Changes In Circumstance Chapter Eight: Loneliness, a harry potter fanfic

A/N: Hi guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I had lots of fun reading the reviews for chapter seven, thanks for your support :) I just need to clarify that the song quoted later in the chapter is by Robyn, called 'Dancing On My Own'. The version of the song that I'm trying to recreate in this chapter would be an acoustic one, the cover by Calum Scott is a good one to listen to if you want to get an idea of the vibe.

Chapter Eight: Loneliness

The sixth year students that were studying N.E.W.T Herbology were making their way to the greenhouses in drips and drabs. Arianwen was alone, walking apart from the other Slytherins, who she'd been finding more and more irritating of late. This was probably mainly due to the selection of her classmates that were taking Herbology as she got on with the majority of the others. There were five of them that had chosen the class; Theodore, Margaret, Pansy and Draco. Margaret, who had been fairly friendly to Arianwen in her first few weeks at Hogwarts, had grown colder toward her when she fell out publicly with Pansy. Theodore seemed to respect Arianwen but she got the distinct impression that he didn't actually like her, and Draco…well Draco is just Draco, she thought exasperatedly.

She seemed to be the last person to enter the greenhouse, as there was only one spare seat remaining next to a shy boy whom Arianwen recognised from her work over the summer.

"Hello Neville," she said quietly as she took the spare seat, "lovely to see you again."

The Gryffindors all turned to Arianwen with matching expressions of astonishment. Neville was particularly shocked that the girl he'd met that summer remembered him.

She'd been working with patients on the Janus Thickey Ward of St. Mungo's and had won a prize for a potion that she'd created to help restore some memories to people suffering major psychosis. Over a number of months she had slowly made her way round the ward and eventually ended with the Longbottom's. Neville remembered how much his gran had liked Arianwen, on reflection it didn't seem so surprising as she was naturally charming in nature and her name was so highly spoken around the ward. The thing he'd enjoyed most about meeting Arianwen was the way she was with his parents. She seemed to radiate peacefulness and had been incredibly patient with them as she tried to find the best course of action to treat them. He remembered one particular occasion fondly, it was the first time his mum had truly managed to express her feelings toward him.

Neville walked down the long ward that he'd so frequently visited in St Mungo's. His grandmother was fussing over his father and Neville wondered where his mother had gone. He spotted her at the very end of the ward, sitting on a comfortable sofa as Arianwen sat closely next to her, reading her the same book that she'd read for the last month. He watched as his mother plaited her hair carefully. He approached them slowly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

"-and then Mummy Pippa felt very scared as she couldn't find little Timmy anywhere!" Arianwen said, reading the book in her usual soothing tone, "do you know why Mummy Pippa was so scared, Alice?" she asked softly.

Alice stopped playing with Arianwen's hair and looked at her in confusion.

"Why would Mummy Pippa be afraid that she can't find Timmy, Alice?" Arianwen probed gently, passing the book to Alice.

Alice seemed to ponder the question for a while, flipping back to the beginning of the book where a large picture of Timmy the kitten who was being groomed by his mother, 'Mummy Pippa'.

Alice pointed to the picture and looked back at Arianwen to see if she had got it right. Arianwen smiled proudly at her, "That's right, lovely, she was scared because little Timmy is her precious boy and she can't find him."

Alice, seeming encouraged, flipped roughly to the last page of the book and showed it to Arianwen proudly.

Neville couldn't see what she was pointing to but it seemed to make Arianwen very happy. "Yes, Alice! She loves him very much." Neville coughed quietly, making his presence known.

Alice looked at Arianwen in uncertainty but she nodded and smiled at her encouragingly. She stood up slowly and walked over to Neville, book still clutched in her hands. She held it open for Neville to see and then pointed at the mother cat embracing her kitten happily. She then pointed to the kitten and looked at Neville, trying to make him understand.

Arianwen slowly moved over to the pair, "come on Alice, you can do this," she said in a soft but firm tone.

Neville felt his mother's hand in his. "Timmy!" She said, staring at him wide eyed.

He understood instantly. His eyes welled up uncontrollably but he held his mother's gaze, "that's right mum."

"Hi, Arianwen. I'm sorry I haven't come to say hello sooner," Neville said, looking sheepish.

She smiled and shook her head, she understood how he felt about his parents and how he wanted to keep it as a secret for now, "don't be silly, I understand."

Arianwen and Neville worked together to extract pulsating green Snargaluff pods from the plant's stump. Unfortunately Neville lost control of one particularly stubborn Snargaluff pod and it flew up in the air, hurtled across the large workbench and smacked Draco in the arm painfully.

He looked around in irritation, "watch it Longbottom," he snarled.

"Uh…sorry, Malfoy." Neville muttered.

Pansy, who jumped on any opportunity to belittle the Gryffindor, glared evilly at Neville. "It's a shame your grandmother can't buy you some brains, Longbottom," she sneered as Neville turned a bright shade of red, "she must be so ashamed-"

"Pansy," Arianwen said warningly, "that's enough."

"Oh what a surprise!" Pansy shrieked, "The great Lady Arianwen betraying her House again!"

Arianwen sighed, looking at Pansy as though she were trying to explain something to a rock, "now Pansy, what have we discussed about your opinions?"

Pansy snorted in contempt, unable to think of a suitable retort in time. "A highly witty response as always." Arianwen drawled lazily.

"Shut up you stupid Welsh whore!" Pansy screeched.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Neville shouted, much to the surprise of his classmates. He had his wand raised and pointed at Pansy threateningly.

"And what are you going to do, Longbottom," she sneered, "trip over and knock yourself out? You're pathetic!"

"Oh Pansy," Arianwen shook her head, looking oddly amused, "I really don't think Neville here cares if you think he's pathetic or not. You see, you're not held in such high-esteem as you think. In fact," she drawled, "I'm pretty sure that if you needed a fuck to stay alive and Neville had a pocket full of fucks, he certainly wouldn't give you one."

Draco felt the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried not to laugh, Arianwen really did seem to enjoy her odd little phrases. He didn't understand why she was bothering to defend such a worthless blood traitor but assumed that she was just taking her chance to chastise Pansy.

Arianwen and Neville exchanged nods of mutual thanks and continued with the task at hand.

Arianwen had been taking up refuge in the Hospital Wing more and more often as the winter months descended upon them and snow started to coat the Castle. It was relaxing for her, being able to learn from Madam Pomfrey while treating patients on a case-by-case basis. Most of the students who wound up in the Hospital Wing would look at her with the utmost uncertainty, aware that she was a Slytherin and expecting her to want to worsen their ailments and injuries tenfold. The students would eventually realise that this wasn't the case and Arianwen's warm, soothing nature would put them at ease.

She was brewing a fresh batch of the Pepperup potion, the colder atmosphere around the castle causing many more students to come to the Hospital Wing complaining of colds and flu.

"Ah, there you are, dear!" Madam Pomfrey said, emerging through the doors of her office and over to the table where Arianwen was slowly stirring her potion.

"Oh, hi Poppy." Arianwen smiled at the matron. "Sorry, I just wanted to get this finished before I go to see Professor Dumbledore."

Madam Pomfrey nodded, Arianwen had confided in her about her uncle and the ongoing battle for her father's titles. Arianwen had asked Madam Pomfrey if she could leave a little earlier that day as she wanted to speak to Professor Dumbledore about the situation, hopefully resulting in him signing her petition.

"Okay, that's very good of you Arianwen," she fixed the young woman with a concerned look, "but I do worry about you overworking yourself!"

Arianwen laughed and shook her head, "don't worry, I've worked like this my whole life, its perfectly normal in Wales."

Madam Pomfrey sighed, knowing that she would never get Arianwen to slow down, "well not that I'm supporting my point very well," Madam Pomfrey said, "but I wrote to one of my contacts at St. Mungo's, he heard about how you acted quickly with poor Katie Bell and was very impressed with you. So he's agreed to allow you to do some work experience with them over the holidays, if you'd like it?"

Arianwen stopped stirring the potion and smiled widely, "seriously?!" Madam Pomfrey nodded, smiling at the girl's enthusiasm.

"That would be incredible! Thank you so much!" she jumped with excitement, "which department will I be working in?"

"You'll be on the fourth floor in the spell damage department, on the Emergency Care ward."

Arianwen's mouth fell open; it was the ideal placement for her. She embraced Madam Pomfrey in an appreciative hug, "thank you!" She said earnestly.

Arianwen practically skipped over to Professor Dumbledore's office that evening, feeling absolutely elated at the thought of working alongside some of the best Healers in the UK. She tried to compose herself as she said the password, "chocolate frog" and made her way up the grand spiral staircase to his office. She knocked twice and heard the professor say, "come in!"

She pushed open the door to Dumbledore's office and was met by the sounds of many strange little instruments that he had placed around the room on spindly tables.

"Ah, Lady Arianwen," came the voice of the headmaster, he motioned for her to sit in a quirky chintz armchair opposite his desk.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore. Thank you very much for making time to see me today." She said politely.

He looked down at her, chuckling slightly, "ever as polite as your Professors tell me." He placed his hands in his lap and leant back, surveying her interestedly. "Although, Professor Sprout did inform me of a little incident in her sixth year class a week ago between yourself, Mr. Longbottom and Miss Parkinson?"

Arianwen nodded calmly, she wasn't going to bother pretending that she felt remorseful, "yes, Professor. Pansy was being quite rude to Neville, and I felt as though someone ought to stick up for him."

"Indeed." Dumbledore said, looking over his moon-shaped glasses at the girl, "you know Neville already, of course?"

Arianwen was completely taken aback, how on earth does he know that?

"Uh…yes, Sir. I met him and his family in St Mungo's over the summer."

Dumbledore nodded, fixing the girl with an inquisitive look, "and you were there to complete the trials for the potion that resulted in you receiving the Order of Merlin: Third Class?"

Arianwen nodded, unsure why he was questioning her on her potion making.

"I must say," Dumbledore said, "ever since I saw the story in the Daily Prophet, I was most interested as to your motives behind creating such a potion."

She paused; she would generally avoid this topic of conversation as it always ended in the same place. "I was trying to create something else." She said quietly.

Professor Dumbledore looked a little surprised, then started to think aloud, "so your potion is designed to rehabilitate the minds of the insane, with success differing depending on the level of insanity?"

"Correct." Arianwen said, it was as though the teacher-student relationship had flipped for a moment.

"So how did you discover where to start?" Dumbledore questioned, "surely the rehabilitation of a mind if extremely personal to each individual?"

Arianwen nodded, "Yes, the rehabilitation process is very personal to each patient but I monitored a variety of patients and read around the subject extensively. I researched dark magic, such as the Cruciatus Curse, and how its overuse could affect the mind and soul. I read about the Forgetfulness Charm, and how it can be manipulated to make a person forget specific things." Arianwen paused, the headmaster was looking at her very intently.

"After all of that, I was able to split my patients into two groups: those whose mind had been powerfully magically altered, and those whose sense of reality was distorted due to having dark magic inflicted on them – those cases are much more challenging, as I believe their minds remain so incredibly incapacitated due to severe post-traumatic stress."

The professor's bright blue eyes were now boring into hers, she got the unnerving feeling that he was trying to read her mind.

"Very good." Dumbledore said softly, "but what made you decide to research this area? Were you trying to help someone in particular?"

Arianwen paused again, he was getting close to it now, "Yes professor, me. I was trying to help myself."

She felt as though he'd already known she was going to say that.

"Oh? To what end?"

"Well…I am unable to remember the circumstances surrounding my father's death." She said flatly.

"I see, so you remember nothing at all?" Dumbledore probed.

"Nothing. The only thing I do have is a strong gut feeling that I was there and that my uncle was his killer."

Dumbledore sat forward, examining the young woman before him. She looked as though she were carrying the weight of a thousand men on her shoulders but every time she looked at him there was such fierce determination in her eyes.

"I met your uncle quite recently, Lady Arianwen." Arianwen looked up, had her uncle beaten her to it?

"He too was looking for my support. You're campaigning against each other, I understand?"

"I am simply trying to defend my people from Uncle Dafydd, and attempting to protect my titles and position within society seems to be the best way to do so." Arianwen said firmly, she wanted to make it clear that her battle was not motivated by money or power.

"And why do you think that your people need protecting from Lord Gwydion?"

"Because he does not love them." Arianwen said simply. "He will do anything for power, he was always second best when he was growing up with my father, and it has turned him into a very narrow-minded, selfish man."

Arianwen looked at the headmaster beseechingly, trying to make him understand the importance of the issue. "I believe that my uncle would trade my people with the Dark Lord, if Uncle Dafydd could offer a skilled pureblooded army to him, he would surely be rewarded with great power in the new regime."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, his eyes boring into her once again, "and you would not do the same? You wouldn't join Lord Voldemort?"

"No." Arianwen said seriously, "the Wardens of Wales are responsible for protecting its inhabitants, be they the wizarding community, the Welsh giants, the dragons…" she paused, "…the muggles. I believe that fighting in your war will only bring destruction and devastation to my people. Undeb, Hedd, Llywddiant." She repeated the motto of the Wardens.

"Unity, Peace, Prosperity." Dumbledore translated, surprising Arianwen. "I will support you, Lady Arianwen, but I would like you to do something in return."

"And what is that?" she said, feeling a little concerned by what was coming next.

"When you come of age and your dispute with your uncle has been settled, I want you to use your status in Wales to get others like you to rethink the decision to only allow pureblood witches and wizards to learn magic in school."

Arianwen gulped. He was asking her to go against centuries of history, history that her own ancestors had played a part in. There had been a great purge of the muggle-borns in the 10th century, and a law was passed allowing only the marriages of pureblood witches and wizards, meaning that the half-bloods soon died out as well. The Welsh had no issue with the muggles themselves, they just didn't want their blood mixing; after the purge they managed to live quite harmoniously alongside each other for hundreds of years. But there's more at stake here than history, she thought, Wales will suffer a lot more with people like Uncle Dafydd in power.

"Okay, Professor. I'll try."

Blaise and Arianwen were enjoying a post-dinner cup of coffee at the House table, everyone else apart from Draco was present also, all talking in small groups. Blaise nodded towards someone at the end of the table and Arianwen turned her head to see Professor Slughorn making his way up it, handing out cards to a few people.

He stopped in front of them and smiled jovially, "Good evening, both! I've got your invitations to the Slug Club Christmas Party here, I trust you'll be in attendance?" He asked, handing them the cards.

Arianwen checked the date, 20th December, the last evening of term. "Certainly, Professor, it sounds like fun."

Slughorn turned to get Blaise's response, "Yes indeed, I look forward to it." He drawled casually.

"Excellent!" Slughorn chimed, "Now, Lady Arianwen, I have a small favour to ask of you."

"Oh yes?" She questioned.

"Well there won't just be students at the party, Gwenog Jones will be coming for instance, and the Minister for Magic has expressed how much he's looking forward to it. I've lined up a few different musical performers to keep everyone entertained but the Mr. Scrimgeour asked me to get you to sing for us all."

Arianwen gave him a long cold stare, before saying coolly, "I'm sorry Professor, I'd really rather not." Her father used to get her to perform at his functions on occasion and she did used to enjoy it, especially as everyone used to coo at how angelic she was, but that was then. Living in Hogwarts and being so far from her best friends had caused Arianwen to become rather more guarded. The last person she sang for was her father, she longed for those days so badly.

"But the Minister was so insistent!" Slughorn encouraged, not picking up on Arianwen's distant look.

She stared at him angrily, why was he forcing this upon her? She knew she owed the Minister a favour as he'd been extremely helpful in getting some important officials to sign her petition to change the Act of Settlement 1296. She sighed in defeat. "Fine. If the Minister is really that insistent then I suppose I have no choice."

Slughorn beamed, "wonderful! You'll have to think about what you'd like to sing!"

Arianwen looked at Blaise who was smirking at her annoyingly. "Gutted!" He teased.

It was the last day of term, and Arianwen was sitting in the corner of the common room, flicking through her photo album. Everyone's classes had ended a few days ago and most of the students were now relaxing and talking about their plans for the Christmas holidays. Arianwen was sitting with Daphne and Kathleen, who were gossiping about boys and planning who they should try and kiss under the bunches of mistletoe that were hanging around the castle.

"Oh god," Kathleen started awkwardly, "look at Draco and your sister!" The three girls all looked over to the chairs next to the fireplace. Astoria was sitting on top of Draco, her legs either side of him. They were kissing quite vigorously, so much so that it seemed to draw the attention of many of the other Slytherins. When they would eventually break for air, Astoria would giggle and play with Draco's hair while he slipped a hand up her skirt.

"ASTORIA!" Daphne bellowed, she would not allow her sister to embarrass their family so publicly. She marched over to them and pulled her sister away.

The usual feeling of anger washed over Arianwen but it was quickly replaced by sadness. She'd watched Draco behave like this consistently for the last month, sometimes with Astoria, sometimes Pansy, sometimes a completely different person. He didn't seem to be at all bothered by her anymore, he'd barely even looked at her since the incident with Katie Bell. She was glad to be going home soon, even if it did mean she'd have to see her uncle, at least she wouldn't have to feel so pathetically disappointed every time Draco kissed a girl.

Arianwen was annoyed that she'd allowed herself to develop such feelings for Draco, it made her feel like she'd relinquished control of her emotions. She'd been thinking about her father a lot more frequently recently as well, which simply added to her feeling of helpless despair.

As Daphne scolded Astoria, Arianwen's eyes moved to Draco, he looked rather pleased with himself but his face fell when he saw Arianwen. She looked away instantly and stood up, walking over to the girls' dormitories so she could get ready for the Slug Club Christmas Party.

Rummaging through her trunk, Arianwen found the dress she'd been planning to wear that evening. It was a high-necked, sleeveless navy blue silk dress with a waistband to accentuate her curves. The dress was figure hugging but elegant and came down just passed her knees, although the bottom half of the skirt was a lovely blue lace which allowed you to see her slender thighs underneath. Arianwen arranged her hair into long loose curls and charmed it to be slightly glossier than normal. She applied a thin layer of iridescent silver-white shimmering eye shadow to make her eyes stand out and layered mascara until she felt that her lashes looked long and thick enough. She brushed a thin dusting of blusher to her cheekbones and swiped a natural looking rusty red lipstick to her plump lips.

Finally, she placed her feet into a pair of pointed nude slingback shoes and placed a delicate diamond bracelet around her wrist. She walked back up to the common room to meet Blaise.

"You look incredible, Ri!" Blaise said, taking her arm and leading her out of the common room. When they arrived at the party, a tipsy Professor Slughorn, who pressed drinks into their hands, greeted them.

Blaise had picked up on Arianwen's quietness and lead her over to a table to ask her about it.

"You seem quiet, Ri. What's up?" He asked gently.

Arianwen sighed, "I don't know really, I mix of things I guess. I'm a bit torn between spending Christmas in Carmarthenshire with Uncle Dafydd or alone in Pembrokeshire. Its been a tradition for years to go ice skating on the lake at Myddfai House but obviously I always used to do that with Father and well, you know…" she tailed off.

"Yeah I know," Blaise said softly, feeling guilty that he was spending Christmas abroad with his mother. "Maybe its time to make some new memories in Pembrokeshire?"

"I don't feel like I'm choosing to make new memories though, its just being forced on me. I mean Pembrokeshire Castle is beautiful," she reasoned, "but its just another reminder of everything that's happened."

Before she could make any further comments, two men burst into the room, startling its occupants. It was Draco, being dragged in by Filch, the caretaker. Professor Snape and Professor Slughorn conversed with Draco, who looked very irritated to be there. Arianwen tried to hear what they were saying.

"Caught him trying to gatecrash, Professor Slughorn!" Filch growled.

Arianwen didn't quite catch what was said next but it looked as though Professor Slughorn was going to allow him to stay. Snape and Draco seemed to exchange harsh words and left the room, Snape clutching Draco's arm as if he was going to make a break for it.

Professor Slughorn made his way over to Arianwen and Blaise's table, "Ah Lady Arianwen, you look absolutely lovely, my dear!"

Arianwen smiled, "thank you, Professor."

"Its almost time for your performance dear, why don't you go and speak with the pianist, make sure he's got all the music ready."

Arianwen nodded and made her way over to the stage, she felt extremely nervous. It wasn't as though she was new to performing for a crowd but for some reason tonight felt different. Just as she stepped on stage and the room silenced, she noticed Draco re-enter the room. Oh fuck. She'd felt okay about performing her song of choice because she knew he wouldn't hear it, well this is gonna be awkward, she thought anxiously.

She took a deep breath and started to sing:

Somebody said you got a new friend
Does he love you better than I can
There's a big black sky over my town
I know where you're at, I bet he's around
Yeah I know it's stupid
But I just got to see it for myself

I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her (Oooh)
I'm right over here, why can't you see me (Oooh)
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home (Uuuh)
I keep dancing on my own
(I keep dancing on my own)

I'm just gonna dance all night
I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line
Stilettos and broken bottles
I'm spinning around in circles

So far away, but still so near
The lights go on, the music dies
But you don't see me, standing here
I just came to say goodbye

I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her (Oooh)
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home (Uuuh)
I keep dancing on my own
(I keep dancing on my own)

There was a pause and then a loud round of applause, "Bravo!" Slughorn shouted, wiping away tears from his eyes.

Arianwen couldn't help but look at Draco, he was standing slightly open mouthed, staring at her. She looked down, blushing, praying that he hadn't realised that the song was about him.

After about ten minutes of speaking to people about her performance and thanking them for their kind congratulations, she managed to work her way over to Blaise.

"Why don't you just tell him how you feel?" He said instantly, understanding her annoyingly well.

"I can't Blaise! I-I can't handle it right now." She admitted, feeling an uncontrollable rush of anguish forcing tears into her eyes.

She looked down, trying to regain control of herself, and saw a pair of feet stop next to her and Blaise. A familiar low voice spoke.

"Sorry Blaise, do you mind if I speak to Arianwen for a minute?" It was Draco. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

"Yeah, course." He walked away, leaving Arianwen to deal with Draco alone.

Arianwen looked up, her eyes meeting his. She couldn't stop herself from glaring at him, finally showing how much his actions had hurt her. Draco guided her out of the room and into the deserted corridor outside.

"That was an interesting song choice," he said softly, standing so close she could smell his aftershave. He put a hand on her arm but she pushed it off roughly, anger and betrayal taking over.

"Just leave me alone, okay! You weren't meant to hear it but just because you did it doesn't mean everything is fine between us!"

"Ri, please! You don't understand! I didn't know how you felt, I wouldn't have done any of that stuff if I'd known," He reached over and took both of her hands in his, raising them up to his chest, "please just let me fix this."

His smoky grey eyes were full of passion and regret as he looked at her imploringly.

"How?" she said quietly, her large green eyes still tearful. Draco felt his heart lurch, she looked so heartbreakingly sad. What he didn't know was that part of the pain she was experiencing was due to her father.

"Will you come and stay with us for a bit over Christmas?"

Arianwen was completely shocked. She felt her spirits lifting, "you…you want me to stay with you?"

He nodded, "yes. Just come and spend a week with me and I promise I'll fix this." She'd never seen this side to him before, he looked anxious, upset and determined all in one.

"But won't your mother mind if I'm with you for Christmas?!"

"No, she'll love you." He said, smiling down at her adoringly.

Arianwen couldn't believe she was about to give in so easily but she'd been feeling so vulnerable that her emotions had taken over control. "Okay then," she said quietly, smiling back at him.

He let out a breath in relief and pulled her into a long, tight hug.