Chapter Five

With a list for some needed supplies tucked in his pocket, Jess rode to town unaware that his trip would end much differently than it had started. He entered the main street of Laramie and dismounted near the store, his feet taking him directly into the building and quickly out as the short list penned in Daisy's handwriting was readily filled. Jess hadn't made any plans to stay in town for long, but with the need to let his mount rest longer than just a few minutes, he thought he'd turn his feet in the direction of the saloon to wash down any trail dust that had accumulated on the ride in to Laramie, but like plans often did, his was altered a moment later.

"Jess," Mort called from the hitching rail outside of the sheriff's office where he'd been keeping his eye on his town while watching for Jess' arrival, grateful that the town and its outlying areas had been peaceable since the Detering fire. He saw Jess pause his stride and turn his head towards him, both men giving each other a question filled stare before Mort took the first step in Jess' direction. "I'd like a word with you if you don't mind."

Being friends with a lawman of any kind would never have been a part of a young Jess Harper's lifestyle, but he couldn't say the same now. Even though it sometimes still wasn't easy for a man with a past reputation such as his to fully put it behind him when it came to lawmen and their scrutiny of his character, Mort Cory was a different type of man. He was trustworthy. But for an unknown reason to Jess, seeing Mort's stance and hearing the tone of his voice, the old outlaw senses inside of him triggered. Although now he really had nothing to be guilty of, Jess carried a weight on his shoulders, or perhaps it was only a chip, but the burden bore down hard and he knew it was spreading out beyond the ranch. He couldn't help but wonder if now the law was to become involved in this, his lashing out would not be far from his next step.

"Jess," Mort said again as he stepped close, watching the intense, scrutinizing blue eyes. "I hope you don't mind my asking for a favor."

"What is it, Mort?" Jess asked, not yet giving himself permission to relax.

"I've got my hands overly full of law work right now and could be heading out of town on a moment's notice," Mort stopped there, giving a quick glance in the direction of the telegraph office where the notice, if any, would come from. He wasn't lying to Jess, as there had been a wire of importance from Cheyenne that stated the nearby town might require his assistance, but at that moment, since he hadn't heard anything new from Slim, he wasn't ready to admit that it was just an excuse to get Jess interested in stepping away from the ranch for a few days. "So, I was wondering if you'd wear a star for me, maybe just for a week, perhaps a little longer."

"I reckon there ain't a problem with that," Jess nodded his agreement, "but I'll have to check with Slim, just in case there's something he needs me for."

"Slim's already given his approval," Mort said and quickly regretted his comment when Jess' eyebrows rose. There was something undefined in Jess' features that made Mort wince. The man was a lot farther on edge than he had originally deduced. Seeing the mistrust or whatever it was that radiated from Jess' eyes didn't make Mort want to take back his offer to help, but he knew that he'd have to take more careful steps in doing so when their days together would begin.

"Then if it's all right with Slim, it's all right with me," Jess said, his tone level, not showing the sudden agitation he really felt inside. He never liked discovering that anyone, friend or foe alike, had discussed him without knowledge and he couldn't help but feel that there was something hidden or secretive about the entire scheme. He wouldn't question Mort about it, but Slim would be hearing some words. "I'll be in tomorrow morning, Mort."

Jess rode home, the calm atmosphere around him doing nothing to settle his nerves. He pulled his mount to a halt outside of the house, his eyes instantly searching for his partner. Jess heard him before he saw him and after dismounting, Jess took a swift stride to where Slim kneeled inside of the barn, pounding a new board in place at the bottom of an empty horse stall.

"You trying to get rid of me, Slim?" Jess asked as he came to a stop behind Slim, his stance firm and unmoving, except for his right hand that forever clenched and released on repeat.

Slim turned, standing to his full height and looked at Jess, seeing every ounce of agitation in his body. He knew by his few words that Jess had talked to Mort and not knowing the exchange between the two, Slim was uncertain how to reply. He tried to smile to soften the tension, but the returned stare was too deep and penetrating, too filled with pain to bring the corners of his mouth up very far. Slim wondered at that moment if he'd made a mistake, but as soon as that thought came, the more important one pushed through. Jess needed help and right now, this was all that he could do. "Of course not, Jess."

"But you know Mort wants to deputize me," Jess said, the frown lines etched deeply around his mouth all the way up to his forehead. "Meaning I'd be off the ranch for a few days, if not longer."

Slim nodded as he drew in a slow intake of air. Their relationship as friends was too close to tell Jess a falsehood. Until now, Slim hadn't thought out his replies when the questions came, but as he faced Jess, he knew the only right way was to share with his partner the truth, even if what followed was a messy tirade. "It was my idea," Slim said softly, watching as Jess' eyes drew to a slit. "You and I both know you've got some problems to work through and as much as I want to help do it myself, I don't think I can."

"But Mort can?" Jess snapped the question like he was snapping a twig in half, the sound somehow bringing a sting to Slim's face.

"No," Slim shook his head, not taking his eyes away from Jess' tight features, especially the firmly set jaw. "No one probably can. It's not a guarantee, but a change of pace, a change of surroundings, a change in routine might actually help you."

"Who told you that?" The question couldn't have possibly been asked any sharper.

Here it came. Slim took a deep breath, knowing the answer wasn't going to set well with his partner. "Doc Sweeney."

"You talked to Doc Sweeney about me?" Jess raised his voice but not so much that it'd raise the roof. "Who else did you tell? Did you trot through a parade in the middle of Laramie shouting 'Jess Harper's going crazy'?"

"No, Jess," Slim's sigh was almost inaudible. "You know me better than that. The only people that know are the family here, Mort, and our town physician, all who you know wouldn't tell a soul."

"I'm sorry Slim," Jess ran a hand through his already tousled hair. "I'm just so dad-gummed jittery."

"You don't have to apologize, Jess," Slim said softly, "I understand."

"Do you?" Jess heard the volume start to rise in his voice again. "Do you really know what I'm going through? Have you ever been afraid to go to sleep? Have you ever felt tortured by something that only exists in your mind? Do you hear noises that ain't there, or smell smoke that's only in your imagination? Or how about this one, do you feel the burning of your skin when there ain't anything even touching it?"

Slim stood quietly, his body feeling the questions Jess hurtled at him like he was receiving each one with a blow by blow punch. Truthfully, he hadn't, but if he wanted to be fully honest, he could tell Jess that he experienced a difficult journey in the aftermath of his parents' deaths. He'd spent some sleepless nights after waking up from fitful dreams. But this wasn't about him and so he kept his memories to himself, letting Jess expel the tension the best that he could through his hardened words.

"Do you think I wanna have nightmares about fires? The dreams are so vivid that it's like they're really happening until I wake up," Jess continued, his hands balled into tight fists by his sides. "I ain't a little boy anymore, yet by the way that I feel, I might as well be one. I'm scared of the dark, I jump from shadows and it's all because of Bannister and evil scum like him. I can't get rid of my past, Slim, no matter what I do and now it's chasing me down like never before. I work hard all day long on the ranch busting my back trying to stop the memories from coming at me, but there I'll be, right in the middle of something and outta nowhere, I'll hear Bannister laughing or smell smoke that ain't there. It's driving me crazy, Slim. I'd do anything to get rid of it."

"I know, Jess," Slim tentatively reached out a hand and touched Jess' back, feeling the tight tension between his pinched shoulder blades.

"Maybe you're right, Slim," Jess frowned as his thoughts turned in the direction of seeking solace from somewhere. He kept his gaze towards the hay strewn floor of the barn as he slowly spoke his next words. "I reckon I do need some kinda help. If you think staying in town will work, I'll give it a try."

"Good," Slim stepped closer to Jess and put his arm around his partner's shoulder. "For the next several days we might be twelve miles apart, but know this Jess, you have my complete support. I'm with you right here Pard," Slim tapped his chest over his heart with his finger, "all the way."