Standard Disclaimer: These lovely characters ain't mine, I just play with them gently. Please don't sue me. The mistakes are mine, though.
Chapter 15 – A Goodbye Vow
Regina bites back the bile rising up the column of her throat.
In extending the gnarled olive branch to Snow, she has not only abandoned a decade long crusade, but done so at Daniel's expense. Now he will never be avenged. Now, he can never rest in peace as he so deserves. Of the thousands of people she has come into personal contact with, there is only one person aside from her stable boy as worthy of both. Red. And it is for Red alone that Regina has forsaken attaining those things for Daniel. In the cold recesses of her mind where her weaker tendencies live and where reason has no foothold, she fears that wherever his soul lingers, whatever latent energy is left of him, is observing this capitulation with marked disgust.
That she is being ridiculous right now does not register against the swell of self-loathing squeezing her chest and clogging her throat. Is this how Red felt when she regained her senses only to discover the beast inside her had killed and consumed Peter? If so, Regina can imagine why Red very nearly came unglued in the aftermath of that tragedy. Failing the person one loves most is, without question, the worst feeling in the world, and this makes twice now Regina has let Daniel down. First she failed to exact vengeance upon his betrayer, the very same Snow White with whom she has now formed an alliance.
Crippling waves of acrid humiliation inflame Regina's cheeks as, still beaming, Snow returns the handshake and confirms their verbal agreement. "Agreed, Queen Regina. We have an accord."
Unwilling to maintain contact with her nemesis-turned-ally, Regina drops Snow's hand unceremoniously. To regain her composure, she reminds herself why she is doing this and that Daniel would surely understand. Gentle soul that he was, he would want her to save Red, even if that meant sacrificing his honor. Although she is not so sure he would feel the same about her sacrificing her own, as that is essentially what she is doing by parlaying with enemies she had once sworn on her honor to kill.
In the back of her mind where that cold fear lurks, she hears a voice that sounds suspiciously like Red's respond to that thought. "Stop it, Regina," it says. "This is pointless. Torturing yourself over the past won't help you save me in the present. So get over yourself and get back down to business!"
Rather than examine her apparently tentative grip on sanity, Regina decides to concede to what is ultimately sound advice. Shaking off the bonds of shame that were slowly constricting her ability to think or breathe, Regina raises a sable brow at Charming, who had been most vocal about his concerns.
"Are you now satisfied about my intentions, King David?" she asks, brow arched pointedly.
Although Charming does not look convinced by the speech she gave or her offer of an unofficial peace to Snow, he does not dissent or further question her motivations. A prudent decision.
"I am for the moment," he says in a clipped tone that indicates wariness Regina can somewhat respect.
In response, Regina levels a mocking smirk at him. "Ah, but the moment is all we have, good King. It would be wise of you to embrace it." She then swirls on Granny, who is still regarding her with a narrowed, suspicious gaze. "And you? Are you satisfied that I am innocent in the matter?"
Granny swears under her breath and mutters something that sounds like, "Gonna kill that girl for tellin' you my name," before giving Regina a proper response. "Fine, I admit to being wrong about you," she hesitates and then peers at Regina over her glasses, "this time. If you can fix her like you said, then I guess I can learn to live with my granddaughter's questionable choice in a mate. But if she doesn't make it, all bets are off."
Regina does not doubt the sincerity behind those words. She has on more than one occasion surveyed the grisly product of Granny's crossbow work and knows of few individuals less likely to make idle threats. There is far more to the Widow Lucas than meets the eye. The world at large may see only an aged grandmother who, though a bit prickly, can disarm anyone with a dimpled smile and is probably the best cook and seamstress they have ever known. They have not been given the unfortunate privilege of encountering the killer instinct kept on a very tight leash. But Regina has, and she has no desire to get another glimpse. Not that she has to worry; she will never experience Granny's promise being fulfilled.
"You don't have to worry about that," she replies. "If Red dies, then it will be because I perished in the attempt to save her."
Granny nods sharply. "In that case, I'm good."
The simplicity of that statement is something that perturbs Regina for a moment. But then she considers that Granny is a simple woman who sees the world in blacks and whites and has little tolerance for the myriad grays that exist in between. To Granny, simple and straightforward math is all that matters. As long as the sum of the equation comes out to Red being alive and well, she is willing to accept any additional variables that must be factored in. In that way, Regina finds herself on common ground with her wife's grandmother for perhaps the first time.
After inclining her head in acknowledgement to Granny, Regina returns her attention to Snow. "Now, then," she says, "as for your earlier question in reference to our departure, the sooner the better. My sister will stop at nothing to prevent us from obtaining what we seek. However, she is reeling from a defeat she suffered earlier at my hand. Haste is key, I'm afraid. So if you are prepared to set out immediately, we will do so. I have already arranged transportation, and we need not carry supplies outside of whatever weapons we wish to avail ourselves of. I don't imagine us being gone more than two days, and should we encounter obstacles that delay us, I will bring along plenty of gold to purchase food or any other additional supplies we may require on the road."
The only silver lining to Snow's delayed arrival is that Regina was afforded plenty of time to plan. The first step of that process was pouring over every available resources regarding Oz. While pickings were meager, they auspiciously included a tome which featured a roughly scaled map of that realm. Thanks to Rumple, she has a good starting reference as to the location of the grove she is seeking, and were time on her side that would be enough information to set out directly in search of it upon breaching in to that world. Sadly, she is hard pressed to conclude the expedition as swiftly as is humanly possible. To that end, she figured her best bet of finding a precise location of the grove would be in the Emerald City, where detailed records of such a place should be kept. With any luck, she and Snow might even encounter someone who has seen the grove in person, thus allowing her to use an arcane technique involving probing someone's memory to derive a target for a transportation spell. This plan relied much upon luck, too much for comfort, but it was the best she could come up with considering the rigid constraints she was operating under. That Jefferson's hat portal opens up in Oz less than a day's brisk walk from the Emerald City seemed confirmation that this was the correct, and most expeditious, course of action.
A dubious look crosses Snow's face at Regina's confident assessment of their timeline. "I thought you said what we need is in Oz? How are we supposed to get there and back in two days?"
Regina smirks condescendingly. "That, my dear, is what you are about to find out."
"And what about me?" Charming injects, looking put out at not being included. "What am I supposed to do while you two are off risking your lives in another world?"
Regina wants to tell him that he can do what he normally does, which is sit on his ass and look pretty. Objectively speaking, he is quite accomplished in that regard. Instead of saying that, which she normally would, she takes the high road of necessity and offers him an objective to focus on.
"For starters, you can watch over Red. Should my sister defy my expectations and not follow us to Oz, she will eventually discover my absence. Soon thereafter she will deduce that I have discovered a cure. With me long gone to procure it, her only options will be to abduct Red as leverage or kill her outright where she lays. It will fall to you to prevent either from happening." For emphasis, she sizes Charming up with her eyes, satisfied to see him squirm under her sharp appraisal. "I'm entrusting you with with what I hold most precious in this world. Is that something you are capable of handling or shall I appoint my Knights to do so until General Mulan arrives?"
"No, no," he replies quickly, hand instinctively falling to his sword at the affront to his manhood. "I can handle that, and would do so even if you hadn't requested it. Red is my friend, too, in case you've forgotten. I swear on my life to keep her safe."
"That is a wholly appropriate oath, Shepherd," she tells him unmercifully. "Because if you should fail, I will make sure it comes to fruition."
To Regina's surprise, he does not object to her unsubtle threat, but rather nods with a measure of respect. "As well you should," he says. "You have my word as a King and a spouse that I will protect her with my life."
"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Snow adds, looking a bit nervous over the brief showdown between Regina and her husband.
"Yes. Let's," Regina agrees, tilting her head slightly as she meets Charming's unwavering eyes. "In that case, King David, as sovereign of this realm, I hereby place the Citadel and all forces therein under your command. Deploy them as you see fit to safeguard my wife and the many people who make their abode here."
He gives a soldierly tip of the head to her that is surprising to see coming from a man raised a shepherd. "I'll see to it the second you are both away."
"I suppose you'll want me to sit around like a useless lump of do-nothing," Granny grumps, arms folded across her chest. She again peers at Regina over her glasses.
"I expect no such thing. Do whatever you please," Regina tells her irritable in-law. "You are the Queen's grandmother. As such, the staff is at your disposal. Have the run of the place if you wish, and make yourself useful in whatever way you deem appropriate. Only swear to me two things: that you will not, under any circumstances, risk your life and that you will stay with Red as often as you are able."
Granny scoffs at the notion that she'd do anything else. "I'm too old to fight unless I got no other choice. As for the other, I watched over that girl for twenty years all by myself. I can handle a day or two more, Regina."
Although Regina rolls her eyes, she is secretly pleased to hear Granny say her name for the first time. It is a marked improvement over the previous address, which was either a snidely spoken "Your Majesty" or "that woman."
"Very well, Eugenia," she says, and then to Snow adds, "Do you remember how to make your way to the courtyard?"
"Of course I do," Snow replies with a scoff very similar to Granny's.
Regina gestures toward the door. "Then do so presently after you have changed into more suitable attire for our journey. You may use one of the guest rooms down the hall or your old bedroom if that's more to your tastes. Red had it restored for you not long after she moved in." Regina ignores the moon-eyes Snow makes at Red and then turns on her in recognition of her having allowed such a gesture. To Snow's dashing spouse, she says, "As for you, Charming, you'll find Captain Rodrigo in the garrison. Snow can show you where it is after she's dressed. Introduce yourself and inform him of the change in command while I'm away. I'll join you both in the courtyard shortly. I want to say goodbye to my wife before we leave. Privately."
"Okay," Snow agrees, smiling softly in overly saccharine sympathy. But before she departs as Regina instructed, she glides back over to the bed then leans over Red so that she can place a lingering kiss upon a feverish forehead. She then sits gingerly at Red's side and, once settled, gently sweeps her hand over her sweat dampened hair. Tears pool in Snow's eyes, and it is difficult for Regina to bear witness to the fathomless reserves of love and devotion for Red she sees reflected in those expressive green orbs.
Snow and Red's unbreakable friendship has always been something that Regina avoided conversing about, and not only because she preferred to not even think of Snow if at all possible. Red considers that relationship almost sacrosanct, something not to be mentioned in Regina's presence as she would invariably attempt to disparage it with cruel gibes and negative opinions. Mostly that criticism would have stemmed from pure envy.
Regina has always been and always will be a jealous woman, something Red is painfully aware of since she has been the primary object of that jealousy over the seven years they have been together. It does not take much in the way of inappropriate interest directed toward Red for her to fly off the handle. That Red is a woman of extraordinary beauty means subtle leers and tawdry comments are directed at her far too frequently. Frankly Regina has lost count of how many times she has issued threats of violence should the unwelcome and impolite behavior of certain tactless individuals continue. Of course, she only confronts the perpetrators once Red is out of earshot, not wanting to be on the receiving end of a disapproving pout or worse, a stern lecture once they are alone, from her highly sensitive and compassionate partner.
It comes as no surprise that Snow's tender, lingering kiss provokes that jealous streak to rise to the surface. Of the many diverse individuals which whom Regina has to share Red's affections, Snow is by far the most infuriating. For a moment, she considers issuing a terse warning only to bite her tongue when she hears Snow begin to speak.
"I love you, Red," Snow says, her abiding friendship and deep concern for Red reflected in her tone. "I always have and I always will. You are my most beloved friend and companion. But more than that, you're family. You're my sister in every way but blood. I'd do anything for you. You know that don't you? I hope so. And that's why I have to go with Regina to Oz. You have saved my life so many times, now it's my turn do the same for you."
She pauses to tenderly cup Red's face with both hands, thumbs gently stroking Red's cheeks.
"Regina and I are going to save you, and you know why? Because we love you too much to let you go. So you just hang on, Red. Fight to stay alive while we're away, and just know that we'll be thinking of you every single second until we get back." She then stands, picks up Red's hand and places another reverent kiss upon the unnaturally pale skin, streaked with stark blue veins, covering the back. "This is not goodbye," she then states, and Regina can tell that this is something that has been said between them many times so as to be elevated to the status of a venerated promise. "This is, 'I'll see you soon.'"
With that, Snow replaces Red's hand at her side, and then nods to Charming, who clutches at Red's hand briefly. It looks as if he wants to say something, but decides against it in lieu of allowing his wife's sentiment to stand for his own. After releasing Red's hand, he looks at Snow, and something unspoken passes between them that is evidence of the love they share. That ability to communicate without words is something that Regina has developed with Red over the course of their relationship. Only time can teach to those willing to learn the full intricacies of the person they love, and thus is a reward to those devoted couples who have chosen to forsake the arena of choice for that of profound commitment.
Before Red, Regina used to loathe couples who could engage in whole conversations with nary a word being verbalized between them. Now, however, she relies on that very same ability to alert Red to her needs without needing to speak, or to translate Red's needs in the same manner. In social situations where propriety must be adhered to, they often entertain themselves by giving looks that only the other can decipher and which go completely unnoticed by the oblivious nobles that surround them. Their ability to mock the pretentiousness of such individuals without alerting them to their disdain is a great source of amusement for both. Much more rewarding is the ability to convey her love with only a glance in the midst of a boring council meeting and to then read Red's equally heartfelt response in expressive green eyes that never fail to take her breath away.
The moment between Snow and Charming passes quickly, as such things are wont to do. Before Regina can even formulate a response, they have declared their intention to wait for her in the courtyard and then made their exits.
Only Granny remains, and she is staring at Red in a way that is disquieting. She looks so defeated, a woman suddenly feeling every last one of her seventy-one years. Regina cannot tell if it is due to a belief that the efforts to save Red will fail or because Granny feels as guilty for failing her granddaughter as Regina does for failing her wife. Either way, the troubled look does not remain long before resolve replaces it. In three firm strides, Granny moves over to the bedside and then ducks down to kiss Red's brow.
"You get better, you hear?" Regina hears Granny say as she hovers over Red. "I love you, Red. I know I don't tell you enough, and I know I've been hard on you for the choices you've made, but it's just because I care so damn much about you. You're all I've got in this ole, godsforsaken world. So do what Snow said. Keep fighting, girl. For me. Hell, for that woman, even. Whatever it takes. Just keep fighting. Don't you dare give up. 'Cause if you do, grown woman or not, I'll hunt your ass down in the Underworld and put you over my knee. Got it? Good." She then pats Red on the hand, turns to give Regina a curt nod, and then leaves the room.
At last alone, Regina takes a solidifying breath and then crosses over to her the bed. After perching in the same spot Snow had previously occupied, she leans over Red's body, supporting herself with her arm extended to brace on the bed at Red's opposite side. Tilting her head to the side, she bites her lip as she sifts her fingers through Red's thick curls, damp with sweat, but still somehow silky and voluminous.
Her obsession with Red's hair is something she has never kept secret. She delights herself by braiding it whenever Red is amenable to sitting still for five or ten minutes. Over the years, she has learned to create many complicated designs via experimentation. Although Red's patience is intermittent, she never fails to praise Regina's handiwork and then show if off to every lady in court. To repay the frequent indulgences, every night before bed she coaxes Red to sit at the vanity or upon their bed facing away so she can brush a hundred strokes through the luxurious mane she envies almost as much as she loves. It isn't at all uncommon for Red to fall asleep under the deliberate and careful ministrations, which is brings a satisfaction unto itself. Knowing how good and relaxing the attention is for Red makes the effort all the more gratifying.
As she sits there brushing her hand through her wife's hair, Regina momentarily frets over whether or not she will ever get to do so again. Or if she'll ever get to feel Red's body slump against hers as she succumbs to exhaustion from another long day of courtly duties or outdoor adventures. Those simple pleasures have come to mean the world to her, and the thought of never again sharing them with Red is yet another reinforcement of just how much she has to lose should the upcoming quest fail.
Choked with emotion, Regina bites back her tears, not wanting her parting from Red to be fraught with sorrow. Instead, she sucks in a reinforcing breath and then pours her heart out.
"You are going to make it," she begins. "You have to make it. I won't allow that demented witch, my sister or not, to take you away from me." She leans in closer, pressing her forehead against Red's, staring at her wife's closed eyelids and imagining that a familiar soulful gaze is being returned. Against all rational thought, she fancies that Red can hear her words and that they will give her the strength to – as Snow implored her to do – hold on until the antidote can be crafted.
"I once thought that I would never love another after Daniel and was sure it was impossible to ever equal what I felt for him," she then declares, baring herself for Red in a way she will for no one else. She doesn't trust anyone else with the innermost parts of her being. They are still tender from having survived her mother and Leopold and Rumplestilskin's individual but concerted efforts to turn her into a living statue, devoid of feeling and conscience, beholden only to power. It is a miracle that even a tiny portion of her innocence persisted through their abuses. But it did, somehow, only to begin flowering once more solely due to the painstaking care Red has invested into her.
"I was wrong. One bitterly cold day on a remote mountain pass, I met you and everything changed. That day you saw past the facade I had erected to hide myself from the world. In the months that followed, you awakened things in me that had long been dead. You brought me back to life, restored in me a hope for the future I'd believed to be eradicated, and for that I owe you everything. I loved Daniel, Red. I loved him so much. But what I felt for him cannot compare with what I feel for you."
She reaches up with her free hand and cups Red's feverish cheek, rubbing her thumb in delicate strokes over chapped lips, feeling so full of emotion that she is ready to burst. Letting it color her words, she repeats her vows from the day they wed, hoping they will anchor Red to this world as they do for her.
"I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul," she starts, remembering every line she'd written and memorized and repeated for everyone present to hear. As the Queen, she had spoken her vows last, making them binding, and just as she'd meant them then, so does she mean them now.
Her vows had caused quite the stir among the nobility in the weeks and months after the wedding, which was not at all surprising to Regina due to the open objections many of them had confronted her with. Not only was she breaking the unwritten rules of royalty by marrying a peasant with no wealth whatsoever and who was a bastard child that did not even know her father's identity, but she was also marrying another woman. Strangely enough, the nobles were less concerned about the taboo nature of the relationship than they were that Red was a peasant.
Marrying her, they'd insisted, would weaken the kingdom because it would open Regina up to criticism of her suitability to rule. Marrying non-nobles was a cardinal sin for monarchs, as such could be interpreted as an alienation of their peers in denying a royal or some other lofty lord or lady the opportunity at the throne. The nobility is an insular, myopic group that loathed outsiders and ostracized all rebels audacious enough to attempt introducing an outsider into their circle. Red, being everything that disgusts them – namely a woman, a werewolf, and worst of all a peasant – was the ultimate outsider. By marrying her, Regina was openly declaring her contempt for their deeply held convictions, ancient traditions, and sacred bloodlines.
She had known all of this going in but remained undaunted. She harbored no doubts in her decision to make Red her wife and co-ruler. To ensure everyone was aware of where she stood on the issue, she invited every monarch, influential noble, and respected dignitary for a hundred miles around to the wedding. Any suggestion of a boring, stuffy, traditional ceremony as would be expected of her station was patently refused. Instead, she replaced the high cleric with a local friar Red often enjoyed sharing a pint with, wore a dress ostentatious enough to make every eye bulge, and wrote her own vows. So that the latter was a surprise, she let her betrothed speak the traditional vows of their kingdom, which Red did with an eloquence and grace that shined through despite how visibly nervous she was.
But when it came time to speak her own vows, Regina had opened with an emphatic announcement that there were some traditions that died with the king, and that it was high time to bury them once and for all. To that end, she'd made sure to speak boldly and without shame in an intensely personal declaration of love that was highly inappropriate for a Queen to be publicly sharing. The speaking of her vows, while divisive and controversial to this day, were the finest moment of her rule, a sentiment with which many – her father included – wholeheartedly agreed.
"Before the gods, the kingdom, and these witnesses," she continued repeating her vows, "I, Queen Regina of Misthaven, both now and in the future, pledge myself to you, Red Lucas, also of Misthaven. Everything I am and everything I can be is yours. As earnest I offer to you not only equality in authority, in fortune, and in title, but also in our home and in our bed. Freely and in perpetuity do I bestow these, asking only that you love me in return. Your love is all I will ever need. For as you are happy, I am happy. As you despair, I despair. As you laugh and cry and dance and sing, so shall I.
"Moreover, I hereby bind my very existence with yours. I shall live by your life, and I shall die by your death. So long as we live, it will be my most sacred duty to love you without reservation, and whatever lies beyond this mortal plane, if there be any existence for us, it will be my love for you that will translate me there. Should I precede you to the grave, I will wait for you patiently, longing simply to hold you once more. But if you precede me, I will join you each night in my dreams until at last I breathe my last breath, and from thence take flight on celestial wings to unite with you in and for eternity.
"You are my joy, my strength, my equal in all things, and my very beating heart. You are my happy ending, Red Lucas, and to prove that to you, I hereby grant you half of my kingdom, which is less in value than the half of my very essence that already belongs to you. It is, and shall ever be, my greatest privilege to be your wife. So let all the kingdom hail, from town to country, from valley to mountain top, and from earth to the heavens above, that there is a new Queen in Misthaven. Prosperous may her reign be," the next line she spoke with emphasis to each word, willing the gods themselves to hear that they may honor it, "and long may she live."
With that, Regina seals their lips together. A promise rings inside her heart that the next time she kisses Red, it will be to break the Curse for good.