A/N sorry for the irregular updates, I'm a busy mom these days :)
Sam had to grin as she watched the guys. Teal'c took things away from her coffee table so Daniel could bring napkins and some utensils. The General brought them drinks and then made his way over to her stereo to put on some music. She watched them navigate around her apartment like they lived there and so she just rested on her couch knowing they were okay she stayed there watching them with amusement.
When their food arrived she wanted to go open the door and take care of it – which was their rule when it came to paying for take-out on team nights but the General just passed her on his way to the door, his hand briefly resting on her shoulder. It was a fleeting moment but meant a lot to her. She let him take care of the food.
"Hey, Jackson give me a hand!" The General called from the door.
"Going soft behind the desk, Jack? Can't handle few pizzas?" Daniel called back and Sam laughed at that. Oh, she missed this.
When she heard "oomph" from the door she looked at Teal'c and saw him smiling as well. Leave it to those two!
"It is good to have him back," Teal'c said.
"Yes, it is." She replied with a smile.
"It's been a while since the last team gathering," Teal'c said and she knew he was doing it on purpose – using words he would use years ago before getting to know the language and customs better.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"There is no need to apologize. We wished you only happiness." He said and she knew he was sincere.
"I know."
"We still do." He added. "Will you be happy, Samantha?" And the use of her first name caught her off guard. She could count the number of times he used on her fingers.
Sam looked to her kitchen where Jack and Daniel were putting the salad into bowl and Tiramisu on plates and just before she looked back at Teal'c she was caught – the General looked back at her and smiled at her so warmly she felt butterflies in her stomach.
She looked at Teal'c and realizing she was smiling like a teenager she nodded. "I think I will. Hopefully." Sam told him and he only smiled back.
Watching his friends suffer together – and alone – he wished nothing more for them than to find each other finally in a place in time and their lives where they could be together. It seemed it could be now – or soon.
They guys brought the pizzas and all their supplies and so she went back to present - instead of dreaming about the possible and impossible future – Teal'c remained sitting on the ground as he preferred, Daniel took the armchair and Jack being the last one to sit down sat down on the couch next to Carter.
There were times when this setting would bring embarrassment and tension and weird atmosphere all around them as Sam couldn't grasp the concept of being on friendly familiar terms with her CO.
And there were times when Daniel or Teal'c would make sure to sit with her – or next to Jack should he be first on the couch – so they wouldn't have to be close to each other. Not that they wouldn't want to. Quite the opposite.
Daniel was lost when it came to them but Teal'c could read the vibe and seemed to know exactly what they needed. Although there were times when he was lost too and those brought such awkwardness that those team nights were over pretty quickly – one beer, pizza, good night.
And there were also times when Daniel and Teal'c left them no other option than to sit next to each other forcing them to face something they didn't want to. And when the tension was too much one of those two would usually snap and finally talk about what was the issue.
But there were times when they sat next to each other and were comfortable and at ease. And those team nights were always the best.
"Hey, you okay?" the General suddenly asked and it brought her back to present.
"Sorry." She apologized and reached for another slice of pizza.
"What were you thinking about?" He was just curious.
'How many times I wished you could sit next to me just like this.' She wanted to reply but knew it wasn't the time for that, not with the guys with them. "Just how much Daniel had to miss pizza." She said instead and of course, it started another discussion about his experience.
The General could see right through her – she let him, her walls down, crumbled at her feet. But he let it slide. They would have time later. As he was sitting close he risked doing something that was absolutely out of limits for him even yesterday. He moved his leg so it brushed hers and although surprised at first, she responded then, pressed her own against his. It was a small gesture but for them it was huge.
Jack let her decide what to do and had to admit that when she kept her leg where it was touching his he could feel warmth spreading through his whole body. And if the guys noticed they didn't comment on it. At least this once.
"I'm stuffed," Daniel announced and they all had to grin at that.
"Well no wonder, Daniel."
"What do you mean?"
"Your pizza wasn't enough? Had to try ours as well?"
"I did not."
"Did too."
"No, I didn't."
"Daniel."
"Jack."
"Daniel."
"I give up!" Daniel called, in the end, grinning from ear to ear as Jack was as they carried on with their little banter. While they were arguing Sam reached over and took the last slice of Jack's pizza from his box.
"Hey!" Jack noticed and looked horrified.
"Carter?"
"Yes, Sir?" She replied with her mouth still full. She gave him her innocent eyes.
"Oh no no no, you don't get to look at me like that when you're still chewing my pizza." He warned her.
She looked innocent and smiled at him while Daniel was chuckling on the other side of the table.
"I can't believe this," Jack said with mocking shock.
"Anything else I can get you, Carter?" He asked joking.
"Well, the Tiramisu is in the fridge…" She started and he couldn't hold it anymore and grin back at her.
"I'll help you with it, Sir," Sam said and grabbing a couple of empty beer bottles she got up to follow him into the kitchen knowing well how the guys liked their coffee – except for Teal'c. With him, one could never be sure as his taste seemed to change every now and then.
"Hey T., coffee?" Jack asked as if he was reading her mind.
Teal'c nodded.
"Let me guess. Not too strong, no sugar, no milk but a bit of coffee Vanilla syrup?"
"You know me well." He smiled at her – well with a movement of his eyebrow and a slight twitch of his lip. She nodded back and left the living room.
They went to the kitchen silently. Jack put down the boxes from pizzas and went back to the living room to get the rest of the things from the living room. When he came back to the kitchen he just watched Sam move around preparing their coffees, taking out the box with Tiramisu, the plates, forks. He stood there with hands in his pockets, a smile on his face, deep in thought.
It felt so nice earlier when she let him keep his leg against his. They have sat like that before. He would bump her shoulder with his or let her put her head onto him for comfort or so. But yet it felt totally different now.
While waiting for the coffee to finish brewing Sam turned so she was facing her CO. She felt him watching her and felt nervous. When their eyes met it felt like time stood still for a moment.
Why did it all feel different now?
"What?" Sam asked, in the end, sounding like a love-sick teenager.
"Nothing." He said as he didn't know how to start.
"Sir? What is it?"
"I don't know how to do this, Carter."
"Do what?" She asked, their voices low for some reason. Not that the guys were paying attention – already going through her DVD collection to find something to watch.
"This." He said and moved his hand between the two of them. Sam had to think for a moment her mind going a million miles a minute. It was now or never, wasn't it?
"I broke it off with Pete because my dad made me realize that he wasn't the right for me. I think I've known before though."
"That's what you tried to tell me in my backyard."
"Sort of, yes. I guess I just needed to know where we stood."
"Nothing changed, Sam."
"I know. I just wondered if it could someday or if it was too late." She said and while thinking how to continue he wanted to reach over to touch her but he couldn't. He simply couldn't.
"Kerry dumped me."
"What?"
"She came to me and said I had issues. One issue actually."
"Just one?" She asked mocking him a bit – having no idea why he chuckled. Yeah, she said the exact same thing as he did back then.
"Yeah, just one." He said softly and gave her a meaningful look so she would understand. And yet she seemed to wait for something. And he understood. Yep, this was the time.
"You." He said finally.
"So you would have rather continued seeing her?" Sam asked as it sounded like that.
"No."
"No?"
"No. She was nice and with your wedding I just… I guess I just needed someone. But she was right. And I was an idiot." And to his surprise, it was her who reached over and took his hand now without a word.
"So…"
"So…"
"Yeah." And they both laughed.
"Look, Carter, I just wanted you to know that…"
"Yes?" She asked hopefully.
But before he could reply Daniel called from the living room asking about the coffee.
"Later." Jack half said and half asked.
"Promise?" She asked back and he squeezed her hand.
They brought the coffee and Tiramisu to the living room and argued some more about the movie choice for the evening. Sam eventually gave up and let the guys set the course of the evening. She was just happy she had them there.
While she was with Pete the guys never came over. Well, they did, once when he was out of town. But when he came back and found them sleeping on air mattresses in Sam's office and O'Neill on the couch he wasn't really happy. They talked and he tried to be polite but in the end, after the guys left awkwardly they got into a fight. So she never asked them over to her place after that. She would join them for team nights over at the General's place or Daniel's but recently she felt like they were asking her just because they didn't want her to feel excluded. She politely declined as she knew she would get into a fight with Pete over it.
But she missed this so damn much.
And that feeling brought a wave of emotions to her. How much she missed her dad and their evenings. Every time when he had time on Earth he would come over and they would have dinner and watch one of her mother's favorite movies. Sometimes her dad would bring up a memory of her mother he was fond of, sometimes something small triggered it and she had been so happy. It felt like her mother was back with them.
Only recently she could finally understand her mother better. How she felt and why. She loved her even more for everything she had done – everything she had been.
She kept on wondering if her mother would approve of her life and of her choices. Would she be happy for her? Would she be happy she made her dad and brother talk?
Sam looked to her side where Jack was sitting and she studied his profile for a moment, the lines of his face and the color of his hair. As if he knew he glanced at her she felt now familiar warmth spreading through her chest. Would her mother approve of him as well?
At least she knew her father did and that meant the world to her. And he approved despite knowing that she had sort of broken the rules with her commanding officer.
She loved her mother and knew her father loved her as well. Although she was far from believing she sincerely hoped that somehow – she didn't care how – her parents were together now.
She needed some space so she got up and left the living room. Nobody said a word, only Jack watched her movements for a moment before giving her privacy.
When she came back the movie was over and it was late. She had the bottle of Whiskey in her hand.
"Shall we?" She asked and the guys nodded. Daniel got up and walked to her cupboard to retrieve the glasses. Pouring them each a drink – even Teal'c for this occasion – she felt like she needed to say something. But nothing seemed appropriate.
"I don't know what to say." She admitted.
"To Jacob?" Daniel suggested and she smiled sadly at him.
"That would do."
"To Jacob!" They all said in unison and had their drinks.
Sam couldn't look them in the eye, feeling the tears and not being able to stop them this time.
Jack wanted to go to her but knew it wasn't really his place. And as if on cue Daniel looked at him and Jack sent over a clear message – go to her.
"I'm sorry…" Sam said, barely above a whisper. Daniel was there by her side, taking her glass, putting it down and hugging her.
"We're here…" He said into her hair and she sniffled.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too."
They smiled at each other sadly and he hugged her once more. Sam composed herself and nodded at Daniel. He stepped away and reached for the bottle again.
Teal'c didn't drink more as he somehow still couldn't get used to handling alcohol without Junior. Daniel poured another for him and Sam with Jack and they sat down again, tiredness getting to them slowly.
Finishing their drinks Sam brought the guys pillows and blankets and they all got ready to sleep. Daniel and Teal'c were fast asleep but Jack stayed up with her in case she needed someone around.
"Are you tired, Sir?" She asked once the apartment was all quiet.
"Aaaah, back to Sir, are we?" He thought. But could he blame her? It was a force of habit. One little word was all they had to keep in check and not to slip where and when they couldn't afford it. He hated to admit that the one little word that used to mean respect was now the symbol of something out of his reach – and it still hurt.
Sam looked lost in thought as she grabbed her jacket and walked outside. Jack could understand she needed the space so he just watched her go. She would have asked if she needed a company. He knew her too well.
He didn't feel like going to sleep so he opted for some tea instead. To his surprise, he felt like he could use something sweet. And if he wasn't mistaken Carter always had these almond butter cookies in the cupboard. Would she mind? After a moment of doubt, he reached over and opened the cupboard where she used to keep them. But they weren't there and he didn't want to snoop around. So he closed to cupboard and taking his tea to the living room he decided to wait for Carter to come back.
He was tempted to get himself something to read but I the end he just sat down on the couch and waited. It's been long since he was here for the last time. And now… too much has happened and yet it was like nothing of it mattered – not anymore.
It started to rain outside. Jack could hear the raindrops hitting the windows. It was kind of fitting to the day. Wasn't it supposed to rain when somebody died or something like that? He couldn't remember which myth it was. But then it hit him – Sam was outside and had only a light jacket as it was a warm day before.
A couple of minutes later he heard the front door open and there she was, soaked through, obviously cold and shivering. She had a smile on her face like the situation was somehow very funny. Well, not to him. Grabbing the blanket she kept on the couch he was by her side in a few long steps, wrapping the blanket around her, leading her inside.
"Jeez Carter."
"Well, I didn't know it was supposed to rain." She replied, her teeth clattering.
"We need to get you out of these clothes." He said then and when he noticed how her eyes grew big and her cheeks turned pink he realized how it sounded.
"Yes, Sir." She replied with laughter in her voice and he could see she was making fun of him – knowing very well how it sounded and how he meant it.
Jack wanted to say something back but was frozen to the spot when she handed him the blanket and walked away leaving a small wet trail behind her. He felt wet stains on his own shirt as he held her before all wet from the rain but knew those would dry soon. When he heard the shower he went back to the living room.
He remembered one time when it was the other way around – when he came to this house totally soaked from pouring rain.
And yes, I stop here. I have the rest of this chapter written but it turned to over 6K and that would be too much. So I'm splitting it up into two!