catastrophe

Even Kinokuni Nene surprises herself when her immediate response is to slap Isshiki Satoshi right across his cheek. He himself doesn't respond right away, choosing to linger on the right, and she uses that pause to smack the door close on his face.

It feels liberating in a way.

"Kinokuni-kun," he pleads from the other side with that gentle tone that he usually reserves when scolding his underclassmen or explaining lessons thoroughly. But it's not the uncharacteristic softness that surprises her—it's the way his cerulean eyes had looked so blank, so broken, so familiar because it's a sight she sees in the mirror often as well.

She lets her body lean against the wooden door that's separating them. Her heart is hammering her chest, as if it's begging to break through her skin, and her breaths are getting heavier by the minute, as if she's been running for too long. And maybe she has, in a way; maybe they both have been running for too long.

"Why are you here?" she lets out harshly, but she cringes when it sounds more panicky and stressed than she's intending. She can feel him pause from the other side and she hates how she can picture him this very instant: calloused fingers rubbing the back of his neck, darkened eyes landing on the welcome mat she put out days before, and his mouth in a perfectly thin line, frustrated probably or maybe just as distressed as she is. In a few seconds, he'll start his sentence with a deep sigh.

She is proven correct when she hears the sigh from outside. It's deep and long, carrying his exhaustion, his grievance, and his dejection. Finally, he speaks, "I need to talk to you."

"Why?" she demands. She's glad that, this time, her voice doesn't waver with her apprehension. It stands firm and it's determined to push him away.

"Because you need to know the truth," he says, equally determined as her.

She wills her eyes shut. A wave of emotions flood her, similar to that day just a year ago, and it's just as painful to revisit as it was back then. She thinks of the 'truth' that he offers, if it's really his honest take on that day or if there's a catch to all of this because no one decent takes a year to apologize. But it's Satoshi, something inside tells her, he's the person she grew up with, the person that she envies yet admires at the same time. Even if she tries to forget, Isshiki Satoshi was once an important figure in her life. She knows him, unfortunately, and she knows as well that she's the one person he never lies to.

"Please," he mumbles, but his deep voice reverberates through the door and she hears it so clearly that he might as well mumbled it in her ear. The urgency in his tone startles her because never has Nene heard such an emotion from his mouth. He's always been so laidback, maybe occasionally serious, but even then he still carries the same carefree personality.

It takes that much for her to open the door and she regrets it.

Satoshi saunters in stiffly, eyes bouncing up and down the walls. He hasn't changed in the past year; still sporting the same wavy orange hair that reaches the back of his neck with the same ahoge on top of his head, the same pointed nose, the same body structure—it's as if he never left. Nene leads him to the living room after he takes off his brogue shoes (she notices the logo of Versace on the strap) in silence. He willingly sits down on the pure white sofa and she chooses to sit on the stainless steel stool she placed right beside the sofa. It's usually used as an object to prop her legs on, but she cannot bear to sit on the same space as he does right now.

They brew in the awkward silence, quite unsure on how to start. Nene waits for him with unsettled ruby eyes and a firm grip on the fabric of her pajamas. Satoshi himself looks unable to speak. He has his eyes on the glass coffee table in front of him and his hands rest casually on his lap. If it's anyone else, they would have assumed that he's simply thinking deeply but he's with Nene and she's confident that he's nervous with this whole ordeal.

The sound that breaks their silence is Nene's sigh. His head snaps up to her as she starts, "Do you want some tea?"

He gives her a grateful smile before shaking his head. As if he's grabbed newfound confidence with her hesitant offer, Satoshi finally begins his explanation, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry: I shouldn't have left you without an explanation."

Her hands find each other in her lap. She believes him, no matter how crazy it sounds, that he's truly sorry, that he wishes that something else could have happened; something that doesn't involve pain but understanding and letting go. Her heart doesn't hurt any less, however.

"I ran away because I was scared," he explains, eyes meeting hers halfway (and it's the perfect shade of blue that showed off his sincerity). "Because I knew that marrying you back then was the wrong decision."

She nods, not bothering to open her mouth because she knows that her voice will fail her. She understands, and she hates it, because those are also her thoughts during their wedding day. She remembers her shaky hands and the hesitance in her steps, she remembers also the terror that plunged in her lungs at the thought of jumping into something that she has no knowledge of but she stayed still because at least she'll be able to face it with him.

It's clear that he hadn't felt the same way.

"I didn't tell you," he says, probably noticing the way her eyes shifted, "and that's my biggest regret."

Nene notices how he rushes to her side before she can notice the tears that fall from her eyes. The tears land on her intertwined hands and she can already taste the salt, the pain, the hurt. She quickly wipes them away by rubbing both of her palms beneath her eyes but they stubbornly refuse to go away. Satoshi is already in front of her on his knees, clutching her lap like a dog pleading its owner. His eyes tell a different story however, because they show his guilt and his distress but the rest of his face is without emotion. She despises him even more now, feeling her heart twist and turn inside her chest, and she hates how calm he is, how he looks unaffected by everything that's happened between them, how he can never truly know what her heart's screaming, or what it has endured in the past year.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. He lets his head hang and he looks as if he's bowing to her, she can tell as well that he's shutting his eyes tightly. He whispers again and again and again the same words, sounding even more pain-stricken than the first. She thinks that maybe he's just as affected as she is, and she hates him a little less.

"Why couldn't you tell me, Satoshi?" she cries out hoarsely, letting the pain seep through her voice, "Why didn't you tell me?"

He doesn't reply. The response she gets is his nails digging under her skin.

"You're supposed to tell me everything!" she's shouting now and the tears that are dropping are angrier as well, bitter and not as salty as before, "We're supposed to tell each other everything! Everything."

The last part is said with such brokenness that Satoshi finally raises his head and the reply that he gives is just as broken and pitiful, "I know."

She dreams of cerulean eyes and calloused hands that night. They're reaching into her heart and they're tugging and tugging and tugging. Occasionally they grip her heart so tightly that it bursts open. She wakes up with a start when that happens, but it doesn't take long before she's sleeping again, soft snores echoing around her bedroom. It doesn't take long also for her to dream of the same cerulean eyes and calloused hands—and so the cycle continues throughout the night.

Nene wakes up at 6:48 am with scratchy eyes and a heavy heart. She pushes her covers away and reaches for her glasses on the bedside drawer. Quietly, she sneaks into the living room, watching the sofa whose back is turned to her.

Satoshi stayed the night. Images of crying and sniffling and heavy burdens flash in her mind; it took that much emotion before they started to tire. He claimed the sofa without another word and she retired to her own room, not bothering to kick him out of her apartment.

She starts cooking breakfast for two; rice and omelet and coffee because God knows she needs caffeine. The eggs haven't started frying yet when Satoshi finally stirs awake (she hears the shuffling in the background and a soft yawn that is all too familiar).

"Kinokuni-kun," he states. It sounds as if he's about to say something else, but decides against it. Nene knows that he was about to greet her good morning because if anything describes Satoshi; it's that he always had manners before anything else.

She continues cooking. The smell of coffee hits their noses first before it's mixed with steamed rice and the omelet. They stay like that for a while: silence with only the hissing of the stove and the whirring of the coffee maker. The atmosphere is strangely calm as if they weren't sobbing their souls out last night, as if they're two simple friends that spent the night here. Now, as she cooks their breakfast, she remembers their days during Totsuki when they shared coffee to finish the paper work of the Elite Ten, when she bested him once during a pseudo-Shokugeki (or he let her), when he once taught her how to skewer an eel in under three seconds, when—

She serves him his plate on the counter and the other plate beside him without another word.

"Kino—"

"I understand," she interjects before he can say something else and before she can convince herself not to say anything at all, "I understand why you didn't want to go through the marriage. It's not fair for either of us to be put on a position like that. We were too young and we were forced."

Something inside his cerulean eyes dance and she flinches internally because it's that exact shade of blue that haunted her last night. He doesn't part his mouth yet, knowing that she has something else to add.

"I understand," she breathes out, pauses carefully, and admits, "but I don't think I can forgive you yet."

His face crumples, but she thinks that something dashes across his features… hope, maybe? It doesn't matter because she notices something else: that his cerulean eyes do not look as blank or broken as yesterday, instead they're simply tired. She wonders if her eyes also mirror his.

"You came here for something else," she notes. She mumbles out a soft 'thanks for the food,' before digging in, registering the fact that Satoshi has followed her lead.

"You're as observant as ever," he replies before taking a spoonful for himself. There's a ghost of surprise in his face as he carefully chews the food. Still, he doesn't bother sharing his epiphany about her cooking because the next thing he admits is more important, "I have no place to stay."

Nene cannot help it; she lets out right after, "Pfft."

"I assure you, it's no laughing matter, Kinokuni-kun," Satoshi chides, but he's smiling as well. It's small and barely stretches, but it's there and she wonders if there's hope for them after all.

"Are you expecting a bed-and-breakfast here?" she asks, eyes shifting towards him. This is dangerous, she thinks, because she's still technically angry at him and he's still technically the person who left her in the altar. But he's also her closest friend and she was once the person he told everything to.

He reads her better than anyone else, which is why he says, "I don't think that's the best idea."

She sighs shakily. It's never easy between them; she never expected it to be, which is why she replies with, "I'm sure your budget allows you to stay in a hotel."

The way his lips part and his eyes flicker makes her think that maybe that's not the case.

Of course, before she can point it out, someone else knocks on her door.

Nene shuffles towards the genkan where she hastily takes of her house slippers before she opens the front door.

"'Morning, Nene! Is Isshiki still here?"

It baffles Nene how Kobayashi Rindou is such a large personality that she basically cannot be ignored. Any time Rindou appears, every eye is on her and when she talks, every ear listens. Of course, being the personality she is, Rindou strolls in the apartment with no permission, leaving Nene to close the door by herself.

"Oh, Isshiki, there you are!" Rindou cackles, slapping her underclassman on the back. She's grinning now, golden eyes twinkling and a blissful look on her face.

"Rindou-san," Nene interrupts, already walking up to the velvet-haired girl. She clears her throat and, with narrowed ruby eyes, she accuses, "How did you know Isshiki would be here?"

Rindou seems generally unfazed. She admits, "Oh, he was that person I had to see yesterday. He wanted to know where you live and I told him."

The explanation clears up many things.

"Ah, Rindou-san," Satoshi gently says. His eyes are closed now, upturned and tightly shut. A single soft smile adorns his face, and it's this façade that Nene had put on top of her list on why she hates Isshiki Satoshi. It's an involuntary reaction, for Satoshi to pull such a carefree look. Nene thinks it's disingenuous and barely scrapes the bottom of his personality. Still, he continues with the same face and the same tone, "I'd appreciate if you don't bring that up."

Rindou pouts but shrugs and Nene wonders if there's another topic they touched on yesterday. Their senior notices the unfinished plate on the counter and, with a grin, she eats it.

"That's my breakfast, Rindou-san," Nene says bluntly, but she knows whatever she says is meaningless to a person like Kobayashi Rindou.

"So, are you two okay now?" Rindou drawls out, confirming Nene's thoughts, and tells them in between bites, "Because it would be great if you started living together since Isshiki's broke and all."

Satoshi looks pained. Nene jumps on this wagon immediately before he can deny anything, "What are you talking about, Rindou-san?"

"Hm? Oh, his farm hasn't been doing well, and since he's invested a lot for it: he doesn't have a lot of money left," Rindou answers casually. But her eyebrows furrow and she looks back at Satoshi to ask, "I thought you told her? I specifically said that you should tell her."

Satoshi refuses to speak and he's showing off his unsteady eyes now, running a hand through his hair but not doing much to mess it up.

Nene's throat feels dry and her tongue heavy; she's not able to speak.

"Oh, crap, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"So, that's it?!" Nene's full-blown shouting now. Rindou's already occupied the sofa, twiddling her thumbs together with a worried look on her face. Satoshi, meanwhile, is still sitting by the counter with a frown on his face and an emotion akin to fear flickering in his eyes.

"You come barging in here just to use me?" Nene cries out. Her eyes are dry this time, because she's decided that she's not shedding any more tears for him.

"It's not like that," he responds, pain clinging on his face.

"It's exactly like that," she presses, glaring at him and her tone accusatory. "You apologized to me just so you can freeload in my apartment!"

He winces, and she assumes that it's the guilt that breaks him.

"All right, all right," Rindou steps in reluctantly. She's standing between them now, golden eyes frantically switching between the two, and speaks, "Isshiki really did come here to apologize to you. I was the one who suggested that he tell you about his financial situation because I know you'll agree that he can live with you."

"What do you know about me, Rindou-san?" Nene says coldly, arms crossed above her chest. "About us?"

Rindou doesn't seem a bit bothered by the tenacity of her statement, if at all. Instead, she replies earnestly, "I know that he's still your best friend even after your fiasco of an arranged marriage. I know that Isshiki's been reaching out to me, pleading me for days to tell him where you live so he can properly apologize. I shouldn't have helped him maybe, but he's really sincere about this at least because I know you're too important for him to let go!"

Her two underclassmen do not try to answer at all.

"Nene," Rindou calls and the said girl reluctantly looks back at her. She hasn't seen the golden eyes shine with such ferocity as it does right now. "You're the only one in this city he can turn to, hell; you're the only one in this world he can turn to. Maybe I'm being too pushy, but—"

"Rindou-san, I think that's enough." Satoshi interjects intensely. His eyes are blank again, his voice a deeper octave than normal. They search through Nene, trying to look for something that's probably not there. Finally, he says with utmost sincerity (is this what Rindou was talking about earlier?), "I'm truly sorry about all this, Kinokuni-kun, I didn't mean to let you think that I was using you. Rindou-san is right: I only came here to say sorry. And... thank you for your hospitality."

He bows to her before leaving and she can only grasp the relief flooding in her veins.

a/n: wow, thank you for your support! I love each and one of you:) Anyway, to respond some of the questions: Intangibly Yours: yep! this fic is set about two years after they've graduated in Totsuki. book14reader: i love your analysis on the prev chap! of course, i don't want to spoil much but yes, as proven by this chap, it was an arranged marriage. To the rest of the reviewers: im glad you enjoyed this story:) hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.