finale

Her mother stands erect like most mothers do; arms crossed, foot tapping harshly on the hard floor, eyebrows furrowed to the point it looks like a straight line, and eyes scarily narrowed, as if focused only on one thing. There's disappointment in her eyes, possibly hurt—Nene would know, she's festered those same emotions just last year.

"I'm sorry—" Nene starts, eyes darting from left to right.

"Where were you?" demands her mother. The sharpness and the urgency of the tone stab Nene right through her heart. With wide eyes, Nene looks back at her mother with a shaky intake of breath.

"I was at a friend's," she mumbles. Nene wants to look away from her mother's eyes, flinching at how they darken quickly, but she cannot. So, she stands rooted to her spot with her hands intertwined at her front, her shoulders slumped and her back hunched. She's scared, admittedly, because who isn't afraid of their own mothers? But there's certain nostalgia in her situation, and she's suddenly back in kindergarten in a somewhat same position but this time her mother's berating her about soba. Nene has come a long way from soba.

"Which friend?" her mother presses on. The ends of her lips are pulled down in a disapproving frown.

"It doesn't matter who, mother," Nene ushers. She tells her mother, instead, "What I want to say is that I'm sorry."

Her mother relaxes her face, letting go of her frown and slowly unknotting her eyebrows. She sighs and allows herself to untangle her arms from each other, instead choosing to place them low on her waist. Patiently, her mother grants Nene to speak with a nod.

"I shouldn't have raised my voice at you, especially in front of aunt," Nene speaks, she's trying to form her next sentence in mind, but it all seems to be clear and she doesn't think at all, "You must think I'm crazy for defending Satoshi and all. And I'm not saying that I'm a great judge of character but I swear that he's not who you think he is."

Her mother raises her eyebrow, her mouth already opening to comment, but Nene stops her by raising her own hand. Nene says in all seriousness, "But that's not what I came here to say."

Their eyes come together, challenging one another before her mother finally relents. She gestures with her hand towards the living room. At this specific moment, Nene can only be grateful because no matter how much Nene screws up, her mother has always been open. But, of course, tradition outranks anything else when making decisions. Nene respects that, but she's deciding for the first time that maybe it's not what she truly wants.

"Shall I make tea?" her mother asks.

When Nene drops the bomb—"Mother, I don't think I want to take over the restaurant,"—her mother looks more contemplative rather than surprised.

"I see," her mother solemnly says. Her hands are intertwined on her lap, back erect, but her eyes are downcast. It's unfair how regal her mother still is despite devastated, but that's expected from the Lady of a prestigious family. It's also expected from her only daughter and Nene was a complete carbon copy at one point in her life.

"Well, this is my fault for entertaining your crazy idea to move here," her mother states. She looks around the living room, regarding the comfy couch, the sudden influx of plants, and the lack of shrines or anything traditional with displeasure. "Your father and your aunt were, of course, against it. But I supported you because I figured you wanted a fresh environment, and I was also aware of your disappointment in your marriage.

"I was holding on to the belief that you would still come back to us, even if you look so happy here. I just didn't want to believe it," her mother sighs.

"I'm sorry, mother. Even I'm not sure what I really want to do with my life here, but I'm positive that I don't want to make soba forever," Nene says, admitting what she's refused to admit for the past few years.

Her mother levels her eyes with Nene's. She weakly asks, "Are you sure you don't want to come back with us? To pass on the Kinokuni tradition?"

Nene thinks of flour and noodles, of endless tiring nights in the kitchen, of frustration and of a single recipe dictating her whole life. Then she thinks of the city, of differences and diversity, of how there were so many ingredients and so many produce, she thinks of endless problems and endless solutions. Most importantly, she thinks of Satoshi.

That cements her answer. "I'm sure, mother."

"Well," her mother has trouble swallowing the word, so the next one comes a bit garbled, "that's a bit unfortunate."

"I'm sorry," Nene immediately says, and regrets it. Because, really, Nene shouldn't feel sorry for wanting something else. She follows up with, "But I'd prefer something different."

Her mother nods, but even she cannot help but let out a shaky breath. She murmurs, "I don't know what would happen back home, but I know that I cannot let my only daughter live unhappy."

Nene swallows, nodding gratefully at her mother.

"But, let me ask you—has Isshiki Satoshi been living here?"

There's no other answer but yes.

"Well, that explains a lot," her mother sighs. "Isshiki Satoshi's not a good role model, Nene. He did leave you at the altar and, forgive me for saying this; it's karma that he's disowned by his family."

"He's learned from his mistakes, mother. He came here to apologize, and he was the one who encouraged me to come here and talk to you," Nene defends, her tone rising at the end. She feels her face grow hot, as well as her emotions and, unfortunately, her temper.

"I want to believe you, Nene, but he's done nothing but hurt you and I don't think you should be hanging around him any longer!"

"You don't know him like I do, mother. You haven't been here for the past few weeks—you haven't seen how much he's changed and how much he's taught me!"

Her mother purses her lips, while Nene's breathing heavily. Nene's just noticed now that she's inclined her head closer to her mother, her hands balled into fists on her lap, and that her toes are the only ones touching the floor. It's strange how fervent her emotions are, because she hasn't raised her tone like this since long ago and certainly not to her mother. She feels a bit light-headed, considering her sudden race in pulse, but she gives no heed to that. Still, she stares at her mother and waits.

Her mother's frozen, and it's unfair how she has barely moved from her place.

"I see," her mother finally says, breathing even and a cloud of disappointment hanging on her face, "you're in love with him."

Nene reels back. Her jaw drops in shock before her whole body turns red with embarrassment. She says, stuttering her defense, "U-uh no! He's just a friend!"

Her mother smiles grimly. She replies, "Well, you're still in denial, obviously. But if you think he'll treat you right this time, then I shall give you two my blessing."

"T-this time?!" Nene screeches.

Her family leaves her alone for good after a week.

Her mother has allowed her to keep her savings, just to get things started, and promises to continue paying for her college, and then pay her apartment for the meantime as she struggles to get a job to support her. The only request is to call back home at least once a month and to visit them during the holidays, Nene thinks that it's not a horrible bargain.

Of course what's bothering her is not her family at all, but someone a little closer to that.

"I think it's great your family was able to understand you, Nene," Satoshi's saying as he continues to water the calatheas in the kitchen, humming a little.

Nene, although nervous on the inside, is ever passive on the outside. She replies with a nonchalant shrug, "I suppose."

"And it's great that they agreed to let me live with you," he adds as an afterthought. "I would have thought that they would have freaked and kicked me out by now. What did you say to your mother?"

Nene cannot help but redden as she remembers vividly what happened. She hates that she stutters with her next time, "N-nothing in particular."

At this, Satoshi raises an eyebrow. He looks over to Nene who's washing the dishes with careful hands and places the watering can on the counter before completely facing her. He muses, "Nothing?"

"Yes, nothing," Nene dismisses. She's on the third plate now, and she's furiously scrubbing at something nonexistent, refusing to look back at him.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me…" he trails off, but still his eyes remain closed and his smile strangely upbeat.

"I don't have to tell you anything, Satoshi," Nene says hotly, "Finish watering your plants."

Satoshi shrugs in reply and continues finishing his work. He turns around and Nene finally lets out a soft exhale, because she's not ready to go down that road yet and sort out whatever feelings she really has for Satoshi. No, that's for another day.

As it turns out, another day comes just another week later when Nene's talking to her mother on the phone.

The conversation had started out normally ("How's school? Have you been cleaning your apartment?"), and her mother was in the middle of a story about how her father almost threw the desk out the window in rage, when suddenly she stopped.

Concerned, Nene asked, "Mother, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just going to add that he went livid especially after I mentioned Isshiki Satoshi was living with you. And I suddenly realized that I haven't asked about him yet; how is he?"

"He's fine. We're doing all right."

"Well, have you told him you love him yet?"

"Mother!" Nene shushes, face already burning again.

"I assume you haven't yet. You should get on with it; you should know that prolonging it would make it worse," her mother chides.

"It's not like that, I swear!" Nene exclaims. She raises her chest and shoulders, ready to defend herself if need be.

"I find that hard to believe, Nene, considering how you looked when we were talking about him. You look like—"

"I'm not in love with him, mother!"

Nene imagines her mother shrugging, and she's about to comment on it but she hears someone behind her.

"You're not in love with whom?" and the voice is deep and so familiar. It feels like she's been caught by the police red-handed. Nene wishes it wasn't him but who else would be walking around in their apartment, eavesdropping in other people's conversations where he's sure he doesn't belong?

Nene quickly hangs up the phone and turns around. She gulps because Satoshi's donning his famous apron with nothing else on him. And, a few weeks ago, she would have scolded him and threaten to kick him out, but something has sifted and she can't help but notice his biceps and—oh God, have they always been that big?

"What?" Nene asks, trying to act as if she hasn't said anything incriminating.

"With the phone call, you said that you're not in love with 'him.' Who is he?" Satoshi prods. It's strange how his eyes aren't closed now, and Nene can clearly see the blue in his eyes. She should be used to it by now, but those eyes look a bit… hopeful?

"You must have misheard," she shakily laughs it off. But Nene never knew how to lie, and so he must have seen right through her.

"I haven't misheard that," he says. "Tell me."

And it's such a grave command. He says it with such authority, as if he's the president of the whole university and she's a mere student. There's tightness to his voice and it's on its way to breaking like a boy in puberty. But there's also the deepness of it all, and she's reminded that the person she's talking to is a man and everything's too serious for her.

"You don't have to know," Nene bites out because he really doesn't. Her mother might push her, but Nene's confused about everything involving emotions so she's not sure if she wants to sort it out yet.

"I want to know," Satoshi challenges.

"It's not that important," Nene retorts.

Satoshi levels with her eyes for a moment, taking her in. He then asks, "Well, what was the conversation about? Were you talking to your mother?"

Nene sighs and gives in. Maybe if she answers those questions he'll stop asking. She says, "Yes, and she's insisting that I love someone. But I don't even know anything about that so it really doesn't matter."

"Who was she referring to?"

"You don't have to know that."

"I want to know."

They stare at each other for a while, lips tight and eyes narrowed. Still, Nene's fairly sure that she's more stubborn and so she confidently stares him down. Satoshi has always been more of the empathy between them, so he's the one who'll shy away first.

But she doesn't expect the tone of his voice when he says, "Please?"

It's such a simple word, but it's heavy and it's pressuring her down. She feels its desperation, the weakness, and how he's saying everything in it but she just refuses to understand what. Her breath hitches because she stares into his eyes and it's a cerulean abyss, with layers after layers of emotions that swirl around, never to be identified. It's how he parts his lips, his breathing shaky, and it's how she gets a clue of his nervousness. But what has he got to be nervous about? Nene's afraid of answering that question.

He closes his lips and purses it slightly and Nene absolutely knows that he's about to repeat it again.

So, she asks, "Do you really want to know?"

He nods.

And she hates that she whispers, "It's you."

Satoshi relaxes his shoulders. His eyes are searching for something in hers, because there's still a tinge of disbelief and the way he bites his lower lip shows how much he's wishing for it to be real.

"So, you don't really love me?" Satoshi asks, but somehow doesn't look as disappointed as Nene wants him to be.

"Well, just like I told you earlier it doesn't matter because I don't know anything about it."

He regards this for a moment, but then says, "I'm not asking if you know anything about love; I'm asking if you love me or not."

And Nene's lips dry because what can she reply to that?

"I-I don't know," she says. Truly, that's what she feels right? She doesn't know anything about love, certainly she feels too young to know anything about that. "Love is too complicated for me."

Satoshi regards her answer for a minute before shrugging, closing his eyes once more. He tells her, "Well, it doesn't have to be. It's actually pretty simple."

Nene stares at him. She asks, forcing the words through her mouth, "Y-you've been in love?"

He gives a coy grin, shrugging as if he cannot be bothered, and says, "Of course."

"How did you know you were in love?"

There's a pause, which Nene considers a moment of hesitation that maybe he's rethinking everything and that maybe he doesn't really love this person. She hates that there's a glimmer of hope in her. She wonders why she wouldn't want Satoshi to find love.

What Nene considered a moment of hesitation is actually just a pause to recollect his thoughts. He clears his throat and opens his eyes, revealing the blue that Nene has dreamed of time and time again. He says, "I stare at her often, look at her when she's busy reading, memorize the sigh of relief after she's finished laundry. She's always in my mind, and I always worry myself if she's eaten at school or if she's remembered to drink water when studying for her tests. I'm always thinking of her happiness, always able to share everything to her, able to give her advice if she really needs it. I just want her to be happy, not to be trapped by anyone, not her mother or by me."

Nene's lips part open. Disbelievingly, she asks the obvious, "You love me?"

"That's why I left you on our wedding day—I didn't want you to be forced to love me. I just wanted your happiness," Satoshi confesses.

She melts. Then, she cries because she remembers their wedding day and it's just crushed hearts and wasted lives. She thinks of the many hours she spent crying, the months she spent grieving, and she thinks he's unfair for putting her through all that. Why couldn't he have married her back then? Why did they have to go all through this if he really did love her?

And it's as if Satoshi's hearing her thoughts because he says, "I didn't think you would be happy with me back then, considering how forced it was."

"Do you think I can be happy with you now?"

Satoshi inhales sharply, Nene sees the guilt in his eyes. But there's no question to what he feels, he asks her first, "Is it forced now?"

Nene thinks of how she's always liked looking at Satoshi during Sunday afternoons or Friday dinners, maybe watering the plants or tying his shoes. She thinks of how often she thinks of him, if he was able to find or job and, when he did, were his co-workers treating him right? She thinks of how affected she was when she found out he was abandoned by his family, how protective she was of him. She thinks of his happiness and readies herself to abandon her own family, to see the world, and taste it with him. But he thinks of her happiness too, and she melts even more.

"No."

"So, are you in love with me?"

There's no hesitation when she replies yes.

a/n: i felt this was a bit rushed but i cant add anymore conflicts so i decided to go with this. thanks for those who supported this story! i might write an epilogue just to wrap things up but for now this story's officially complete. see you on my next ones!