The next day, Maka sends Soul the first ever Deathchat message between them. "Thanks again for the snack yesterday," she writes."It was good! Let me know if I can ever return the favour."
His response comes a minute later. "dont worry bout it," followed shortly by a, "u stayin late tonight too?"
"Yeah, I think so. You too?"
"nah not tonight," he replies. "got something else to do. but probz will stay some other time this week." A few seconds pass, and Maka shifts windows to address another notification on her screen, thinking that's the end of the conversation.
She notices the red "1" prominently displayed on the Deathchat icon a few minutes later, and as she brings the messenger window back into focus she's surprised to see that Soul has sent another message: "u'll just have to return the favour next time," ending with a thumbs up emoji.
"Next time? Sure, but when's that going to be LOL," she quips, amazed at the number of words they've exchanged in the last two days. She wonders if he means what he says and if he'll actually hold her accountable for this, or whether this is just another empty promise that people make for the sake of being civil and social.
He seems to be leaning towards the latter, because he says, " could be tmrw. but def this week. bring your best snacks. i'll look fwd to it."
She chuckles at the surprisingly firm tone – just like his handshake, she suddenly remembers – and she's a little put off but also a little awed. "Okay. Any preferences?" Then, remembering the flavour he'd chosen the first time, she asks, "You like original?"
"i'm not picky," comes the reply.
"Alright then, prepare to be surprised," she writes back, and it sounds legit, like the promise has weight and meaning, and that it will be kept.
Maka now looks more forward to working in the evenings.
She's always kind of enjoyed it, what with less people being in the office and it being quieter, particularly after BlackStar goes home. Plus, it's a lot easier to focus when people aren't constantly popping by her desk or messaging her or even making a commotion elsewhere in the room, which tends to happen every so often.
The only exception to that, it seems, is Soul.
They see each other quite frequently in the evenings now, and she surmises that his probation is up and he's switched his work hours to start later and end later in the day, like some of the other devs. Despite the minor difference in their schedules, it seems like some sort of invisible wall has broken down after that first after-hours encounter and Deathchat message, and she and Soul now talk on a semi-regular basis. Even though the majority of their interactions tend to be short and consist of exchanging snacks and insignificantly chatting about what they're currently working on via online messenger, she doesn't mind – he's just a colleague, after all.
Today it's her turn to visit his desk on her way out. Normally she stops by before packing up, but today she's in a rush. Quite honestly, she's close to running late and doesn't really have time to spare, but she can't help how much of a ritual it's become. Even on a day when she does leave relatively on time, it feels wrong to not say some sort of goodbye to him, be it in person or online.
She wonders how it all came to this.
Soul slides his headphones off to rest around his neck as he sees her approach. "Heading out now?" he asks. She simply nods and hands him the orange she picked up from the kitchen when she'd gone to wash her mug.
"Aw man, another healthy snack?" he jokingly grumbles. Maka rolls her eyes.
"Are you complaining?" she jabs back playfully. Contrary to what she saw during that first evening they talked, she has come to learn that Soul has a massive liking for junk food – in fact, she thinks he likes it a little too much, although he argues otherwise.
"Nah, I'll take what I can get," he smirks, and she resists the urge to roll her eyes again as he places it on his desk and makes no move towards actually eating it. "Where you going?" he asks more seriously, angling his head up to face her.
"Just for dinner. A friend is picking me up," she replies curtly. "Are you leaving soon too?" she asks before he has the chance to follow up with more questions.
"Nah, can't really afford to." He sighs, drumming his fingers on his desk and glancing back at his monitor. "Still have a lot of code to review."
"That's too bad." She frowns as a sign of empathy, then hoists her bag back onto her shoulder where it was about to slide off.
"Ehh, it is what is is." Then, looking straight at her, he says point blank, "Maybe we can grab dinner together some time too."
Maka blinks, slightly caught off guard. She's been invited to a few after-work socials before by BlackStar (which she'd never attended, as those tend to consist of mostly devs as well as a decent amount of drinking), but this is the first time she's been asked to do something with a colleague one-on-one.
"Sure," she says noncommittally, which is a lot easier than explaining that she appreciates the invitation but prefers to keep her personal and professional life separate. "Anyway, I've gotta run now, but good luck with that review!" She turns away towards the exit.
"See ya," she hears, and as she glances back she sees Soul's raised hand in a wave and then, before she knows it, he's leaned back in towards his screen as if she was never there.
As Maka heads down the stairwell towards the exit of the building, she dwells on Soul's last request. For some reason it makes her feel a little odd – not because Soul is a creep or anything for suggesting it (or at least, she doesn't think he is), but more so because even though she had never considered it before, she now realizes that she wouldn't really mind it, despite her eternally held belief that "men are trash". Briefly, she wonders what Soul is like outside of work. What does he like to do in his spare time? Does he keep to himself just as much as he does in the office? Where did he like to go to eat?
"Snap out of it," she scolds herself. Okay, maybe he is one of the few decent guys out there, and maybe she can actually consider some of her coworkers to also be friends – especially since BlackStar actually was her friend before they started working together – but she doesn't see much point in trying to be all chummy outside of business hours. That means more chances for a conflict to occur, or for her to trust the wrong person, and even if it's over something that doesn't have anything to do with work, things don't exist in a bubble – the chance of it affecting her professional reputation or relationships in the office is too high.
Just like at her last job. It's dangerous.
As Maka finally reaches the ground floor, she resolves herself to reinforcing these subtle boundaries between her and her coworkers. And yet, as she walks out into the cool autumn air alone, she can't help but wish that she didn't have to put so much space between herself and everyone else.
Perhaps inevitably, the space between her and Soul closes, and when it does it's 7:30pm on a Thursday and Maka wants to bash her head in on her desk.
She's alone in the office, since even the devs who like to work late have left long ago in order to continue working from home. Maka doesn't really like working from home though; sure, it's comfy and she doesn't have to walk in the cold, but it's not like her commute is that long or unpleasant anyway and she finds that she has a hard time concentrating in her apartment.
It's just another thing that keeps her personal and work life as separate as possible, anyhow.
Maka anxiously taps her fingers on her keyboard in deep thought. She's reviewing technical patch notes and doing some of her own quality assurance testing so she can write up simpler changelogs for clients, but some of the cases are a lot more complicated than she expected. Realistically, she should just go home and finish the tests tomorrow, especially since she came in right at 9am and her empty stomach has been making its displeasure apparent, but she just feels so close to being done...
Before she knows it, there's a quiet beep that comes from the front door as someone unlocks it, and then it's swinging open and Soul is walking into the office. She wonders what he's doing here at this hour – she had seen him leaving earlier than usual today, and although he now finishes later than she typically does, she's noticed that recently he's coming in at around the same time she does.
He heads for his desk but as he takes a look around and sees her, his eyes widen. Maka gives a small wave, and although he doesn't deviate from his route, she gets the feeling that he's going to detour to her after he stops by his desk. Sure enough, he grabs something and turns back around, heading straight for her and bypassing the front door completely.
"Dude, what," he says. "You're still here? It's really late, you should go home."
Despite her surprise at this sudden turn of events, the response comes automatically enough that she's saying it before even fully thinking of it: "First of all, I'm not a dude, and secondly, I will! I'm gonna leave right after I wrap this up–" Her stomach chooses this perfect time to interrupt with an incredibly loud growl, as if to say, "This is what you get for forgetting about me," in direct protest of her lies.
Soul bursts out into laughter, a sound she sort of marvels at because even though they've been talking regularly for a while now, it's the first time she's heard it and it's not at all condescending or snarky like she expected it to be. "You haven't eaten dinner yet?" he asks. Then, a beat later he says, "I was just gonna grab some food actually. You wanna tag along?"
Maka pauses and thinks again of the fine line between her personal and professional lives which seems to have gotten blurrier recently. Then again, it's not like she has any other plans for the evening aside from buying her own dinner on her way home and then basically going to bed in an empty apartment.
And maybe, just maybe, Soul isn't just a colleague to her anymore.
"Alright," she finally says, resigned to making him another exception in her life. "Where to?"
They end up walking to the local ramen joint for some hot noodles and soup. As soon as they finish ordering, Soul leans back with one arm over the back of his chair, takes a sip of his green tea, and asks, "So, where was the fire?"
"What do you mean?" Maka answers slowly, unsure of whether she's hearing him right. Her usual warning system seems broken – despite being one-on-one with him outside of the office for once, she doesn't feel any red flags or the usual discomfort she gets from being alone with a stranger, especially when that person is a guy.
"You know, the emergency," he drawls, picking up his chopsticks from the table. "Damage control? That's the reason you stayed behind so late, right? Especially considering I came in at 9am today and you looked like you started at 8."
"There was no emergency," she slowly responds, surprised that he takes that much notice of her. He blinks at her in what she thinks is disbelief and she pauses, partly to sip from her own tea and partly to consider if she should continue, before deciding to go ahead and finally say, "I just had a lot of extra stuff I wanted to finish. And actually I came in at around 8:30, FYI."
"Maka, that's not cool, man," Soul sighs, and suddenly she regrets divulging that fact. Even though he's brought up her tendency to work long hours before, this is the first time he's addressed it directly and she feels personally called out. "That's how you get burned out," he adds, clicking his chopsticks together as if mimicking picking something up.
"Oh, yeah?" She bristles a little; she is not in the mood for a lecture on her work habits. "Then what about you?" she fires back, placing her cup on the table with just a little more force than might be necessary.
He raises his eyebrows a little, which makes her feel just a bit smug, and asks, "What about me?"
"You've been working pretty late too! And," she adds in quickly as he opens his mouth to protest, "don't think I haven't noticed how sometimes you slip in at around the same time as I do." She frowns. "What's up with that?"
Soul puts his hands up as if surrendering. "Alright, you got me," he sighs with a deadpan expression. "I'm a massive workaholic that ironically gives up way too quickly and still doesn't know how to take it easy, and sometimes being at the office and doing work is easier than dealing with all the other shit in my life."
Maka waits a beat to see if he says anything else, but he only takes another sip of tea. She blinks. "Are you serious?" she finally asks, unsure of whether he's being sarcastic or not.
"Sorry, I guess that was a little too much to unload all at once, huh?" He chuckles. "Let's assume that everything I just said was a joke, and really the real reason is that the end of dev cycle is approaching and I've been slacking off." He smirks, and she notices for the second time that his teeth are sharp and jagged, matching his heavy words.
"Wait a second," she abruptly says, although she's not sure why she's saying it, and she feels his eyes watch her closely. Somehow he still intrigues her, and she doesn't know why but she doesn't stop to question it. "Let's assume that I don't get the 'joke'," she continues slowly, "so you'll have to explain it to me. What do you mean you give up too quickly and don't know how to take it easy?"
He shrugs. "It's exactly what it sounds like," he replies. "It feels like no matter how much I try at things, I'm just never good enough."
"Never good enough," Maka echoes, and it's like he's taken the words straight from her mouth. She feels something familiar shift deep within her and wonders if it's the forest that is her twisted mind, getting ready to remind her that she isn't good enough either and at this rate she never will be.
"Yeah," Soul nonchalantly says, unaware of the trees stirring and rustling within her soul. "That's kind of why I went into coding, because it comes easily and I usually don't really have to try. Frees up time to focus on other stuff I'm not as good at."
"Such as?" she prompts.
He shrugs. "Music. My relationships."
She's surprised that they've actually never discussed this in depth before. He mentioned once in passing that he played some sort of instrument, but they've never talked about the second topic at all, and it's so vague that it instantly piques her curiosity and she just has to bite. "What, you mean you suck at networking?" she asks half-jokingly, seemingly forgetting about her mantra to keep personal and professional separate.
"Sure, but I was talking about my love life." He chuckles more weakly than the last time, pauses, and then replies, "My girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday."
Maka is quiet as this information sinks in, and then before she can stop herself she looks straight at him and sincerely says, "I'm really sorry, Soul."
"Meh, it's not your fault." He shrugs and it looks like the smile he's giving her is a little bitter, but before she can analyze it any further, the waiter has chosen the perfect time to interrupt and appear with their food, announcing the names of the dishes before slowly and carefully placing the two steaming bowls of ramen on the table one after the other.
"Ah, smells great as always," Soul says with a grin as he takes a big whiff and grins at her, his mood seemingly having done a complete 180. "Itadakimasu!" he says before digging in.
"Itadakimasu," Maka responds, following suit. "I didn't know you spoke Japanese?" she asks as soon as she's swallowed.
"I know a little," he responds with his mouth still full. "My mom is Japanese." Thank goodness Maka had finished chewing, because before she can stop herself her mouth drops open in surprise. "Bet you couldn't tell, huh?" Soul grins, maybe even a little proudly, at her reaction. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I got all my genes from my dad so I look pale as fuck. What about you? After all, 'Maka' is Japanese, isn't it?"
"You're right," she replies, sipping some of her broth and wondering why she hasn't come here more often; the food is delicious and leaves a nice warm feeling in her body. "My mom is Japanese too, and my dad's American. I guess it's fitting that I look more like him, because I had to stay with him when they got divorced," she explains, and now it's her turn to feel a little bitter.
Soul peeks up at her from under his bushy white bangs as his head bends over his bowl to slurp his noodles, but then he sits up straight to ask his next question. "Do you mind if I ask how old you were when they separated?"
"Around five," she answers, and marvels at how easily the answer comes out, and why. She isn't usually this open, not even with her other friends. "She said it was because she wanted to move back to Japan and Dad wanted to stay here and neither of them were willing to negotiate over it, but I'm pretty sure the real reason is because he was cheating on her with multiple women."
This time, Soul is the one who pauses what he's doing, looks up at her, and says, "Damn. I'm sorry. I wish you could have gone with her."
"Nah, it's all good." She gives a small smile and wonders if it looks forced. "She would call me all the time and tell me that she was proud of me whenever I showed her my grades and what I was doing in school, but she pushed me to do better too. Back then, I used to think that if I could get perfect grades in everything, she would maybe come back." She laughs. "But I understand the reasons why she couldn't bring me with her. I'm over it now."
"That's really good to hear." Soul nods. "I'm glad your mom was really supportive even if she couldn't physically be there–" and she thinks she hears a twinge of jealousy in his voice.
"Well after all, my dad was the one who actually ended up raising me and having to deal with me, so." She chuckles. "What about your parents?"
Soul is back to sipping his tea, his ramen almost done, and she wonders how the heck he was able to finish it so fast. "Well, they're separated now but I kind of wish they'd done it earlier instead of 'trying' to make it work for my brother and I," he sighs. "Dad was pretty chill about things, but he was also away for work most of the time. That left Mom to raise us and, not gonna lie, she was pretty savage. Pretty sure if you looked up 'tiger mom' in the dictionary, her photo would show up," he adds with a deadpan expression.
Maka kind of wants to laugh at his answer but isn't sure if it would be considered rude or inappropriate, so instead she settles for the safe choice and asks, "What do you mean?"
"You know, really strict, never settling for anything less than A-pluses and being number one, putting us into piano and violin and making sure we practised everyday, never letting us go out with friends." He pauses for a sip here before continuing, "I remember when I was in first grade, I had a bunch of awards and certificates from school and some piano recitals – nothing too major, but well, I was proud of them. And she ripped them all up because I was being a little shit one day and refusing to study." Her mouth drops open and he chuckles, as if her reaction proves his point.
"I'm sorry," she says for the second time that night, but he laughs.
"Hey, again, it's not your fault. And anyway, I should be the one apologizing. I've been bringing the mood down with all this heavy stuff and I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to one-up you on who had the worse childhood or something." He shakes his head. "I guess we're all screwed up in our own different ways, and I just got carried away with meeting someone who seems like they dealt with some really similar screw-ups to me, that's all."
"I get that," she says softly, and she feels the last of her defenses crumble with his words. "And I agree. Especially about the screwed up part." She chuckles and drinks a spoonful of soup, no longer piping hot but still rich and warm and familiar.
"Oh yeah?" He raises an eyebrow at this and she feels his gaze closely upon her yet again. "Tell me more about that."
"There's not much to tell." Maka shrugs, putting her spoon down. "Sometimes it just feels like I suck at everything. There's so much I want to do and get done but no matter what it is or how hard I try, I seem to always fall short." She pauses but Soul doesn't say anything, so she surges forward and continues, "I always tell myself I'll do better and work harder next time and things will be different, but it just feels like I'm wandering around in a maze. Except instead of being surrounded by corn where I can just put my left hand on the wall and eventually find my way out, it's more like I'm trapped in a thick forest and the branches keep tripping and grabbing at me and I can't breathe or even see the sky–"
"And no matter which direction you move in, the more you get lost, right?" Soul finishes quietly, and she stares at him in astonishment.
"Yes," she agrees softly. The feeling has always lived with her, but for some reason she kind of wants to cry now as she says, "Sometimes I wonder, what's even the point of trying in the first place?"
They stare at each other from opposite sides of the table in silence. Maka belatedly realizes that they're now both done eating, and as she wonders if she's said too much and moves to ask for the check to save them both from the awkwardness of the situation, Soul finally speaks up and slowly says, "Let's not do that anymore."
She drops her hand, almost ready to grab the waiter, and her eyes sharply flick back to his face as she asks, "Do what?"
"Wonder about that," he responds, and she thinks he looks and sounds tired. "I used to think like that everyday, you know – 'why do I even try,' 'nothing I do matters,' 'I don't deserve to be happy or have fun,' 'I'm such a failure'."
She knows he's not talking about her, but to hear those words come from his mouth – even if they're referring to himself – still stings. "None of those things are true," she says hotly, "and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise."
"I know they're not." Soul puts his fingertips to his forehead as if he's facepalming and rests his elbow on the table, but even though half his face is in shadow she can still see the small smile form on his lips. "And no thanks, if I fight you I'll definitely lose." She laughs out loud.
"But seriously," he continues, "I don't want you to think those things about yourself either. And I know it's not easy – hell, it's a habit and I still struggle with it some days too – but maybe, if we can find it in ourselves to share these kinds of things with each other when we do… Then we can break the cycle and remember that those things aren't true, and even if they are, then we can help each other improve together."
"I would like that a lot," Maka replies quietly, and even though her soup is finished, the warm feeling in her core seems to amplify.
"Me too. I believe we're not imposters, and that we deserve to be happy." Soul smiles at her again and holds out his hand, as if they're shaking on a business deal. "So, partners?" he asks expectantly.
"Partners," she resolutely answers, and as her hand grasps his she feels, for the first time, as if she's not alone in the woods.
Despite the autumn chill in the air, they loiter outside the restaurant for a little bit, talking and laughing as if they've got all the time in the world. Maka realizes that for the first time in a long time, she's thoroughly enjoying herself, despite the deep subject matter that came up in discussion.
"Wow," she says as she glances at her phone, then turns it around to show Soul. "It's already past 8:30pm."
"Yeah, time flies when you're having fun," he chuckles, zipping his jacket up. "I'm heading back to the office to grab my ride, are you going that way too?" His eyes narrow and he adds, "I meant to go home by the way, not to go back and do more work."
"I know." She laughs. "I'm walking home but it's in that direction so I'll head back with you."
"Cool," is all he says as they fall in step with each other. "So, you started working for Shinigami 'cause of BlackStar? That's pretty cool," he quips, tucking his hands into his pockets.
"Yeah! I'm really grateful that he was able to refer me. Although he did make my first day rather interesting, and not necessarily in a good way." Maka groans at the memory.
"Is that so?" Soul raises his eyebrows. When she doesn't continue, he whines, "C'mon, you can't just say that and then not tell the actual story."
"Alright, fine, you asked for it." She lets out a big breath, not out of annoyance but more in wonder at, again, how easy it is to talk to Soul.
"So, you know how I said I met BlackStar in college, right?" Soul nods, and she continues. "Well, he used to call me this stupid vulgar nickname because he knew it pissed me off. I thought he would be over it once he graduated, but clearly I thought wrong and expected too much of him—" Soul chuckles "—because as soon as I got all settled in on my first day, he came over to say hi, and I didn't actually expect him to call me by the nickname, but he did! His dumb ass actually shouted it at me for the whole office to hear!" Soul fully guffaws at this point and she feels her face heat up at the memory in secondhand embarrassment, but she pushes on. "I almost punched him but I didn't want to get fired. Anyway, turns out that I didn't even have to do anything because Liz heard and stormed right over and immediately threatened to write him up for sexual harassment."
"Oh man," Soul wheezes. "Wait, did you say sexual harassment? Because of a nickname?!" He turns to face her. "Christ, do I wanna know what it was?"
Maka pauses, unsure whether she should answer or not, but she figures that someone else will bring it up eventually because the story was that iconic, so she might as well be the one to deliver it firsthand. "It was 'Tiny Tits'," she grumbles, then before he can react she adds, "And yes, he's absolutely not wrong about it, but dammit, why would you say that there of all places?!" Her face flares up again, although for a different reason this time, and despite telling herself that she got over it long ago, the fact that she can practically feel Soul staring away in an effort to not glance at her small unsexy chest kind of makes her wish the ground would swallow her up.
For the second time that night, Maka wonders if she's said too much, but then finally Soul says, "Wow. That's a pretty dick move."
"I suppose so." She sighs. "I mean, we go way back so I know he didn't mean to put me on the spot like that. And don't get me wrong, I've given him a fair share of insults too. Plus, he apologized right away and tried to tell me that he's glad I'm working here now and Marie is lucky to have me on her team… But I'm pretty sure he only said that so I wouldn't try to kill him later." She smiles drily.
"Nah, don't sell yourself short." Soul huffs out a breath into the cold air. "BlackStar might be obnoxious, but he can give credit where credit is due." He gives her a sidelong glance as if he's about to divulge a huge secret and and adds, "He's even said that your bug reports are written even better than Tsubaki's."
"No way." She laughs in disbelief. "Since when would he have had the opportunity to tell you that? Are you guys even on the same team?"
"Don't have to be on the same team to be friends," he points out. "After all, you and I are friends, right?" Before she can answer, he adds in, "And anyway, you're not the only one who had an, uh, interesting first-day experience involving him."
"Oh yeah?" Maka shoots back teasingly. "Tell me, was your first day as dynamic as mine?" And then, before she can stop herself, she adds lightly, "I never would've been able to tell from when I met you on your first day. You're so… different."
Soul barks out a laugh. "Different good or different bad?" he asks, and even though his tone matches hers she can tell it's a serious question.
"Different good," she says slowly. "To be honest, I got the impression that you really liked to keep to yourself and…" She blushes a little, knowing now how far off the mark she was, but continues, "I thought it was to the point that you really didn't like anyone period, and that talking to you would be an awful experience." Her voice rises at the end, as if to ask a question, but really she's just afraid of hurting his feelings so she quickly adds in, "Even though I'm sure that for people like me, it's the complete opposite and they think I'm great to talk to, but when they get to know me they realize that I'm not who they think I am and that really I suck."
Her tone changes to a more certain one as she continues, "But I really enjoyed talking with you tonight. And I realized that first impressions aren't everything." She finally notices that Soul hasn't said anything for a while so she quietly adds in, "I'm sorry if I offended you."
"Ah no, you didn't." He scratches the back of his head and sighs deeply. "It's not the first time I've heard something like that before about me – so not cool." He turns to her and sincerely says, "I'm sorry I wasn't that receptive during my first day. I guess my resting bitch face is just really strong." He laughs. "I'm not really a morning person."
Maka blinks at him. "We met in the afternoon when it was lunchtime."
"Time isn't real." He lets out another snort at her bewildered expression and looks up at the night sky. "Anyway, I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think like that about yourself, alright? And when you do, it's okay to say it out loud. Don't keep it in because that shit can eat you up alive." He looks back at her and hits a closed fist against his chest twice, thump thump, and even though it's his own she still feels like he's knocking on the door to her heart. "Like I said, it's a bad habit. But we're in this together now, so you can always confide in me and I'll confide in you, alright?"
"Sounds good." She smiles at him, lips closed, and there's no superficiality in it this time.
"We'll make it out of the woods together, right?" He gives her a small grin, and as she glances at him she notices that as they walk, they're so close that their arms brush up against each other, their steps perfectly in sync.
"Right," she says softly, and inside she feels her heartbeat match the pace, and promises to keep up.