"I have an HR complaint," said Samus.

"Hold on, did you make this appointment as 'Samus' or 'Zero Suit Samus?'" asked Robin. "Because we've got chapter slots open for both and I don't want to use all our material here."

"What? No, just me?" replied Samus.

"Because you count as two fighters. It's weird, but don't worry, it's fine. So, HR complaints. Is this one also about Wario?" said Robin, as he looked through the drawer in his desk.

"No. How many complaints do you have on Wario?"

"Oh, countless. I can't tell if it's more or less disturbing that none of them are sexual. So, what's your problem?"

"Ridley," she replied with a scowl.

"What did he do?"

"He murdered my parents!" exclaimed Samus.

"...Did he murder them recently?" asked Robin.

"No! He killed my parents, and now I have to see him hanging around here! Do you know what it's like doing your laundry and then having the space pirate who personally slaughtered your family ask you for some spare quarters?"

"It's kind of weird they have quarter machines here. Also, he doesn't wear clothes. What is he washing?"

"I didn't ask!"

Robin leaned in, trying to get to Samus's level, which didn't work how he thought it would since she was taller than him. "Ok, look, I get it. I understand this is an issue for you. I'm a father myself, so I know how close parents and children can be. Are you a parent, Samus?"

"I adopted a Metroid that also got murdered."

Robin inhaled sharply through his teeth, "Please tell me it wasn't by Ridley. That would really ruin the point I'm trying to make."

"No."

"Oh, thank Naga-"

"It was murdered by Mother Brain, you know, the assist trophy that randomly shows up in the middle of battles?" Samus's arms were already crossed, but she would have crossed them again if she could to emphasize her point.

"...Well, at least she's not a fighter…Time to pull out the big guns" Robin stood up from his chair and walk to Samus's side fo the desk "Anyway, sure, maybe he killed your parents. But you know who also killed parents?"

"...Who?" Samus asked, watching Robin with a careful eye as he turned around the chair next to her and sat on it backward.

"Me. That's right, your buddy Robin," said Robin, trying to be cool.

"We're not buddies," said Samus.

"Yet. Yes, I murdered my father, but sometimes fathers can be dicks, and who's to say that your father wasn't a dick, hm? I also, in a way, murdered Lucina's parents. It involved time travel, two versions of me, I'm a world-destroying dragon, you know, anime bullshit. And you know what she did? She married me, we have a child and her parents are still alive. Granted, she did threaten to kill me when she found out who I was, and I died, and those were two separate occasions, but my point is that maybe there could be forgiveness in your heart. That, instead of thinking of him as an enemy, you could think of Ridley as an opportunity." dished Robin.

"...Are you...are you suggesting I marry Ridley?!" exclaimed Samus.

"No! No...Wait, yes. No, don't do that. That's...Wow, that's a bit too far!" said Robin

"I knew this was a mistake. I should just kill him during lunch," said Samus, as she stood up, some action going on with her power cannon.

"Hey, nobody should die on Taco Tuesday!" Robin sighed. "OK, fine, yes, Ridley killed your parents and all, but have you considered the fact that it's weird that all of the people here from your world are your enemies? Ridley, Dark Samus, Mother Brain. Why aren't any of your friends here?"

"None of them are fighters, I guess," replied Samus, not turning toward the tactician.

"You can just say you don't have friends. I could tell based on everything about you. Have you considered that maybe you're not looking for a way to get rid of him? Maybe, just maybe, what you're really looking for is...a friend." Robin put a gentle hand on Samus's shoulder.

Samus looked at the hand, then back to Robin, then back at the hand.

"...You have no power to get rid of him, do you?" she realized.

"To be honest, he kinda scares me too," admitted Robin. Samus glared at his hand again, and he quickly removed it. "The other bad guys are bad, but at least they're sociable! I'm in a book club with Ganondorf. Bowser and I talk about our kids. King Dedede's...kind of a dick, but he has a good heart. K. Rool is...terrible, I hate him too, but at least you can talk to him! Why are all your villains so...evil?"

"I don't think you're supposed to have nice villains. Do you want me to make enemies with good people?"

"No, but like, maybe some redeemable qualities? What about that Adam guy? Could we confirm him for Smash or whatever?"

"Absolutely nobody wants that."

"But so many people wanted Ridley! And Dark Samus too, for less obvious reasons. Look, it's not my fault you're not from a world where the power of friendship saves the day more often then it should. The only representation from your world that isn't actively trying to kill you is just you with a laser whip and wearing less protection. My advice: Avoid him, I guess. Over eighty people live here, and we don't all have the same viewpoints."

"You're really saying I can't kill him? I've done it before. It didn't stick, I guess."

"Trust me, I know how fickle death is. I disappeared from existence for a solid fortnight after killing myself. Don't worry, the me I killed was an evil dragon, so it wasn't suicide. I think."

"So I'm not allowed to avenge my parents."

"I'm sorry. It would open a huge can of worms. Everyone here has someone else here they would love to beat the absolute shit out of outside of a match. You throw the first punch and all hell will break loose. I suggest a war of passive aggression."

"...How passive aggressively can I punch him in the face?" asked Samus.

"Depends on how careful you are."

"...Fine," said Samus. "I'll stay out of trouble. But if someone else starts a fight, I'm going for the throat."

"I respect that," said Robin.

"Who is it you would beat the shit out of?" asked Samus, as she got up to leave.

"I'll never tell."

"Fair. Hey, Isabelle." Samus said as she left. Isabelle happily waved at the leaving bounty hunter before entering the room.

"Robin! I'm ordering out for lunch! Do you want anything?" she asked

"A chicken wrap. Charge it to Corrin's card. I have it saved in my account. Also, can you tell him he has a match on Poké Floats?" replied Robin, pulling a book out of a drawer and starting to read it.

"Wasn't Poké Floats banned after The Incident?" asked Isabelle.

"Yeah, he doesn't have a match there, but make him go anyway. I want to see how long it take him to figure it out." Said Robin, laughing to himself.

"Alright…" She said, unsure.

"Oh yeah. Also, Isabelle? The time slot we reserved for Zero Suit Samus? Feel free to take a break. She's not coming twice, I guess." said Robin.

"Oh wow! Thank you, sir!" exclaimed Isabelle, and she skipped out of the room.

"...Maybe I just don't like reptiles? That checks out." reflected Robin.