AHHHHHH I'm so sorry to everyone! .
Everything got so absolutely hectic this year with Uni and family stuff. I hope now that I'm on break I can update more. I'm so so sorry for leaving you guys in the dark for so long!
Thankyou all for your reviews and encouragement, I enjoy reading all of them and they help me get the motivation to write. This may be a little different since I got into a different writing zone, so please let me know if it's too different. And I hope you enjoy~
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters.
Gaara could hear his heart beating, so still was the air in the room after Hinata's rushed conversation. He knew he should say something, he knew he should put her fears to rest, but which fears? Is she scared of being intimate with him and would rather him to not want children, or was she hoping for children in the future?
Wishing he could go back to the time where he didn't worry about how his replies would affect the other person, he just stayed silent. He was especially confused when after a period of silence, Hinata started chuckling. It was a dark sound, sad, her head hung and her hair fell in front of her face, preventing him from searching it. "It's okay, don't answer that. I know this is purely business, I-I was just unsure on this subject." He could see the red tinge her ears as she put out her hands, palms up, almost trying to block something, protect herself. "But I think it's clear and I'll leave you alone now, I won't bring it up again, don't worry." She chuckled again, still hiding her face. He grew frustrated. His answer of course, would rest on what she wants, he only wanted her to feel comfortable around him. He didn't want to think of his own position in this, did he want children? The thought of having a family, raising his own flesh and blood simultaneously excited and terrified him. Would he be able to provide the things needed for a family, growing up in such a dysfunctional one himself? The thought of becoming like the father who had brought out the monster in him, made him shudder. The air was stale, he struggled to breathe again. So regular were these attacks of late, struggling control his heartbeat, the pounding in his head, shortness of breath, he hated it. He always hated what he couldn't control or understand.
Hinata stood, obviously thinking that their conversation was over when he hadn't yet even spoken a word. This frustrated him even more. His head became louder and he started feeling faint, a weakness he would rather not experience again. He needed to say something, anything to get her to stay, to listen to the things he hadn't yet worked out himself. "I would protect them with my life, the children. I would protect them without fail. I'll never let them touch any of my family, they are true monsters." He said, stopping her on her way to the door. She walked back to him, seemingly confused. "What did you say?" She whispered quietly.
He didn't want to repeat it, finding it unnecessary. "I believe you heard me."
She shook her head, looking like she had just found out her favorite animal had become extinct. Had he chosen the wrong answer? He had hoped for something positive.
It was not the answer, apparently, that had turned her ashen. Becoming clear in her next words, "Sabaku?" Still speaking quietly, anyone else would have missed it, but Gaara heard it perfectly. He stared directly towards her and continued his wordlessness. She spoke louder next, "You're Sabaku, aren't you?" She looked shocked, badly shocked. This was not her finding out some incredibly good news, she looked like she was dying. He noticed her hands starting to shake slightly as she gasped. "I-I can't believe this…"
He tried to call out to her to wait and stay, but she was already gone. He wondered if he should go explain, but he didn't understand why she seemed upset. Did she not like Sabaku either? He had thought, after everything, that she had seemed the faceless him as an ally, a friend. Perhaps he was wrong. He hadn't wanted her to ever find out so he could have those moments of comfort with her, but lately she had becoming more confident around the real him, he thought that maybe she could be the same with the real him as she was with "Sabaku". Confused and frustrated, he went up to the roof and watched the stars. Lately they had been less comforting as they were before, his head was so filled that he wasn't able to shake off the feeling of the unknown. He needed to voice his thoughts, but to who? There was only one person who would really understand him and the way his mind worked, one person who was just like him. Except with blonde hair, and an infectious smile.
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Hinata had run straight into her room after her last conversation with Gaara. Or Sabaku. Or whatever he called himself! She felt so humiliated, so stupid! How had she not realized? Had she been so blinded by her growing affections that she completely ignored all the signs? No matter, either way he had tricked her. She could handle people making fun of her, she had gotten used to it. Being tripped or kicked or avoided completely in case they would get "Infected" by her lameness. She had been called names, refused service, laughed at, scorned at. But none of that pained her as much as this. All the air had left her small frame after what felt like a punch to the gut.
She had thought, been so stupid to have thought, that Sabaku and even Gaara were her friends. Now she knew it was one big joke. He was probably laughing at her right now, thinking of how well he'd fooled her. She wondered why he had married her, but it was probably just part of the joke he hadn't anticipated.
But he had seemed so sweet… So genuine. He had carried her to bed when she fell asleep, he rushed her to the hospital, and he saved her from her family. He complimented her cooking. She thought she could trust him. She thought that she was even starting to lo- No.
She was stupid, naïve. Trapped in a business-type marriage with a man who had been playing with her for probably as long as when she had met him. Not wanting to accept it as reality, Hinata dragged herself into bed and tried to sleep, but she couldn't. Instead, she cried. She had not cried from the taunting of the villagers, she had barely even shed a tear when her family were figuring how to kill her. But this was Gaara. Gaara who she trusted, Sabaku who she relied upon for strength. He had been playing her like a fool and she fell straight into his arms like one. She couldn't stay here, but she couldn't return to Konoha. She was married, she was legally bound to stay in Suna with her husband. Not to mention, she didn't want to be at the mercy of her family as a disgrace.
Didn't mean that she had to stay under the same roof, however.
Hinata pushed back her covers and hurriedly got dressed, pushing clothes into her carry bag as she went, taking her meagre possessions in case she never returned. She left the clothes that had bought by Temari, not wanting to wear them for their association to Gaara. She considered leaving a note for the blonde woman, but then she wondered if perhaps Temari had been in on the charade as well. She didn't want to have any bad feelings towards the woman that had been her friend for the past couple of months, but she felt foolish and humiliated enough, she couldn't stand much more. She left the room without a single glance back and headed to Matsuri's, a place where she had always felt welcome.
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When Matsuri opened her door to find a tear streaked Hinata standing on her front porch looking miserable, she knew she had to seriously hurt someone. Hinata hadn't cried during the months that Gaara had been gone, or when she had returned to Suna after her harried marriage, battered and bruised from her family. Something must be seriously wrong and Matsuri had an idea of who caused this.
Allowing Hinata into her home, she wrapped the small girl in a blanket and led her to the couch, pushing water into her hands straight away and started heating water for tea. She asked Hinata what was wrong, but she just shook her head and sniffled. Matsuri knew that Hinata wasn't one to open up easily, in fact she barely even complained. When she asked Matsuri quietly if she could stay here for a couple of days, Matsuri felt almost offended that she had to ask. "You're always welcome here, Hinata. Always." Hinata nodded her head in thanks. After making tea and providing a book for both of them to read, Matsuri watched Hinata. At first it seemed as if she was reading with the same intense ferocity as she always tackled a book, but on closer inspection, Hinata's eyes weren't moving at all. Turning the pages at a certain speed, like reflex, Hinata's eyes stayed in the same position, staring at the pages but not reading. After half an hour or so, Hinata put her book down and said goodnight to Matsuri, thanking her again for letting her stay. Matsuri wasn't fooled by Hinata's quiet demeanour, something about her was different. She seemed as equally sad as she was angry, and Matsuri desperately wanted to find out why. Hinata was her best friend, and Matsuri was upset for her, she had already been through way more than any normal person should EVER experience.
She left it another day, but Hinata was still quiet and out of it, she still wouldn't tell her what was wrong and Matsuri didn't know how to help.
After Hinata had gone to bed the next night, Matsuri quietly snuck out of her own house and went to the tower. She wouldn't be able to ask Gaara personally, not yet, but she could ask someone close to him.
Kankuro was shirtless when he opened the door, something that Matsuri would never get used to. His defined muscles and toned body were incredibly attractive, she supposed he must get them from training. His grey slacks hung loose on his hips and she could see the defined V that lead down towards… "Matsuri?"
Shocked, Matsuri looked back at his face and grinned sheepishly. He was obviously aware of where her eyes had been trailing, as he had a smug look on his purple face. The purple lines across his nose and mouth were a part of him, despite being painted. He had told her that he looked like his father normally and he didn't ever want to become anything like him. His brown hair was spiked, probably from sleep, he had the night shift tonight and would start in a few hours. He looked handsome, and he was hers. "This is a surprise, what can I do you for?" A deliberate play on words, smooth.
Matsuri looked left and then right, wondering if anyone was wondering the halls, and then pushed him into the room, following and pushing the door closed behind her. "Woah, I didn't expect such… Ferocity." He had a sexy look on his face, she wanted to smack it off but also kiss the hell out of it.
"That's not what I came here for, get your mind out of the gutter for one second." He must have heard something in her tone for his demeanour changed and he sat down on the edge of his bed. "What's wrong Matty?" God he was adorable when he called her by her pet name, trying not to be swayed by his charm, she sat away from him and asked him outright, "Why is Hinata sleeping at my place?" He seemed to be taken aback by this statement and unsure how to answer, "A sleepover?" He answered stupidly. Matsuri sighed and sat closer to him. "No, she's really upset and she has a bag full of clothes with her. She's sleeping at mine right now. Something has happened but she won't tell me anything." Kankuro put his arm around her to comfort, understanding what she wanted. "It's okay, I'll talk to Gaara tomorrow after work and I'll see if I can find out anything for you. Okay?" Matsuri rubbed herself further into his chest.
"Thankyou." She said, appreciating her partner's kindness. They spent the rest of the time Kankuro had together in bed, both of them comforting each other despite having things on their minds.
Matsuri thought about Hinata and how she could help, Kankuro thought about his brother and wondered if there was anything he could actually do.
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Kankuro had had a long night at work. He had come across a villager on his rounds who had been sexually abused as she walked home from her own work, the seventh villager in the past month. When the first three had been found, one of them killed afterwards, there had been an uproar within the department, every officer working overtime to try and find who was responsible but they hadn't found anything. When the other three were found, most of them battered unrecognisably, Kankuro didn't know what to do. He didn't want to put the village on a curfew as it would cause panic, but there didn't seem to be any either way to protect the female villagers. Every time he had brought it up with the council, they had rejected all of his other proposals of tightening security and putting more staff on rounds. He hated the councilmembers, all of them old men that wanted to possess more power over the villagers just like his father had. They were all set in their ways and all of them hated Gaara for becoming Kazekage. Kankuro wondered if they had something to do with the villagers being hurt, trying to ruin Gaara's position, but he had no real evidence, just a feeling in his gut. But he was protective of his little brother, he knew he might be making assumptions based on that fact.
After he had finished his shift, he went home and showered, giving himself more time before going to see his brother about his marital affairs. If he had a choice, he would let things work themselves out, but Matsuri had asked him, so he couldn't refuse. The small room still smelled of her; sweet and musky. He couldn't believe he had spent so many years chasing after women who were nothing compared to his beautiful childhood friend. He was so blind, it wasn't until that moment on the roof where he had kissed her that he knew he couldn't go back to what they were. Perhaps he had always loved her, he wasn't sure. He had always found his dear Matty attractive, but treated her like a sister. He had never wanted to ruin what they had, he didn't want to lose his best friend if she didn't feel the same. When he kissed her, he was so overcome by how perfect, how right it was, that he freaked out. He left to try and understand his own feelings, all while freaking out that she would never return them. But he was a fool, when he had returned and felt Matty in his arms, he knew that he would take the risk. It was right as well, Matty loved him. So far everything had been more than perfect, his best friend was the love of his life and he couldn't be happier. He grinned to himself as he thought of his feisty little girlfriend and how hard she punched him when he had returned. Yes, this was exactly what he had been looking for.
Making his way to Gaara's office, he thought about how he would bring it up, but he didn't have to think hard. After opening Gaara's heavy office door and coming face to face with a room full of mess and thrown papers. Gaara himself looked pristine, a natural leader, but he was a mess.
"Dude, what have you done?" He asked his brother who he swore was frowning at the paper in his hand. "I don't know what you mean." He replied, monotone as ever.
Kankuro sauntered past the mess and sat down at the chair across from the desk. "Matsuri came over last night and told me that Hinata was staying at her place. She thinks you did something to upset her."
Gaara looked somewhat relieved as he looked up at his brother. If Kankuro didn't know better, he would have thought that his little brother was worried about not being able to find his wife. "It's good that she's safe." He said, "But I don't think I did anything wrong."
Kankuro breathed a sigh, he never thought he'd be explaining women to his little brother but this was like a dream come true and a nightmare at the same time. "And perhaps you didn't, but women are funny man, you just have to roll with it. Matsuri gets upset at me all the time for things I don't think are bad, but I apologise anyway and she's happy again." Gaara seemed to be listening as he nodded his head while Kankuro talked. "So what exactly did you do?"
Gaara started to reply but before he could get out two words, someone crashed through the door, yelling about finally arriving, covered in sweat and sand. "Naruto?" Kankuro said, confused by the blonde's sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"
Naruto collapsed on the couch and heaved through his lungs. "God I ran so hard to get here as soon as I can. Good training I suppose!" He said between breaths. "The things I do when you're in trouble, Gaara!"
He sat up straight afterwards and looked past Kankuro to Gaara. "Yo, are you alright?" He looked confused. Kankuro looked between the heaving blonde and his little brother, unsure of what was currently happening. "What do you mean?" He asked, trying to gather some clarity.
Naruto squinted his blue eyes at the Kazekage. "Gaara told me that he needed my help, that it was an emergency." He looked the red-head up and down, trying to find something wrong. "Are you okay?"
Gaara nodded. "Then is it the village?"
"No."
"Then what exactly did I just run for two and a half days straight for?" After Naruto spoke, Gaara straightened his spine and faced both of the men in his office. His face was stoic as usual, but there was something different in his eyes, like a glint that perhaps wasn't there before.
Sighing, he sat down behind his desk and put his hands together.
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Gaara knew that now wasn't the time to try and appear powerful. Not in front of the two men he most trusted. He had called Naruto because he needed his help, and Kankuro should provide some insight as well. Relief washed over him again when he remembered that Hinata was safe with Matsuri. He hadn't sent any of his sand unit out to find Hinata, he knew that would only have made her more upset. When he had realized she had left the house, he didn't know how to react. She could have simply been out, he couldn't stir anything into a panic. So instead he stayed in his office, quietly worrying about his fragile, indigo-haired wife.
Someone's cough interrupted his thoughts and he turned once again to his audience. "I brought you here because I have upset Hinata." He said seriously, slightly nodding his head to emphasize the gravity of the situation. He frowned slightly when Naruto started laughing, from the other side he saw Kankuro also trying to hide mirth. "This is serious, Naruto, Kankuro. I have upset her and I'm not sure why."
Kankuro looked at him seriously, "Like I said man, she's probably just overreacting, don't worry about it. She'll come around eventually."
Naruto on the other hand, still trying to cover his laughter looked at Gaara with an incredulous look in his eyes. "You brought me here because you're having a lovers spat? You realize I don't live just outside town, right?"
Gaara sighed, they didn't understand. "I need her to not be upset at me! I don't know what I did wrong! I'm not… As adept in conversation as others are and I don't want it to keep affecting the way I do business, not with Hinata or anyone else." Both of his guests were quiet. "This isn't just about Hinata, I need to know how to act… Normal." Gaara stood and faced the window, not quite wanting to see the expressions on his face. "Naruto, you also have a demon inside of you, but you have friends, people who understand you. That's all I want. I don't want people to hate me anymore." The last was said on a whisper, Gaara had come to this realization long ago. He had tried to live without anyone, tried to stay out of their way and become invisible. But the inevitable truth was that he was lonely. Hinata had brought that out for him, he didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted to become normal, for her. Not that she would ever see him in such a positive light after everything he's done, but he realized that the way he acts affects the way people see her. She is his wife now, everything he does affects her. He needs to become normal, at least okay at pretending not to be a bloodthirsty monster.
He faced the others then, looking into two sets of eyes trying to digest the information he had just given them.
At last one of them spoke after the choking silence, the first being his brother. "I'm sorry I should have helped sooner. You didn't have the same upbringing as Temari and I, so of course it would be harder for you. I'm not sure how to help, but I'll try in any way that I can."
Naruto was nodding while listening, seeing it from the brothers point of view. "My upbringing was also different, I wasn't used as a weapon and I also had Iruka-sensei to guide me, take me under his wing. But like your brother, I'll help in any way I can. We both know you're not a monster, Gaara, you're one of my best friends and it wouldn't be that way if you weren't a good person at heart."
Gaara felt stirrings in his chest again, they were slightly different from the ones with Hinata. This time, he felt free, relieved. Like somehow they had taken off a huge burden simply by listening to him and being willing to help. "So how do I fix things with Hinata?" He asked, wishing to start as soon as possible. He had done too much to her to be forgiven for, but he wished to make her feel like she was welcome in her own home.
Naruto and Kankuro both looked at each other and shrugged. "Depends," Said Kankuro, "What did you do?"
He started by explaining the relationship he started with Hinata, about the secret bookcase, the small house in the clearing. How he talked to the small woman, became her friend. He didn't mention his heartbeat rapidly advancing or how she affected him in ways he'd never felt before, but even without that, the men in the room were shocked. Again fell the heavy silence, it was a common thing in this household recently.
"Gaara…" Kankuro looked at him and then raked a hand through his hair, "That's not nothing."
Gaara released his breath and tried to explain, "But I thought she viewed him- me- as a friend. Was I mistaken?" Before he even finished his sentence the others were shaking their heads.
Naruto stood up and paced a little around the room, thinking of how he could explain the impact of what Gaara had done. "From what I know of Hinata, she's had it rough. She's a fragile person and not so easily trusting. Seeing you as a friend probably made it worse. She trusted you and by keeping your identity from her she probably feels betrayed and humiliated. I'm guessing she told this "Sabaku" things she didn't tell you personally?" At Gaara's hesitant nod, he continued. "Of course then she feels hurt. Hell, Gaara, if someone did that to me I'd feel like a fool. She probably saw you as two separate people, and not only does she probably feel humiliated for not realizing, she's also lost a friend."
"Lost.. A friend? How?" This was all so confusing, the red head raked his hands through his hair, breathing out a large breath.
"If she did see you both as friends, now she knows that you're one person, she doesn't have that other person to rely on any longer."
"So what do I do to make her rely on me?" He asked, a little harsher than he intended, a small frown coming upon his normally stoic face.
Naruto and Kankuro looked at each other again, both trying to think of an appropriate answer that would work for the quiet Hinata and the socially awkward Gaara. "I don't know what else you can do, Gaara. You'll just have to try and talk to her, explain why you did it." Kankuro spoke after a while. Naruto nodded, and Gaara supposed the conversation was finished. Kankuro got up to leave, wanting to be fresh to maybe take Matsuri out for dinner. After he was gone, Naruto turned to Gaara again. "This is really affecting you, isn't it?" Gaara nodded, looking to the bright man to continue, looking for answers.
"Do you… do you love her?" At that small statement, Gaara narrowed his eyes.
"A monster like me isn't capable of love. I feel nothing for Hinata. I can experience other emotions, but love will forever elude me." Naruto wasn't sure how to answer without offending Gaara by disagreeing, so he just quietly agreed and let it drop. "Is that all you wanted me for?" He asked, thinking of the strenuous return home. Gaara shook his head and the blonde sat straighter. "I'll be out of town for a couple of weeks for Kage duties, talking with other village councils. I'm asking you this as a friend, please look after Hinata while I'm gone. I've spoken to the Hokage and she said you're not needed on any missions anytime soon." He looked so pleading, the blonde couldn't refuse.
"Okay, but get them over and done with as soon as possible and make up with your wife!" Gaara nodded and went back to working, as Naruto scratched his heading, wondering how he can help the couple grow closer when Gaara won't even be in town.
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Hinata tried to shake herself out of her thoughts as she listened to Matsuri talking about her day at the hospital. Her friend was currently dressing for her date with Kankuro. Matsuri asked Hinata about her day. It was difficult but Hinata somehow managed to recount her simple day with excruciatingly false cheer. She wanted to be alone and was glad Matsuri was planning on staying out until tomorrow. She felt a pang in her chest, she didn't want to be away from Matsuri for any other reason than to heal herself, but she felt bad nonetheless. She had to think of a way to stay within the village, not cause gossip, and yet stay anywhere else but Matsuri's. She knew she had already outstayed her welcome. Although Matsuri assured her that she enjoyed having her company, Hinata wasn't so sure. Hinata couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be around her in this state. The only person who she'd been comfortable moping around with had been…. No! She must not think of him. He had used her for his own amusement and she was here to get away.
Once Matsuri had left, giving Hinata a tight hug before she wished her a good night, Hinata settled in for some peace and quiet, possibly an early night. Unfortunately, this isn't what she got. As soon as she had changed into her warm pajamas, steeling herself for the cool desert night ahead, there was a knock on the door. When she looked through to see who it was, she was incredibly surprised to see a grinning blonde looking at her.
"Naruto?" She asked quietly, still unsure of why he was at Matsuri's house. "M-Matsuri isn't home, she left for her date, do you need her for something?" She opened the door a little wider, facing him with a tilted head. Naruto shook his head. "Nah, I was in town and I decided to come say hi to you. See how you're going!"
Hinata was a little taken aback, but recovered her features quickly. She opened the door wider and invited him in. "Come, it's c-cold outside. I'll m-make some tea."
After Naruto had walked through the door, Hinata quickly shut it, sealing the house from the harsh desert night air.
Naruto walked to the small couch and sat down, suddenly looking nervous. Hinata made tea while watching him from the corner of her eye, wondering why he suddenly decided to make an appearance.
Just as she was done, he was already standing up and taking the tray from her hands, carrying the steaming cups to the coffee table in the middle of the small living room and sitting back down.
Wringing her hands together, she waited for him to start talking.
"How have you been?" He asked, making small talk.
"I-I've been well. How are you, N-Naruto?"
She watched as he scratched the back of his bright blonde hair, a small grin on his face. "I've been good. I have a couple of weeks off of duties so I'll be staying here for a while." Nodding her head, she smiled at him.
"I'm glad, it will be good for you to relax." After that, they both sipped their tea. It was an uncomfortable silence, Hinata squirmed, feeling Naruto's eye's on her, possibly scrutinising her.
Looking away, Naruto played with the handle of his mug, seemingly unsure of what to do next. "So," he started after a while "I saw Gaara before I came here."
Hinata hoped that the way she stiffened wasn't too noticeable. She had guessed people had known by now, of course how could they not. Gaara is the Kazekage after all, anyone would notice if his wife wasn't around. Trying to appear nonplussed, Hinata stopped herself from fidgeting with the mug as she replied. "A-Ah. H-He is well?" She asked, refusing to look the scrutinising blonde in the eyes.
"He is… Distracted." At this, she perked up her ears, listening intently to Naruto's words. "Unfortunately he has business out of town for a couple of weeks. He asked me to take you home. He figured you would be more comfortable knowing that he wasn't there." Hinata felt a pang in her chest at those words. She wished it wasn't true, but it was. Being around Gaara right now would just hurt more. She was somewhat ashamed at her thoughts, knowing she should be thankful that despite everything, he had married her to save her. Nothing more. "Things have been difficult lately, haven't they?"
Naruto's quiet encouragement put Hinata at ease. "I'm so o-overwhelmed." Hinata started. "First he's there, then he's not, suddenly he's not even who he says he is. Yet sometimes he's so… Good to me. Like he sees something in me that's worth something…." She looked at her hands, pushing them together, "Now I know better. I'll come back to the house tomorrow, b-but when Ga—He comes home, I-I don't know if I'll stay."
Suddenly she whipped her head back and looked at Naruto, she couldn't believe she had actually told him that. Matsuri had been trying to get her to talk about it for days and yet a few minutes in Naruto's company and she spills everything. Perhaps it's because he already knew what Gaara had done. Perhaps it was his eyes, bright blue, staring into her soul. It could be his bright smile, the way he laughed unabashedly. Now actually looking at Naruto, Hinata saw how handsome he was. Lean muscles pushed against the white t-shirt he wore, he had tan skin around his neck and collarbone, against the black and orange jumper he wore. Naruto was an incredibly handsome man.
Hinata was taken aback by the image that came into her head, not of Naruto, but of another man. Pale skin, greenish eyes and bright red hair assaulted her senses. Of course, despite how the man in front of her looked, he still couldn't seem to compare to her husband. She closed her eyes against the image, hoping to dispel it. How could she still think Gaara as attractive when he'd hurt her like this?
"I can't speak for Gaara, even I don't always know what's going on in his head. But please don't judge him too rashly, hear him out when he's ready to talk, it may be different from what you think. Gaara is… He's not the best at communicating with people, he needs encouragement." Hinata started to protest but Naruto put up a hand. "Listen, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or feel or think, I'm just saying things – and people – aren't always how they appear. You have every right to be upset, but please don't let it affect things too much for you when it may be hurting you for different reasons." He shrugged then, "I'm no good at this kind of stuff, but you look like you haven't slept and you're obviously upset about this, I just want to help."
Hinata stayed quiet for a while, watching as the man in front of her scratched the back of his head and sighed. She would love to think she was being rash, but until she heard the truth from Gaara she can't change her opinion. She was thankful for the friend she was finding in Naruto, however, and told him so. "I-I hope that while you're staying around we can spend some time together. I-I've talked about my problems, I hope maybe sometime you can open up to me about some of yours as well?" At this, the blonde gave her a grin.
"I would really like that, Hinata."
After telling Naruto that she'd be over at the house tomorrow -after she let Matsuri know of course- Naruto left. Hinata went to bed feeling a lot lighter than she had the past couple of nights. Her dreams, however, were still of her red-haired husband.
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Naruto left Hinata's feeling a bit more confident in his ability to help her understand Gaara. Even he himself didn't understand Gaara's thinking, with such different childhood memories. Naruto was as thankful as ever of the friends and adopted family members that he has.
He didn't doubt that Hinata held feelings for Gaara, no, if she didn't then she wouldn't feel so distressed, like most people in an arranged marriage she would feel nothing. She either cared for Gaara, or the person she thought he was, in that little home they met in. Maybe even both.
Naruto shook his head at the absurdity, but at the same time wished that he was so lucky to have the attentions of such a lovely person. He wished not for Hinata herself, but Sakura, his pink haired goddess. He had thought, in his time with her lately, that perhaps she had started developing feelings for him. She had been seeking him out, flirting even, asking him to dinner and just spending more time with him. But his heart sunk when he talked to their mutual friend Ino, someone they had both known through everything with Sasuke, one of Sakura's closest friends. Ino had mentioned that Sakura was lonelier than ever, and that if Naruto persisted, he would win her affections. But Naruto knew she wouldn't love him, not then. He couldn't be with her if she was just lonely, she would eventually feel betrayed, he would be using her loneliness, a weakness in her, just so she would be with him. That wasn't right, he wouldn't be with her for any other reason that she liked him as well, for him. He reminded himself sadly that Sakura hadn't been getting closer because she felt the same, but because she had no one else, perhaps he was an easy target for her. It was no secret to either of them how much he loved her, ever since childhood.
He wished he had found someone like Hinata instead, he would never have caused her sadness if he was in Gaara's position. Finding someone who looked past your demons, or your past, and still loves you? That's rare in a person. Hinata was one of a kind. Gaara was lucky to have the sweet, blue-haired woman for a wife.
"I just hope he doesn't lose her, god knows what would happen then."
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Gaara ran his hands through his hair for what must have been the thousandth time during the past few hours. Coming to Konoha had seemed like such a good idea, but since he had come here all he had experienced is frustration. He had formally asked for a meeting with the Hyuuga council, with the Hokage's permission, and instead of everything going smoothly, they had declined. He was a Kazekage, and the husband of their previous heir, he should be treated with more respect. After going back to the Hokage and getting her to assign a meeting, they had delayed it. Perhaps they feared his wrath, knowing that he knows of their plans. Two days later, he finally convinced the Hokage to force the Hyuuga council into having a meeting with him. Now he sat in a small waiting room while they finished 'Important Business'.
He shook his head.
"How dare they keep you waiting like this! You're the Kazekage for goodness sake, they should have some respect!" Temari said as she sat next to him. He didn't know whether she was upset for his sake, or for the fact that he had taken her from her lover so she could assist in the dealings. She had been part of his frustration, constantly complaining and ranting.
Finally, an hour later, Hinata's sister Hanabi greeted them. "I'm so sorry for the wait, I was told to wait to receive you, please accept my deepest apologies."
She looked different, older somehow. Perhaps it was just how she was when she didn't have the safety of her elder sister next to her. Now she had cut her hair short and was wearing a formal Kimono, bowing deeply and being incredibly graceful. It seemed forced, however, not at all like his wife's natural grace.
Gaara and Temari stood and bowed to her "Thankyou for coming to greet us." Temari said, giving Hanabi the first smile she had accomplished in the past two days.
Following Hanabi out, they walked into a larger, dominating room, with all of the council sitting at an unnecessarily large table.
Bowing again, they then took their seats at the very end and looked over at the members.
"So, Kazekage, what have you come to discuss?" One of the members said, he had bright white hair and a face that seemed set in a frown.
"Yes, why have you come to Konoha?" Said another member, not unlike the first.
Sitting at the other end of the long table was Hinata's father, with Hanabi at his side sitting demurely, he simply looked over Gaara and Temari, sizing them up.
Speaking directly to Hinata's father, Gaara stared straight ahead. "We have come to discuss some information I was made aware of concerning my future heirs. It has come into my knowledge that you have decided that after the birth of my children, you will enter them into your compound, is this correct?"
"That is the way of our clan, if a member enters a family outside of the village, their heirs will be trained and raised here, to understand our culture, carry on our line." The man directly in front of them replied. Most of the members nodded their heads, except for Neji and Hanabi, who looked anywhere but at him.
Gaara closed his eyes and breathed, trying to tame his rising anger. He wished it wasn't true, the nerve of these people. "I have come to inform you that it will not be necessary. Any heirs that come from the marriage between Hinata and myself will be raised and trained in my village."
"I'm afraid that isn't possible." Replied Hinata's father, "You are aware, I'm sure, that we have a unique bloodline, we cannot afford the risk it will be if it is taken into enemy hands."
"Are you doubting my capabilities as a leader and a father to protect my family?" Gaara stared at the other man, daring him to say something to stir his blood. Gaara would like nothing but to tear him apart, but he swallowed his rage. Nothing but war would come if he destroyed a highly-esteemed clan of Konoha, he couldn't afford to break the alliance.
The other man smiled. A cold, calculative smile which enhanced the ice in his eyes. How something so pure could come from a man like this, Gaara didn't' know.
"Of course not, Kazekage. There are simply things about our bloodline which you do not understand, we simply cannot forfeit our right to protect it."
The verbal battle carried on for another fifteen minutes between the two, getting nowhere. Gaara hadn't gotten any closer to getting the Hyuuga to give up the right to his children, his children! So after scheduling another meeting, wanting to discuss the matter further, Gaara and Temari took their leave, composed as officials are supposed to be. As soon as they left the compound gates, however, Gaara growled. "How could they even think I'd just give up my children!"
Temari stepped back as Gaara punched the closest tree, splintering bark but feeling no pain in his fist as the sand covered it.
Breathing heavily, Gaara leaned his head against the tree. He was frustrated with everything, with the Hyuuga, with the role of being the Kazekage, with not being able to see Hinata, not being able to tell her that he solved everything. He just wanted her to look at him again, he hadn't seen her since she discovered his secret. He knew that she was scared of the Hyuuga, he wanted her to be reassured. He couldn't even do that right. He hoped Naruto was helping while he himself was stuck here in negotiations.
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"… And then he fell into the hotsprings! Women were screaming, calling him all sorts of names. He ran, his 'research papers' getting lost as he sprinted from these really tough looking women, soaked to the bone. He was so incredibly strong but he came home that night covered in bruises!" Naruto ended his story with a full laugh. Hinata chuckled alongside him, enjoying his company and the tales he had entertained her with all night. They had gone out to a new restaurant that had opened up in Suna, one that has ramen. Apparently Naruto was desperate for ramen and even though Hinata couldn't see the huge appeal, she went along with him, smiling more than she had in days.
Using her chopsticks she ate more of the noodles, relishing the beefy flavour and watching Naruto as he went through two more bowls of ramen.
After a small bout of silence, Hinata spoke up. "So, h-how is Sakura? I haven't seen her since… well you know." She rubbed her forehead gently, touching the scar that will always remind her of her family's cruelty.
Hinata almost immediately regretted speaking as Naruto stopped eating, his smile suddenly becoming stiff. "I'm s-sorry you don't have to speak about her if you don't want to!" she waved her arms, trying to emphasize her point. She could feel her face turning red, embarrassment setting in.
Naruto reached out and touched her arm, stilling her. "It's okay, Hinata. Sakura is good, she's been promoted at the hospital! She's one of the most important medical staff members in Konoha! I'm sure she'll want to know how you are as well, she told me she never heard from you or Gaara about how you were after everything. She hopes that you've recovered from the ordeal with your family." He smiled, but it wasn't quite reaching his eyes anymore.
"I'll… I'll have to write to her, let her know. She was such a big help in such an awful time for me, I can't believe I haven't talked to her since, it seems so long ago."
After finishing dinner, they started walking back to the Kazekage tower. It was silent, not at all like it had been before she brought up the pink-haired medic. She stopped, making Naruto stop with her and wrung her hands together. "I-I I'm sorry that I brought up Sakura. You look like it's painful to talk about her and I… I really didn't want our night to finish with you being upset. I'm sorry."
Naruto looked down at her and smiled. "Don't apologize, Hinata, you did nothing wrong. Things are a little bit strained between Sakura and I at the moment, but I'm sorry I've made this uncomfortable for you."
Hinata shook her head and pulled Naruto by the arm to sit on a park bench with her. "You didn't make it uncomfortable. I'm just worried about you. You can tell me anything and I'll listen."
After getting comfortable and facing each other, Naruto took a deep breath. "I don't think she's ever going to love me, Hinata. I don't think she's ever going to love me the way that I love her. She's always been my focus, my reason for trying over and over again. The amount of times I've been rejected and hurt by that woman and I still live for her." He shook his head. "I'm not kidding myself, I know there isn't much chance of me finding someone who will love me, especially not her, but I've always had a little bit of hope. As much as Sasuke, my best friend and the guy that holds her heart, hurt me by leaving, it had me thinking that finally, I could be something in her eyes…. But it'll never be. Lately she's been getting closer, opening up more and even trying to get to know me, but it's all because she's lonely, not because she likes me."
Hinata listened to every word, feeling her own heart break a little for Naruto. "I don't understand how anyone could refuse to love you when you love them so much." She whispered to him, feeling like speaking any louder would break something in the air.
"Maybe it's because I'm a demon."
Hinata shook her head, "You're not a demon, don't call yourself that."
Naruto chuckled, although it was darker than his previous ones. "I am a demon, I have the nine-tailed demon stuck inside of me, which makes me a monster. That's how Gaara and I found each other, through our demons. No girl would want to love a monster, not willingly. I fortunately don't have any bloodlust but that doesn't really change anything."
Hinata's eyes started to blur, she didn't know what to say, how to help. On impulse, she reached out and wrapped her arms around the seemingly fragile man next to her. She spoke softly as she tried to comfort him, "Being a carrier doesn't make you the monster. Anyone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are is missing out. One day you will definitely find someone who loves you for you." She felt him take a shaky breath, reach up and pat her back.
"Thankyou, Hinata. I'm lucky to have such a good friend like you. Gaara is definitely a lucky man."
Hinata pulled away gently. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you as well. Now let's get back to the tower, I'm feeling quite tired suddenly."
Walking away, they didn't notice a man watching them from the shadows.
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Kankuro stood shocked for a few minutes, trying to work through what he just saw. He needed to be sure before he came to any conclusions. Gaara's wife AND his best friend, Kankuro couldn't risk a misunderstanding, it would break Gaara. He shook his head and started on his rounds again, he'd think about it later.
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"I really don't want to go through this again, it's my right where I choose to have my future children. I'm not going to back down on this point and if you can't compromise then prepare for a fight." Gaara said, his voice steady but with thinly veiled venom. He was speaking privately with Hinata's father, with only Neji and Temari in the room with them, not wanting to face another council meeting.
Hiashi stood firm, "I cannot change the way of my people and sacrifice our safety for your own personal choices."
Gaara refused to back down. "I understand your concern, but I am offering compromise, not sacrifice. When the children are 12, they will come here to train underneath the supervision of my own choice. Until then, you can assign supervision or protection of the Hyuuga's choosing while they are growing up."
"Are there already children presently growing?" Hiashi asked, nonchalant.
"Not currently, but I don't want to have the apprehension of conflict when they are. I need your word and a signed contract."
After a deafening period of silence, Hiashi agreed. Gaara was wary, however. For someone who had been constantly battling him for this right, he gave up rather easily this time. Not wanting to push his luck, Gaara stood and took a bow in front of the Hyuuga leader. "Please sign this contract, thank you for your time."
When everything was done, Gaara let out a sigh. He was relieved, yet also anxious to see Hinata and tell her. Perhaps she won't even listen to him, perhaps she'd left him already. So many different thoughts running through his head. He wished he didn't have to stay in Konoha for Kage business, but he had neglected it for too long. It was his idea to take on more responsibility, to become a worthy Kazekage for his people, for Hinata. He needed to stay and finish what he'd started here.
Beside him, Temari stretched out her hands towards the sky and yawned. "I am so glad that's over. I thought he'd never give up. He has balls, I'll give him that. Shame that he's such an awful person it outweighs his leadership abilities." After a mirthless chuckle, she looked at Gaara. "Do you feel relieved now?"
Gaara stayed silent while considering his answer, trying to understand what he was feeling. "I cannot say that I'm relieved. I believe that Hinata's father is hiding something, I do not trust him. However, I am… Glad that I don't have to go through that again anytime soon." He finished with a shrug and looked back at Temari, who was grinning back at him. "My sentiments exactly, Brother."
After parting ways with Temari, Gaara went to the Hokage tower. On entry he was met by the Hokage and her student Sakura, the medical officer that treated Hinata. After bowing, he sat down on the chair opposite the Hokage.
"So Gaara," she started, "How did it go this time? Do I need to intervene?"
"No, the Hyuuga have agreed to my terms and have signed a contract, that is all that I need. However, I need to inform you that if they break this contract…." He let it linger, watching for her reaction. Nodding, she looked him in the eye. "If the Hyuuga break this binding contract between them and the village of the sand, you still have my alliance no matter how you act. This is directly between you and the Hyuuga's, not between the Sand and Leaf village."
"With all due respect, I will kill them if they hurt my family."
Tsunade smiled, "Like I said, not between us. As long as they are the ones breaking the contract, you will still have my backing. They will not get my alliance if they have used underhanded tactics."
"I'm glad that we're in agreeance and that it will not affect the alliance."
"Now," Tsunade stood and went over to some cabinets, freeing a secret compartment and bringing out a bottle of Sake, "I believe that we should celebrate."
"Hokage," Started Sakura, speaking for the first time since Gaara entered, "you're not supposed to be drinking." The pink haired woman stuck her hands on her hips and scowled at the Hokage, showing a good familiarity between the two. After a glaring battle between the two, Sakura eventually gave a small shake of her head and gave the Hokage a smile. "One of these days you'll listen to me for your own good."
Sitting down with the bottle of Sake and three glasses, Tsunade laughed. "Oh come on Sakura, don't spoil this. Come drink with us."
Sakura sat down next to Gaara, opposite of the Tsundade who was happily humming while pouring their drinks.
A short haired woman carrying what seemed to be a small pig came through the door, talking all at once about how the Hokage shouldn't be drinking and something is urgent. Gaara missed half of what she said, but it must have been important since Tsunade took a regretful look at the drinks on the table, sighed and then left. Leaving Gaara with the pink-haired healer.
"Lord Kazekage, it is good to see you again, you are well?"
Gaara nodded in affirmation. Unsure of how to proceed.
"And Lady Hinata, is she okay?"
Gaara looked at her then, hearing something in her voice. In her eyes was a strange look. "Hinata is healthy."
Sakura shook her head slowly, "But is she okay? How is the aftermath of all she's been through?"
"I'm not entirely sure I understand what you're asking." And truly, he didn't. Sakura wouldn't know of the dealings since they left Konoha, so any discomfort Hinata has gone through since then she wouldn't have heard of.
Sakura looked uneasy, she showed emotions clearly on her face, a trait that Gaara admired. "What she went through, not just when I treated her, but before that… It can damage even the strongest of people. For Hinata…. Well, I'm worried about how she's handling it."
Contemplating what the healer said, Gaara was silent for a few moments. Although it's true, he can't remember any sort of damage, other than the pain that he has given her. He told Sakura this, omitting his part.
"So, no nightmares or terrors? Any paranoia or anxiety? This are very straightforward questions, but as someone who treated her, I've worried about her wellbeing. Especially with her scar…"
Throughout her speech, Gaara felt himself growing tense, but at that last bit it felt like he had been kicked in the gut.
Of course I wouldn't know, I haven't even asked her if she's dealing okay. I even forgot she had the scar.
Feeling another surge of anger at the clan he had spoken to just earlier, he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself.
"I'm sorry." Came the soft voice beside him.
"You've done nothing wrong." Gaara said gruffly, trying not to let the demon in his head come to the surface with his anger.
He could feel her eyes staring at him, so he opened his and found her looking directly at him. "I've tried researching how to get rid of scars, but I can't seem to do anything." Something in her voice tugged at him, it sounded haunted almost.
"You feel like it is your fault?"
Her eyes widened a small fraction before she looked down at her lap. "I've lived in Konoha all of my life, so close to her and yet I never knew. I never saw her, or heard her. If I had just asked about the girls living at the compound, maybe this wouldn't have happened to her."
"Useless," he started, "It is useless to dwell on what you might have done. Perhaps knowing would have made it more severe for Hinata. I assume there were reasons why she was hidden."
"Do you never wonder though, whether something could have been done?"
Every moment. Perhaps not about her childhood, for he would not have had the opportunity or care to know or save her. But in that little house in the clearing… If he had just gotten there sooner. If he hadn't left, if he had taken care of her. If he had just told her who he was, helped her, saved her sooner. If he had gotten to her sooner, before she was hurt again. The way she looked when he got her, beaten and frail but trying to be strong, it haunted him.
"That's because you're useless as a human. You will never save the people you love." Came a voice in Gaara's head, along with the images of him killing Temari, Kankuro and Hinata. He squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to block the invasion.
"ekage?…. Lord Kazekage?" A wall of sand came up as he realized a hand was about to go on his shoulder, breaking the images from his mind and letting him breathe a little easier. He immediately stood.
"My apologies, it has been a tiring day. I will retire now, please let the Hokage know that I will send the rest of the information with Temari." Sakura looked shocked, but Gaara couldn't turn back. He needed air and a quiet place to rest. He was almost through the door when he stopped and turned his head towards Sakura. "It wasn't your fault. I will tell Hinata that you've asked about her." He left then, off to make peace in his head. He wished that he was already back where he could listen to the soothing voice of an indigo-haired angel.
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Hinata sighed again, rubbing her forehead and trying not to cringe when she felt the bumps there. "I do not think I can do it." She said, becoming frustrated in her own inability to stand up in front of people. "I can't go before the council without Gaara."
Matsuri took both of Hinata's hands in hers and pleaded. "Please, Hinata. Since you're the Kazekage's wife you have more power than you think. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important but Kankuro is currently visiting a neighbouring ally and they're going to decide today."
Hinata bowed her head, hiding her face from the brunette as she thought. Today was the last chance that the orphanage would have to stay open. The council had decided that it was a waste of resources and that it should be closed down, forcing about thirty children onto the streets. Of course they had only made this known after Gaara had left, making it so he couldn't decide against it.
Straightening her back, Hinata agreed to talk to the council on the Kazekage's behalf, gaining a look of gratitude from her friend.
As soon as Hinata opened the door to the council meeting, she wanted to take back any agreeance she had earlier. All of the members stared at her as she came in, causing a deathly silent atmosphere. "You can't back down now." She said to herself as she tried not to back down from the imposing presence of the men that tried to have her married to a man she didn't know.
"I have come on the Kazekage's behalf to discuss the settlement of the Suna Orphanage. I will hear all possible details and act accordingly."
Hinata couldn't be sure, but it looked like she had shocked the men in front of her. She had summoned all of her training from when she was to be the heiress to the Hyuuga, surprising herself with the realisation that she had stopped stuttering like she had before. With this realisation came a new sense of confidence and she sat at the end of the long, twelve seated table.
The man directly to the left of her seemed a bit offended as he sputtered, "You! You cannot think to be a part of this meeting." The others around him nodded, agreeing with his outburst.
Hinata just lifted her chin a little higher. "I am, in fact, the next and only other person in Suna currently able to make decisions in the Kazekage's absence. As his wife I am able to act on his behalf and I would encourage you not to offend me by saying otherwise again."
Inside her head, Hinata was flying. She felt stronger than she had in a while, more confident than ever. The men around her were obviously taken aback and seemed to shrink before her eyes. Before when she had seen them, they had been imposing. Now they were just old men. Half of them were bald or balding, with bright white hair and sunken skin. Their clothing seemed struggle against their bulging stomachs, a sign of when they would feed while the villagers starved.
They were nothing, they could not hurt her themselves.
Of course Hinata wasn't naïve. They could easily send people to hurt her but she wasn't worried, she could easily take out an assassin with her skill level. Although she had been trained at the Hyuuga compound, like any heiress with the Byakugan, she had continued on with her training afterwards. Although she was not the strongest, she believed in her agility and fluid motions to help her in defeating foes.
She hadn't told Gaara this, and was surprised that he hadn't noticed her training at any time during their marriage. Not that he had taken much notice of her at all during their marriage.
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Hinata looked at the men presently in front of her. They were quietly arguing among themselves, talking about the nerve of the Kazekage's wife.
"Excuse me, if we could get back to the meeting at hand please." She said calmly, waiting for them to notice her.
A man on her right cleared his throat and decided to speak. "Please accept our apology, Lady Hinata." He seemed to visibly wince when he said her name. "We were simply… Shocked. It was not in our understanding that you took interest in Lord Kazekage's business."
"I accept your apology, I understand it is unusual for me to speak in front of you like this. However, I couldn't let this matter rest. I do not agree with the closure of the Suna Orphanage."
Of course, as to be expected there were arguments from the men. Some argued there weren't the resources, the money, the time and effort wasn't worth it. Hinata waited calmly and listened to each argument. "The Suna Orphanage has been mostly self-resourceful. They grow their own food and sell the rest at the markets for profit. The council only pays for the building and even then the occupants help pay for that. By shutting down the orphanage you are not gaining anything, and causing vulnerable adolescents to be unsupervised through Suna. This could be a disastrous move and I cannot condone it."
After listening to a few other arguments the men had and successfully countering them, eventually the council made the decision to keep the Suna Orphanage. Hinata was elated, she had never felt so proud of herself before. After the meeting was finished, she had to stop herself from jumping out of her chair, instead waiting until everyone had left.
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Gaara hadn't thought Hinata could do something like that. He had watched the entire meeting from the shadows, keeping himself hidden so he could watch. On returning to Suna, he had first went to the Kazekage tower when he heard the news about the council meeting and Kankuro's business. Immediately he went to stop the proceedings but quickly found he had no need. His beautiful wife was giving them the set-down they desperately needed. He shook his head as he thought about his wife and the stuttering small woman he had originally met, it was hard to think about them being the same person. She had blossomed into confidence since he had left, with a new happiness to her features. God she was beautiful, the way she was sitting there by herself, almost grinning. She looked so pleased, he wished he could just reach out his hand and touch her. Almost, almost. He was so close he could smell her and yet he couldn't be close to her. He could only stand back and watch.
Suddenly, the door opened and in came Matsuri and Naruto. The brunette practically ran to Hinata, almost pushing her over with how powerful her hug is. "Thankyou so much Hinata!" Gaara heard her say. When she had let go, Gaara's best friend stepped in, picking Hinata up and twirling her a bit. "You did it, Kiddo! I'm so proud of you."
Gaara couldn't breathe when he saw Hinata's smile of pure delight. Being in his best friends arms, she was smiling like she had never smiled at him. His chest felt like it was caving in on itself, he couldn't stay in this room.