And now for the next episode. It'll be once again Zippy-related… but for an obvious reason.
Oh, and warning, it may be a little bit like a chick-flick… only with explosions, chaos, humor, and lack of over-used feminine clichés that would make men and tomboys fall asleep. And, anyone who has never seen or remember the movie Scooby-Doo meets the Boo Brothers won't know who Sadie May is.
Hope you enjoy!
d~b
Episode 17
Zippy's Rival
(Or, Shaggy's Fan-Girl Catastrophe)
Shaggy stood outside the coffee-shop, taking in a deep breath. He tried smoothing back his hair, but it just puffed back up in its messy-style. He adjusted his jacket, cleared his throat, then stepped inside.
What exactly was going on? Well, after living near his crush for a few months now, the lanky young man finally worked up enough courage to ask her out on a date. Melody, though a ditz at times, was the kind of sweet, kind, gentle, talented, beautiful young woman he would love to hang out with… as long as she was up for dating him, that is.
"Like, you mind, man? You're not really helping my confidence!" Shaggy whispered to the narrator.
(Sorry).
On a small stage in the coffee-shop, performing, were Josie, Valerie, and Melody, aka The Pussycats. Rather than wearing their trademark 70's cheetah-leotards, they had switched to black skinny-jeans, white shirts, and different-patterned jackets (Josie still wore cheetah, Valerie wore tiger, and Melody wore jaguar). They still wore their cat-ears as well.
Alexander owned the coffee-house, Alan alongside him as he was still the manager of the Pussycats. "So, how's your sister doing in her modeling career?" Alan asked Alexander as he was wiping off the counter.
"Not bad, though she's getting a new hairstyle since her agent said the skunk-style was bad for her image," Alexander replied, cleaning a glass. "Someone should've told him it matches her attitude,"
Alan laughed, then noticed Shaggy had walked in. "Shag! Long time no see! How's the radio-business going?" he asked.
"Pretty groovy, Pugs and I have been getting a few calls from a few cameos," Shaggy replied.
"Yeah, I heard the Warner Bros. and their sis come in yesterday, you guys' must've really needed the ratings!" Alexander commented.
Shaggy gave a deadpanned look. "Not really. They, just popped up unannounced… and since everyone loved the show, the manager asked them to come back next week!" he looked over at the stage, listening to the music. "I see the band's still got it,"
"Yeah, though we haven't gotten many gigs, which is why we bought this coffee-shop." Alan replied. "We turned it into a nice hot-spot, and the girls can still perform, until we get the next big-break."
"Like, I've got an idea- maybe Pugs and I could play one of their new songs over the radio sometime, give 'em a little more recognition,"
"That's a great idea! I'll talk to Josie, she might have a CD you can use,"
"So… anything I can get you, Shag, while you're here?" Alexander asked.
"Maybe just a few pastries and a latte…" Shaggy replied.
The song ended, and the Pussycats walked off the stage. "Shaggy, hi!" Melody exclaimed, walking over.
Shaggy's hair stuck out, as the nervousness began to kick in. "And, like, maybe some good lines!" he whispered to Alexander, who only arched an eyebrow. The lanky young man turned towards Melody once she sat down next to him. "Like, hi, Mel! Great song."
Melody giggled. "Thanks! What brings you by? You hardly come in here,"
"Uh, just… well…"
"Here's your latte, Shag. How many pastries?" Alexander cut in.
"Um, one of everything, man- actually, make it two." Shaggy turned back to Melody, while his friend loaded a paper sack with two of every Danish, muffin, scone, cinnamon roll, and donut they had in the display case. "Anyway… I was wondering, if maybe you'd like to… I dunno… hang out tonight?"
"That sounds great!" Melody replied.
Shaggy's eyes widened in excitement. "Really?"
Melody then paused, thinking. "Oh wait, I just remembered… Johnny Bravo's taking me out to dinner and a movie tonight," she patted Shaggy on the shoulder. "Sorry, Shag. Maybe Holly and I can come over later this weekend, huh? Then we can all hang out,"
"Oh… um… alright," Shaggy waited until Melody walked back on stage, for the girls to perform another song, then allowed his shoulders to slump, sighing heavily.
"Yeah… I remember the first time I got turned down, too. And the second. And the third. …actually I think I was shot down 14 times before I finally got a date," Alexander said, then noticed his friend's depressed expression was slipping deeper. He cleared his throat, handing him the pastries. "Uh, here man. On the house."
"Thanks," Shaggy then walked out of the coffee-shop, heading back to the apartment.
d~b
"Use Unleash! Go with Howling Wind!" Flip was exclaiming while watching Pugsy play Ni No Kuni. "Augh! Marcassin's down! Use a Phoenix Feather!"
"Flip, I know how to play the game, pipe down!" Pugsy snapped, wrestling with the controls furiously. "Dang it- Why is no one joining in the 'All Out Defense'?!"
Shaggy walked through the door just then, setting his latte and pastries down on the counter. "*sigh*…" he breathed.
"Use a trick-shot! Trick-shot!" Flip shouted.
"I'll use a trick-shot when I need to! …Dang it, Drippy, I know what to use already!" Pugsy shouted at the screen.
"*Sigh*…" Shaggy breathed once more, a bit louder.
"Oh, crud! You're dead! You're dead!" Flip stammered.
"I ain't dead 'till the whole team is down!" Pugsy retorted, switching characters.
"*SIGH*…" Shaggy breathed/moaned, a little annoyed that his friends hadn't noticed.
"Ha! Got him!" Pugsy exclaimed.
"Took you five tries-" Flip scoffed.
"I SAID 'SIGH', DARN IT!" Shaggy bellowed, startling the two friends.
"Geez, Shag! You don't need to shout! …When did you get in?" Pugsy replied. Shaggy chucked a muffin at him, getting him in the forehead. "Hey! What's your deal?!"
"Huh boy, what's wrong, Shag?" Flip asked, a bit concerned- knowing Shaggy never chucks pastries (especially at Pugsy) unless he was upset.
"I went to ask out Melody… turns out she's taken," Shaggy replied, slouching against the counter.
"Well, that's what happens when you wait too long," Pugsy commented… then got hit with a scone. "Whoa! Okay, that's strike two! Watch it!"
"Don't worry, Shag. You may get another chance…Or, maybe you'll find someone else!" Flip assured, trying to cheer up his friend.
"It's not that easy, Flip… It'll take a while for me to get over Melody- and once I do, how am I going to find a date? I keep getting shot down!" Shaggy replied.
"What about Daphne? You guys were hooking up at the end of the last season!"
"Yeah, but it wasn't working out- she wanted me to start wearing that pink shirt again, and wanted to style my hair, so we decided to stay friends."
"Well… okay, so maybe you should look into dating a girl who likes you, AND finds your looks appealing,"
Shaggy scoffed. "Like who?"
The balcony doors opened, and Zippy cart-wheeled in. "Hello, hansom," she said, landing in front of Shaggy.
The lanky man's eye twitched.
"Ummm… okay, maybe not…" Flip mumbled.
"What's going on?" Zippy asked.
"Shaggy got shot-down, and we're trying to help him hook up," Flip answered- making Shaggy pale.
Zippy rubbed her chin, looking up at Shaggy. "Reeeaaaaallly?"
"Might want to raise your standards, Shag." Pugsy replied, stifling a laugh… and Shaggy chucked a donut at him, which he ducked this time. "Alright, that's it!" he charged towards the lanky young man.
Zippy stood between them, giving Pugsy an intense death-glare. "LAY OFF!"
Pugsy paused, backing away a bit- even he knew it would be suicide to mess with a cartoon's psychotic fan-girl.
"Uh… Like, no offense, Zippy, but I'm kind of trying to get over a crush so…" Shaggy said, uneasily.
"Ah, right. I'll come back when your heart is mended-" Zippy replied, then looked over at the TV where the game was still on. "Speaking of mending hearts, how far did you guys get in the game?"
"Pugs managed to beat Gallus, at last." Flip answered.
"Really? Man, dude, took you long enough-"
"BYE, ZIP." Pugsy sneered, shoving Zippy out the front door.
"Okay, okay, I can tell when I'm not wa-"
*SLAM!*
The loudmouth shut and locked the door behind her, then went and did the same to the balcony door. "We have GOT to get a security-system for this door," he muttered.
With Zippy gone, Shaggy went back into his melancholy. "C'mon, Shag, lets go get a pizza or something. That'll get your mind off things!" Flip said.
"No thanks, Flip… I'm not hungry right now," Shaggy said- and you KNOW he's upset whenever he says something like that! He stood up and walked to his room.
Flip turned to Pugsy, concerned. "Wham-bam, Shag's in a jam! We gotta do something!"
"Just give him time, Flip. He'll bounce back," Pugsy assured him.
"Did you NOT hear the narrator three paragraphs ago? When Shaggy turns down the offer of pizza or any food, something is definitely wrong!"
"He's just going through post-rejection-depression. By tomorrow, he might be back to normalcy."
d~b
~One Week Later…~
Shaggy was still heartbroken, sitting in his room, eating ice-cream and watching a commercial that used a romantic-setting to sell perfume.
Flip was looking through a crack in the door, sighing. He then walked out to the living room. "He's still in there, Pugs. NOW can we do something?" he asked.
"Flip, you've been offering him food, comic-books, movies, and a trip to a mini-golf course all week. I think you should just let him have his space, and he'll overcome it himself," Pugsy replied. "Trust me, people do better in getting over crushes when people leave them alone."
"I guess you'd be an expert,"
"Of course I- HEY!" Pugsy gave Flip a glare, pointing at him. "I'll have you know I managed to ask out quite a few girls- a majority of them going steady with me!"
"Then why are you the only main-character without a love-interest?"
*Whap!*
Pugsy hit Flip with his fedora, then stormed towards the front door. "Forget it. I'm going over to Shawn's- he needs help fixing the sink," he muttered.
"I thought Horace and Jasper already worked on it?" Flip questioned.
"That's exactly why it needs fixed." With that, Pugsy left.
Flip sat down at the computer, looking back at Shaggy's room. The guy had been miserable the whole week, and hardly ate more than 3 meals a day (outside of his usual 9, not counting snacks), and at work had to fake enthusiasm on the radio- though every time a love-song came up or was requested, he would immediately have Pugsy take over. Morning and night, all he would do was mope…
And the pre-teen couldn't take it anymore. "I have got to do something…" he said to himself, turning to the computer and pulling up the internet to look for online-solutions…
Noticing Shaggy left his email file up, a week's worth of emails filling it, some from his friends, a bit of junkmail advertising things that people could live without or care less for… but mostly a majority from a woman. At least 500 messages worth.
Curious, Flip opened up one of the emails from the woman.
'Shaggy! Haven't heard from you in YEARS! I'm hoping you're still around, sugar. Reply back, soon!' read one.
'I can't wait to see you again! Please tell me where you're at, honeysuckle, so we can hang out like before!' read another.
'Shaggy Rogers, you reply back this instant! I can't go on anymore without you, darling! Please reply back, so we can pick up where we left off all that time ago! I'll always be waiting- and I promise my big-brother won't shoot you this time, he's recently in jail for accidentally shooting the sheriff's tires while hunting possums, so we won't be interrupted like last time!' read another.
'Hello, Shaggy. Sorry for sounding plum-crazy in my past messages, but I just miss being with my old sweetheart. I've been trying to find another man- really!- but none of them equal up to you. You're probably married by this point anyway, I guess- no doubt to the luckiest woman in the world! But I'd still like to visit you, maybe catch up. Been wondering what you've been up to all these years. Please reply back, I have no one else to talk to.' Read one more that had just popped up.
Flip looked the last message over, rubbing his chin. Maybe she's an old ex of Shaggy's who wants to get back together! He thought, then got an idea and hit 'reply'! (oh no, Flip, don't do it…)
'Hi, my name's Flip, I'm a friend living with Shaggy.' he began (and I'm hoping he'll stop!) 'He hasn't replied to any of your messages, because he's been busy lately. He's a little heart-broken right now, but maybe a visit from you will cheer him up!
(No, Flip, bad idea! BAD idea!)
'We live in apartment 515, Paradise Towers, in Toonopolis, California. Drop by any time!"
(GAH! Stop Flip! …Dear Lord, someone write it to where the computer crashes before-)
*beep*
…too late. He sent the message. (…worst… idea… EVER…)
Flip looked towards the narrator. "What? She's just an old friend, isn't she?" he asked.
"Who's an old friend?" Shaggy asked, walking out of his room. "And what the heck was the narrator having a panic-attack about?"
"Oh, I just sent a message to an old friend of yours, inviting them over." Flip answered. "They've been emailing you a lot,"
Shaggy sighed. "Flip, it's not right to go through other people's emails! …Who'd you message?"
"Just someone named Sadie May."
"AUGH!" Shaggy hit the floor, having a mini-heart-attack, immediately standing right back up and gripping Flip by the shirt, shaking him. "WHY'D YOU DO THAT, FLIP?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND COMPLETELY?!"
"W-What's wrong?! She's a friend of yours, isn't she?!"
"She's not a 'friend', Flip- she's a STALKER! Who else would send 500 emails to a guy within 24 hours?!"
Flip looked at the computer. "Wow, I figured these were just sent during a whole month- why didn't you just block her?"
"She kept changing her email-address… and somehow always found mine whenever I did the same thing!" Shaggy rubbed the side of his face. "Ugh… I can't believe you invited her over! I'm going to have to move!"
"Take it easy, Shag… Where does she live?"
"Clear out in a bayou somewhere,"
"Okay… so it might take her some time to get-"
*BAM!* The front door slammed open, and there stood a young woman with blonde hair tied in two pig-tails, wearing a pink tie-up shirt, daisy-duke shorts, and boots. "HERE!" she exclaimed, having a southern-drawl. Her eyes then fixed themselves on Shaggy. "And there YOU are at long last, my sweet sugar-plumb honey-muffin!"
"GAAAAHHHH!" Shaggy screamed, running and locking himself in his room, looking more scared than he'd ever been. EVER.
"Oh, don't try locking yourself up, hon! …You know I learned how to pick locks!"
"Um… I take it your Sadie May?" Flip guessed, pretty taken-aback by the outcome of his flawed idea.
Sadie turned towards him. "Sure am! And you might you be, sweetie?"
"I'm Flip, the one who invited you over… Um, any reason why Shaggy's running from you?"
"SHE'S CRAZY, THAT'S WHY!" Shaggy shouted from his room.
"Oh, don't mind him. He's just shy- we first met years ago when he came out to the bayou, and it was love at first sight! Tried all I could to get to know him better, but he was either runnin' from ghosts, or getting shot-at by my feudin' brother, or dealin' with a whole buncha other nonsense that was goin' on that night! Been tryin' to get in touch with him after he left, but I guess he was just still too shy to reply," she looked back over at his room. "Still is, by the looks of it,"
"Uh-huh…" Flip bluntly replied, realizing more and more of just how stupid this idea was. "Hey, um, while we wait for him to come out, why don't I give you a tour?"
"Well, ain't that sweet of you!" Sadie followed Flip to the center of the living room.
"Over there's the kitchen, this is the living room, back there is my room, across from it is the guest-room, and right there is the balcony which makes a great escape-route sometimes, right here is the computer, there's the front door, the closet…" Flip looked over his shoulder, watching as Shaggy got his hint and snuck across the room while Sadie's back was turned, and quickly ran out the balcony door!
Sadie turned around, seeing him step out. "A-HA!"
"Zoinks!" Shaggy screamed, then- desperate enough- jumped over the edge! "AAAAAAAAAAaaaaauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh….!"
*crunch*
"…Aw, and Grounder just planted those rose-bushes," Flip commented, looking over the edge.
"Hang on, sweet-thing! I'm-a comin'!" Sadie called down to Shaggy, then ran in, grabbing a blanket off the couch and- by the laws of cartoon-physics- jumped over and used the blanket as a parachute! "Yee-haw!"
Flip watched, as Shaggy got a second wind and started running from his stalker… all the while cursing the pre-teen's name with words worth censoring, making him cringe. "Ummm… I'd better go get Pugs," With that, he dashed out the door.
d~b
"You did WHAT?!"
Flip was flown into the wall from the outburst- not from Pugsy alone, but also from Shawn K., Stanley Ipkiss, and Uncle Ted, after they heard that Flip's horrible plan had backfired into proportions so epic that-
"OKAY WE GET IT!" Flip interrupted the narrator.
"Geez, Flip, didn't anyone tell you about the dangers of the internet?!" Stanley asked him. "It's basically the breeding-ground of creepers!"
"I-I thought she was an old friend of his! She sent him a ton of emails, he wasn't replying…"
"Kid, if someone doesn't respond to any messages from a certain person- much less one who messages them hundreds of times per second- it means they're trying to AVOID them," Pugsy said, lying down on the floor and pulling himself under the sink. "You should have asked Shaggy about it first before going forth with an idea! (hand me the monkey-wrench, will ya Stan?)"
Flip slouched. "I just wanted to help him…"
"Hey, don't worry about it, Flip-o. Chances are, they'll decide to compromise and be friends-" Uncle Ted began.
"GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THOSE LIPS, WOMAN!" They heard Shaggy scream from out in the backyard.
Ted cringed. "…or not…"
"What should we do?" Flip asked.
"'We'? YOU'RE the one who called in the stalker, Flip, so YOU will have to deal with it yourself!" Pugsy retorted, sharply. "It's about time you started taking responsibility for your actions- you can't expect us to always come to the rescue every time you goof!"
"But Shaggy needs help!"
"And you're the one who'll have to help him, since you got him in this mess."
"Yeah… normally I'd be willing to help- but I don't want to risk dealing with obsessed fan-girls." Shawn said, then cringed. "It… never ends well for me. I'll never forget that one year at Comic Con…" he then shuddered.
Flip turned to Stanley and Ted. "Don't look at me- I'm STILL trying to avoid MY fan-girls!" Stanley stated. "And my show hasn't been on TV for years!"
"Ditto. I was never good when it came to women anyway- hard to reason with them," Uncle Ted added.
Flip groaned. "Fine… I guess I could just go help Shag get a restraining order…" he muttered, leaving.
"Cheer up, Flip! At least it can't get any worse!"
Everyone paused, looking at each other.
"It's going to get worse, isn't it?" Pugsy guessed… just as a pipe burst and doused him with water. "Ack!"
d~b
'Worse' became an understatement, and for the obvious reason.
Zippy happened to be stepping out onto the balcony to take in some fresh air, her Pomeranian following her. "Ah, spring is finally here! …Looks like it'll be a great day for going sky-diving, wouldn't you say, Rickshaw?" she said.
"Arf! Arf!" Rickshaw barked, looking over the rail. His owner followed his gaze…
…seeing Shaggy and Sadie making their 22nd lap around the backyard, the lanky young man screaming in panic as his life-long stalker continued her pursuit. "C'mon, sugar, gimme a big kiss!" Sadie was exclaiming.
"Leave me alone! I'll call the cops!" Shaggy shouted back.
Zippy's eyes bugged out and her jaw dropped. "Oh HECK no!" she snarled, then leaped over the railing, grabbing the corners of her jacket and using it as a glider, flying down towards the chase.
By this point, Sadie managed to corner Shaggy. "I've got ya now, honey-bun!" she was stating, and lunged-
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SISTER!" Zippy bellowed, landing between the redneck-woman and her lanky crush.
"What the…? Where in the world did you come from?" Sadie asked, surprise.
"Oh NO…" Shaggy groaned, his pale complexion growing whiter by the second.
"What do you think you're doing, chasing around tall, pale, and hansom here?" Zippy demanded.
"Well, ain't it obvious? He's my sweetheart!" Sadie replied. "And who might YOU be?"
"The name's Zee Isaiah Pugnacious- and I happen to be the stalker around HERE, Daisy Duke!" Zippy backed up by Shaggy, linking arms with him. "I recommend you stop trespassing on MY territory, and back away from Shaggy, here."
"…Why?" Shaggy whimpered, looking to the heavens.
"Oh, well that's real cute… but you're a little young for him, don't you think, little girl?" Sadie retorted.
"Cute?! Little girl?!" Zippy snapped. "Woman, I'm 21! And you won't think it's so 'cute' when I'm leaving a foot-imprint on your face, unless you back off my man!"
Sadie grabbed Shaggy by the other arm, pulling him away from Zippy. "Oh, is that so? See here, little missy, I ain't going nowhere- I've had dibs on this stud-muffin since the 80's, and there ain't no way I'm going to let some pipsqueak come between us!"
Zippy tugged Shaggy back. "Think again, Ellie May!"
Sadie tugged him towards her once more. "That's SADIE May to you!"
"C-Can I say something…?" Shaggy stammered.
"NO!" Both his psychotic fan-girls shouted, making him jump.
"What makes you think you deserve a man like Shaggy?" Sadie demanded to Zippy.
"What makes you think YOU do?!" Zippy countered.
"For one thing, I LOOK like a woman!"
"More like the poster-girl for Blue Collar TV!"
"And you look like the poster-boy for the 90's!"
"At least the 90's were aweso- hey, where'd he go?"
The girls looked, seeing that, while they were bickering, Shaggy had made his getaway.
"Oh, GREAT! Now look what you did- you scared him off!" Sadie snapped at Zippy.
"I scared him off?! You already had him in panic-mode before I got here!" Zippy retorted.
Sadie turned away, taking off. "I'm gonna go catch him! HANG ON HONEY! I'LL FIND YOU!"
Zippy took off next. "NOT IF I DO FIRST!"
Shaggy cautiously peeked out from the bushes, then gave a weak glance at the audience. "…help… me…" he whimpered quietly.
d~b
Back in Shawn and Ted's apartment, Stanley was helping Pugsy out with the sink- namely by making sure the water-pressure was shut off before anyone could be drowned by accident. "Hey, guys, you think it was right for us to just blow off Flip like that?" Stanley asked. "I mean, sure, dealing with a fan-girl is suicide, but Shag may really need help,"
"Unless Derek is giving him trouble or the Freelance Police are inviting him to play 'Fizzball', I ain't backing him up." Pugsy replied, tapping on a pipe with a wrench. "Flip and I may be friends, but he's gotta learn how to settle things by himself, rather than meddle in other's affairs- unless it involves mystery-solving or taking down masterminds (sounds like something's stuck in there…)"
"Yeah… but Shag's the one suffering. Shouldn't we do something to help him out?"
*Pop!*
*FSSSHHH!*
The pipe's burst, this time having the water shoot out the sink like a fountain! "Sure- right after we're done fixing Ol' Faithful, here!" Ted exclaimed.
"Pugs! What did you DO?!" Shawn demanded.
"I just tapped the pipe like this!" Pugsy replied, tapping the pipe… and the water shut off. He arched an eyebrow, tapping the pipe again, and the water shot up like a fountain again! He tapped it once more, shutting it off.
"Cool! Let me try!" Ted exclaimed, hitting the pipe-
*SPLASH!*
A ton of water shot out of the pipes below, drenching Pugsy! He hit the pipes, getting them to stop, then looked at Stanley. "…Are you SURE you turned the water-pressurization OFF?!" he sneered.
Stanley looked, giving a weak smile. "Eh, heh… whoops. Wrong way," he said, meekly.
"Perhaps we should handle THIS problem, before getting involved in another," Shawn commented, handing Pugsy a second towel that day.
d~b
Flip walked into the lobby, heading to the backyard to find Shaggy and help him out in any way possible. He paused, seeing that Scratch and Grounder were carrying yet another large machine over to the basement door, looking like a tall electric pole with spikes and an antenna sticking out of the top. "Careful, idiot, this thing's super-sensitive!" Scratch snapped when Grounder fumbled the spiked end. "This thing hits the ground, and BOOM! No more eyebrows!"
"Well the joke's on you- we don't even HAVE eyebrows!" Grounder retorted. "Besides, it's hard to carry this thing with DRILLS for hands!"
"Whoa… what is that thing?" Flip asked.
Scratch and Grounder gave a jolt, setting up the machine by the stairs. "Er… uh… it's a new… um…" Scratch stammered.
"Toilet plunger!" Grounder blurted out.
Scratch turned to Grounder in disbelief. "Toilet plunger?!"
"(it's the only thing I could think of!)"
"Right… Uh, yeah, this is a prototype for an electric… toilet plunger. We're moving it down to the basement to test out."
Flip arched an eyebrow. "A little tall to be a plunger, don't you think?" he questioned, suspicious.
"It's long enough to get in deep, now scram kid!"
The back-door opened and Shaggy crawled through the room, hiding under the desk and peeking out… the others noticing. "Like, have you guys seen any crazy girls running around here?" he whispered to Scratch and Grounder.
"If there were ANY women around here, we'd have noticed." Grounder answered.
"Shag! Are you okay?" Flip gasped, running up to his friend.
Shaggy sighed, patting him on the shoulder. "Yeah, Flip, I'm fine…" he replied… before gripping Flip by the shirt and shaking him rapidly! "Except for the fact that I have two manic fan-girls after me thanks to you!"
Flip pulled away, bumping into the machine, nearly tipping it down the stairs, if not for Scratch and Grounder steadying it, glaring at the kid. "T-Two?! What do you mean?!"
"What do you MEAN 'what do I mean'?! ZIPPY is now competing against Sadie May to get a piece of me!"
"Not a 'piece'- the whole shebang!" Zippy exclaimed, popping up from behind the desk next to Shaggy.
Shaggy looked at her in pure horror. "AUGH!" he then made a 'cross' gesture with his two index fingers. "STAY BACK!" he then bolted up the stairs so fast that he caused the others to spin when he passed by them… having Grounder bump into the machine and nearly send it down the stairs if Scratch hadn't caught it.
"Watch it!" Scratch snapped.
"You can run but you can't hide!" Zippy exclaimed, then turned to the audience. "I love using that line," she then ran to the elevator to beat Shaggy to the top.
…though Shaggy only ended up running down the stairs twice as horrified. "YEOW!" he screamed, running out the door, once again causing the others to spin and nearly knock the machine over.
"Wait up, honey-bunch!" Sadie May exclaimed, running down the stairs after him, nearly knocking the machine over herself.
"What do you people think this is, a freeway?!" Grounder shouted.
"Oh man… Hang on, Shag! I'm coming!" Flip called, racing out the door.
Scratch and Grounder both sighed, wiping their foreheads, just as Robotnik was coming up the stairs. "What is taking you two so long?!" he demanded. "Jasper and Horace already finished setting up the base for our Molecule-Demolisher9000, and you two are lollygagging around with the antenna!"
"Sorry, boss, but we were just trying to keep it from falling down the stairs!" Grounder replied. "You see, Shaggy's got this girl-problem that Flip caused-"
"I don't have time for your excuses! Just get it down the stairs!"
Scratch and Grounder quickly picked up the antenna, carrying it down the stairs carefully, Robotnik following to make sure they wouldn't destroy anything.
…And let me guess, he's going to talk about his evil plans, isn't he?
"You're darned right I am!" Robotnik replied to the narrator, then rubbed his palms together. "With this machine, I can eliminate any object, living or inanimate, and threaten the world to heed my demands lest they meet such a fate! …And I'll test it on those three twits, Shaggy, Pugsy, and Flip!"
"Uh, no offense boss, but why are you so determined to get rid of them?" Horace asked. "Outside of the Pilot episode, they didn't really do anything and aren't exactly the cause of our past mishaps,"
"Of course they are! Ever since they showed up, every machine I've built has blown up in disastrous proportions!"
"Excuse me… every machine YOU built?" Jasper questioned, crossing his arms.
Robotnik ignored him. "The moment those buffoons flattened me with that air-conditioner, I KNEW they were trouble! If I can get rid of them, then there's a chance that my plans shall be fulfilled!"
"Yeah… but why just them?" Horace asked.
Robotnik scoffed. "Do you know any OTHER residents who are around when my plans backfire?!"
As he said this, the Black Alchemist snuck through the lair and loosened a bolt on the antenna while no one was looking. He then gave a salute to the audience, before taking off.
The evil villain then held up a remote. "Now, connect the antenna, and lets… or how do the young kids say it? …Test this baby out!"
Scratch and Grounder lifted the antenna…
*Crash!*
…the top of which fell off…
*BOOM!*
…And there went everyone's eyebrows.
"See? *cough* Told ya…" Scratch rasped.
"Suddenly I'm starting to realize that those three idiots aren't the cause of ALL my problems…" Robotnik groaned, before losing consciousness.
"…Who else is he blaming?" Grounder whispered to Horace, who shrugged.
d~b
Well, enough of that filler. Time to see how Shaggy's doing-
"NOT GOOD!" Shaggy shouted at the narrator as he shot down the block, Sadie May hot on his heels. "Oh man, of all the tall, lanky cowards in the Meddling Kids era, why did I have to be the most attractive one?!"
He shot by Fangs, Tinker, and Clamhead as he said this. "That's YOUR opinion!" Clamhead shouted at him.
Sadie May chased him into an alley, having him cornered once more. "Ain't no way out now, sugar-lips! It's just you and me," she said, puckering her lips and lunging.
*Zip! Twang!*
In a flash, Zippy sprung down on a bungee-cord, grabbed Shaggy around the torso, and sprang back up with him, making Sadie crash into and kiss a brick wall! "Score One for the girls back home!" Zippy exclaimed as she landed on the roof, Shaggy in her arms.
Sadie glared up at her, shaking her fist. "Ya'll bring my future-husband back down here right now!" she shouted.
Zippy pretended to think about it. "…Nah, I don't think so." She then flung Shaggy over her shoulder and took off running, leaping over the other side of the building, taking out a grappling-hook gun which hooked around a helicopter, and swung around, going sideways and 'running' along the sides of the next few buildings!
…Which would be cool, if Shaggy wasn't screaming, "HEEEELLLLPPPPP!" the whole time.
Sadie pursued, running over to a Motorcycle Rental shop, and pursuing them on a dirt-bike, doing wheelies as she drove over parked cars, up a ramp, and- somehow- landed sideways on the buildings, riding alongside them as she chased after Zippy! "Ya'll drop my man this second!"
Zippy shrugged. "Okay." She then dropped Shaggy!
"AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!" Shaggy screamed as he fell 20 feet from a 100-foot height!
"AUGH! Hang on, lovey-dovey, I'll save you!" Sadie then leaped over after him!
Seconds before Shaggy hit the ground, Zippy swung down again and caught him, swinging up on top of a passing semi…
…while Sadie fell down a manhole.
Raphael popped up a second later, holding her in his arms. "Uh, did anyone drop this?" he asked, looking around.
"Thanks for the catch, but now I've got a man to catch myself!" Sadie said, leaping out of his arms and running after the semi. "I'M COMING, DARLING!"
Flip ran up to Raphael, at a loss of breath. "Have you… (pant pant) seen a tall lanky guy being chased by… (wheeze) two crazy women?" he asked.
"That way, kid," Raphael replied, before returning to the sewer.
Flip looked ahead, seeing the semi at a red-light, Zippy leaping off with Shaggy, running from Sadie. "CALL THE POLICE!" Shaggy shouted to him.
"…Crud," Flip took a deep breath, then continued running after them. Luckily, they were heading back to Paradise Towers. "Hang on, Shaggy! I'll save you! …Somehow…"
As he ran, he passed by Holly, who arched an eyebrow- whenever Flip was on the run, it was obvious something was up. "Flip! Hey, what's going on?" she asked, running alongside him.
"Shaggy got depressed because he couldn't get a date so I decided to help by emailing this woman who kept sending him a lot of messages but it turns out she's a stalker and now she's chasing after Shaggy along with Zippy and I'm going to be suffering a guilt-trip for weeks because of it!" Flip stopped, inhaling after he said all that in one breath. He turned to Holly. "Maybe you could help. How do you save a guy who's being hounded by two women who are crazy about him?"
Holly's eyes widened. "Whoa, hold on there, Flip! If it were just ONE crazy girl after him, we could help… but when it comes to cat-fights, it's best to stay out of them."
Flip looked at Holly as if she were out of her mind. "Are you out of your mind?! Shaggy might get eaten alive! EATEN. ALIVE!"
Holly rubbed her ears. "Turn down the volume, Flip, I'm right in front of you. …Look, it's never a good idea to get involved when it comes to two women fighting over a guy- often you'll end up having to pick a side, or end up getting 'eaten alive' yourself. The best way for the situation to be handled is for Shaggy himself to tell both girls he has no interest in them, even adding that he's trying to get over someone and it isn't the right time,"
*CRASH!*
They looked over, seeing Shaggy somehow got away, though tripped over trash cans, and was running into the apartment. "MOMMY HELP!" he was screaming.
"You can run, but you can't hi-" Sadie May was about to state, until Zippy slammed a trash-can over her.
"Watch it, woman, that's MY line!" she snarled, then raced in. Sadie fumed, throwing the trash-can off herself and ran after her.
"…Uh, I don't think they're going to listen to reason." Flip replied. "Any other options?"
Holly shrugged. "Help Shaggy hide, that's all I got. …I'd like to stay and help, Flip, but I'm helping Melody get back on her feet myself- she had a horrible date with Johnny a few days ago, and has been a mess since then,"
Flip's eyes widened. "Holly, you just saved the day!"
"I did? …Wait, what are you up to now?!"
"Just have Melody come to the coffee-shop this afternoon around 5, I'll meet you there!" With that, Flip took off.
Holly sighed, turning to the audience. "I know his plans never work out… but what can I say? I admire his spirit," She then ran back to Trueblood Plaza.
d~b
Back in the basement, the lackeys had fixed the machine. "Thank goodness we had a spare," Horace stated.
"This time, no mishaps! Fire up the machine and lets get-" Robotnik was about to order.
"Excuse me! Pardon me!" Shaggy shouted, running through the basement and shoving past Jasper and Scratch.
Robotnik began to seethe. "OH WHAT NOW?!"
"Like, sorry man, but I gotta hide out here until the heat dies down!" With that, Shaggy dived into a cardboard box, sealing it shut.
"What is he talking abo-"
"AUGH!" Shaggy burst out of the box, running across the basement.
Zippy popped up out of the box, following. "Wait up, Shag! You can hide in MY apartment!" she called.
"You stay away from m- whoop!" Shaggy bumped into the machine, knocking it over!
"HIT THE DECK!" Jasper screamed, and everyone took his advice.
*BOOM! …again!*
When the smoke cleared, Shaggy peeked out from behind a charred crate, Zippy right next to him. "I knew those electric toilet-plungers would never work out," she commented.
"I heard an explosion! What's going on down-" Sadie called, running down the stairs. "Oh THERE you are, honey-bunny!"
"Zoinks!" Shaggy ran and climbed out the basement window.
"Wait, Shag-!" Zippy exclaimed, running towards the window…
…though Sadie jumped on her head, leaping through the window first. "Ha! Beat ya!" she called to Zippy.
"NOT UNLESS YOU GET MY MAN, YOU HAVEN'T!" Zippy shot out the window next.
Robotnik gawked, then turned to the lackeys. "Would anyone care to explain to me what THAT was all about?!" he demanded.
"Honestly, boss, I think it's best if we didn't ask," Jasper replied, as he helped the other lackeys sweep up the remains of the machine.
d~b
Flip saw Shaggy running clear to the garage, meeting up with him around the corner. "Shaggy!" he exclaimed.
"Gah!" Shaggy yelped, until he noticed it was just Flip. He clapped his hands over the pre-teen's mouth. "Like, quiet down, Flip! I just lost those two nut-jobs!"
Flip pried his hand away. "Don't worry, Shag. I found a solution! Holly just told me that Melody's date last week went bad and she's in a slump- they're going down to the coffee-shop at 5, so if you meet her there, you two can go out, and Sadie and Zippy will leave you alone!"
"Normally I would avoid you for the rest of my life and keep out of any ideas you come up with… but considering I'm desperate right now, I'll take your word for it!" Shaggy ran into the garage, climbing into his red van.
Flip ran up to the window. "Better step on it, Shag, it's already a quarter till!"
"SHAGGY, DARLING!" Sadie exclaimed, running into the garage.
"There you are!" Zippy exclaimed, running in next.
"Step on it?! I'm FLOORING it!" Shaggy screamed, then hit the acceleration and shot out like a bat out of an Ozzy Osbourne concert!
"Oh, he's not getting away THAT easy!" Sadie said, then ran and hopped into her own car and shot off for him.
"Hey! I was going to say that!" Zippy snapped, then hopped on her motorcycle and shot off!
Flip stood there, blinking, then took out his cell-phone, dialing. "…Yeah, Henry? You know how you always tell me I never consider the consequences so well? …You were right." He said.
d~b
[Now Playing: "Take My Hand" by Simple Plan]
Shaggy practically broke every traffic law in history, from breaking the speed-limit by 50 miles to running every red-light, swerving around traffic left and right, desperate to put as much distance between him and two of his craziest fan-girls as possible! (…which would explain why Freddy never let him drive the Mystery Machine most of the time…)
Speaking of the fan-girls… they were breaking more laws than Shaggy was!
Sadie and Zippy started out neck-in-neck, following Shaggy's van as it swerved through the traffic. At the third red-light he zipped through, Sadie was forced to stop, having been cut off by a car. Zippy, however, drove up the ramp of a loading-truck, ending up on the roof of a pick-up, doing a wheelie and ending up on top of a bigger pick-up, then repeated the trick onto a semi, shooting down the length of it and into the traffic driving across the intersection, on every hood and roof until she was on the other side. Sadie gawked, then as soon as the light turned green, shot off after Zippy!
Shaggy looked in his rearview mirror, seeing both women were catching up to him. "Oh man, if breaking up with Daphne meant I'd be dealing with THESE two, I would've worn that pink shirt!" he whimpered. He then noticed that Sadie May was pulling right beside him! "Zoinks!"
"C'mon, honey, lets end this chase already before it gets out of control!" Sadie called, giving a pouty-face.
"Too late, woman!" Shaggy then gunned the engine, shooting off!
"Confound it, I hate it when he plays hard to get!"
Zippy rode beside her just then. "You know, there's obsessed, and then there's insane… and I'M the only one who gets to be insane!" she called.
"I saw him first!"
"But I'll be catching him first!"
The two women then gunned their own engines, glaring at each other. Shaggy looked back, sweating in horror, then looked ahead…
…only to see that the road was out! "AUGH!" he screamed, stomping on the brakes, his vehicle skidding to a stop, right on the edge of a crater! "Whew…"
[End Song]
Down the street, Sadie and Zippy stopped their vehicles, racing on foot towards him. However, there came a rumbling sound, as the edge of the crater collapsed, causing Shaggy's van to topple over. "Yikes!/Shaggy!" Both women screamed, running forth.
Shaggy hurried to climb out of his vehicle as it tipped forth, but slipped and grabbed onto the seat-belt, dangling above a 100-foot crater! "Aaaauuugggghhh! …Where the heck did this crater even come from?!" he screamed.
*Flashback*
The Author and Co-Author are standing by the crater, which is smoking. "…I TOLD you hi-jacking the Enterprise would have its consequences!" The Co-Author sneered.
"So much for getting a Spok cameo…" The Author sighed.
*End Flashback*
Shaggy blinked. "…I've got to talk to my agent about these contracts…" he muttered. Suddenly, a cord was thrown down to him. "What the…?"
"Grab on, Shaggy!" Sadie called.
"I'll get the car!" Zippy added, as another cord lassoed around the hood of the car.
Shaggy did so- deciding facing fan-girls would be better than death (in some cases)- and was pulled onto the ledge by Sadie, while Zippy pulled his van back to level ground.
"Alright you two, listen, this has gone FAR enough." Shaggy said, sternly. He turned to Sadie. "Sadie, look, I'm just not into you- I'm still into Melody, and it's going to be a long time before I can ever find someone like her. You're just going to have to move on, yourself." He turned to Zippy. "And ZIP… you're too crazy for me to date."
"Date? *scoff* Who said anything about dating? I just like scaring guys and chasing them around!" Zippy exclaimed. "…Plus, I already have a boyfriend. I may be a fan-girl of yours, Shag, but I'm already taken."
Shaggy gawked at her. "WHAT?! But… you… that whole chase…! Ugh… forget it."
"Who's this Melody girl?" Sadie asked.
"Oh, I'm Melody!" came a voice, as Melody herself walked up! "I was on my way to the coffee-shop, when I saw you all speeding by! I came to make sure everyone was alright,"
"Yeah, it's all cool now," Zippy replied.
Melody turned to Shaggy. "I heard you say my name. What's up?"
"Um… well… you see…" Shaggy stammered, feeling his feet going cold.
Sadie stepped up. "Shaggy was just talking about what a lovely girl you are and how crazy he is about you! …Wish you thought it up before, sugar, before I started chasing ya around town." She said, then shoved him forth. "Now go on, ask her out already!"
"S-Sadie…?"
Sadie raised her hand. "I know how it feels to be love-sick over someone, and as much as I hate to see you in the arms of another woman, I know it would be worse to see you miserable."
"You were going to ask me out?" Melody asked Shaggy.
"Er, um… y-yeah… that is… if you want…" Shaggy replied, blushing.
"Ooh, he's so cute when he acts all shy!" Sadie whispered, giggling.
"I know, right?" Zippy chuckled.
"Well, I had a bad fall-out with Johnny… But I think hanging out with you will remedy that. Maybe we could talk about me and the band performing on your radio-show, Alan brought it up a few days back." Melody replied.
"Really? YES! WOOO-HOOOOO!" Shaggy exclaimed, pumping his fists into the air- and leaping high up as he did! … He then paused, returning to the ground and clearing his throat. "I mean, uh, great! Lets head to the coffee-shop and talk about the plans," With that, he and Melody walked off together.
Zippy turned to Sadie. "That was a very nice thing you did for him, Sadie." She stated.
Sadie sighed heavily. "Yeah… I guess it's about time I let go…" she said, then burst into tears. "It's so hard though!"
Zippy patted her on the shoulder. "There, there, cowgirl. C'mon, we can hang out at my apartment- I've got 31 flavors of ice-cream you can gorge yourself with,"
d~b
Flip stood in the lobby, pacing around, when he saw Zippy and Sadie coming in. "Oh my gosh! What did you guys do to Shaggy, and where did you hide the body?!" He stammered, thinking the worst.
"Calm down, Flip! Shag's just hanging out with Melody," Zippy replied, while handing Sadie a tissue. "…Speaking of which, I gotta help a fellow fan-girl get over an obsession."
Flip watched them go up the stairs, just as Holly came in. "So, how'd the plan turn out?" Holly asked.
"This time, it went well! C'mon, Shag and Mel are down at the coffee-shop!" He replied, and they took off.
Zippy and Sadie reached their floor, the redneck girl still sobbing. "Don't worry, Sadie, you'll find someone new!" the psychotic tomboy assured her.
"I don't think I'll ever find anyone that'll replace the man of my dreams!" Sadie sniffled.
By this time, Pugsy was walking out of Shawn's apartment, drenched. "Don't worry, Shawn, I've got some spare towels at my place-" he was calling back, when he noticed the two women. "Uh, who's your friend, ZIP?"
Sadie developed hearts in her eyes just then. "HEL-LO HANSOM!" she exclaimed, and dived right at Pugsy!
"Whoa!" Pugsy dodged, and took off down the hall, Sadie in pursuit. "Get away from me, woman!"
"But I love you!"
"Love?! You don't even know me!"
"That can be arranged…!"
Shawn, Ted, and Stanley looked out the doorway. "NOW can we do something?!" Stan demanded.
"Might as well before we lose a main-character! HANG ON, PUGS!" Shawn called, and they raced off to help their friend.
Zippy watched them go, then looked at the audience. "Huh, and I always thought she had high-standards," she commented, before racing off to join in another chase.
d~b
A/N: Man, it took me WEEKS to get this typed up! …Well, now Shaggy has a love-interest, and Pugsy found yet another crazy girl to drive him insane. XD Hope you all enjoyed and-
Sadie: (off-screen) Well, hello there, hansom!
Mr. Cartoon: Anti, help! She's got that look in her eye!
0_0 Er, uh, please review while I save my co-author! *runs off* Dude, remember- if all else fails, play dead!