Surprise! Two tonight.

Chapter Seventeen:

Jane was laid to rest on a cool August Morning. He wore a suite with a purple tie because Jane loved his purple scarf and Jenna was wearing her floral print Easter dress. He was surprised to see how many people came to the burial site. Her coworkers, relatives, and his team came. To his surprise even Emily Prentiss came. She insisted that she also came to town for work-related reasons.

After the minister said a blessing Reid gave one final speech:

"Jane was the love of my life. She was everything to me. When she died part of me passed away with her. I'll never stop missing her. But I don't think Jane would want me or any of us to stay sad forever. Jane lives on in all of us. She lives on in the stories we tell about her. She lives on in the ways she made us better people. Jane brought so much joy to our lives and that is what we should celebrate. Her life was short but her loving spirit will live forever."

Several people said amen out and he could see more than a few were in tears.

Then people were directed to place red roses, her favorite color, on the coffin. Some kissed it also. Reid and Jenna placed their Roses on the coffin together. People then slowly left for the funeral brunch. Ally offered to take Jenna, and Reid let her. He sat down and took the time to let everything sink in. He still felt like he couldn't let himself cry. Jenna was waiting for him.

"Reid?"

He looked up to see Hotch staring at him.

"Yeah Hotch?"

"Garcia would like for Jenna stay with her and Emily for a slumber party."

"That sounds like fun but I'm not sure Jenna is up for a party."

"Garcia asked her while you were speaking with the funeral directors and she said she liked the idea. She seemed to enjoy the thought of spending some time away from the home where she keeps expecting Jane to return."

"Why not ask me to begin with?"

Hotch placed a hand on his shoulder. "Because you haven't had the time to fully process this alone. I can see it in your eyes Spencer. You're tired. You've been so busy being strong for Jenna that you've forgotten to take care of yourself. Take it from someone who knows. You need to cry this out alone."

"But I'm afraid of how far I will sink."

"Remember what you said then, Reid. Jane is always with you."

…

For the first time in what felt like ages, Reid entered an empty home. Ally had already dropped by earlier to pick up what Jenna needed for her slumber party. After taking off his shoes, Reid wandered around the apartment. On the fridge Jane had started a list of things they needed from the grocery story. They were running low on strawberry jelly. Reid loosened his tie and admired the family portrait they took a few years ago. Jenna was so little back then. Smaller photos surrounded it featuring the trips they took and the birthdays they celebrated. On the side table there was an unfinished crossword puzzled. She had misspelled a word. He finished it in minutes.

He put his suite coat on a chair and wandered into Jenna's room. It was a light shade purple which would turn out to be Jenna's favorite color. Jane preferred red. There were books of various shapes and sized everywhere. In the corner there was a doll house where some of the dolls were on the floor like a game unfinished. It was Jane's favorite thing to do with Jenna where he like to read her stories. He considered putting the pieces back in their places but decided against it. Let the story remain unfinished.

Reid unbuttoned his collar and wandered into the bedroom. He went into the closet and ran his hand across her dresses. He breathed in her scent. Feeling very tired he went back into the bedroom and untucked his shirt. He looked at his side of the bed and then at hers. He went and fell on to her side breathing her scent in.

It came out first in sniffles. Then in waves and heaves. Reid let himself cry. He cried until Jane's pillow was wet. He cried until he felt exhausted and then cried some more. Jenna wasn't there so he wailed as loud as he could. His body shook almost uncontrollably. He let himself be carried away by the grief.

…

It was late in the morning when Reid woke up. He stretched and took a long hot shower. He got dressed slowly and look around his home. He couldn't say he felt any less sad but he didn't feel like he wasn't holding anything back either. This was a relief.