This is just an edited and updated version of the DK chapter from Smash Cut, since I don't think I could top this idea. It's a very dumb idea, but it's wiggled it's way into my heart.
"Ah, you're finally here!" exclaimed Robin, as Isabelle let Donkey Kong in to his office.
"You better not have me here just to perform for you." said DK, seemingly out of nowhere.
"What?"
"Because I swapped out my final smash for a big punch! So many people have been asking me is I still play bongos!" exclaimed DK.
"I really wish you didn't have the cartoon voice…" muttered Robin to himself. "Isabelle, do you want to sit in for this one? You probably know the words I'm going to say to him, so you can join in too."
"That's kinda a weird way of wording it, but I think I'm good!" exclaimed Isabelle. "If you need me for anything, just put your hands together, or you can do it if you just want to clap!" She happily skipped out of the office.
"Alright, now that she's gone, take me through this monkey rap." said DK.
"DK." said Robin, looking through his files. "Donkey Kong….Ah! Here it is!" He pulled out a file with DK's name one it. "I did actually want to talk to you. People were happy to hear that Donkey Kong was finally here."
"I do have my fans." DK admitted. "I wanted to talk to you about my move-set and hopefully sell you on including some of the members of my crew in the tournament."
"That's not really something I can do. You'd have to bring up with the Hand. I understand what you're saying, though. You are the leader of bunch."
"I want to talk to you about my move-set, since, even though people know me well, I could kick even more tail."
"What are you thinking?"
"My coconut gun. You know, the one that fires in spurts?"
"Yeah. I see where you're coming from. However, when you shoot it, it really hurts. Too much, in fact. You'd be considered overpowered with that kind of weaponry."
"Bigger, faster, and stronger, too...I see what you mean. What about the other members of my crew? I'm only the first member."
"Who are you thinking?"
"Well, there's Tiny. She's got style and she can shrink down to fit her mood. No other fighter could change their size like that. Also, she can float and climb really well, so those would make great recovery skills."
"I feel like if we chose her, we would be choosing wrong."
"Very well. I'm just saying, with a skip and a hop, she's one cool Kong."
"...What a weird thing to say." commented Robin . "OK, who's next?"
"Well…There's Lanky…"
"Oh, don't get me started on Lanky! He's got no style, no grace, and, quite frankly, that Kong has a funny face!"
"He's my friend! Besides, he can do handstands, stretch out his hands, and inflate himself like a balloon!"
"Fine, fine. I'm still not considering him. How's Diddy?" Robin suddenly asked.
"Well, he's back again. About time, too, if you ask me."
"Where was he?"
"Well, he was in a bit of a mood, but he's over it now."
"You know, he can fly really high with that jet-pack on."
"He's one tough monkey with those pistols of his!"
"Kong."
"What?"
"He's one tough Kong, not one tough monkey."
"Right. Sorry. Finally, we get to the last member of the DK crew."
"Ah...Dixie Kong."
"No."
"Cranky Kong?"
"Nope."
"Candy Kong?"
"No."
"...Funky Kong?"
"No! Chunky Kong! He's so strong it isn't funny!"
"I bet he could make anyone cry out for mummy."
"He can pick up a boulder with relative ease. He makes crushing rocks seem like such a breeze."
"I understand your argument, but I don't think so. He moves slow and he can't jump high. Those are pretty essential to Smash."
"I suppose. Still, he's a hell of a guy. Anyway, could I suggest some items?"
"Sure. What do you have in mind?"
"Well, I'm going to take it to the fridge with this one. Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells, grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells."
"...Those are just food items. DK, we already have those."
"Oh. Sorry. Well, I have to break it to the gang that they got shot down. Nice talking to you." said DK, leaving the office.
"...Oh yeah." said Robin, for no particular reason.