeney slowly leaned back on her chair and placed hand on her lips, slightly shocked at Natsu's reaction that were far too obvious to in any way hide his thoughts… everything she needed to know was written on his face.
"Oh my…" she exclaimed.
"Hold on just a minute." Natsu quickly started, trying to stop her train of thoughts. "First of all… it is not like you think it is."
"Very well, how is it then?" She asked.
Natsu opened mouth, wanting to quickly reject her suspicions but the fact was he had nothing in his own defense, so he continued to accurately imitate the mating call of a carp.
"It's… well… ugghhhhh!" he groaned and bowed his head in exasperation "This stays between us, alright?"
"Of course! I wouldn't dare to betray anyone's trust, much less yours." She replied
"Okay so… There may be… this girl… of a sort."
"Of a sort?"
"Please don't make this harder than it already is." He looked at her, his eyes desperate and cheeks as pink as his hair. "It is a girl. She is strong, determined, she keeps entire life in her own hands all by herself and… I think I may be starting to like her."
"As in girls you usually went out with?" She asked a bit skeptic at his explanation.
"I mean… like like."
For a moment she looked at him and then she gasped, confirming the words that Wendy repeated over and over. "Oh my…"
"Yes well… at first I just wanted her because of a bet and… conquest." His last word came out with feel of disgust rather than pride. "But somehow it turned out the way I did not plan. Before I realized I started liking her and wanting to be there for her. I don't exactly even know how I feel and whenever I ask her, she won't tell me how she feels so… I want to know how girls feel about guys when they… like someone."
It was obvious that every word coming out of his mouth was painful to say. She knew exactly what kind of boy Natsu is, she knew just how 'outgoing' he can be. "Well, all I can tell you is that not all girls like persistent boys, but we do like those who are reliable. If a boy makes a promise to a girl, he must keep it at all costs. Perhaps, she isn't responding well to you because it is not what she expects from you."
"I honestly don't even know what to think." He took a deep breath "I want to be close to her but I also did promise that I will be there for her as a friend."
She nodded "That promise, you must keep."
"I know but… I am not sure if that is all I want… what if I… What if I want more than that?"
"Then you will have to ask her to give you her heart. But Natsu..."
"Hm?"
"You have to understand that before you try and reach for girl's heart, you must first open yours. At the end of the day, it will be your intentions that will determine path you will pick, but if your intentions are not as pure or as she expect them to be, then you will lose more than just a chance to be with her. Trust me when I say this, dear" She leaned forward and slowly waved her head "Broken heart is painfully difficult to mend."
"I know…" Natsu responded. He did felt more at ease, having to talk to someone who wouldn't mock him or tell him to keep away. For the last ten minutes, he had the chance to hear some wise words from woman he so eagerly avoided… what a stupid thing to do. "Thank you."
"You are welcome, dear." She smiled wide to him.
"Don't tell dad about… this entire thing okay? If he hears about it I won't hear end of it…"
"I thought you would be more eager to talk to him about this kind of topic."
"Yea… well…" Natsu changed his tone, from desperate to sore "See, he still didn't forgave me for that time he tried to talk with me about sex but found out I was… in advanced class, so to speak." He chuckled and she responded equally.
"Then, I am grateful that you came to me first. But I must return to making breakfast, your father should come down soon."
Natsu nodded and stood up, returning upstairs only to find Igneel leave bathroom, already fully dressed with baffled look as he spotted his son so early and already dressed. He just smiled and greeted "Good morning, dad" and went to his room.
Natsu didn't realize until he reached college that sleepless night finally caught up and he felt his eyelids as heavy as lead. However, that wasn't first realization he had. Second one came in form of picking wrong books for the day but all that simply didn't matter as there was another thing that now fully occupied his mind. A peculiar thing with blonde hair.
"Hey, Lucy!" He shouted and ran over to her. She glanced and frowned.
"Please louder, I don't think dorm heard you." Sigh escaped her lips but instead of commenting further she merely turned and started walking toward classroom, followed closely by pinkette.
"It wasn't that loud, besides… I called you for a reason."
"And what would that reason be?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder at him.
"Well, if you forgot then I am here to remind you that we still have paper to write. So when will you be free?"
"Wednesday. I have a shift from 12 to 18 at the cake shop so… everything after that is suitable." Lucy replied.
"Alright, why don't you come to my place?"
"Oh no no no." She quickly replied "I know where that will lead so I will pass, public library will do fine."
"It is not going to lead to that… we are talking about sex right?"
"Yes I meant sex and no, it is not going to happen." She frowned heavily, quickening the pace.
"I wasn't even implying that. What I meant was… I saw your house and room so, why not come to my place. You can stay for dinner and we'll work on paper."
"That sounds remarkably like every other pick up line you have. Plus spending evening in your house has 'rape' written all over. You already asked me couple of times and my answer is still the same."
Natsu groaned and stood in front of Lucy, making her stop suddenly and notice that his face was everything but cheesy and smug. He was angry. "Look, I already told you that I have no intention of forcing myself on you in that way and I honestly feel a offended that you would consider me being such a guy!" he practically shouted, making few heads turn to look at them, making Lucy feel uncomfortable being the object of gazes. "I already promised you that I will do what I can to be your friend and I am trying to prove that you can trust me. But I can make you a deal, if I so much as try to even touch you, you can leave and never speak to me again and as a bonus, you can spread whatever rumors you want about me I swear I will confirm whatever is said about me. All I am asking you is to trust me, give me chance to prove myself."
Lucy sighed, looking around again before she looked up at Natsu "You have weird mind, you know that?"
"I do. But I can either pretend to be this… patient slow guy that I never met or I can prove myself in way I know how to. Which Natsu would you prefer?"
"Th-…" she stopped, feeling a slight blush creep up on her cheeks. She didn't want to say this but immediate closeness was hard to avoid "The one who is himself… I guess."
"Alright, then I'll pick you up at cake shop at 18. Good?"
"Fine…" she sighed deeply, taking a step to the right to go around him, leaving Natsu to finally catch his breath. Tension almost got the best of him and finally he could breathe again. Smile appeared on his face, widening with every second as he finally managed to find few ways that he can reach out to her, or at least to set a path to achieve that. But then, in that moment, another worm found its way into his mind. A fear. He just realized that he never brought girl home and now that Lucy was to come… he did not know what to do. In the end… he would have to do what he does best. Improvise.
A/N: I said to myself that I would spend some time and few chapters that will explain a bit more about how it is to be in house where Natsu lives... I have one more defining chapter involving Igneel and Gran but that is not to be revealed now.