Horrible Mothers (on hiatus for now)

by honoroconnor

Modern AU where characters have different personalities. Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara have one thing in common; they are working for their mothers who give them constant hell at the workplace. Once their mothers cross a line, the three friends decide to do something about it. Contains language, dark humour, and incest, so please read at your own risk. Parody of 'Horrible Bosses'.

5. Three Crimes in One!

Again, overwhelming support! I literally have no words to describe it. Many thanks to the new followers of the story as well!

I also realized a small error in Chapter 3 when I reread the entire chapter, same with chapter 2. Both errors have been fixed if anyone was concerned. And as you all know from my author's note last chapter, I've been swamped, so just remember that updates will be longer than usual. :)

Enjoy!

…

Chapter 5: Three Crimes in One!

…

ONE WEEK LATER…

(Gaara's POV)

I sat in my car parked just outside the parking lot of Naruto's workplace. I dial his phone number and wait for a response.

"Hello?" Naruto asked.

"Hey. I'm outside. You ready to do a little bit of recon?"

"Yep. Yeah, I just have to get my mom to let me leave a little early," he whispers.

I snort disrespectfully, "What's the difference? It's not like she'll be around for much longer."

Naruto sighs, "Give me five minutes."

"Five minutes it is. Bye," I hang up, and I tap Sasuke, who had brought his seat back up; he was resting, "He'll be down in five minutes."

"Okay," he stretches as much as possible in such cramp space, "Dude, these seats are crazy comfortable."

"I know, right? Check this out" I prepare to bring my whole chair down, "Ready?"

"Yeah," Sasuke and I pull our seats all the way.

"Ah," We say together in unison. They were in pure bliss.

…

(Naruto POV)

I hang up the phone, thinking about how I'm gonna escape early. First, I had to convince my mom, or she'd fire me. If I get fired before I kill her, this would have been for nothing. I'd just be an out-of-work murderer with a motive known by many as revenge.

I peer over my cubicle wall to see mom talking to another employee nearby, a male. And she did not look happy.

"This is the worst report I have ever read in my goddamn life, you idiot," myself and a band of my other coworkers in their cubicles secretly witness her berate this poor guy. She was ripping up his report into little pieces right front of him before throwing them all into his face, "You're such a fucking dumbass. Do you have a parking space? Because I'm gonna take it away from you. Who is it, like your mother-in-law that knows my wife? How you got this fucking job in the first place, I don't even understand."

Hmm… maybe I should kill you. Or perhaps I should take Kiba's second piece of advice and just fuck you senseless. Perhaps I should do both?… We'll see how things go down from here on.

Now I still had to figure out a way to get my ass out of here. So I took a long hard breath, leaned over my garbage pail, and stuck a Comtronix pen down my throat. But before I could do that, Shikamaru noticed me, "Naruto, what are you doing?"

"You will not speak of this, understand?" I look at him threateningly. People always tell me that I have these eyes whenever I glare at them; it's apparently scary. I guess that Shikamaru's expression just proves their point. He nods, and I continue.

I begin to vomit. At the sound of my loud vomiting, I was glad mom looked over. But something was off because I expected her to go nuts as she did with that guy; she looked very concerned, "Oh my God, Naruto! Are you okay?"

Huh? Many employees looked at me in disgust and concern; I stood up and pretended, looking groggy and nauseated, "Sorry, everybody. I've been fighting that bug all day. Let me get back to work."

Mom had already come to my side, and she rubbed my back, "No, no, no. Naruto, go home and rest. You're sick."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, mom," I turn to grab my jacket, sounding a little unsettled by her change in behavior. I also got my documents, knowing she would tell me to bring them home. But she stops me for some reason.

"No, Naruto," she says kindly, taking my documents, "I'll do your work. Now you go home and get some rest."

Her behavior was something else. Being nice to me all of a sudden, much? It didn't matter to me; I just wanted to get out of this heaven turned shit-hole place.

I was out of the office and got in Gaara's car. We drove to my apartment first so I could get changed to a more comfortable attire before heading out again.

…

(Third Person View)

Gaara car pulls his car up slowly and parks just outside his home. It was a great and modern, colossal parking garage with a pleasant front lawn. Sasuke and Naruto slump down in their seats, viewing the house, "Okay, boys, as soon as my mom makes a move, we go in."

"It's your house," Sasuke points out, "Aren't you welcome inside?"

"I am, but here's the thing," Gaara starts, "We're gonna be doing recon, which means we will be doing stuff suspicious to the naked eye."

Naruto nods slightly, "Your siblings home?"

"No. I had Temari and Kankuro go for vacation; they can't stand mom anymore," Gaara explains before going back to their surveillance and reconnaissance task, "But it's on now, yeah? Ready?"

"It is on like Donkey Kong," Naruto jokes as he rubs his hands together as the trio laugh and chuckles lightly.

"Man, I'm fucking pumped!" Sasuke comments as they begin to watch the house with stiff determination.

…

"Oh, my God. This sucks," Gaara groans, slouching on his chair. It had been an hour, and the guys were already bored, barely even awake to do anything. Heck to even speak, especially for Naruto.

"This is horrible, man," Sasuke was nibbling on peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a plastic bag, "I don't get it. On TV, surveillance always looks so great. They've got their cups of coffee. Their sunflower seeds and talk about their lives. And then, right when they reveal something really intimate, the perp appears, and they spring into action."

"Yeah," Naruto yawns for almost 5 seconds, and after a long hard pause, a thought comes into his head, and he asks Gaara, "Are we even sure that your mom's inside the house?"

They exchange looks at each other awkwardly; Gaara to Naruto, Naruto to Sasuke and Sasuke to Gaara, and vice versa before looking back at the maroon head's massive estate. Finally, the trio unfastens their seat belts and slowly gets out of the car before heading into the house.

…

The three guys steadily creep around the patio, peeking in doors and windows.

"I don't see her anywhere," Naruto comments as his head maneuvers around the outside of a window sill, "Gaara, what do you think?"

Gaara looks at the house from a certain distance. He breathes, opens the front door with his own set of keys that he took out from his pockets, and simply walks in like it was nothing. Naruto and Sasuke dashes inside to stand and walk by him. The latter speaks, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well, we're not even gonna get any intel if we're just standing in front of my fucking lawn, are we?" Gaara points out the spot on, or so he thinks, "Besides, you're right, it's my house… that's probably empty right now."

"Do we have to worry about security cameras?" Naruto asked.

"Glad you asked that," Gaara explained, "I had them all closed myself."

"Nice," Sasuke rubs his hands, "Okay, so what do we do? What's the plan?"

"We're here to get some intel," Gaara said.

"'Intel?'"

"It's short for 'intelligence.'"

"I know what it stands for. I'm not stupid."

"Then why did you ask me?"

"Why are we talking about this? Why don't we split up?" Naruto suggests, "Gaara since you know this place more than the two of us combined, you go upstairs. Sasuke, you and I will be down here."

"Got it," Gaara and Sasuke nod and gave thumbs up.

Before he left, Naruto added, "We find something good, then we're out of here."

"We're committing a fucking crime," Sasuke murmurs nervously, "This is a crime."

…

(With Gaara)

Gaara slowly crept up the grand stairwell and was now on the second floor. It was a long hallway, but the first thing he decided to do was scavenge around his parents' bedroom, located at the far end of the corner. He walked straight but slowly, not wanting to make a noise, even if he thought it was just him and the guys in the house. As he continued moving, he took notice of a credenza that showed a collection of family photos and a photo album in the center. He stops and bends down to look. He put on a sad smile as he picked up one of them. It was a picture of when he was just an infant, being held by his mother, who was in the center, surrounded by his dad, Temari, and Kankuro.

The good old days… Gaara thought before placing it back to its previous position. He picks up the photo album and scans through a lot of his pictures from when he was a baby until he was a high school graduate. All the images with his mom were hugs, kisses, and laughing. And it wasn't until college that he last saw his real mother when she got into drugs. He sighs sadly, puts back the album, and gives one more thought before focusing on his task: I miss the old you, Mom.

Once he finally reached the bedroom door, he prayed that nobody would be inside before opening it. He slowly opens the door and enters; he suddenly feels cold as the air conditioner blows into his face. He begins to shiver and freezes in his place. His prayer wasn't answered.

His mother, Karura, was in the room. She is sleeping peacefully in her silky nightgown.

Son of a bitch…

…

(With Naruto and Sasuke)

Naruto and Sasuke move into the living room. There's a leather sofa a 60-inch plasma screen TV with enormous speakers. On the wall are framed posters depicting dragons and half-naked girls.

"Wow," Sasuke comments in the living room, "It's like a douchebag museum."

"Mhm," the blonde replies, "Except that Gaara's not a douchebag."

"Yup," they continued their search around the large area until Sasuke stumbled across something he was glad about. He whistles in amazement, "Woah… Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Now, this would count as intel, right?"

Naruto looks over to see Sasuke holding in an open wooden box filled with white powder, "Holy shit, that's a lot of cocaine."

"Have you ever seen this much cocaine?" The brunette adds, moving the wooden box around, "This has gotta be worth, what, $10,000 or $15,000-?"

Suddenly, the box slips out of Sasuke's hands, and it hits the floor, sending a cascade of cocaine all over the rug and a cloud as it poofs down the floor. Naruto is visibly shocked, looking at Sasuke in evident disappointment, murmuring, "You stupid fuck."

"Oh, I blew it. I blew that, didn't I?" Sasuke admits his mistake, looking down the floor and disappointed with himself.

…

Meanwhile, Gaara steadily moved around the bedroom, praying he wouldn't make a sound that would make his mother up. He heads for the bathroom door, which was unfortunately closed. Gaara twists the knob counterclockwise, then slowly pushes it forward. A long, eerie creek occurred like a horror movie, and he froze again. He quickly glances back at his mother, moaning in her sleep but nothing more. He sighs, mouthing 'thank God' before entering the bathroom.

He checked if anything was, at least, considered intel. This went on for about five minutes, and in the end, he found nothing worth mentioning. Then he turned his attention to the bedroom again. This was a risky task, but he was desperate. It was having a 'heat of the moment' feeling about this. Maybe I could steal her phone?

…

"Okay, you dumbfuck," Naruto warns Sasuke, "How are we gonna fix this?"

Sasuke kneels down, observing how the two of them could resolve this issue, "Right, uh… You grab the box. I'll scoop it in."

"I really don't wanna touch it," Naruto states, "Drugs are fucking disgusting, and I don't even have gloves."

"Alright then, fine, you go and get something and…." Sasuke stuttered before saying something, "Ugh. I'll scoop it in."

"Okay," Naruto left as he tasted some cocaine powder in his mouth, making a cringing face, "Fuck… it's so bitter."

…

(With Gaara)

Gaara crouched down and crawled towards the side of the bed, glad that it was carpeted. He reached the left bedside drawer, taking notice of Karura's cell phone almost instantly; it was a white iPhone 7S but had a crack on the screen, and the damage looked like new. He was glad it was the same brand as his phone, which meant he could charge it in his room. He took the phone and opened the screen, and there was no passcode or Touch ID for his benefit. But it wasn't on silent mode. The worst part was that it was in total volume for some reason. Finally, a message came in, giving a loud 'ding!' sound. Gaara's eyes widened. Oh shit.

"Gaara?" Karura yawned, "What are you doing with my phone?"

"Uh," he stammered with his word and lied, "Your phone was on the floor."

She stretched, seemingly accepting it, "What time is it?"

Gaara looks at the phone, not bothering to read his watch, "It is… 8:50 PM. Why?"

"Nothing," Karura yawned again, "Just wondering."

Feeling that the mission was compromised, he puts the phone back on the bedroom drawer and stands up, "Well, I'll leave you to whatever you do."

Just as he walks out, Karura speaks, "Gaara?"

"Hmm?" He quickly turns around.

"…I want to speak with you," she sounded calm, unlike the other days. Gaara gulped and walked to her.

"Yes?"

"…What…", she sighs, sitting straight on the bed, "What am I to you?"

"…I…I, uh…um…," Gaara couldn't answer correctly. To be fair to him, it was a tricky question to answer first and foremost. What was he meant to say to her? And because of that, he lied to her face, "I think you're an amazing person and a good mother."

Karura sighed again and shook her head. That wasn't the answer she was looking for. She looked as if she was about to cry. Even her voice had cracked, "Gaara, why are you lying to me?"

She began to actually cry, and Gaara mentally started bashing his head against a sturdy brick wall, feeling like an idiot… and an ass. Then, to make things right, he believed, he took off his shoes and went into the bed, embracing her, "I'm sorry."

"You know how ashamed I feel about myself!?" Karura asked between sobs, "About the way, I treat you and your siblings when I'm under the influence? I'm not even in control of what I do or say!"

Gaara couldn't help but feel that his mother was talking sense like she was expected at this point. He didn't really understand it, but he went with it, knowing this version was his REAL mom. He frowned at her sobbing and said, "Mom, I really want to help you… if you'll allow me."

Karura sniffed, "What do you plan to do?"

"If it's possible, I… I can put you in a rehabilitation center?" He suggests.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," she said, scratching her leg due to having pruritus. The cause of the drug addiction was "Should I go?"

Gaara pulled away from the hug and cupped her face, and smiled at her, his green eyes staring straight into her indigo eyes. She looked… beautiful to an extent. And all the negative thoughts about her had disappeared. He remembered the discussion he had with Naruto and Sasuke at the bar.

"I was just speaking hypothetically, you know?" This sentence stuck to him. He was, indeed, speaking hypothetically. He never really wanted to kill her, and he was pretty sure Naruto and Sasuke wouldn't be able to do it either. Well… maybe Sasuke but not Naruto. It took Gaara a while to reply to her as he stared deeply into her eyes, "If you say yes to this, I can make arrangements within this week, and we'll drive you to where the rehab center is located when they're ready. And you will come back a changed person."

"Do you promise me?" She sounded like a child, even with her hoarse voice. Definitely caused by cocaine.

"I promise," he reassured. They embrace again.

Karura smiled and thought, "I know why your father found you special."

"Really?" he smiled at her, "And what was that?"

"Because he told me before that you are the brightest out of the three… and you were more handsome than him, and Kankuro combined."

They both laugh, and then Gaara's elated face disappears as he thinks about his father, "I miss him."

"I miss him, too," then Karura stopped smiling, sniffing as she attempted to hold back new tears streaming down her face, "I didn't attend his funeral, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't," he said bitterly.

She winced as she broke away from the embrace and wiped away some tears, but they kept coming, "Why have I done this to myself? I'm disgusting."

"Hey," he comforted, holding her tightly, "It wasn't you that day."

"But still…"

"No!" Gaara raised his voice, "I flipped out at you that day."

"That I remember," she rubbed her eyes, "But I love that you're so courageous and willing to stand up for yourself and others. That's why I fell in love with your father in the first place."

Oh, really? He started to sweat. Please don't tell me you see him in me…

"You don't necessarily have all of his facial features," she observes his face, "But I see him in you."

You have got to be kidding me… I can't be dealing with this now! I still have to get back to the guys. Gaara was very keen on leaving, but he couldn't leave her alone. He started to panic once Karura was at eye level with him, "What are you doing?"

"You are just…"," she caressed his face gently, looking at him dreamily, "So handsome."

Oh, no.

…

(With Naruto and Sasuke)

Sasuke was still on his knees, scooping up the coke back into the small box as Naruto returns from the kitchen holding a Dustbuster, "How 'bout we use this?"

"Yeah, that better work," Sasuke says positively, turns it on, and starts vacuuming up the cocaine from the rug, "There you go. Go slow!"

As Naruto vacuumed, Sasuke scooped whatever didn't go into the vacuum. Finally, the blonde says irritatedly, "Get on the couch! Stop helping me!"

"All right," the brunette instantly gave up and sat on the couch. He brushed some cocaine off his jacket and coughed; some had gotten into his mouth as well… and up to his nose.

…

(With Gaara)

Karura and Gaara heard the vacuum, and the former raised an eyebrow, "What's that?"

"Um…," Gaara was equally clueless about what it was. What the hell are you guys up to?

"We should probably check it out," she suggested as she got out of bed. Gaara panicked again, knowing he had to develop something fast… and something good.

"MAID!" He awkwardly exclaimed, making his mother jump, "I forgot to mention… I hired a maid to help clean up the place; she'll be done soon."

It had seemed pretty far-fetched, but Karura shrugged and went with it, sitting back down on the bed. Gaara breathed for a moment but took a quick glance at her. Then, he heard Kiba's words; "Her skin was glistening."

What are you thinking? He asked himself.

…

(With Naruto and Sasuke)

Once Naruto was finished, he popped open the vacuum waste receptacle and dumped the contents back in the wooden box. Which is now filled not only with cocaine, but bits of hair, dust bunnies, food, and other crap. The pair stared at the wooden box. Naruto was pissed with himself.

Sasuke whispers, "You probably should have emptied the DustBuster first."

"Is that what you think?" Naruto whispered back, glaring at Sasuke.

Sasuke nods, "I was thinking that. On account of the dust."

The blonde breathed and said, "Okay, let's just… take the things out."

They both do their best to pick the random objects out of the cocaine. After two minutes, it was a slow process of digging and taking things out of the box. Sasuke then picked up something and tinkered with the small object, "Hey, look at this, it's a piece of cereal. Can't tell if that's a cornflake or a frosted flake, though…."

"Alright, this is ridiculous," Naruto complained. "You know what? I'll go and get a sifter, or maybe a-"

"Colander?" Sasuke suggests.

"Yeah, a colander would be good," Naruto gets back up and dashes towards the kitchen.

"Okay. And I'll start picking," the brunette then does so, not before accidentally sniffing some of the cocaine and feeling doozies. He was slightly coked-up.

…

(With Gaara)

Karura was oddly close to Gaara's parameters, and he wasn't enjoying it. Then he joked, "Am I… still here with mom? Or are you someone else?"

She chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "It's still your mother."

"Okay," he said with an unusually high-pitched voice. This definitely wasn't his mom, "You realize that you're very close up?"

"Yes, I'm aware," she scooched closer to him, almost putting herself on top of him, "VERY aware."

Okay, what's going on? Gaara wasn't listening to his conscious, as he knew well and clearly what was happening. He laughed awkwardly and spoke, "Um… you know? This doesn't seem like a good idea."

She tilted her head like a dog as she was now on top of him, "Why?"

"Because mothers and their sons shouldn't be doing this sorta thing. Y'know?" Gaara explained unconvincingly as Karura gave him a seductive smirk, "It's wrong… and… you're being a bad mom now."

Karura giggled at the word 'bad,' "You're absolutely right."

"Yes, I am… what?"

"I am being a BAD mom," she bit her bottom lip, as she whispered seductively into his ear, "I'm a BAD MOMMY."

She started licking his ear and neck like it was nothing. Gaara's heart was thumping very hard like drums. The drugs were causing his mom mood swings; one moment she was in a rage, another sad, and now, sometimes downright horny for anyone, even him, based on the current situation. For obvious reasons, Gaara was really uncomfortable, and he wanted out, "You know something? Why don't we just… HMPH!?"

He couldn't finish his sentence since his mother's lips had crashed onto his. She was on top of him, swirling her tongue around his. His eyes were wide, but after a few seconds… they started to close as he placed his hands on Karura's hips.

I want to stop, but I don't want to, Gaara thought, Fuck you, Kiba.

Their French kissing had gone on for more than 15 minutes, plus 6 if you counted breaks. During this time, Karura would be moaning while running her hands all around Gaara's hair and occasionally scratched his back. Gaara was pretty sure she had left marks on his back.

Once Gaara broke their last kiss, they made eye contact before he spoke through his heavy panting, "Woah."

"I know," Karura was panting, "You're a good kisser."

…Why was this happening?

Gaara didn't respond to the 'compliment' as he got off her and spoke, "So are you still up for rehabilitation?"

"I am."

She was something else. He nodded at her and spoke in a stutter, "Okay. Well, I think you should get some rest… because I have to go."

"Go where?"

"I'm going out with the guys," he semi-lied, then he started wondering what the two were up to downstairs, "I'll be back home probably early morning?"

She crawled up the bed and covered herself in the blanket before blowing a kiss, "Don't party too much."

"Yeah," he laughed awkwardly and comforted her before heading out, "Good night."

"Good night," she almost immediately fell asleep.

Gaara kissed her forehead and walked out… then he went back to the room to get her phone. He looked through it, contacts and messages. There was nothing. Worth a shot. But he didn't stop there, and instead, he slowly opened the bedside cabinet drawer and saw another phone, an iPhone X. Just my fucking luck… how many phones do you have?

He picked it up and opened it. No passcode either. Mom, you have no sense of privacy when it comes to this stuff… jeez. He checked the contacts and was glad to see actual names. Finally, he gently put the phone in his back pocket, closed off all the lights in the room, and left his mother to rest.

…

(Third Person View)

"I feel like everything works out," Sasuke said quickly, "I'm like a machine. Look how fast I am. I'm moving super fast. I can't even feel my nose."

He was all coked up. Surprisingly, even Naruto felt the same way, "Wanna know what's weird?"

"What?" They both spoke quick as rabbits and sounded like they were so stressed out. Well… they are at the moment.

"The thing is… I should be panicking… and I am a little, but in a good way-"

"Yeah?"

"-It's a good kind of panic because I feel like I wanna die-"

"Uh-huh?"

"…but I also feel very, very, very good."

"Oh yeah, totally."

"HEY!" They suddenly jumped as they heard a familiar voice. Gaara stood by the doorway with his hands on his hips, "It's been 15 minutes. What are you two doing?"

"Nothing," Naruto replied as he stood up and ran. "But before we go, I wanna take one quick dump."

Sasuke then spoke before going down on the ground, "Yeah, go ahead. Take a dump, and I'm gonna do push-ups. Because I gotta get fit."

He did about ten straight, and Gaara was absolutely clueless. Until he saw the box of cocaine all messed up with some of the powder on the carpet, he ran his hands across his maroon hair, "What the hell have you guys done?"

The brunette was now crouched, staring at the "I'm feeling good, dude. Wanna help me clean? I mean, we bond over this. This is friendship stuff. We broke into your house. It's the most amazing experience of my life-"

Gaara rubbed his eyes, groaning, "Fuck's sake."

"-I'm like an expert at sifting cocaine. It's amazing. Come here and help me with this."

…

The trio were back in the car, driving away from the house. Gaara was the only one who could drive, Naruto was looking out the window disappointed, and Sasuke rocked his head back and forth as he held it with his hands, trying to recover from the cocaine.

"I can't believe we weren't prepared," Naruto complained, "That was completely dangerous and a total waste of time."

"Well, no. Actually, not a total waste of time," Gaara moved his but up from the seat to take out the phone from the back pocket, "Look what I got. Not bad, huh?"

"Is this her phone?" Naruto asked as Gaara gave it to him, "You stole this?"

"That's her phone," the maroon head nodded, "And I sure did. It's got her contacts schedule. Everything."

"Very nice," Naruto grinned.

"And by the way… I'm actually thinking of backing out on this," Gaara scratched the back of his head, "I don't think we should do this."

Sasuke looked at him, "What are you talking about?"

"I mean… there's no need to kill our moms."

The brunette, still in the current influence of cocaine, challenged him, "So… how did you steal it?"

"Nothing." He said bluntly, "I saw, and I took it."

"You're lying," Naruto pointed out, "How'd you steal it?"

Gaara breathed and cleared his throat, "Okay… here goes."

He explained that his mother was sleeping in the bedroom and that he had crept into the bathroom and found nothing there. So he turned his attention to the bedside cabinet, where he found his mother's phone. Then she suddenly woke up had an 'emotional' chat before making out for about 21 minutes, 15 minutes of intense French kissing, and 6 minutes for breaks. Afterward, he tells how he stole Karura's phone. And so on. Naruto and Sasuke's reactions were the same… and definitely priceless.

"THAT'S HOW YOU STOLE THE PHONE!? NO WONDER YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! BECAUSE YOU ENJOYED IT!" Sasuke exclaimed while Naruto looked at him in complete shock, "What the hell is wrong with you!? You took Kiba's second advice!?"

"Listen, she came at me first!" Gaara defended himself.

"AND YOU STILL WENT WITH IT!?"

"I couldn't help myself, alright?"

Naruto shook his head as he listened to them, but he couldn't bother right now. So instead, he opened Karura's phone and looked at her messages and contact list. Meanwhile, Gaara and Sasuke kept arguing.

"I'm sorry, but no!"

"No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"Incest is illegal now. It's technically a crime. AND you stole as well! No one said we'd be stealing anything."

"This is a good grab," Naruto kept his eyes on the phone as he informed the pair, but none of them listened to him. Thus he continued to scroll down the contact list.

"Excuse me!? You did cocaine!" Gaara challenged Sasuke.

"THREE CRIMES!"

Annoyed with Sasuke's shouting, Naruto said, "Gaara, relax. He's all jazzed-out. Just ignore him."

Again, none of them listened to him as they bickered some more, "You know, we're still contemplating whether we should do this or not, and you're giving me shit for stealing A FUCKING PHONE!?"

"And making out with your mother!" Sasuke added, "Run it by me if you'll be doing that kind of shit."

"Run it by you?"

"Run it by me!"

Gaara was fuming, "Naruto, take the wheel for a second?

"Mhm," the blonde held the wheel with his left hand as he multi-tasked with the phone in his right hand, still scrolling through for anything he could find, though he would take quick glimpses at the road ahead him.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked as Gaara unfastened his seatbelt and started berating Sasuke with slaps and light punches from his seat for approximately 5 seconds, "HEY! CUT IT OUT!"

"Run it by you, huh!? RUN IT BY YOU!? I'M NOT RUNNING ANYTHING BY YOU!" Gaara finished hitting him and sat back down correctly, putting his seatbelt back on and taking the wheel from Naruto, "I'm not going to run anything by you! Dickhead!"

"Wow, there's a lot of stuff in here," Naruto commented.

"I know. Wanna go check out your mom's now?" Gaara suggested.

Naruto contemplated the idea, but he nodded, "Yeah, we can try."

"Good enough for me," Gaara included. Suddenly, Sasuke slapped him on the side of the face. The maroon head fumed again and presented the steering wheel to Naruto, "Do you mind, again?"

"Yup," the blonde took the wheel, and Gaara got out of his seat to reach for Sasuke.

"No! NO!" The drug-influenced Uchiha resented just as Gaara started hitting him again.

"YOU DON'T PUNCH THE FUCKING DRIVER!" He shouted.

Naruto continued to steer, but they were going way too fast down on the highway, "Gaara, come back. I need you for the breaks."

"Oh, shit, yeah, the breaks. Sorry, I forgot," Gaara climbed back to the front seat and scolded the brunette one more time, "Sasuke! You don't punch the fucking driver!"

"Yeah, you don't punch the fucking driver," Naruto butted in.

Sasuke groaned, shaking his head sporadically, "Bitch, I'm fucking coked out of my fucking brain. I'll fucking punch whoever I fucking want to."

…

Because of Sasuke's current behavior, Naruto decided to drop him off in their apartment to 'relax .'So it was just him and Gaara for this one. But the latter was clueless around this part of town, "So how do I get there?"

"Take a right up here," he pointed at an intersection, "My mom's place is about a mile away."

"Alright," and Gaara followed his instructions. It was a quiet ride, so they had attempted to break the ice, "It's weird not having Sasuke around."

"Tell me about it." Naruto chuckled.

"Will he be okay by himself in the apartment?"

"He'll be fine," he reassured, "Don't worry."

…

(In Naruto and Sasuke's Apartment)

The brunette was naked, singing and dancing to "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings in the bathtub filled with water and bubbles.

"They call me hell,

They call me Stacey,

That's not my name,

That's not my name,

That's not my name,

That's not my name!"

He submerges himself in the water and backs up after every lyric.

"They call me hell,

They call me her,

They call me hell,

They call me Stacey,

That's not my name,

That's not my name…."

…

(With Naruto and Gaara)

"Probably for the best." They concluded together. The drive was long, and the skies barely had stars all around.

Naruto then thought of what Gaara had said an hour before, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you think we should actually do this?"

Gaara remained silent for ten seconds, "Well… we were speaking hypothetically, remember?"

"Yeah, we were," Naruto sighed, "Should we just call this off?"

"Let's just see what happens with your mom's place."

"Okay," Naruto nodded as Gaara continued driving down the road, then he chuckled, "So… you made out with your mom, huh?"

Gaara couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh, yeah."

"How was it?"

"I was surprised that she would come onto me like that," he explained, "But it was interesting."

"Heh," Naruto chuckled, looking beyond the road. But it was interesting?

They see another grand 2-story house with an eye-popping yard. Naruto confirms that it was his mother's house. Gaara parks the car on the street corner to avoid suspicion of parking literally right in front. Naruto rubbed his hands together, "Okay… ready?"

"We should've gotten gloves."

"Doesn't matter now," Naruto comments, "Besides, we'll call it off after tonight if things go awry."

"Right."

Naruto and Gaara get out of the car and take a turn, walking straight for the house. They sneak up to the front porch, camouflaged by shrubs, peek inside.

"Looks like the coast is clear," Naruto informs as Gaara nods and tries to gently pry open the window. It wouldn't budge.

"Damn," he looks around and spots a small rock beside the porch. He picks it up and rewinds to throw it at the window, "Guess we'll have to break in an old-fashioned way."

"Gaara, wait! No, don't do that," But it's too late. Gaara had unleashed the rock from his hand, "Hey! God!"

It hits the window, but the rock breaks into two pieces instead of breaking the glass. He looks at it in awe as he chuckles, "Holy shit! I broke a rock!"

"No, you didn't," Naruto picks it up, and he shows Gaara a key concealed in one half of the fake rock, "Please tell me you realize that it's one of those hide-a-key thingies?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah," Gaara played it cool, disappointed that he didn't actually break a rock, "So you weren't going to throw a rock through the door?"

"No, of course not," he replies, inserting the key into the front door lock, "No, I wanted to open it."

The guys tiptoe in, whispering and tense. The place is tastefully decorated with attractive furniture and modern art. There is a vase of flowers on a table. Naruto made a 360-degree move and whistled quietly, "Wow. It's been a while since I was here. This is not how I pictured her place as far as I can remember?"

"When was the last time you were here?"

"Before I left for college," he explained, "I specifically asked my mom to find me an apartment that she could rent out until I came back."

Gaara nodded, "Well, she's probably got a bondage room somewhere in this house for all we know."

Suddenly, a cat springs from nowhere, then runs off, leaving the boys startled.

"God!" Naruto cursed, "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Gaara calmed him down, "It's okay, it was just a cat."

"But out of fucking nowhere!"

"Just a cat. We're all right," then he suggests something, "Let's look upstairs. Come on."

…

The pair head up the stairwell. Just as they come up, the same cat suddenly jumps out from behind the door, startling them again.

"Okay," Naruto raises his hands in frustration, "How many fucking cats does she have?"

"I think that was the same one," Gaara then notices a framed wedding photo on the dresser of Kushina and her ex-boyfriend at the beach. Kushina was wearing a black bikini, and her smooth legs were arched on the picture, "Damn, that's what your mom looks like now?"

Naruto comes over to look at the photo and replies bluntly, "Yeah, that's her."

"Oh, man, your mom. She's hotter than before, as far as I can remember."

"She sure is. Let's go," Naruto rolled his eyes, wanting to focus.

"Hey, you know what?"

"What?"

"I think you should take Kiba's second piece of advice."

"Hmph. Tell that to Sasuke, not me."

"Yes, I know. But I'm sure somewhere deep within that mind of yours, you'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 States, yeah?"

Naruto stares at him, "I don't know what that means."

"Ah, it's a saying."

"No, it's not," the blonde shakes his head.

"Yeah, it is."

"I don't think so."

"No, it is. Yeah, people say that."

"Well, I haven't heard it."

"I've definitely heard people say that."

Naruto sighs, "I'm not gonna argue. Let's continue the recon."

"Okay, fine," Gaara surrenders and moves on, until, "Well, it's definitely a phrase."

"It sure isn't."

"Yeah, it is. It's from a book. The Great Gatsby, maybe?" The maroon head thought, "Ah, whatever. My point is that I'm 100% certain you'd like to spray her up in your cock yogurt."

"Listen, I'd rather cover up myself in…." Naruto stops and looks at Gaara, "Did you just say 'cock yogurt'?"

Gaara nods.

"I'm not gonna bother asking."

…

It had been almost an hour of searching for at least something good. Top floor, bottom floor. There was nothing. Nearly every door they had encountered in the house was shut. They even tried using the same key to open the front door, but it was wrong. Naruto then gave out a defeated sigh, "Literally nothing here."

"I know," Gaara yawned, "Your mom's fucking hot, but that's it."

Naruto couldn't bother arguing, "I figure we should just call this off, huh?"

"I already did," Gaara reminds, "We just need Sasuke to agree."

"Yeah," the Uzumaki then looked at a door he hadn't opened yet. He faintly points at it, "Wanna check that one out?"

Gaara turns his head to look at the door, "Sure, why not?"

Naruto is first to head for the door, Gaara coming close behind. They both stare at the knob before looking at each other. Naruto slowly reaches for the doorknob, twists it, and pushes forward.

The door was open. But it was dark, so Naruto looked for a light switch and turned them on… And what they saw… was what Gaara had thought earlier.

Gaara's mouth gaped open, "Holy. Fucking. Shit."

It was a bondage room. Darkly lit with red wine walls with whips, anal hooks, cuffs, posture collars, and everything hung up. On the top right corner of the room were many sex machines organized in a straight line, and on the other corner was a table of numerous sex toys and different colored gag balls. And within the center was the evident bondage bed. It looked comfortable, Naruto thought since the bed was king-sized. Basically, everything related to BDSM was present, including rope, cock rings, funnel gags.

"Naruto," Gaara whispered, "Your mom IS a fucking sadist."

He didn't respond as he closed off the lights, shut the door of the bondage room, and dashed for the main entrance with Gaara. The blonde was lovely enough to put the main door's key back into its fake rock, back to where it came from. They sprinted for the car and got in, breathing heavily like it was a horror movie, and they were just being chased by the most terrifying thing to ever exist.

"Okay," Naruto rubbed his temples, gathering his thoughts, "We are not speaking about this to anyone."

"Nope," Gaara immediately agreed, "What happened at your mom's house? Stays at your mom's house."

"Great," Naruto slouched in the front passenger seat, "Let's grab something to eat, then take me back to my apartment?"

"Yeah, sure." The pair drove off.

…

In case some of you guys were wondering how Sasuke was singing the song, here's the link to a film clip. It's obviously different for story reasons, but you get the picture: watch?v=TCXFKo1UDjQ.

Sorry if the chapter ended so abruptly. I'm trying my hardest to make it build up until the boys all fall for their moms. But yes, Gaara is technically the first out of the trio to fall. I wasn't sure how it would play out until it flowed into my head. So who's next?

Please review and let me know what you all think, and I'll see you all soon! :)