And now for the next episode!
Note: This episode is going to be mostly 'Zippy Based' (don't worry, our main characters will have plenty of focus). For those of you who find her to be annoying, go ahead and skip... For those of you who still want a good dose of humor, read on!
Also, this episode is based on a 'Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy' episode, My Fair Mandy. If you guys have seen that episode, then you've probably figured out the set-up before you've finished reading this very sentence.
Enjoy!
d~b
*Episode 6*
Zippy and the Beauty Pageant
(Or, " First Sign of the Apocalypse")
It was a...
"YEEEAAAAHA-HA-HAAAAA!"
Oh, forget it. We all know it's anything BUT quiet or peaceful around the city of Toonopolis... especially when a certain psycho-side-character shoots around the city on a rocket-powered air-board!
Said psycho happened to be Zippy, who was living up to her name by zipping around buildings and over sky-scrapers, soaring all around. Flying next to her was famous Treasure Planet protagonist, Jim Hawkins. "Not bad, ZIP, but lets see if you can beat this stunt!" he called to her, soaring down on his solar-surfer and into a construction site, flying through a giant metal tube, grinding off metal beams, and flying in circles around a wrecking-ball while it was still spinning.
There was a roar, and Zippy looked over, smirking. "Nice, but it's nothing compared to THIS move!" she exclaimed, shooting towards a giant Godzilla-like monster that was destroying the city. She flew towards it, zig-zagging up its back and over its head, and flying through its mouth while it roared! The monster turned and swiped at her, though she only made a face at it. "Catch me if you can, lizard-lips!" she then shot towards the outskirts of town, the monster on her heels.
The monster roared and lunged at her, though she dodged, smirking and pointing down. The monster looked down... noticing Zippy lead it over a cliff. It gulped, waved 'bye-bye' to the audience, and dropped down with a mighty *CRASH!*
At the bottom of the cliff, after the dust settled, we see the monster was just a machine... and Scratch and Grounder climbed out. "I told you to keep your eyes on the road!" Scratch snapped.
"Why?! You were the one driving!" Grounder snapped.
Horace and Jasper climbed out next. "Ooh, Robotnik is going to be real sore at us..." Horace whimpered.
"Which is why we're NOT going to tell him we took it out for a joy-ride!" Jasper hissed.
"But, what about when he finds it missing?" Grounder asked.
"We'll say... aliens stole it!" Scratch answered.
"You really think he'll buy that?" Horace questioned.
"Hey, it always works for Spielberg!" Jasper replied. The giant monster-robot suddenly caught fire, and the lackeys took off.
Back up in the air, Zippy flew up to a building where Jim Hawkins landed, standing by the teen titan Beast Boy, teenage mutant ninja turtle Leonardo, and oddball-superhero Freakazoid. "Dude! That was incredible!" Beast Boy said. "Where'd you learn to ride like that?"
"Ah, I've been cruising on this baby since Junior High," Zippy said, holding up her board. "Nothing too cool,"
"Are you kidding? You've got some awesome skills! And the way you flew right through that monster's mouth- totally gnarly!" Leonardo said.
"Ah, I've done crazier- but you, ZIP, you come pretty close!" Freakazoid added.
"Yeah, you're one daredevil of a guy," Jim said to Zippy.
"Thank you Jim- though I'm a girl, but still, thank you. Now, if you dudes excuse me, there's more insanity I must spread!" Zippy declared, then shot off.
"...ZIP's a girl?" Leonardo questioned.
"Dude..." Beast Boy responded, stunned.
"No, not 'dude' Beast Boy- 'giiirrrrllll'," Freakazoid 'corrected', earning a look from the teen titan.
Zippy flew through the air, lowering towards the streets and crashing into an alley... stumbling out with a dented air-board, which she collapsed into a tiny square and stuck into her pocket, walking up to a hot-dog vendor. "Hey, Louie, two foot-longs, please." she said to the vendor. "And watch the cigar this time, I'm trying to avoid nicotine,"
"Sure, ZIP, here ya go," Louie replied, handing her a pair of hot-dogs, while she handed him cash to pay for it.
She walked off, munching on her meal, when she noticed a familiar face. Holly Trueblood was standing on the corner, with her ex step-sister, Brattina... both of them in an arguement. "My mom is SO totally going to own the competition!" Brattina was bragging.
"Unless there was a contest for the blackest-heart, I highly doubt it." Holly scoffed. "Melody is a shoe-in for the prize! She's beautiful, funny, kind..."
"And a lame-brained. She probably won't even know it's a beauty-pageant until after the first 20 minutes!"
"As ugly as your mother is, they won't even allow her in the beauty-pageant!"
"Says you!"
"Hey, girls, what's with the bickering?" Zippy asked, walking up.
"There's a beauty-pageant in town for women this weekend. Melody entered, but Brattina thinks she doesn't stand a chance against Katrina!" Holly told her.
"That's because my mother is beautiful, talented, AND smart, and Melody's too dumb to enter!" Brattina sneered.
"Hold it... Katrina's that cranky old brood with the wig who runs Trueblood Plaza, right?" Zippy asked.
"Yep," Holly answered.
Zippy turned to Brattina. "Yeah... Holly's right,"
"Hmph, you obviously don't know what it takes!" Brattina sneered to Holly.
"Ah, don't get worked up about it, girls. Beauty Pageants were just created so men could gawk at women and make them feel insecure enough to grow desperate for a date. They're pretty much pointless,"
"Oh, please! What would you know about beauty pageants? You're a guy!"
Zippy gave her a look. "Um... I'm a girl,"
Brattina sniffed. "Oh, no wonder you wouldn't know. You're too much of a dude to be considered a girl," she then walked off. "So long, losers!"
Zippy gave a mock-wave. "Bye, Bratty!"
Holly snickered, walking with her. "Don't let 'Bratty' bother you." she said. "She just thinks she's better than everyone,"
"Yeah, well, she'd better snap out of it- girls like that don't get very far in life. Besides, her comments don't bother me- I like looking like a boy, it's comfortable. No long hair to style, no make-up issues, no other stereotypical female nonsense..."
"Hey, bud, can you spare one of those hot-dogs?" Asked a bum wearing an orange ski-cap and long tan trench-coat, with long black hair in dread-locks.
"Sure, Chester, help yourself." Zippy handed him her second hot-dog.
"Thanks, man! The last guy told me to jump in front of a bus! ...HEY, WAIT! WHERE'S THE MUSTARD?!"
Zippy and Holly quickened their pace. "That guy is a little... weird," Holly said.
"Yeah, but that's why I like him- he gives great movie-reviews, too." Zippy replied.
"Yo, ZIP, over here!" came a voice, and there stood Otto Rocket with his friend, Twister. "We're heading to the new skate-park. Guys get in free on Mondays!"
"Nice! ...But, sadly, I'm not a guy. Is there a night when girls get in free?"
"Yeah, Reggie said it's on Tuesdays... wait, you're a girl?" Twister asked, and Otto nudged him.
"Alright, see ya then!" Otto said, and he and Twister rode off on their skateboards.
"Doesn't that get annoying- people always mistaking you for a boy?" Holly asked her.
"Not really- I like shocking people that way," Zippy told her.
"Yeah, but doesn't it get old?"
"Not really-"
Johnny Bravo suddenly ran up to ZIP. "Hey, Zippy, you got plans this weekend? I'm taking Carl and his other dweeb friends out for a special course on picking up chicks, and could use a wing-man,"
Holly stifled a laugh.
Zippy gave a deadpanned expression, turning to Holly. "Except this time..." she turned to Johnny, taking a calm breath... then bellowed, "I'M A GIRL, LAME-BRAIN!" then flipped him over. "There's a tip- get your genders in order!" She then stormed off, Holly following her.
"Oof... mama! That's one ugly lady!" Johnny grunted.
"See, that's one problem with society now, Holly- girls can't wear jeans or regular T-shirts, because everyone expects us to LOOK like girls. And holding beauty-pageants just supports that kind of idea,"
"Well, maybe you should sign-up, then. Just to prove that any kind of girl can enter," Holly suggested, as they came up to Paradise Towers, where they noticed a man was passing out sign-up sheets for the competition. "At least it'll help get your message out."
"Yeah, but one problem- those pageants REQUIRE that I dress-up, walk like a model, and perform talents that DON'T involve violence,"
"I think it would be a good idea... Besides, it might open up a few eyes, and show everyone how lady-like you can be."
"Me? Lady-like? Pfft, get real."
Holly shrugged, then walked back to Trueblood Plaza.
Zippy looked over at the sign-up table, then shook her head as she walked towards the door. "Hey, little boy, do you know which way Main Street is?" a man asked her.
"...Confound it," Zippy hissed, then turned and swiped a sign-up sheet, storming into the apartment and heading into hers.
She sat down on the couch, taking off her jacket as she looked at the sheet. "...Ah, heck, why did I grab this?" she scoffed, then crumbled it up and threw it on the table. "So I barely look like a girl, it's not like I act like a dude, too!" she said this as she walked across the room, itching her rear and grabbing a soda from the fridge, taking a sip and belching, passing by a mirror...
She paused, looking at her reflection- how she walked with a slouch, her hand in mid-scratch, and considering she was wearing a sleevless T-shirt, she noticed her arm-pit hair seemed to be getting pretty thick...
Abandoning her soda, she grabbed her jacket, throwing it on as she snagged the sign-up sheet, racing out the door.
If she was going to enter, she would need help.
d~b
"Oliver!"
"Harry!"
"Oliver!"
"Harry!"
"Oliver!"
"Harry!"
Shaggy and Pugsy sat on the couch, having a great debate- who would win a wizard's duel, Harry Potter or Oliver from Ni No Kuni.
"Harry wouldn't win- it took him 7 YEARS to defeat Voldemort!" Shaggy argued. "Oliver defeated Shadar, probably before the summer was over!"
"But Harry knows more spells, and doesn't have to wave his wand in a bizarre pattern to cast them- he'd have Oliver beaten before the kid finished conjuring a single move!" Pugsy retorted. Flip was walking through the room right then. "Hey, Flip, who do you think would win in a wizard's duel? Harry Potter or Oliver?"
"No competition- Oliver," Flip answered.
"What?!"
"Harry never even finished wizarding school! Oliver learned out on the field- plus, his wand would be more powerful,"
"HA!" Shaggy gloated.
*knock knock* came a sound from the door.
"It's open!" Flip called.
Zippy walked in. "Hey guys- what?" she began, though noticed everyone's surprised looks.
"Zippy... you're using the front door?" Shaggy asked, knowing the girl had a tendency to sneak in through the balcony.
"What did you do?" Pugsy questioned, giving her a suspicious look.
Zippy rolled her eyes. "I just have a question for you guys- I don't need to hop over the balcony to ask,"
"You did when you asked us if you could borrow some paper-towels," Shaggy said.
"What's your question?" Flip asked.
Zippy took a deep breath, feeling a little awkward. "Guys... do you think I'm..." she paused a bit, straining to get the word out. "...pretty?"
The guys stared at her, shocked.
Shaggy cleared his throat. "Well, we think you're pretty something..." he replied.
"Yeah- pretty crazified!" Pugsy added.
"Guys!" Flip hissed, then turned to Zippy. "We think you look fine, Zippy. Why do you ask?"
Zippy shifted a bit. "I was, uh, thinking about entering a, um... beauty pageant... thing." she answered, awkwardly.
More shocked looks. Pugsy opened his mouth to say something, but resumed his shocked expression, at a loss for words.
They stared at Zippy, who stared back.
Finally, Shaggy began to snicker nervously, leading Pugsy to chuckle, while Flip laughed.
They then busted into guffaws. "Ha ha haha hee hee hah hah haw haw ho-ho hee hee ha ha heee!" could be heard through out the building.
3 hours later...
The guys were still laughing, while Zippy just stood there with a deadpanned expression, suddenly wanting to throw these guys off the balcony. Flip was the first to stop, noticing her expression, and tapped the other guys. "Um, guys? I think she's serious," he said.
"Wait... you're actually considering entering a beauty pageant?" Shaggy questioned.
Zippy wordlessly took out the crumbled sign-up sheet, handing it to Pugsy. "An entry form with her name on it- yep, she's serious." he said.
"Uh, Zippy? You do realize that, in order to enter a beauty pageant, you have to... um..." Flip tried to explain, trying to figure out how to say the words without hurting Zippy's feelings.
"...Actually look like a girl," Shaggy finished.
"As in wear a dress, do your hair, put on make-up... like a girl?" Pugsy added.
"Well, that's one reason I want to enter. I'm sick of everyone claiming I'm not 'a girl' and want to prove that tomboys are capable of entering beauty-pageants, too." Zippy answered. "And I came to you guys because... well... I need help getting ready for it."
The guys blinked. "Why would you ask us for help?" Flip asked.
"Because I have no 'girl' friends- you guys are the closest I've got,"
"Goodbye, Zippy." Pugsy deadpanned, shoving her towards the door.
"Oh, c'mon! I meant it in a nice way!" she turned out of his grip. "Look, I'm really serious about this!"
"Like, Zippy, we're guys- I doubt we'd be much help with a competition that required wearing a skirt," Shaggy said.
Zippy then held up some pictures. "These pictures of you guys in drag say otherwise,"
Shaggy and Pugsy's eyes bugged out, seeing that- somehow- Zippy acquired old pictures of them disgusing themselves in dresses, back in their early days of meddling (Flip had to stifle another laugh, doubling over as he did). "What the...?! Where did you get those?!" Pugsy demanded.
"Internet. ...But, seriously, you think you guys could help me out?"
"I don't know... you flashing those pictures around isn't exactly helping your case," Shaggy sneered.
Zippy sighed, handing the pictures over- Pugsy immediatly sticking them through a shredder- and crossed her arms. "Now will you help me? Think about it- in a competition judged by guys, what better way for a girl to prepare than be prepared by guys?"
"You know, she does have a point." Flip replied. "There's a lot of things guys look for in a girl- maybe we could help Zippy bring those things to the surface!"
Pugsy looked at Zippy. "...I don't think she could afford that much plastic-surgery- OOF!" he began, grunting when Zippy slugged him in the stomach.
"Uh, you sure you want to help, Flip?" Shaggy questioned the 12-year-old, backing away from the crazy-girl.
"Okay, rule one about being a girl- no sucker-punching guys in the stomach!" Flip told her.
"Psshh, and guys think being a girl is easy... Alright, lets get started," Zippy replied.
"First, try something simple- like walking like a model. Sway your hips a little," Shaggy suggested.
Zippy arched an eyebrow. "Do what with my what now?"
"You know, like this..." Flip replied, then walked with a hand on one hip, swaying his hips a little. "See?"
Pugsy stood up straight, getting the air back in his lungs. "Promise me you won't do that in public," he said. Flip, realizing what he meant, blushed crimson.
"Um... try it, Zippy."
Zippy shrugged, then gave it a try, walking and swaying her hips...
*SNAP!*
"GAH!" She yelled, falling to the ground, holding her side. "Ow... I think I pulled something..."
He, Shaggy, and Flip exchanged glances. "We've got a LOT of work to do..." the stocky young man sighed.
"Lets take five," Shaggy said.
They sat down on the couch, overlooking the requirements for the pageant, involving: Best dress, best swimsuit, talent, cooking, and a 'What would you wish for' speech that they make women give in every pageant.
"They just can't give women anything dignified, can they?" Zippy sneered, looking over the sheet.
"Well, if you want to change your mind, go ahead." Pugsy replied.
"What?! I don't give up that easily! ...but, I'm going to have trouble with the whole 'dress' thing. I don't own one!"
"I'll bet Shag or Pugs have some you could try on," Flip joked. Pugsy swatted him with his hat.
"What about the swimsuit part?"
"Don't you own one?"
"Well..." Zippy took out a picture of her in an old-fashioned vintage swim-suit.
"Sheesh, I thought those things went out of style after the 50's!" Pugsy commented.
"Looks like we're going to have to go shopping," Shaggy said.
"WE?!" Flip and Pugsy questioned.
d~b
"I am never going to be able to go out in public again," Pugsy muttered as he and Flip sat on a bench in a shop at the mall, while Shaggy and Zippy looked at dresses. "Seriously, we couldn't have asked Melody, Holly, or some other woman to come along?!"
"Pugs, women are pretty much the most critical creatures on the planet- if we brought more along, we'd be stuck here forever." Zippy told him, looking at a dress. "Geez, don't they make anything with straps, anymore?!"
"Here, ZIP, try this one on." Shaggy said, handing her a dark-blue dress. She sighed, taking it and walking into the dressing room.
"You know, I kind of feel for Zippy. Having to do this just to feel beautiful..." Flip said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, well, if she were a guy it would be easier- but she's a girl. In this day and age, girls are supposed to doll themselves up just to get some positive feedback," Pugsy said. "We guys are lucky, we don't have to do too much to look hansom."
"So what the heck happened to you?" Zippy asked from the dressing room.
Pugsy clenched his fists. "Nothing as bad as what probably happened to you, ya cross-dresser!"
"It takes one to know one!"
"Zippy, just try on the dress and try not to make a scene," Shaggy begged. "I don't want to get kicked out of another store!"
"You know, I think Zippy's going to need help with more than just her looks," Flip whispered.
"Oh, you THINK?" Pugsy hissed.
Zippy stepped out, wearing the dark-blue dress... the skirt of it covering her feet and even dragging behind her. "Yeah, I think this one's a little long, Shag." she commented, lifting the skirt enough so not to trip on it.
"Like, it was the longest one I could find," Shaggy said, looking through some more dresses... then noticed someone coming. "Wuh-oh. Guys, trouble at two o'clock!"
Zippy looked over, gasping and hiding behind Pugsy, as Katrina and Brattina walked over. "Honestly, don't they make ANY dresses that go past the hips?" Katrina was griping. They paused when they noticed the guys. "What are you guys doing in here? You do realize you're in the dress-department, don't you?"
"We're, um, looking for a, uh, gift for one of my sisters," Flip lied, deciding to protect Zippy's dignity. "We decided to find her a dress,"
Katrina arched an eyebrow, not convinced. "You're ALL looking for a dress for her?"
"Yeah, what's so weird about it? (...hey, watch it!)" Pugsy questioned... whispering that last part after getting nudged forth a bit, when Zippy pressed against him, trying to keep hidden. Brattina arched an eyebrow, casually walking to the side...
"I just think it's odd for some men to-"
"Oh my gosh! Zippy, are you wearing a DRESS?!" Brattina exclaimed, shoving Pugsy away, revealing Zippy, and busted out laughing.
"Oh dear Lord, not another drag-queen..." Katrina remarked.
Zippy fumed. "It's not uncommon for a girl to wear a dress, what's so funny?" she retorted.
"Well, for one thing, I hardly classify you as a girl... or even a human."
"I think the same thing about you,"
"What finally made you attempt to look feminine?" Brattina questioned.
"Zippy's entering the beauty pageant in town, just to prove any kind of girl can enter," Flip answered... though Zippy wished he kept his mouth shut.
"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Katrina and Brattina both busted out laughing this time.
"Apparently, everyone finds it funny." Pugsy commented, earning a look from Zippy.
"I don't know if you realize it, Zippy, but in order to enter a beauty pageant- you have to be beautiful!" Katrina chided.
"So why are YOU entering?" Zippy retorted.
Katrina huffed. "Because, unlike you, I actually KNOW how to look like a woman."
"Could've fooled me,"
"Oh, look who's talking! You're having a bunch of GUYS do the shopping for you- I think they know more about being women than you do!" Brattina scoffed.
"Hey!" Shaggy snapped.
"Come along, Brattina- we'd better get going, before we get our genders mixed up as well," Katrina huffed. "I would wish you 'good luck', Zippy... but I doubt they'll let a cross-dresser enter," With that, they walked off.
The guys stood there, Zippy fuming. "Okay, I changed my mind. I'm going to go plot some assassination attempts..." the tomboy sneered.
"Oh, no... You're going to enter that beauty pageant, and you're going to WIN it." Pugsy said firmly, glaring in the direction Katrina walked. "And so help me, you're going to SHOW that she-beast what it really takes to be a woman! C'mon!" he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her away. "Guys, keep looking for more dresses! We've got work to do!"
"Like, right man! ...Show that witch we've got tastes," Shaggy said, muttering that last part as he grabbed a few dresses.
Flip blinked. "We are SO going to need a 'guys only' weekend after this..." he said to himself, feeling as if they were risking their masculinity in helping out Zippy.
d~b
[Now Playing: "She's A Lady" by Tom Jones]
The guys spent the rest of the week preparing Zippy for the pageant (this is where the montage comes in)
First, they went through some dresses for her, Shaggy and Flip helping her pick. She walked out, wearing a turquoise dress with sparkles on it, with long sleeves that Shaggy picked out.
Pugsy, being the one to rank, shook his head 'no'.
They decided to skip the swim-suit shopping, deciding Zippy could do that on her own, and went right to the 'talent' part. Now, Zippy was a girl of many talents, so the guys wondered (and feared) what she could do. Especially since most of them involved weaponry.
She demonstrated training a falcon to do tricks... though once she took the cover off its head, it went right after the guys.
After catching the falcon, the guys decided to take a break from the talent-search, and Shaggy decided to show her how to cook- since she didn't really have much experience- showing her how to make a cake first.
*BOOM!*
...It did not go well, as the kitchen was soon filled with smoke, both of them charred.
Next, she came out wearing a black dress with a pink line diagnolly going around it, which Flip had picked out.
Pugsy made a 'cut' motion.
Going back to the talent training, she demonstrated juggling saw-blades... though threw one too far and nearly took Pugsy's head off, and he gave her a glare.
Shaggy then tried teaching her how to make Spaghetti, which turned out okay... or so it seemed. Flip had to be the taste-tester first, took a bite... then ran to the bathroom to vomit.
Zippy then wanted to demonstrate another talent... which involved a chainsaw. Pugsy immediately took it away, shaking his head.
She then tried her knack at making fried chicken. Pugsy was the taste-tester this time... though after trying a bite, made a rude comment, and Zippy tried to dive over the counter to strangle him, Shaggy holding her back.
Finally, she came out wearing a red-and-white 'dipped' dress (where it was red at the bottom but faded to white near the top), the collar being tied around the neck.
Pugsy gave a thumbs up.
While going over to ask her if there were any talents Zippy had that didn't involve something violent, Flip saw her writing in a notebook labeled 'Poetry', and- reading over her shoulder- was impressed, and giving her a 'thumbs-up'.
She made one final attempt at cooking- making muffins. This time, however, they actually came out good! Shaggy was the taste-tester, and gave her a thumbs up.
Zippy felt relieved. She was finally prepared.
[End song]
d~b
The night of the pageant finally arrived, as Pugsy, Shaggy, and Flip stood outside the building. "Shawn said he would be dropping her off in ten minutes. I wonder what's keeping them?" Shaggy said, knowing the pageant was going to start in less than an hour.
"He probably went into shock after hearing the news," Pugsy joked. "Still, I wonder why ZIP couldn't just drive herself?"
"She hates driving, and Shawn's car as tinted windows." Flip answered.
Finally, Shawn's car pulled up. "Allow me to introduce our star of the pageant... Zee Isaiah Pugnacious," the celebrity announced as he stepped out, opening Zippy's car door.
The guy's eyes widened when they saw her. She had her hair done-up, was wearing a little bit of make-up, stood elegantly in her dress... and, for once, looked like a lovely young woman.
"Whoa..." Pugsy said, while Shaggy's jaw dropped, and Flip gawked.
"Stop staring you guys, it's not THAT big of a change," Zippy scoffed, rubbing her arm.
The mysterious masked figure we often see lowered himself down on a zip-line, making a wolf-whistle, then shot back up. Zippy blushed.
"C'mon, lets get inside. The contest is going to start soon," Shawn said, after clearing his throat, and they entered the building.
What they didn't notice was Katrina and Brattina had been spying on them from around the corner. "I-I-I don't believe it! Zippy... s-s-she actually looks like a girl!" Brattina stammered. "And... and a beautiful one at that!"
"Yes... but just because she LOOKS like a girl doesn't mean she ACTS like one," Katrina replied, smirking. "And we're going to make sure the judges know it!" she took out her cell-phone.
"What are you doing, mom?"
"Just calling a friend for a favor, honey. We're going to make sure we're the ONLY stars of this pageant!"
d~b
The guys sat down in their seats, watching as the competition got started. The first part of the pageant included all the women walking along the stage, as the announcer, Chet You-Betcha, made the introduction. "Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to this year's Toonopolis Beauty Pageant! Judging the event tonight is Total Drama series star, Chris McLean,"
Christ McLean was sitting in his chair, coolly, giving a wave.
"Million-dollar and single-browed Bikini Bottom resident, Squilliam Fancyson,"
Squilliam gave a grin, casually waving.
"And... um... Gir?"
Gir, dressed in his green-dog suit, waved wildly to the camera. "What's with the... dog?" Squilliam asked Chris.
"The other guy called in sick at the last minute, and we needed a third." Chris answered. "All he has to do is just sit there, anyway."
"Look at all the pretty girls! HI GIRLS!" Gir shouted, waving to the contestants. Melody waved back, giggling.
Squilliam gave a look. "I doubt he will." he muttered.
"*ahem* Well, lets get started! Tonight, one of these wonderful women will win the honor of being Miss Toonopolis! Lets introduce them, shall we?" Chet exclaimed, standing by the women as they were lined up. "First, we have Starfire. Starfire is a native from the planet Tamaran, who now lives on Earth and works with the Teen Titans. She loves cute animals, funny movies, and is much stronger than she looks!"
Starfire smiled at the audience, waving shyly.
"Next up we have Sam Sparks, a weather-girl from Swallow Falls, currently working at SparkWood Inc. with her boyfriend, Flint Lockwood."
Sam waved sheepishly, chuckling a bit.
"And here we have Paulina, a high-school graduate from Amityville Park. She's majoring in fashion-designs at her beauty-school, loves walks through the parks, and likes puppies,"
Paulina gave a wave and a wink to the audience.
"Then we have Bonnie, a graduate from Middleton High and college student. She's a cheerleader captain at her college, is into romantic movies... and..." Chet squinted as he read the card. "Would really appreciate it if no one compared her to Kim Possible. ...Okay, someone's got issues..."
Bonnie gave Chet a glare.
"Next we have- GOOD GRAVY!" Chet panicked when he got to Katrina, who was striking a pose. "Er, I mean, uh... K-Katrina S-Stoneheart! Katrina is a single mother, manages an apartment, and... and... and lets move on!"
Katrina glared at Chet as he hurried by, the announcer shuddering.
"And here we have Melody. Melody is a drummer for the band The Pussycats, performing with her friends Josie and Melody. She loves romantic movies, music, cute animals, travelling, and pink."
Melody giggled, waving to everyone.
"And our final contestant is Zee Isaiah Pugnacious... or as she likes to be called, ZIP. Zippy is a writer, volunteers at pet shelters, and isn't afraid to perform daredevil stunts."
Flip waved to Zippy, who gave a shy wave back.
"Now, with the introductions out of the way, time for our first contest- the Best Dress!"
Starfire took a step forth, showing her light-purple, glittering dress. The audience did some 'oohs' and 'aahs' while the judges nodded. "Ooooooooh, shiny," Gir commented.
Sam Sparks stepped up next, wearing a light-blue dress with white transparent sleeves. "Woo-hoo!" Flint Lockwood called from the audience, standing and letting out a whistle, only to get yanked back down by his father, Tim.
Paulina made a pose, wearing a burgundy, glimmering dress with a transparent shawl. A few guys in the audience whooped.
Bonnie stood next to her, showing her lavender-and-lilac colored dress, which had a ripple-like pattern in the colors. "Kim's still hotter!" came a call from the audience. Bonnie glared, sneering.
Katrina stepped up, wearing a blue dress with a black trim. The audience remained quiet.
Melody walked up in a white, glimmering, single-sleeved dress. "So pretty..." Gir swooned, and the audience agreed (one guy fainted with hearts bubbling over his head).
Zippy meekly walked up, wearing her red-and-white dipped dress. The audience responded with more 'oohs' and 'aahs', and the judges gave approving nods. Shaggy, Pugsy, Flip and Shawn smiled at her, giving a thumbs-up.
"As the judges are tallying the scores, lets give a round of applause to our contestants! Ladies, you are free to go change for the next event- the Swimsuit competition!" Chet said.
~One scene-change later...~
"And we're back! Lets see what kind of swim-wear our elegant contestants have chosen! First up is Melody, in a stunning pink polka-dot bikini, with a pink swim-skirt tied around the waist,"
Melody walked across the stage in her swim-suit. Several guys' jaws dropped. "Hey, Shag, mind moving your tongue AWAY from the popcorn?" Pugsy sneered at Shaggy, swiping a bucket of popcorn they bought.
"There was a popcorn vendor?" Flip questioned.
"Up next, is Starfire, wearing a lovely purple once-piece!" Chet announced.
Starfire flew on stage, landing next to Melody. "Ooh, I like your swimsuit!" she said.
"Thank you! Yours is most stunning as well, I saw a few men pass out... Um, that is a good sign, isn't it?" Starfire asked, and Melody giggled.
Out next came Sam in a aqua two-piece, wearing short jean-shorts, followed by Bonnie who wore a violet bikini. "I wonder what kind of swimsuit Zippy will wear," Shawn inquired.
"We decided to let her pick one out. Chances are, she chose one with shorts and a cover-shirt," Pugsy joked, sipping a soda.
"Up next is Zippy... in a dark-blue two-piece!" Chet announced.
Zippy hesitantly walked on, showing off her new swimsuit.
"SPPPTTHH!" Pugsy spewed, gasping a bit, and fell to the ground, in utter shock.
"Wow, Zippy, you're really working it tonight!" Melody commented, pointing over where Pugsy once sat. "Some guy just had a heart-attack!"
"I hope he's choking on his soda, too," Zippy muttered, blushing a bit.
"And finally we have Katrina StonehaaOLY CRUD!" Chet announced/shrieked.
Katrina pompously walked out, wearing a purple two-piece. The audience was in utter shock, silent, and men were passing out for a different reason.
"It's the giant purple people-eater!" Gir screamed.
Chris McLean gagged. "We've censored things less disgusting..." he groaned, while Squilliam shielded his eyes.
"Um... well... uh... Lets move on!" Chet said, motioning the stage-hands to rapidly close the curtains before anyone else could go blind.
The women went back-stage, Katrina sitting by Brattina as she did her make-up. "Mother, no offense, but I think several of these girls are winning the judges over!" Brattina whispered. "How are you supposed to win?"
"The only way I know how to win, Brattina- by cheating," Katrina replied. "Honey, it's time we thinned out the competition,"
Brattina nodded.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Starfire, there you are!" Brattina gasped, racing forth. "I just saw a huge monster attacking the city, the other titans ran to stop it, but need your help!"
"Really? Robin would have informed me..." Starfire questioned.
"There was no time! The monster was, uh, destroying a kitten-shelter!"
"Oh my gosh! Don't worry, young feline offpsprings, I shall help save you!" Starfire flew out of the building.
Next, Brattina ran to Sam Sparks. "I heard there's a HUGE tornado stirring up- but the weather-man can't make it in! If someone doesn't trace that storm soon-"
"Say no more! Some things are more important than beauty-contests," Sam said, rushing out with her weather-advisor.
Brattina looked at Bonnie and Paulina, then pointed across the street. "Hey! Kim Possible's getting dumped, over by a shoe-sale!"
"Where?!" Bonnie and Paulina exclaimed, running out the door... and Brattina locked it behind them.
Katrina walked out of a changing room, back in her dress. "Well? Is everyone gone?" she asked.
"I managed to get rid of most of the competition- all that's left is Melody and Zippy," Brattina replied.
Katrina chuckled. "I already have a plan to get Zippy out of the competition,"
"Ladies, five minutes until the next event!" a stage-hand called.
"We'll deal with Melody later. I doubt that twit has a good talent anyway,"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
A drum-solo was more than impressive for Melody, as she played a rhythm on her drums. Squilliam, more into classical music, plugged his ears; Chris McLean tapped his fingers to the beat, impressed; and Gir was rocking his head and jamming out.
The audience cheered after Melody finished, and Brattina looked at Katrina. "What now, mom?" she asked.
"Now, I do MY talent," Katrina huffed, walking out wearing a smok and wheeling in a pottery-table with a large lump of clay on it. She then began to work away.
Chet, meanwhile, spoke with some stage-hands. "We looked everywhere, sir, but the only contestants left are Zippy, Melody... and that creepy woman," one stage-hand said.
"Well, keep looking, otherwise they'll be disqualified... ugh, why couldn't Katrina have disappeared instead?" Chet asked.
Flip, who had walked backstage to see how Zippy was doing, overheard this and got suspicious, then ran back to the guys, telling them about it. "So, like, half the competition is gone?!" Shaggy gasped.
"And I bet I know who did it," Shawn sneered, crossing his arms as he looked at Katrina on stage. "Honestly, the things women do to win these things..."
Once Katrina was done sculpting, she had made a bust of the 3 judges, with the words, "Pick Me!" written on the base. The judges only sighed- save for Gir, who was thinking about eating the clay.
Next came Zippy. "For my talent, I've chosen to recite a poem by Bradley Hathaway," she announced, then cleared her throat. "'The Hug Poem,'"
Squilliam yawned, Chris rolled his eyes, and Gir... was spinning in his chair.
Zippy began...
"I read about how you touched them,
And they were healed,
Or if someone even touched your cloak
They were forever changed...
You let a broken woman bathe your feet in her tears,
And you washed your best friends' feet.
I'm just wondering though... did you ever just hug people?"
She not only recited it, she acted as if she were actually talking to someone, and even paced a bit rather than just stand still, gesturing with her hands as she recited the next lines.
"I mean, I know it's a silly question, and I'm sure you would have.
Why wouldn't you?
But it's one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it.
And how, when there was a touch from you, sins were forgiven, and sickness fell!
I think I'm caught up in my sins...
Last I checked, all my body parts were working...
Nothing special here,
I'm just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets."
By this time, the audience was tuned in, listening to the emotion, watching every movement. Even Gir managed to sit still, listening somewhat.
"I don't think our encounter would have ended up in the Gospels or anything,
Because all I really need is a hug.
That's okay for me to imagine right?
That's not going to be conflicting to any theology, is it?"
She paused a beat, as if waiting for a reply.
"Okay, good.
Then hug me.
But not one of those sideways, arm-around-the-neck type hugs,
Or the ghetto right-hand, clasp fists, elbows-to-chest pit-pat on the back-back,
Or you put your left arm over my left arm, and I put my right arm over your right arm,
And we do this weird diagnol thing...
Nah, none of those...
Bear-hug me, man!"
That last part came out loud and emotional, making a few people give a jolt, some chuckled a bit.
"Take your old-school carpenter arms and wrap them around my upper-body
Leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere, and I can barely move them
Because you're squeezing so hard...
But don't pick me up and make my back pop, because I hate it when people do that.
Just hold me...
Hold me in your arms until I start to cry, because...
...I want to cry..."
She was wincing at that last part, her voice choking a bit, a few members of the audience joining. Shaggy sniffled, and a teary-eyed Shawn handed him a tissue.
"But I just can't seem to do it on my own.
I have been teary-eyed once, recently, but not enough for a drip down my cheek.
There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged...
So hold me in this hold pose,
Until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose."
Once finished, she stood still, and dropped the mike.
The audience applauded. Chris nodded with a shrug, Squilliam still looked bored, and Gir was cheering wildly. "Hooray for huggy poems!" he shouted.
"Well... there's a side of Zippy I didn't think existed," Pugsy said, a bit surprised.
"Oh, yes, she can be emotional. You shoul've seen her on Speech Team back in highschool," Shawn said.
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, while the judges round up their scores, lets move on to the cooking part of the competition!" Chet announced, as the three contestants walked back on, standing behind some kitchen-counters. "Each contestant has an hour to make an excellent dish for our judges to taste, and... have at it, ladies!"
The women began cooking. Melody made spaghetti, Zippy made her muffins, and Katrina made a roast. "Say, Melody, do you have any pepper I could use? It seems I'm out," Katrina asked her.
"Sure, let me check," Melody said, turning to look under the counter. While no one was looking, Katrina poured something into her sauce.
"Oh, never mind! I just remembered the recipe doesn't call for it, bye!" With that, she went back to her roast, earning a suspicious glance from Zippy.
Once the food was ready, the judges tasted them... Gir went crazy over the muffins, scarfing them down. "Hey, leave some for us!" Chris sneered, managing to snag one before Gir could devour it.
"Excellent muffins, Zee. I've had better, but not bad by mediocre standards," Squilliam commented. "And Katrina, your roast was marvelous!"
"Thank you," Katrina said, grinning boastingly at Zippy.
They then tried Melody's spaghetti... and their faces contorted into sickening glances, and they quickly guzzled down their waters (save for Gir, who ate the whole thing despite the taste). "Yech! Geez, Melody, what did you put in this?" Chris demanded.
"Just noodles, tomato sauce, and hamburger," Melody replied, meekly.
"Well *hack* it tastes like you smothered it with Tobasco sauce!" Squlliam added, gagging.
"Spicy. Please, sir, can I have some more?" Gir asked.
Melody's head hung low, and Zippy patted her on the back.
"Ooh, doesn't look like it went well for Melody, folks... but hopefully she'll make up for it with our final event!" Chet exclaimed. "We're down to 3 contestants... namely because the rest have yet to show up, earning them disqualification."
"Katrina is cheating!" Someone shouted from the audience.
"No she's not! Pipe down!" Brattina snapped, happening to be sitting by that person and swatting them upside the head.
"Erm, right... on to the finally!" Chet announced.
While the three contestants were backstage, Katrina stood by the wall by a lever. "Oh, Melody, I think you dropped an earring back there," she said, pointing over to a square part of the floor.
"Where?" Melody questioned, walking by.
*Ka-chunk!*
"AUGH!" Melody shrieked, as Katrina made her fall through a trap-door!
Zippy ran over. "Melody?!" She called, then turned to Katrina. "Alright, you snob, what have you've done with the rest of the girls?!"
"I'm doing nothing but winning a competition. Honestly, Zippy, why don't you just go home now? You know you're not lady-like enough to qualify." Katrina huffed.
"I'm more a lady than you'll ever be, Stoneheart!"
"You think a change of looks is enough? Please. Step aside and I'll show you how a woman is supposed to act!" With that, she walked off, Zippy glaring daggers at her.
~Another scene-change!~
"And here's our final contestants! First up is Mel-" Chet began, until there came a chipmunk-like yammering from his ear-piece. "What's that, Alvin? ...She what?! ...Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid that another one of our contestants dropped out of the competition! Meaning our final contestants are actually Zippy and... ugh... Katrina."
There were murmurings amongst the crowd, while the guys exchanged glances, wondering what Katrina had in store for Zippy.
The two final contestants stood on stage, Chet standing by them. "Alright, ladies, and the final event is just a simple, cliche question that we ask at every pageant: If you had one wish, what would you use it for?" he ask, holding the microphone up to Katrina first.
"Well, I'd wish for world peace," Katrina said, using a cliche line for a cliche category.
"Yeah right!" Pugsy called.
"Shut up, creep!" Brattina shouted, smacking him with her purse, earning a glare.
"...Typical," Chet said, rolling his eyes, then walked over to Zippy. "Alright, Zippy, do you have a less cliche answer?"
"I would wish for-" Zippy began to say.
*CRASH!*
Suddenly, another robotic Godzilla-like monster crashed through the building, roaring! Inside its head, working the controls behind tinted windows, was Robotnik. "It's a good thing I had a spare robot lying around," Robotnik said, giving his lackeys a glare. "Especially after my LAST one fell off a cliff!"
"We're sorry, boss..." The lackeys whimpered.
The audience screamed, and ran off. "WHOA!" Zippy cried, then developed a determined look. "Looks like it's time for this beauty to tame a beast!" she then ripped off her dress, revealing a pair of jeans and her T-shirt underneath, then took out her cap and placed it on her head, and whipped out her gravity-board, soaring up at the monster... with a machete! "Chew on this, metal-head!"
The monster roared, swiping at her, while she clicked a button on the side of her weapon, making bolts of electricity shoot out of it, and stabbed the monster in the back! It roared as it was electrocuted... sadly, it only lead it to a malfunction! "Agh! I can't control it!" Robotnik cried, trying to work the machine, but had no control.
The monster-machine, now with a mind of its own, tore through the building. "I did NOT sign up for this!" Chris shouted.
"This is just like a Japanese film!" Gir exclaimed, watching the disaster unfold while munching on popcorn.
Zippy soared around, avoiding the monster's tail as it crashed through a wall, the ceiling beams falling towards some audience members. "Whoa, look out!" she cried, shooting down and shoving them out of harm's way, then shot back up at the monster. Seeing some cables dangling from the busted ceiling, she grabbed one and zipped around the monster, tying it up long enough for her to fly towards the front of it.
It roared loudly, and Zippy took out a grenade, chucking it down the monster's throat while it was still roaring...
*BOOM!*
An explosion erupted from inside, billowing out of the mouth of the machine and blowing Zippy onto the stage, while the monster fell to the side, breaking apart like a broken toy. Robotnik and his lackeys stumbled out, waving away smoke, then noticed everyone staring at them. "Oh! Um, thanks for saving us from this mechanical monster that... ate us! Bye!" Robotnik said quickly, and they took off.
Everyone looked around at the damage, then at Zippy, who was now back to looking like her boyish self. "As I was saying..." she said, clearing her throat. "If I had a wish... I'd wish for a world where women didn't have to wear make-up, or dress up, or flaunt their curves just to feel attractive, but be appreciated for who they are, and what they can do. ...Thank you."
Chris and Squlliam stepped forth (Gir was busy poking the monster with a stick), and cleared their throats. "Well, Zippy, that's a very nice speech, and very heartwarming," Chris said. "But... in order to win the beauty pageant, you have to LOOK like a girl... and right now, you pretty much lost the look."
"That, and you're totally psycho!" Squilliam added. "At least the rest of the competitors had some decent looks!"
"Pardon me, but she just saved our necks!" Pugsy spoke up, as the guys stepped forth.
"Yeah, well, if there was a 'fighting a giant monster' event, she would have won... But this is a BEAUTY pageant, guys- looks are the only thing that count for women." Chris said, then looked at Katrina. "BEAUTIFUL Women, keep that in mind."
"EXCUSE US?!" came a shout, and they looked, seeing the rest of the competition had returned, Bonnie being the one who spoke.
"Ladies! So glad you've returned! ...Maybe we could restart and have a decent pageant-" Squilliam began.
"Forget it, dude. If you just care about us looking beautiful outside, but not inside... then I'm out!" Paulina huffed. "I may have been a popular, beautiful girl in school- but now I'm a popular, beautiful young woman, and I don't need some judge to tell me that!"
"Yeah, that was pretty sexist," Sam added.
"Perhaps I would not be considered beautiful either, for I fight monsters as well!" Starfire huffed.
"And I might not be smart, but I still know what it really takes to be a woman!" Melody added.
"C'mon, girls, lets ditch this joint." Zippy suggested, and they all walked out.
"By the way, I think your drum solo was awesome," Shaggy told Melody.
"Hee hee, thank you!" Melody replied.
"Wait... but if the rest of the competition is gone... then that means the only winner is..." Squilliam gasped.
"I'm ready for my reward, boys!" Katrina exclaimed, stepping forth.
"Oh man, we can't have her be the winner!" Chris cried. "That woman's ugly- inside AND out! Our careers will be shot!"
Squilliam quickly looked around, grabbed Gir, and put a dress on him, handing him a sash and bouquette. "Here! You're the winner! Congrats!" he said quickly.
Gir's eyes welled up, and he smiled. "I'm so happy!" he exclaimed. "I would like to thank all the little people, and the little animals, and the little things in life!"
"WHAT?! You mean I got rid of all the contestants, hired some nut to unleash a giant robot on that psycho-girl to get her disqualified, AND YOU CHOSE SOME GREEN DOG OVER ME?!" Katrina bellowed.
"That... and the sabotage you caused earned YOU an automatic disqualification!" Chris snapped. "SECURITY!"
Katrina was then hauled off by two security guards. "Er, wait! I was just kidding!"
Brattina groaned. "Great... now where am I going to get my allowance?" she sneered.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The next day, Shaggy, Pugsy, and Flip were lounging around the backyard. "Man, I can't believe Zippy still didn't win," Flip sighed.
"Ah, they picked the wrong judges, that's all." Pugsy scoffed.
"Yeah. To tell the truth, she did pretty good." Shaggy said. "Actually... It would be nice to see more girls like her,"
"Aw, thanks Shaggy!" Zippy exclaimed, popping up right beside him... then gave him a big kiss on the lips! "Mmmwuah! See ya around, good-looking." With that, she clicked a button, activating a jet-pack and shooting off.
Shaggy began to twitch, gagging as he did. "I take it back!" he choked, writhing on the ground.
Pugsy and Flip looked at each other, shook their heads, then reached up, pulling down a window-shade over the screen that red, "END".
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
A/N: Sorry this episode took a while to write, but I hope you all liked it anyway.
Please review, but no flames.