REWRITTEN VERSION.
THIS IS CRACK.
DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN.
6. He's a traumatized fish in the sun.
Have you ever experienced a moment where reality itself decided that you deserve a middle finger? That after all the suffering, the whining, the stress and all that angsting, it still fucks you over. That even though you deserved a reward for all your struggles, reality and Satan were still stuck in the phase of 'It's not enough' or their personal favourite 'They need some more mayne'
That was the moment that Sasuke had found himself being swindled into.
He stood, his feet glued to sterilized floor. His expression horrified at his previous traumatizing experience-so dramatic-. 'This is not possible.' He thought forming his first coherent sentence in minutes. "Unreal," he whispered, "To unreal, this is not possible at all." He slammed his fist into palmed. "Yesss." He hissed. "This is just an elaborate plan constructed by Naruto in order to throw me off my guard." He started to laugh, shaking his head at 'Naruto's foolish 'plan'.
"Well the jokes on you bitch. I'm an Uchiha, I literally can see through your shit." In the background Kazu shook his head, staring at his cigarette, wondering what back door orgeano did they tricked him into buying.
"Kazu," Naruto screamed interrupting Sasuke's tirade" What in the name is this thing?"
"A tampon, you moron!"
"Where does it go?"
"Up your-THUD. Naruto poked her head out and leveled Sasuke's body with a look of disgust, his expression crossed between horrified and laughter.
"Something's wrong with him, like really for real, he needs some milk."
"You have no idea." Kazu groaned.
"Hey kid," the medic-nin named Kazu snapping his fingers in the lad's face. The kid didn't blink. Kazu huffed, dragging the shocked youth towards a bed hauling his ass on a cot. The Uchiha heir-the supposedly sane one-dropped like a sack of potatoes.
Kazu delivered a silent prayer; closing the eyes of the young, clearly dramatic and traumatized youth. He left the room not before passing the dressed Naruto who joined him on his
"Told you he was an effin weirdo, dattebayo." She said giving the Uchiha boy her customary glare. "Seriously has me wondering if counselling is still a thing, like first his brother now him," she shivered. "Crazy must run in their family."
Kazu smiled ruffling the girl's hair fondly 'To be young and stupid again.' In a quick haste Naruto stick out her tongue, pulled her eyelid while simultaneously flipping the bird. He shook his head in exasperation more amused than angered as the young girl skipped away whistling a merry tune. The skipping was the most feminine thing he has ever witnessed her doing.
He cupped his hands around his mouth, "You could have brought home a polite one but noooo you had to bring home a crazy."
"Be gone Satan!"
He laughed, man he loved his day job.
7. It was all a dream, a highly distressing one.
Sasuke watched mesmerized by the sight or at least slightly disturbed. As the Naruto look alike stared at him. Dressed in what he deemed to be a ramen bowl. The dobe rip-off inched closer and closer to him each emphasized by the sound of her increasing murmurs. What was more disturbing is that the girl was able to perform a pirouette followed by an attitude and ended it off arabesque. She ended the dance with a killer Grand Jete. Please don't ask him how he knew those ballet moves. And don't ask how Naruto was able to defy the laws of Universe by performing these moves in a ramen bowl costume.
He was highly troubled at this point or became more troubled when Itachi outfitted in his anbu garb (Thank Kami), descended from the sky filled with 'Narutos'. Floating down, securely strapped by a noodle string.
"Its okay Sasuke this is all in your head."
Safe to say Sasuke was torn between crying, laughing or throwing himself into the ramen broth sea. He took the latter option. Uchiha Sasuke at that point was done with life.
8. It wasn't my day, I confess.
Sasuke awoke with Naruto hovering over his face, with uncharacteristic move; he gave a sharp shrilly screech, head-butting Naruto who fell off the bed clutching her bruise nose. As Sasuke took the sheet and hurdled it closer to his body. His eyes the size of saucers, with his cheeks as red as a ripe tomato. His mouth kept opening and closer, pointing his shaking finger at Naruto. Who again couldn't help but examine Sasuke comparing him to this unnatural alien species.
"Y-you! W-why are over my face like that?" he cried out. Sasuke said giving Naruto the stink-eye, after all his experience with girls was not his best track record.
"I was trying to wake your ungrateful ass, ya stupid bastard!" screamed Naruto, jumping to her feet. "Ya know what Uchiha; your crazy ass has issues!"
"I don't have issues," he retorted "I just don't trust you." He said through gritted teeth eyeing the lass with a scrutinizing eye.
"Don't trust me! That should be my line, you're acting like I enjoy spending time around your crazy ass!" screamed Naruto, pulling the collar of his shirt the pair met eye to eye. Something that Sasuke found highly uncomfortable as a blush found itself on his face again.
Gathering his wits, return Naruto's scathing glare with his own "Me stupid, don't kid yourself dobe, I outrank you remember.'' He smirked, his eyes gleaming triumphantly as Naruto let him go or more like pushing him down roughly on the bed. He observe while Naruto just stood there in silence, her hair covering her sapphire like eyes.
"You're right, you do outrank me, "she started in a quiet tone, raising her head up a defiant light entered her eyes, burning with something he didn't recognize." but guess what teme. One day I will beat you and One day I will become the Hokage until then KISS MY SHODDY UNDIES TEME!" she bellowed, hurling her ruin underwear at the Uchiha scion's face. Throwing a piece sign his way the young woman ran out the room, cackling like a druggie on a quick fix.
He was afraid to touch it.
He removed it.
He will never speak of how he removed it.
What made the memory entirely worse was when Kazu entered the room, sat down on his chair. Laughed, cackled and giggled like a madman regarding the young boy with pure sympathy but still laughing his ass off. "Sucks to be you crazy."
Today was not his day.
9. Its cursing time.
"Fuck this day."
"Fuck my life.''
"Fuck you Satan!"
"Stupid fucking dobe." Cue the blush.
10. The day was done.
The nightmarish day was finally over. Well to be completely technical school was officially at an end for the day. To him that was a relief that meant no more Naruto. No more annoying fan-girls. No more! He nearly skipped home.
He trudged slowly down the near empty streets of Konoha, nearing closer towards his home. Sasuke's sullen frown became a slight smile.
His family is dead, yes he knows that but he is contented. The memories he has of them, alive and filled with blessings of life it was enough for him.
For him it was motivation, to live and to not be afraid of living, reaching the gates of the empty Uchiha Clan Compound. Sasuke stops, his eyes shining upon looking at his family's crest.
'Life is a good thing, Sasuke-chan,' said his mother, her eyes close in a peaceful bliss, running her slender fingers through the coils of his hair. Sasuke sighed in ecstasy, taking delight in his mother's scalp massages. "Enjoy it to its fullest, always remember that life is good but it's always better when you live for someone too."
"Why's that?" he asked his voice slurring due to his relaxed state. She laughed, actually throwing her head back. Returning her gaze to her son Mikito's eyes open, shining with love "Because…
"….That's the fun way." He finished a tremble in his voice.
If it wasn't the memories of his mother's sweet embraces, Him, Uchiha Sasuke would have cracked and fell apart a long time ago.
That is why he needs to live.
He needed to live his life to the fullest.
He would fulfill that wish for his mother but his brother needs to be dead first.
He doesn't care how long that would take. He needed nobody until his family was avenged.
Or so the young scion thought.
REVIEW AND ALL THAT JAZZ