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Chapter Thirty-Four:

"So Spence," J.J. said over coffee at their regular brunch. "How did working for the FBI transform you?"

"It changed my perspective on everything," Reid said. "I saw the world through the eyes of victims and perpetrators alike. Why?"

"It is a question that came from the FBI Recruitment Department," she said. "Every person who worked in the field for more than five years was emailed that question. The deputy director secured a grant so they're going to record the best answers in three age brackets plus the department heads for the new recruitment video."

"Sounds like quite an undertaking," he said.

"Aunt J.J. are you going to be recorded?" Jenna asked.

"I don't know Jen," she said sweetly. "We'll have to see how my answer stacks up against the others."

"I bet you had the best though," Jenna said confidently.

J.J. grinned. "You're raising her well Spence so long as she keeps singing my praises."

Reid smiled. "All of it is true though."

…

Reid met Blake for lunch the day before her first guest lecture. They exchanged pleasantries and discussed their current research. Reid suddenly felt anxious as they started to veer into personal territory as she described her husband's new role in his department.

"I'm in love with Felicia," he suddenly said.

Blake nodded. "I know you are. Do you?" she asked.

"I know I am," Reid said firmly.

"Reid, I am a linguist. Your language and your tone are screaming uncertainty."

"I really do like her Blake. But Addison is stuck in the back of my mind. I never said anything about her to the rest of the team. It feels like I'm cheating on Felicia by not even mentioning it to her."

"Reid, the more you describe it the more Addison sounds like an infatuation. You don't keep many secrets from the team, or can't anyway and the way you managed to maintain that made her more special."

"Why do I still feel like I have feelings for her?"

Blake dug into her salad. "You met her under a situation of extreme duress. Emotions and hormones must have been running wild and you can't change that. How good was the sex?"

Reid choked slightly before swallowing. "That really is none of your business Blake."

Blake took it in stride. "I only ask because intimacy was probably another important component of your relationship."

"So what do I do?" He asked almost desperately.

Blake looked him straight in the eye. "I don't have all the answers Spencer. If it is that important to you, tell Felicia."

"What if she reacts badly?"

"You've known her for several years and have dated her a few months. Tell her and maybe you can get the closure you need regarding Addison Rayburn."

"Thanks Blake," he said.

"I just hope it helps."

…

Reid was at Long's house for the night. A mutual friend of Jenna and Aria's was hosting a big birthday slumber party. Reid and Long were peacefully doing reading books side by side on the couch when Reid felt he was ready to finally let go of Rayburn.

"Felicia, dear I have something to tell you," he said nervously.

"Sure Spencer," she said mildly. "What is it?"

"Do you remember Addison Rayburn?"

"That lady whose daughter punched out Jenna? Of course," she said.

Reid swallowed. "I was in an intimate relationship with her for a brief period of time before we started dating," he said as fast as he could.

A look of rage slowly filled in Long's face. "You what?" she said inching away from him.

"We met at a support group and found a connection," he said pleadingly.

"That girl's daughter is a monster!" she practically shouted.

"Her daughter has anger issues connected to her parent's messy divorce," he said.

Long stood up. "What could you possibly see in that woman?"

"A lonely soul like me," he said standing up also. "Felicia, it's been six years. We had a connection that was more physical than anything."

"And I have been waiting for you to come around for the last two," she said angrily pacing around. "Spencer you can be so blind at times. You could have confided in me! I know what it is like to mourn also."

"I know," he said. "The whole thing was a big mistake."

He tried to approach her but she turned away and took a step back.

"What do you expect me to do?" she asked.

"Felicia, I just don't want any secrets between us which is why I'm telling you now."

"Frankly I'm questioning your judgement to even be in such a relationship with that woman."

"You don't know her."

Tears started to leak down her face. "I feel like I don't know you. Why tell me now?"

"Because I realized I couldn't fully let go of her unless I told you about her, if that makes sense."

"Not really," she said.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," Reid said, trying to approach her again.

"Just get out," she said wiping her tears away. "I need space and don't go running to that woman. I just need to think things over."

"I won't," he said. "I promise."

"Get out now."

Reid picked up his things. "What will we tell the girls?"

"We had a fight, which this is."

"Okay," Reid said as he walked to the door.

"I love you," he said.

"Good-bye," she said.