Joe checked the placement of the white roses he had placed lovingly on the double headstone, before gently running his fingers over his mother's name.
Walking back to the foot of the grave he knelt to the ground and silently prayed and talked to his parents. He was not sure if they could hear him, but if they could he wanted them to know how much he loved them and missed them.
Feeling a comforting hand on his shoulder, he looked up into the wet eyes of James Murray. Sal and Q stood to either side. Sal, always uncomfortable at times like this as looking off to his left, not trying to fight back his tears. It hurt him to see Joe hurt and he thought to himself how happy he would be when this Holiday was over and things could get back to normal. Brian Quinn reached out to grasp Joe's other shoulder, a stray tear rolled down one cheek. "They can hear you, Joey. They know you are down here, living on for them. And I know they are so proud of you, bub."
Joe nodded, then looked up at his friend, reached down to run his fingers across the soft earth once more and then stood.
Together the four men walked back to Murr's car in silence. Each deep in their own thoughts and memories.
Some of these memories brought smiles, others brought more tears.
Five minutes later everyone was settled in the car.
"Okay, where to, boys?". Murr spoke up from the driver's seat.
"I didn't think of this. What is open on Christmas morning?"
Q's voice was still slighly raw with emotion.
"Waffle House? Maybe?"
"I don't know, but we'll go see."
Joe wiped his eyes with one hand.
"I'm not hungry, Murr. If you guys are, I am more than happy to go hang out with ya'll. But, I don't think I can eat right now."
Sal, who was quiet, feeling Joe's pain, spoke up from the backseat he shared with Q.
"We are going to eat, Joey. All of us. I will set and watch you until you do. We're not going to go down that road again, pal. I know you miss your parents and I know memories of your dad must be flooding your mind right now, but we're not going to let you go into that hell again."
Q nodded and reached into the front seat to touch Joe's shoulder.
"He's right, Joe. You are going to eat, then you are going to Murr's. I'll pick you up there, and from my house Sal will pick you up. You are not going to be alone. We love you and we will be right here beside you. We're going to get through this, pal. I promise."
Joe nodded before wiping fresh tears away.
"I remember every second of that night. I was supposed to be there to help my dad and I just froze. If I called for help sooner, if I set him up, if I just did something, maybe he would still be here. Instead he struggled to breathe while I watched. It was too late for the EMTs to do anything by the time I got enough sense to call for help. Blood was everywhere, coming out of his mouth and nose, even his ears. That gurgling noise is stuck in my head. Then he just looked up at me and died. And all I could do was watch."
Sal wiped his own eyes.
"Joey, please man. Don't go there. I know it hurts. You know though, buddy, that it was in no way your fault. You were scared, anyone would have been. You did everything you could, man. Your dad was sick, his liver and colon were shot. That was not your fault. He had a problem. It WAS NOT YOUR FAULT."
Murr killed the car's engine and reached over and embraced his friend. Hearing Joe talk about his father's death hurt him to his core. He held on tight as he felt Joe's fingers wind throug his t-shirt, holding on as though his life depended on it. And it occured to Murr that it probably did.
"It's going to be okay, Joey. It wasn't your fault. Even if you had called as soon as he started spasming, it wouldn't have really helped. He had colon cancer and his liver was all but gone. You did all you could. He knew that, man. And even though you couldn't see it all the time, he loved you and he knew you loved him."
He felt Joe nod against the shoulder of his now wet shirt, his friend's tears had dampened the soft material quickly.