Susan was seething as she stripped the gown off and tossed it on the armchair by the fireplace. Her fists clenched with the overwhelming need to throw something, anything, but placid Susan couldn't even bring herself to do that. She'd always found obvious displays of anger distasteful, but right now, she found herself wishing she could be one of those loud women who could take their anger out on anything. Susan managed a pathetic kick on a chair leg and winced at the throbbing pain.

The way he looked at her, the way his eyes softened with affection. Susan snorted in disgust, crossing her arms on her chest. Who wouldn't gaze at the daughter of the star as he did? She was ridiculously beautiful and she was the daughter of a star, for Heaven's sake!

Susan wiped angrily at the hot tears on her cheeks and exhaled shakily. Honestly, she wasn't even angry at Caspian. Not anymore. Confronted by the silence in her bedroom and the overwhelming loneliness, she began to see that her anger was directed at herself, at the deep embarrassment that she had even bothered to dress up for Caspian when she could never compete with a woman like that. When it was obvious that he only had eyes for that star.

'Who am I kidding?' she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. How could she have expected Caspian to still hold a candle to her after all this time? Unlike her, who clung to her love for him desperately, he must have gotten over her the moment he realised she wasn't coming back. She couldn't fault him for that. He was a king, after all, and he needed heirs for the kingdom. It was only logical that he loved another woman. Logical. Logical Susan was the odd one for refusing other men's attention, irrationally convinced somehow that Caspian will come for her.

She picked up a brush and began to comb her hair vigorously, hating how dark and dull it was. She never used to hate her hair. In fact, she'd always thought it her best feature. She'd often received compliments and one of her former admirers, a romantic Scottish poet, had even written an ode to her ink black hair. It had taken one man to undermine all that and she felt pathetic for even thinking about him. Overwhelmed, she buried her face in her hands and allowed the tears to flow.

She hadn't ever allowed herself to fall under a man's spell, not after leaving Narnia and Caspian. James was the exception, only because he'd reminded her of Caspian with his dark good looks. After that colossal mistake, she'd promptly built a wall around her, coolly rejecting any advances. Now, Caspian had effortlessly broken that wall and in that short span of time they spent talking in the room and dining hall, she foolishly allowed him to enter her heart. The pain she felt now was hell compared to what she'd gone through. She had no practice with emotions, no preparation against this onslaught of hurt, and she was consumed entirely.

Outside in the hallway, she heard voices that she recognized immediately as her siblings. Realising that they might come into her room to check up on her, Susan immediately covered the lamp and dove under the covers.

There was a tentative knock at the door and Susan froze. The door opened and Lucy peeked in. 'Su?' Edmund murmured something behind the door and Lucy retreated, closing the door softly. Sniffling, Susan wiped her runny nose on the soft sheets, Caspian's soft sheets, she thought nastily, and pressed her face into her pillow.

She cannot stay here and let her heart be trampled to pieces. She had to leave.

Caspian stayed up well into the night. He sat in his arm chair, staring into the fire, wishing the blazing embers could tell him what he did wrong to anger her so. Susan was terrifying in her rage. She never raised her voice, mostly because she never needed to; everyone always listened to her. In her rage, she'd simply remain stoically silent and cold and it burned him more.

Groaning, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Was it because he had looked at Lilliandil? Was Susan Pevensie, Susan the Gentle, jealous?

He had no idea how to handle situations like this. He knew how to shoot a longbow and a crossbow, could fight with broadswords and longswords, but he had no clue how to soothe an angry woman. The only obvious solution would be to talk to her, and her alone, without anyone else around them. The idea made his stomach churn with nerves. Of course, he'd actually have to get her to be alone with him and, at the rate he's going, he'd be lucky if she even wanted to stay in the same room with him.

There must be someone who knows how to handle a situation like this, Caspian wondered miserably. Someone who knows how to appease an angry woman. He imagined approaching this situation as he would approach a war. He could see himself gathering the lords and his advisors.

Well, gentlemen. Now that the boring talk is over, I have a very important question and I'd like each one of you to answer me honestly.

Yes, Your Majesty?

How do I go about convincing Queen Susan that I'm still in love with her?

Flowers, Your Majesty, he imagined Reepicheep answering with his usual gravity. Say it with flowers.

Caspian laughed. I must be losing my mind. He doused the fire and slid into bed. He had to talk to her tomorrow. She would most likely try to avoid him but he had to corner her somehow and talk to her.

'I know you're here.'

Susan clamped a hand over her mouth to hold back her giggle as Lucy passed by her hiding spot.

They had taken advantage of the bright sun to play in the palace maze. Peter and Edmund were off gallivanting around the kingdom and she had it on good authority, Lucy's authority from Caspian's page boy, that the King was enclosed in an important meeting with his Telmarine Lords. Upon receiving this news, Susan had promptly grabbed Lucy from her room and the two took off for the gardens, where they'd woven crowns out of flowers and laid down in the grass. It had been ages since she last spent some time with Lucy and she found herself longing for the times when they would lie in bed underneath the blanket, whispering to each other.

'You couldn't do this in London, Su,' Lucy had pointed out the obvious. 'Imagine lying down in the grass in London. You'd end up catching some disease or other!'

And she was right. Not about the disease, although Lucy might have a point there, but about not being able to feel like this in London. In London, she had to be a serious schoolteacher. She had to wear stiff jackets and had to tie her abundant hair up into a sober knot on the back of her head. She had to count every penny she had and went to sleep worrying about everything: her parents, her siblings, her students, where her next meal would come from. The list was endless and when it ran out, she'd find something new to fret about. In Narnia, she could let her hair fall down and blow gloriously in the sweet-scented wind. She could wear loose robes and velvet dresses. She could sing and dance and run around laughing with Lucy and no one would tsk disapprovingly at her. She had absolutely no care in the world and most importantly, she felt safe.

This is what it feels like to feel safe, she wondered. To not have to look over your shoulder every single time. To not have to wonder if the man who is offering you his umbrella has something else on his mind.

'Susan,' Lucy called her name in a singsong voice and Susan roused herself to reality. 'Come out, come out wherever you are.' Lucy's footsteps faded as she disappeared around a corner and Susan slithered out of the hedge. She ran silently, not bothering to check if Lucy had caught on. The wind stroked her face and played with her hair. Running like this, barefoot and with her hair streaming behind her and her crown of flowers perched proudly on her head, she found herself wishing she could stay here. The air smelled fresh and clean, with the sweet scent of flowers. Her feet reveled in the soft grass. No, Susan did not miss damp and rotten London. She twirled around giddily, allowing herself to feel young for once.

'Nice day, isn't it?'

She gasped and stumbled, almost falling into the grass had it not been for Caspian.

'What are you doing here?' She frantically extricated herself from his grasp.

'Enjoying the beautiful weather, of course.' He grinned. 'And Your Majesty?'

'They said you have an important meeting,' Susan exclaimed in disbelief. 'That you wouldn't be out for hours!'

Caspian shrugged, although he fought the rising disappointment at the realisation that she had only escaped her room once she knew he wouldn't be around. 'It ended early.' He took a step closer. 'I saw you in the gardens and I thought I'd join you. If Your Majesty doesn't mind, of course.'

'I-' She whirled around at the sound of Lucy's lilting voice. 'Oh, damn!'

Caspian snorted, shocked at her curse. 'Did you just-'

'Shh!' She gripped his arm and dragged him into a small, barely-there gap in the hedges, pushing him in despite his half-hearted protests.

'Why did you drag me in?' Caspian demanded in a hushed whisper.

'Because I know you! You'll tell her you saw me!'

'I would do no such thing,' he replied indignantly and Susan pressed her finger to his lips at Lucy's approach. She felt him stiffen at her touch and belatedly began to realise their scandalous position. There was barely any space between their bodies and she could feel every length of him pressed up against her. Her cheeks warmed and she made the mistake of looking up at him to see if he noticed.

The touch of her skin on his lips sent his mind reeling with chaotic emotions and he froze, willing his brain not to go to those dark corners of his mind. He stared at her as she bent her head, listening intently to Lucy's footsteps and oblivious to the effect her touch had on him. Suddenly, she looked up and their eyes met. He could feel warmth slowly coursing through his blood and he was thankful for the darkness of the leaves. Slowly, Susan withdrew her hand and, brushing aside the voices that warned him in his head, he caught it in his. Her full lips parted in surprise when he moved to thread his fingers through hers. He could hear her ragged breathing and his own harsh breaths. He bent his head, giving in to the magic of the moment.

'We can't,' she whispered. Their lips were so close, their breaths mingling in the air.

'Why not?'

You love someone else and I'm a mental shipwreck, she thought. She shook her head and yanked her hand from his grasp. Before he could comprehend what was happening, she darted out of the hedges.

'I see you, Su!' Lucy yelled.

'It doesn't count until you've caught me!' Susan's voice faded into the distance and Caspian stumbled out of the hedges. He sank to the ground and lay there, staring up at the bright blue skies. Now what?