A/N: Here we are! 30 chapters, over 500 followers. This is by far my most successful story and one I have been struggling with. The reason why I struggle with this story is because I lost the reason why I started writing it. You see, I intended to dedicate this story to a very special person... one who brought light in my life and one whose story I wanted to tell through this story. That someone has left me for another person due to... issues of distance. For a while now I have considered to halt this story permanently and give it to someone else to finish it. I can tell you, it is hard to look at my characters and be reminded that one person I considered my actual soul-mate, no matter how cheesy it sounds, has left me. For that reason, quality of this and few other chapters may have dropped... I have no excuse for it. But... I decided to continue it. I also decided to continue Path of Mending, since there are only few more chapters left in that story. I will bring both stories to their proper ending. When I finish this story, I will tell you to whom I dedicate it.
I am also in progress of rewriting all chapters of this story starting from first one. That includes fixing grammar mistakes and filling in few plot holes that I overlooked. I thank you all for your continuous support, I do always check out everyone of your profiles and read your stories. I don't end up commenting on all of them but I do remember those whom I see most often in comments. Let me know what you think of the chapter.
Start of the week marked moment of great indecisiveness for Natsu. His lengthy conversation with father managed to clear out many doubts in his mind and brought hope that his domestic problems could be resolved, but it did little to resolve problems that came from the outside. All it brought was acknowledgment that Lucy's life was full of hardships and future promised little change. Every day before going to college he stood in bathroom, looking at reflection in mirror. Same eyes, same nose, same lips, same hair… that image never changed, it is the same as the same one he saw months ago. And yet… he saw different person. That Natsu only looks like him, they share likeness but that is not him… that is not Natsu that came before mirror to check himself and boost his already high confidence. He saw something in eyes that smooth surface revealed to him. It wasn't attitude that separated him from the rest of the group nor the unique charm that girls found irresistible. No… it was fear.
He swallowed hard, clenching the sink with both hands, staring at his own reflection. Droplets of water slowly slid down on his face as he silently tried to recognize this person. There was reason for his fear. The future in which he can see Lucy stand beside him was closer than ever. He knew the smell of her hair, tasted her lips and if she shares only one percent of common traits with every other girl out there, then all this meant that she will give in soon. All he has to do is keep his game and time when she willingly gives herself to him will come. Pattern is there, he can see it. The final stretch before the finishline and the sleepless night in her bed is just there in front of him. He sees it but every sense in his body is screaming and begging not to cross it. And for once, he agrees.
He laughs, alone in bathroom, wiping his face with palm of his hand. Realization that he is in love with her is hitting him hard and from all four sides. He wants her, he wants to be close to her, he wants to be beside her and be more than just another man for one night. His very being begins to experience the feeling of yearning, to be beside her and hear her talk. Anything, everything! Let her speak about molecules and electrons, let her speak about corals in the sea, literature and architecture, let her speak about vastness of the universe and endless paradoxes, let her speak about world problems and pointless gossips… just let her speak. The very thought about her begins to paint his world in shade of his hair. It's too late to back away now and even if he wishes to, even if she understands reason why he has to back away from her, he will regret it. Fear persists.
What is it that he wants from her? Relationship is too easy answer but assuming it comes to that, assuming that Lucy accepts him, where will it go? How long will it last? She made it perfectly clear that she doesn't need a distraction from her goal. He chuckles one more time and looks into the reflection "Of course she doesn't… she isn't like any girl you ever dated. She needs someone to be there with her, for her. Where are you in this picture?" Questions plagued him, endlessly tormenting him with answers that he knew not how to get.
Yes, he loves her but how long will it last? What if Gray is indeed right and eventually this spark subsides? What if he finally gets what he couldn't from the start and then finds himself satisfied? What if he begins yearning to get out? Can he stand to do it? Can he withstand to see her be hurt by one person who promised never to hurt her? Is his love that shallow?
Today is Wednesday and that marks third day of him successfully avoiding Lucy. Until he finds answers to his questions he thought it best not to see her. All classes they had in common he attended by sitting at the very back of the classroom. As they concluded, he waited for Lucy to leave first before he would stand up and do the same. He felt dirty. Just one kiss from her managed to completely mess up his entire inner world and how is he responding to it? He is running away, avoiding her in wide arc. Worst part was that he believed his plan is working. It wasn't.
"Alright, spill it. What is wrong with you?" Gray asked as they were leaving final lecture of the day.
"I have no idea what you are talking about?" Natsu answered, looking left and right after they left the classroom. Gray's suspicion only grew as he watched his friend behave like a cartoon character.
"Yeah and I don't know you." Gray continued to press on but had to wait until Natsu was sure that he is not being 'watched'. He could see on pinkette's face that something was wrong. Even taking into consideration everything that happened in past month, this was new level of worrisome expression. Natsu led both of them outside, creating space between two of them and the rest of the crowd before he spoke.
The story was told as it happened, everything was explained in detail exactly as Natsu remembers it and it didn't take long for Gray to begin predicting what would happen next. When things like this happen, Natsu was usually cocky, opting to brag about his conquest or one to come. But the way Natsu was telling it, he could see that there is something deep inside of him that is eating him alive. Patently, he waited for him to finish the story before he would speak.
"Okay, I get that you are worried about something but I am not sure what you are exactly worried about… also, why did you wait all this time to tell me this?"
"I dunno… I was not sure what to think about it myself." Natsu answered, slowly exhaling air from lungs as his eyes darted around students.
"So what was that entire act you pulled in last three days?" Gray asked.
"To be honest, I don't know how I am going to face Lucy." Natsu said in low tone, moving both hands through his pink locks "I know that it's wrong what I am doing and she's probably gonna get a wrong idea…"
"Well if we are honest." Gray interjected "I don't think she'll mind some time-out from you."
"But when I do face her… what am I going to tell her?"
"How about nothing?" Gray answered bluntly, facing his friend entirely and blocking his view of students "How about you take that as she said it is because so far Lucy has been straightforward with you. To her it could be a form of gratitude that she is expressing in a way that you will understand."
"And what if she feels the same?" Natsu asked, swallowing hard as he locked gaze with Gray.
"Since when is that a problem for you, Natsu? We both know you were aiming to get to this point, you wanted to get close to her and suddenly you have opportunity to do so. What is stopping you?"
"What if you are right?" Pinkette asked.
"Whoop-tee doo, big surprise there." Gray answered sarcastically with a grin.
"How long will it last? What if she wants a real, lasting relationship and I suddenly feel choked? What if it is other way around? What if she is that 'one' and I am just a short-term lean?"
Gray listened carefully, noticing the internal struggle that Natsu was having. It wasn't all that hard to spot. Change in tone, sudden and erratic movements and difficulty maintaining eye-contact were plenty of reasons to see that he wasn't taking this lightly. Natsu was truly struggling to find right answers to his questions. Gray took deep breath and slowly exhaled.
"Look, I am glad that you see me as your Jiminy Cricket but in this matter I really have no answer for you." Gray said and it brought little comfort to Natsu "The best advice I can give you is to face her and let her know about your feelings. I can't predict what she will say to you but knowing her, she will most likely want someone who will be there for her, who will support her and honestly… she needs that. Question is, what is it that you need?"
"I can't treat her like my previous girlfriends." Natsu answered, even though it wasn't what Gray asked. "She deserves a good guy and… if I see her with someone, I think I might punch his teeth in."
"Alright, at least you know you love her. As a senior in love…" Gray started and immediately got the 'really?' look from Natsu "Shut up. You know of sex, your love is lacking… If Lucy is really that one girl that you have been waiting for, then all your questions will be answered. In fact, she WILL be answer to all your questions."
"Was it the same with you and Juvia?" Natsu inquired, making Gray show his cringe face.
"Juvia and I are… different story. It's not exactly best way to start the life story with a stalker. I had to know about her first before I allowed her to get here…" he tapped twice on his own chest "And even then it was a leap of faith. Either she would turn out to be person I hate or person I love. For me it was latter and we don't have perfect relationship and we fight almost constantly. Hell, sometimes I honestly cannot understand why she is overthinking so much but whatever issues we have, we resolve it." Gray made a short pause and then frowned lightly uttering a short "Huh…"
"What?" Natsu asked, curious about this last thing Gray said.
"Well, now that I think about it, your situation is not all that different… You are the stalker!" Gray exclaimed with a short laugh.
"Yeah I get the irony…"
"Look, if you want to succeed in relationship and by that I don't mean just Lucy, I mean with every girl you chose... Remember your relationship with Lisanna?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't do anything you did with her. In fact, when in doubt, remember what you did when you were with Lisanna and do exact opposite. You'll be just fine."
Natsu received a short tap on his shoulder before Gray left. Situation didn't improve much even after this talk. He managed to receive encouragement but that didn't shushed demons that were stuck inside of his head. Perhaps he is right, perhaps he just needs to make a leap of faith and see where it goes… best case scenario, he will crash and burn… except this time he might drag someone along with him. His tormenting was just about to begin.
"Thank you for your patronage, please come again." Lucy said with sweet voice and bright smile as she handed a small but neatly packed slice of cake along with change. Man returned smile and left with his little slice of heaven, leaving Lucy to catch a small break from all that forced smiling.
"We haven't this many customers in months." Her coworker added in tired tone "I need a vacation."
Lucy looked over at Nea and grinned slightly "Yea well, not an option for me."
"No, but you need a sweet bun to relax you." Girl added with cocky smile.
"Geez, you sound like Levy." Lucy returned through clenched teeth. Though Nea meant well, it still felt as if entire world is pressuring her.
"Well she is not wrong. I mean are you sure plumbing is still working?"
"What?" Lucy quickly shot a glare toward her, only seconds prior to a faint blush that would adorn her cheeks "My plumbing-" She suddenly stooped as she realized how loud she was and continued in almost whispering voice "My plumbing is just fine."
"Are you sure?" Nea asked, continuing to draw the red color on Lucy's cheeks "I mean it wouldn't hurt to call 'repairman' to check it. And speaking of repairman, your boyfriend is here?"
It is funny how that term instantly made Lucy think about Natsu. Perhaps everyone managed to rub off on her enough to connect those two 'terms' or perhaps she wasn't vocal enough in explaining that he isn't her boyfriend. Still, for some reason, she felt a bit glad that he is here. Lately he managed to be that one constant that never changed… cocky, irritating, nagging but still sweet constant.
"If you are going to pass on him, can I have him?" Nea asked and received yet another cold glare from Lucy. This time, even she realized her own actions and groaned at the mistake. She waited for Natsu to settle in on a table before she walked over to him with all the courtesy that shop demanded – sweet voice and cute smile.
"Good day sir, what can I get you today?" She asked.
"What do you recommend?" Natsu asked looking up at her, noticing the blush on her cheeks though he believed it was just part of make-up.
"Specialty of the day is strawberry cake."
"Lovely. Since your shift ends in ten minutes, I'll have two of those and two lemonades."
It was a problematic scenario… he was starting to learn her patterns and that didn't contribute to his already existing stalker image. Still, he is a paying customer and she obliged and brought tray with two slices of strawberry cake and two glasses of lemonade. For the most part, he was silent and that brought a bit of suspicion in her. Usually he would do all he could to make her sit down with him but now… now he is waiting patiently, toying with frosting on his slice of cake. But that wasn't what bugged her most. Like Natsu, she was also worried. Was he thinking badly of her because she kissed him? She didn't know herself what to think about that event and now she was in position to question his feelings too.
As her shift ended, she removed her apron and a fluffy hat and made her way over to his table. He was quick to slide other plate with cake along with glass to her end of the table.
"Well this is a surprise." Lucy said as she sat down "I thought you were ignoring me."
"What?" He asked nervously "Why made you think that?"
"Well for start I saw you notice me on the hallway and then you quickly turned and walked other way." Lucy said calmly, taking a small fork and gently sliced bit of cake.
"Oh, you noticed that…" Natsu replied in low tone, gulping down hard.
"It's kinda hard to miss your hair. And then you didn't even reply to my text. Usually you are one to call me first and reply within first ten seconds."
Natsu frowned and quickly took phone from his pocket, sliding finger across the screen. True to Lucy's words, there was one message on it... from her.
"So, mind telling me why you've been running away from me?"
"I wasn't running away from you." He answered, avoiding to say the truth.
"Really? Because seeing you run away like you just saw a ghost isn't exactly how you treat a friend."
"Yeah…" he added through a chuckle before continuing "Okay, I guess I was a little confused after you kissed me."
"Was I that bad?" Lucy asked, making him choke a bit on his piece of cake. Bad she asked? He couldn't sleep because of it.
"Yeah, no. It was a lot of things but bad wasn't one of it." He answered, taking a long sip to clear bits of cake that was still stuck in his throat "I guess after that kiss before I thought you'd admit it was a mistake and then tried to push me away."
"I am not confused about it." She added after a short pause and a few bites of her cake "I know I asked some unreasonable things from you and I hope you understand what I am going through. After Sean, trusting any man was a difficult task. To be honest, I never expected to get any male friend, not one I can trust at least. Then you barged in…" She finished, last sentence spoke in low, grumbling tone and narrowed eyes.
"Yea it was a bumpy start." Natsu added nervously.
"Bumpy doesn't do its justice." Lucy continued. She looked down at her cake, observing multiple layers of the filling "I wanted you to be as far away as possible but… even after hurting me the way you did, you still managed to save me. Twice."
"Any decent man would've done it."
"Not every man would be as persistent to get close to me." She said, soft smile still present but her big, brown eyes revealed sadness deep inside of them "I know that I am horrible at being honest sometimes, Levy points it out all the time… but you did managed to shed some light in my already dark schedule. It was just work, study and looking after my daughter but somehow you squeezed yourself into that agenda. Sometimes more annoying than helpful but it broke the routine I was having. I know you are trying to put yourself in best light but…"
"But you still see Sean when you look at me." He added in low tone and Lucy nodded.
"I thought he was the one, man who would… swipe me off my feet and carry me away from my predetermined future. All I got was his daughter and a look of disgust when I told him about Michelle. You can't imagine the pain…"
"No I can't." He said quickly and she looked up at him "But I do have pretty good idea."
"It's bad that I am comparing you two…"
"If it wasn't for Sean, what do you think would've happened?"
"I don't know." Lucy answered. A light smile appeared on her face as she looked down at her plate once more "I suppose if I was just a normal girl studying at Fairy Tail… I'd probably fall for you eventually."
His heart started racing and he could feel every beat on the surface of his skin. Familiar heat started rising, reaching his head and entire room suddenly felt cold. What was she saying? Was that a sign that she may yet see him as someone whom she can love as a man instead just a friend?
"I should get going." Lucy said, standing up from the chair.
"Right… uhh… I'll come along if you don't mind me walk with you." He stood up quickly, taking out his wallet to pay for deserts.
"You know that my house is not that far and there is no danger of me being kidnapped, right?"
"No, I get that…" He nodded "But one can't be hundred percent sure. Better safe than sorry."
She giggled at his remark but agreed. After everything that happened, she really needed a bit of company that isn't consisted of perpetually horny dwarf with tendency to grope her. Despite his initial intentions, Natsu managed to keep his distance… at very least he didn't touch her without her consent. Most of the time at least. For Natsu the feeling was less pleasant. Though his feet were as cold as ice, he felt as if he is about to burn inside his clothes. And then she spoke. He missed first few sentences, focusing entirely on her voice… It was something about school or house or work… it could've been anything and it wouldn't have mattered. What did matter was her voice, her tone, the way she would elevate it when she'd get just a little bit more excited and that low tone when she was angry at Natsu's blunt stupidity that he managed to show every now and then. He prayed this walk would be just a bit longer.
"I'm sorry…" Lucy said all of a sudden, making him snap out of his mesmerizing daydream.
"For what?"
"For what I did. I don't know why I did it… it felt as if I just wanted to return the favor but… I didn't know any other way to say thank you properly. I guess it's a bit selfish."
Selfish she said. So the sleepless night was because of her selfishness? If only she knew the damage she managed to cause to him. Bit by bit, they already reached her house and that meant the end of their conversation. Sure, he will see her tomorrow but for today it is going to end.
"Thanks for understanding." She said as she walked over to the door, closely followed by Natsu.
"What made you think I wouldn't?" He tilted his head forward as he asked.
"I guess I have my own insecurities sometimes." Lucy answered. She eyed him, up and down before snapping out of her ogling "Right, I should probably get inside."
"Right. I'll see you tomorrow." He added and she nodded with a grin, watching him take slow steps away from the door and toward the street. The pressure in him rose and his head, that previously harbored an unadulterated chaos, has suddenly become clear. Leap of faith, he thought.
"I'm sorry!" He said and turned to look toward Lucy, catching her just before she opened her front door. She was confused by his words but he wouldn't let her ask why "I wasn't being honest with you. The reason I ran away was not because I thought you'd misunderstand that kiss or our friendship… it's because I was."
Lucy looked at him wide eyed, her mouth suddenly became dry as she listened to him unravel the secrets of his soul.
"The moment I kissed you, I knew that something changed between us. I know I said that I would wait but I can't. That moment you kissed me… I lost count how many girls I kissed and not once did I feel like that."
"N-Natsu?" She started but he quickly interrupted, continuing his speech.
"The truth is…" He stopped in mid-sentence; keeping his mouth gaped open before he found the courage to continue "You somehow managed to change me… I am standing here… no bet, no attempt to get you in bed with me, no ulterior motive."
"What are you saying?" She asked whith shaky voice, knowing well where this is leading.
"I am saying that I like you, Lucy. I like you a lot and… I want to be there for you. Not just as a friend, I want to be there when you are happy and when you are sad, I want to be there to pick you up when you fall and push you forward when you stagger. I know that if I don't ask you this now, I will regret it so… Lucy Heartfillia, will you go out with me?"