Disclaimer: Don't you cry no more.
Sirius Black, Serious Businessman
James was not in the best of moods when he arrived at Hogwarts. What had promised to be a morning filled with carnal delights to rival those of the night before had turned into what promised to be, well, that remained to be seen.
"Thank you for coming, James. Do you have the item?"
"I do," James agreed. "I'd like to state again how annoyed I am at the fact that you've bartered away one of my family's heirlooms."
"It's original owner was rather insistent," the old man sighed. "I am sorry, James, and I promise that I will do all within my power to make it up to both you and your family."
"I know you will, Headmaster." James tilted his head. "Any progress on the bloody tournament?"
"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore admitted. "Regulus has been working night and day to try to figure out how it was even possible and the most he can determine is that someone must have somehow confounded the cup."
"Lily's been trying to talk herself into taking some time to look at the matter herself," James continued. "I haven't been trying too hard to talk her out of it."
"I would of course welcome-" the old man froze.
"What is it?"
"They're in my office," Dumbledore whispered.
"How'd they get through your floo?"
"They didn't," Dumbledore replied. "The wards state they just appeared out of nothing." The old man spun on his heal and started towards the castle at a brisk pace. "Come, my boy, these are two guests that shouldn't be kept waiting."
IIIIIIIIII
Sirius remained in the Director's office after the meeting had concluded, always happy for an excuse to spend time with the most important woman in his life.
"I can't believe you forgot that you were one of Hogwarts'' governors," Amelia sniffed, getting in her opening salvo the moment the door to her office clicked shut.
"Do you know how many committees, boards, societies, and what not I'm a member of?" Sirius demanded. "Give a couple hundred thousand to a hospital and they put you on the board of directors, do the same for a school and they make you a governor. It's a wonder I remember that I'm on any of them. Mostly just assign a proxy and forget about it anyway."
"Yes." She regarded him through half lidded eyes. "I've often wondered how you got the Wizengamot to agree to seat a werewolf."
"I pointed out the facts that I'd keep coming if they didn't accept my proxy and that nothing in the rules stated I had to be clothed," Sirius replied, looking way too smug.
Amelia's lips twitched in a manner that Sirius found to be very distracting. That would do it, she supposed.
"And now I remember why I keep dating you." She said amusedly. "Exactly what did you mean by what not?"
Sirius reddened. "You have to understand, it all happened during the time you broke the engagement.
"What?" She regarded him flatly. "Do you have a secret illegitimate child or something?"
"Not exactly," Sirius' blush deepened. "Would you be angry if I did?"
"Not so much that you did, more that you'd decided to keep it a secret from me. Spit it out!"
"I'm the majority owner of fifteen companies," Sirius admitted. "I thought becoming a responsible businessman would help convince you to take me back."
"You . . ." Amelia was dumbfounded. "You're what?"
"Worst part is that, collectively, they bring in about ten times more than I can spend every month. I'm actually rebuilding the Black fortune." He sagged. "It's bloody embarrassing is what it is."
"You're . . . wait, is this why the Prophet never puts out anything negative about me?"
"Would you believe me if I said no?"
"Would I?"
"It'd be the truth," Sirius said quickly. "They leave you alone because I've got enough dirt to put a bit of pressure on the managing editor."
"How much?"
"Not enough to get him to leave Olivia alone or to denounce the ruddy tournament." Sirius stared down at his fists. "Ruddy useless godfather I turned out to be."
IIIIIIIIII
James clenched his jaw when he and the Headmaster entered the old man's office. Dumbledore had told him what the beings were and what they were capable. Who was he to judge if one of them decided to appear in the form of a perky looking blonde a year or two older than his daughter, even in a dark menacing hooded cloak it clashed with his mental image of how such a being should look. Especially with the hood down. The other being chose a more traditional appearance, the pureblood in him noted approvingly. This one was also wearing a dark cloak hooded cloak, hood up, with just enough shadow to conceal all but the lower half of the being's face. He thought the palpable aura of power and menace was a particularly nice touch.
Well, nothing to do but to get things over with. With a mental sigh, the man pulled the heirloom that had been in the Potter family for generations and presented it to the blonde.
"I am still searching for the third item," Dumbledore stated. "I'm afraid that I cannot at this time tell you how long it will take to find."
"Don't worry about finding that one," the little blonde said with a smile. A pale petite hand emerged from one of the robe's voluminous sleeves. "My master chose to retrieve it earlier today. It had no living owners so the old rules allowed us to retrieve it ourselves. Your student's debt, and by extension, your debt to us has been paid in full."
James noted with astonishment the fact that the Headmaster made no visible reaction at the news that the Sword of Damocles no longer sat over his head. Only man the dark lord ever feared indeed.
The old man nodded. "I see. Shall I assume that you will be leaving our plane of existence now that your business has been concluded."
"Mhmmmm." The little blonde tilted her head. "Not just yet, I think."
Only a faint tightening around the eyes betrayed the Headmaster's feelings. "Oh?"
"There are just a couple small bits of business my master and I would like to conclude before making our departure." The girl leaned in close. "Don't tell anyone, but it's nearly impossible to find a good chip shop on the other side."
"I see." Dumbledore nodded as if he'd just been told a great and profound truth.
"Life is something most people only get to experience once," the girl continued. "Very few people should be eager to give it up."
"Very few?" James couldn't help but asking.
"There aren't many absolutes in the world," the girl said with a wide grin. "I won't give you any examples. Mortals are not meant to be given all the answers, but I suppose it can't hurt to give you a small hint." She glanced around, as if searching for hidden eavesdroppers. "Nothing temporary matters, in the long run, and nothing lasts forever. Many people have trouble with that concept."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." The blonde straightened up. "Now then, would it be rude to ask for a tour of this fine castle? We haven't had a chance to see much and my master is particularly interested in seeing the left corridor on the seventh floor."
"Of course," Dumbledore agreed quickly. "My I ask why you'd like to see that particular location?"
"You may ask, but I may not answer," she giggled.
"I see."
"Not yet and perhaps not ever," the girl said. "But I suppose another hint won't hurt. Some people think that making the rules means they're immune from them. Others know that making the rules makes them even more binding."
James did his best to ignore the second, silent figure, as the 'tour' commenced. His few early attempts at conversation were ignored, he decided to respond in kind. Likely for the best, he decided, it was probably not a good idea to come to the notice of any of the otherworldly forces.
The girl was much less sedate, skipping cheerfully along as she kept up a stream of chatter about seemingly unrelated and unimportant matters.
"Here we are, the . . . interesting hallway you wished to see," Dumbledore announced.
"Master, you absolutely must take a look at this rather lovely piece of wall," the girl said, apparently fascinated by the stone work. "I wonder if it would be even more interesting if I looked at it from the other side?" She mused, taking a few steps to one side. "No, I think the first side was better." She took a few steps to the right. "Or was it?" A few more steps to the left. "I just can't decide."
Dumbledore watched with a small grin as a door appeared, it was always a wondrous thing when the castle choose to give up another of its secrets.
"Now the view is spoiled by this dreadful looking door," the girl huffed. She turned and shot Dumbledore a look of expectation.
"Perhaps there might be another bit of interesting wall on the other side?" the old man said thoughtfully.
"Perhaps there might be," the girl agreed brightly. "I had not thought of that. If you would, master?"
The male half of the pair silently opened the door and stepped inside.
"Nothing for it but to see what's inside," the girl stated. "Shall we?" She stepped in without waiting for a response.
"Shall we, James?"
"We may as well," he sighed.
The room was filled with wonders. Trunks, books, and all manner of things that hadn't been seen by human eyes for generations.
"What is this place?" Dumbledore asked, voice hushed. In the short time since he'd come in, he'd already seen three books thought lost to humanity.
"Proof that one should always take the opportunity to plumb every information source one can find," the girl stated. "House elves in this case. One never knows what lost items one might encounter. Why, one might even find an artifact of the founders such as-" she trailed off, regarding him with another look of expectation.
"Gryffindor's sword?" James ventured.
"I don't think that sort of thing would be put here, but one never knows," Luna said with a shrug. "Best being to ask about that would be an item of clothing, I think. Care to try again? You have three founders left."
"Hufflepuff's cup?" James tried again.
"Always seemed like the sort of thing that would be under heavy guard to me," the girl replied, sounding thoughtful. "But it's not the sort of thing I've given much consideration to." The girl looked around thoughtfully. "Although, now that I think of it, I'd imagine that if I were Voldemort and I had done some sort of terrible ritual involving Hufflepuff's cup, I do believe that I would have one of my faithful minions hide it in a vault at Gringotts. A female one, I think, since Hufflepuff was a female."
"Ravenclaw's diadem," Dumbledore pronounced, filing away everything the being had said for later investigation. "Unless the stories surrounding the Chamber of Secrets have been greatly exaggerated."
The girl grinned and flicked the Elder Wand. "Shall we find out?"
A silvery item shot out of the chaos and stopped a hands-with from the girl's face before tumbling to the ground.
"Is it?" the old man gasped.
"Infected with a bit of soul?" Luna interjected. "Yes."
"What?" She had both wizards' full attention.
"But that's nothing that can't be solved with a simple charm," she continued. "Accio, soul fragment."
James took an involuntary step back when the screaming wraith made a desperate attempt at him. Closer and closer it got, its howls turning predatory as it became certain that would soon be in possession of a new body.
"I think not," a deep voice growled. The second hooded figure raised its wand.
The wraith's howls became desperate as first its forward momentum was checked, then as it slowly began to be drawn into the dark figure's wand. First defiant, then pleading, the wraith's screams became fainter and fainter until the last wisps were gone.
The girl beamed. "Well, wasn't that something? I'm sure you two have a lot of sorting to do, what with all the junk in this room and all, might want to call the house elves in to help you, might not. In any case, I think it's time for my master and I to be on our way."
Albus watched as the two beings walked down the hall, around a corner, and disappeared from the castle. It was, he would later state, one of the most unusual days he'd ever experienced.
IIIIIIIIII
Harry pulled Luna into a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek the moment the door to the secret passage had closed.
"What was that for?" Luna asked brightly, pulling him tight. "I ask, so that I can be sure to do it again in the future."
"Congratulations on collecting all three hallows and becoming the Master of Death," he replied.
"Mistress, surely." Luna reached up and gave him a kiss. "Congratulations yourself."
"So what do you want to do now?" Harry asked, enjoying the moment. Trust and intimacy went hand in hand, he reflected to himself, it was so much better when you knew your mind was your own and that your feelings were genuine. Love had to be real, the genuine thing could not be faked by potions. No one, but no one, could ever be fooled by potions if they'd experienced the genuine article. "Luna?"
"Yes, Harry?" She tilted her head up to make eye contact.
"I think I'm falling in love with you," he confessed. "It's like what I felt for Ginny, but better, much much better."
"Thank you, Harry." She kissed him again. "I think I started falling in love with you after our third DA meeting."
He pulled her tight, enjoying the closeness. "So what do you want to do now?"
"Hmmm?" She rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I believe I mentioned something to Dumbledore about a chip shop?"
"I meant after that?"
"I suppose we could enjoy each other's company in our new mansion for a while," Luna stated. "Care to commit a few more robberies after that?"
"One can never have enough gold, I suppose," he laughed.
AN: I use the word 'and' way too much. I will try to use it less in the future.
Scene improvement by Veive
Omake: The Old World
Draco had once called the Burrow a stinking pile of shit. How happy he'd have been to see that it had literally become so.
"Nearest we can tell, someone set off what had to have been the largest dung bomb in history in your sitting room," the lead Auror said to the patriarch of the Weasley clan. "You lot are lucky the wards held well enough to keep you alive till we could get here to dig you out."
"Yes," Arthur agreed. "Lucky."
"Well, I'm sure you all want nothing more than to take a shower or ten and gargle a dozen bottles of mouth wash, but before I let you go, I've got just one more question."
"What is it?"
"Is there anyone you can think of that might have a grudge against you or your family?" the Auror asked. "Be helpful if they were also tremendously powerful and had a grudge against, well, let's just say this sort of thing's been happening a lot over the last few days."
"Well, Mollywobbles, can you think of a tremendously powerful wizard we might have offended recently?" Arthur asked, his voice strangely calm. "One who might bear a grudge for something like, oh, I don't know, being dosed with love potion?"
IIIIIIIIII
Ron turned to regard his sort of girlfriend with a look of smug expectation.
"What?" she barked, knowing that it was going to be ages before she felt anything approaching clean.
"Admit it," Ron whispered. "All you have to do is say, 'you were right,' and I'll tell you that I told you so."
"Right about what?" the girl growled.
"About Harry not calming down after a day or two like you said he would," Ron stated, his grin widening. "It's been two days now and I can't think of anyone else that would blow up my house and try to drown me in dung."
"For one, there's absolutely no proof that Harry's the one that did this." The girl winced when she overheard the Auror describe exactly what had happened to what was left of the now impoverished Malfoy family. "Honestly, even if it was, you're the one who said he'd calm down in a week."
"You just don't want to admit that you're wrong," Ron laughed. "Who else would have the motivation, the opportunity, and the power to do all this?"
"You're just repeating what the Auror's saying, I doubt you even know what any of those words even mean."
"Well?" Ron persisted. "Who?"
"I haven't seen Luna around either and you don't see me blaming her for any of this, do you?"
"You mean the one person who loudly objected to what we were doing and promised that we would regret the day we were foolish enough to set ourselves against the most powerful wizard of the age?"
"Yes, Ron, I mean exactly that person. Luna may have the motivation but even if she does have the knowledge to pull something like this off, she doesn't have the power and she'd have never been able to get through the wards without the aid of someone that was already keyed into them," Hermione sniffed.
"You mean like Harry?" Ron asked innocently.
The girl paused for a few moments to consider what she'd just heard and just how bad it would be if the two joined forces. "Since this conversation is obviously going nowhere, I'm going to end it here in favor of getting clean."
"Fine. We can continue where we left off after you're done."
"I doubt I'll have the time since I'll be in Australia restoring my parents memories and we will likely choose to stay there for the foreseeable future in order to work out the issues between us which caused them to discount my opinions and for me to wipe their memories and build them new personalities. Good day." Chin high in the air, the girl spun on her heel and marched away at what a disinterested observer might call a high rate of speed.
One other thing the afore mentioned disinterested observer might have cause to note would be the squishing sounds her shoes made as she walked off.
Omake by: computercondottiere
Harry pulled Luna into a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek the moment the door to the secret passage had closed.
"What was that for?" Luna asked brightly, pulling him tight. "I ask, so that I can be sure to do it again in the future."
"Congratulations on collecting all three hallows and becoming the Master of Death," he replied.
"Mistress of Death, surely," Luna retorted. "Though I'm still waiting for you to ask me to be your mistress... Mr Death."