Thanks to grace–the-fangirl for betaing!
Day 6
Apollo's POV
I'm falling, falling, panicking - Why am I falling? Why can't I fly? - and land roughly on some garbage, knocking the wind out of me. My ribs feel bruised, maybe even broken. I feel ashamed and raw, but I don't know why. It's weird, like I should know what's going on, why I feel like this, but I don't. But it seems so familiar…
YOUR FAULT. YOUR PUNISHMENT.
The words boom through my mind. I know this voice. That scary man, that mean man, the one who used to hurt me, who hurt Meg! That was his voice! I want to scream. I want to flee. I want that voice to go away to somewhere else, somewhere it can't hurt me or the people I care about.
But I don't do any of those things.
Instead, as YOUR FAULT tears through my head again, I hear myself say "No! No it wasn't!"
Huh?
Why is my body doing things I haven't told it to do?
This all seems very familiar…
The world jolts, and I'm on the ground, being kicked and beaten by some guys. Why?! What did I do to deserve this, to deserve being kicked and being hit with garbage, to deserve hearing the cracking sound as my ribs (DEFINITELY broken at this point) give in?! I black out, only to be forced into consciousness again as I throw up.
You've done so many things to deserve this. Don't you remember all the people that have been endangered, suffered, that died because of you?
A whisper echoes from the back of my mind. It sounds like me.
I don't know what it's talking about - what I'm talking about? - but a heavy weight falls into my stomach anyway. It sounds like the truth. I deserve this.
*flash*
I'm standing up now, heavily injured, but alive. My tormentors are nowhere to be seen. Instead a young girl stands in front of me, the rhinestones on her glasses glittering in the light.
Meg!
My protector!
Maybe I deserve their punishment. But I know she'd disagree.
The thought fills me with hope.
More flashes. This time more rapid, only fleeting glimpses.
A raven-haired teenager with sea-green eyes (the name "Percy" springs to mind) opening the door, looking annoyed.
Meg walking out in her oh-so-loved, oh-so-important green dress.
A peach baby biting the heads off some nasty spirits.
Meg trying to drag me through some woods, my young protector struggling so hard to help.
A longer scene emerges.
A young man with golden hair and blue eyes looms above me.
Will.
His name is Will.
He's my son.
I frown. What was that? Who is Will to me? I know I had it!
I'm Will's father.
I can't figure it out. It's there, but muffled.
I try one last time to recall. He's important to me! Will's my son childfamily.
Yes. That last time I could recall it! I know I'm missing some things, but he is my family. I'm certain of that!
I suppose that'll have to be enough for now.
Two more enter. They appear slightly younger. One with dark skin and woven cornrows, the other a young girl with ginger hair dyed with a touch of green.
Immediately I felt like I should know them, my son and daughter, my children, but the only word that stuck was "family".
They are my family.
Tears well up in my eyes.
They're here because they care for me. Because they love me. Because they think I'm worth it, despite all evidence to the contrary.
I can't let them down.
More flashes, more scenes.
My children family sitting with me at a table, reassuring me that they'll help me, protect me. Before I can break down sobbing, the scene changes again. I wish it didn't. No, please, I want to be with them some more! I think. But it's no use. The scene is gone, and my memory of it fades as a new present takes its place.
I'm frustrated and miserable. Useless at skills I was once the god of. I make a rash vow, a foolish vow; no wait please don't do this don't promise thi ' d -
"I swear upon the River Styx - until I am a god again, I will not use a bow or a musical instrument!"
The world appeared to freeze. I knew I just did something terrible, something foolish, something that would cause death to the people I care about, though I didn't know who those people were.
I rocket ahead. Chiron stands in front of me, looking grim.
"I fear one more team is still missing… your children, Kayla and Austin."
My stomach twists into knots. They are gone because of me. I know they are. Because they tried to protect me.
I have to find them. To get them back. They have to live. They HAVE to. I will save them, no matter what. I owe them that at least.
More images, more pain, more evidence of my failures.
Meg being carried off by a myrmekes, because she had distracted the myrmekes from me. Stumbling towards the ant who has her, only to fall and vomit, unable to move. Gone because I had been stupid enough to swear on the Styx. Gone because of me. Another person dead because of me.
No.
She's not dead.
I know she's not!
This time I willingly push forwards through time. I know that can't be the end for her, I know it!
I'm running back through the tunnels, bow and quiver slung over my shoulders. And I sing.
Memories crash back through me. Daphne slowly turning to wood, Hyacinthus's eyes glazing over as he falls onto the ground, dead.
I had forgotten them again.
The pain of their deaths, of my failures, of my inability to even properly honor them by REMEMBERING them, crashes over me, crashes through me.
I sing out my pain, I beg for forgiveness. The myrmekes stand down, overcome by my grief.
But at least I won't lose another precious person here.
Meg is ahead of me, constrained, but alive. This time, I wasn't too late. This time, I did not fail.
My relief does not last long.
Meg is now beside me as we face off against a man, an evil man. I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that this man has caused her untold pain, has hurt her in ways that will take a long time to heal, if they ever do.
Something tickles in the back of my mind.
A realization. One that feels familiar, but I was sure I hadn't had before now.
This man - he was like that evil man, that awful man, that one who promised pain.
A man that should have protected Meg, like that evil, awful man should have protected me, because both of them are our fathers.
This time I didn't push to remember. I didn't want to remember him. He didn't deserve it.
More jolting.
Trees burn around me. Several young demigods (and one geyser spirit), including Kayla and Austin, are tied up, unconscious and helpless as the flames inch closer. I CANNOT let them die. I WILL NOT. I pick them up, one by one, and drag them away. But it's not enough. I only bought them minutes. They'll burn too. I can't save them. I can't save myself. I need help. But who could help me? I'm alone. By myself, without my powers, I'm useless. I can't save my precious people as a god, why would I think I stood a chance as a mortal?
I call for help, not expecting any.
My call is answered.
Dryads appear out of the trees, the beautiful nymphs marching resolutely towards the fire, faces placid, their fates decided. They quench the fire, but at a cost. The fire sears their skin, turning it black and hard (like how Daphne's had turned to bark, like how her skin had turned dark and unyielding) until they crumbled away.
More dead because of me.
But somehow I always survived.
It doesn't seem fair, that so many die so I can live.
I don't deserve it.
I turn towards the hostages. My grief and guilt would have to wait. The demigods are depending on me. I have to try to help.
Small surge forwards, only by a few minutes.
Meg and I are in a grove of whispering trees. She's backing away, saying that she needs to go back to the evil man, the Beast. She calls him something else, says that he's not the Beast, tries to convince herself that he's not as bad as he appears.
My heart breaks. The Beast has twisted her so far, has his claws in so deep, that he's gotten Meg to do some of the work FOR him, to convince HERSELF that he can be reasoned with, if only she goes back to him. That it's her fault for angering the Beast, that anything bad he was going to do, was because of her.
Absolving himself of any responsibility for his actions.
Something starts tingling in the back of my head again, a sense of familiarity. I ignore it. It He doesn't deserve my attention or remembrance.
Meg runs away, back to her abuser. I wish I could help her, keep her away from her abuser. But I can't catch her. She disappears, leaving an ache in my heart.
I will find her again. I will free her from her stepfather's clutches. She protected me. It's time I protect her.
I skip forward, in flashes again, instead of the small jolts I'd been experiencing.
*flash*
Myself crying over my son, relieved that he's okay.
*flash*
Singing to the ants again, but this time trying to befriend them, instead of merely calm them.
*flash*
A giant golden statue of myself, buck-naked, running around squashing things (This one takes me aback for a moment).
*flash*
The battle's over. The Demeter cabin is destroyed. The camp's in disarray, many demigods sick or injured. But no one's dead.
The campers are all alive and the injured and sick will make full recoveries.
If I leave, hopefully they'll stay that way.
But I don't want to. My family… Will, Kayla, and Austin… I want to stay with them. I want to be with them. I want to be there for them.
But I can't endanger them anymore.
My feet don't move. Even now, I'm still selfish and fearful. I can't make myself leave, make myself go out on my own. I can't do this by myself. I need friends. I just… I don't want to be alone. Even though that's safest for everyone around me. I can't be alone. Please, don't leave me alone.
Another flash forward, this one longer than all the previous ones.
I'm with a beautiful young woman, yet instead of feeling flirtatious, my stomach knots up. I'm responsible for something bad happening to her, an injustice she didn't deserve. And I didn't care until now. Why didn't I care?
I can't remember what I did. But knowing that in some way I had harmed her… I didn't deserve her help. Yet she was helping me anyway. I am amazed that she wants to be around me.
We're facing off against a young man holding a sword. He was a handsome young man, though his features were marred by many, many large scars across his face.
He's trying to kill me. I'm about to die.
So why do I feel hopeful? Like I'm anticipating something.
Then a small girl drops in front of me. Meg!
She'shereshe'shereshe'sOKAYandshewantstohelpme
She holds him off, yelling at me to go, that she'll hold him off. I can't leave her. She'll die. Yet I don't have a choice. Try as I might, my legs walk me away from her, towards some griffins. My stomach turns. Something bad happens to these griffins. But now is not the time. My young protector is in danger. I WILL NOT allow her to die.
I hop onto one of the griffins, my female companion getting on board the other one. We fly them towards Meg and the swordsman. Thankfully, Meg's order only applies to me, not what (or rather who) I'm riding. I hoist her up onto my griffin as we fly by. She turns to me and exclaims "You were supposed to go!" before wrapping her arms around me, sobbing into my shirt.
At least I've been able to do something right. I saved her. She didn't die.
*flash*
It's chaos around me. Ostriches running around, myself riding an elephant, Sis's Hunters fighting. And then there's the Emperor.
He looks exquisite in his fine purple robes, though he could've been naked and he would've been just as handsome (as I can attest).
My focus is not on him however (mostly); it's on the young man he's holding. Lit. His name is Lit. The man who tried to kill me and my friends earlier. Yet I can't stand to see him die now. Not at Commodus's hands.
He's like me. He's like Meg. Hurt, controlled by the people who should support him, seeing him only as a tool, not caring whether he lives or dies, only mourning the loss of some of their power. And making bad decisions, ones that hurt others. Though this is a similarity that only I and Lit share.
I could write him off. No one would blame me if I did. But I can't. I just can't. I have to try to help him, to find him a family. I can't leave him like this, bleeding out, ready to be killed by someone who's supposed to be on his side.
He deserves a chance.
*flash*
Meg's dying in my arms.
She came here to help me. She's dying because she refused to allow the snakes to kill me. I cannot let her die. Please, let this one live.
I tried everything I could think of - reassuring her, singing to her, telling her sternly that she must live - but none of it worked. I only had one recourse. I must share the poison with her.
If she dies, at least she won't die alone.
*flash*
A bespectacled young man is standing in front of me. My heart attempts to fight its way into my stomach while my stomach tries to relocate up my throat.
Jason.
This is Jason.
My little brother.
Remember.
But
I
can't.
I zone back in. My body is moving again, doing and saying things I am not in control of.
I heard Jason speak.
"I tried to talk some sense into Zeus. I told him he was wrong to punish you. He didn't listen."
I couldn't comprehend the sentence fully. I knew this, though: Jason had put himself out there to try and protect me, even though he didn't know me. Even though he'd had no reason to do so. I had done nothing for him. Yet he risked his life for me. He gave his life for me.
He turns to me, puts his hands on both my shoulders.
"Promise me one thing. Whatever happens, when you get back to Olympus, when you're a god again, remember. Remember what it's like to be human."
I broke my promise.
I forgot.
I forgot.
I have to remember. Please, please, PLEASE, let me remember this. I can't… I can't let him down again. Let him down more than I already have. Let him down like I let Daphne and Hyacinthus down.
*flash*
Jason's fighting against an Emperor - Caligula. Arrows are embedded in all of his limbs, but he still keeps fighting.
No.
NO.
NONONONONONONONONONONO
Not again… please… don't make me watch this again…
Jason turns to me, looks me straight in the eye.
"GO! Remember!"
He'd used his last words to drive that promise into my soul, to ensure that I would never forget.
But I still forgot.
Caligula drives his spear through Jason's back. He falls, blood soaking through his clothes.
He's dead.
I couldn't save him.
My brother is dead.
*flash*
My essence is being torn apart, converted. Dissolved. I will disappear.
Will anyone miss me?
I try to hold onto something, anything. My memories. But they are treacherous. My twin sister! What's her name? What's her name?!Please, leave me this. Please.
The woman next to me tells me to hold on, that help will arrive. But how can I resist? Even my most precious memories are slipping away now.
But I have to. For the sake of the dead. Of those who died to allow me to get this far.
I speak senseless words, words that I don't understand. Yet they seem to help. As I speak, tiles rise up in front of me, blocking the heat just a little.
It's not fast enough.
But it doesn't have to be.
A young white furry creature with big ears (Crest! He has a name!) strums on a ukulele.
MY ukulele.
The one I gave him.
The one I promised to teach him how to play.
He's beaten up, his fingers are broken, but still he plays.
He wants to be a 's his dream.
He could have left us. I only asked him to save Meg and to show us the entrance to the Labyrinth, nothing more.
Yet he CHOSE to stand guard.
He CHOSE to try to fight off Medea and his minions, despite how outmatched he was.
He refused to relinquish my ukulele, his ukulele, no matter what.
And now he is throwing away his chance of survival, his chance of attaining his dream, in order to save me, a person he's only known for a day.
I watch on, helpless, as Crest continues to play.
I force out more words, dampening the heat slightly. Crest is buying me this time. I have to use it.
Medea stabs Crest in the chest. Still he plays defiantly.
She stabs him again. But he will not stop.
A third strum of the ukulele, a third stab from Medea.
Somehow he's still alive, still clutching that ukulele.
*flash*
I'm on the ground, kneeling next to Crest. His fur is matted with blood. His chest is a mess of blood and viscera. But still he clutches that ukulele.
He locks eyes with me (just like Jason did before he died). "Music. God."
He wanted to be a god of music. Like I was.
I talk to him, try to give him reassurances, convince myself that this cannot be happening, that Crest would be okay."Yes, my young friend. You are a music god! I- I will teach you every chord. We will have a concert with the Nine Muses. When- when I get back to Olympus…"
Crest slowly relaxes, collapsing into dust. The ukulele remains, the only remnant of the brave young pandos.
I'd forgotten Crest. He had no one else to remember him. I was the only one who really talked with him. I was the one he looked up to. I had taken him on as my student. He had died to save me from a fate worse than death.
I had repaid him by forgetting he ever existed.
0-/O-0
I woke up sobbing for the second day in a row.
Will. Kayla. Austin. Jason. Crest. Hyacinthus. Daphne.
I'm sure there's more that I've forgotten, more friends that I made, more lives lost. But these are all that I can remember right now.
My memories… I HAD to remember this time. My memory was growing fuzzy, but more slowly this time. I COULD NOT allow myself to forget. Not again.
I pull myself up using the bars of my crib, trying to stand, trying to walk.
I trip over an object.
My ukulele. The one that Artemis had retrieved for me.
I had always felt great sorrow and guilt looking at it, but I couldn't bear to part with it.
Now I knew why.
…
That's it!
Artemis, Leto, and Meg came rushing into the room. I burbled and pointed at the ukulele, trying to get them to understand my idea. They mostly just seemed confused, unfortunately.
At last I screwed up my face and concentrated. I pointed to the ukulele and said "Kest!"
Mother and Sis still looked confused, but light dawned in Meg's eyes.
"Crest?" she asked. I nodded vigorously.
"You remember him? What else do you remember?"
I concentrate, trying to form the words, get the names out there. "Will. Kayla. Aw-tin. Da-nee. Hya… Hya-si… Hya-si…" I tripped up on "Hyacinthus". Meg came to my rescue.
"Hyacinthus?"
I nodded, and then forced out the last name. I promised to remember…
"Jay-son."
Meg's face fell as she heard the name. She knew what remembering him meant. The guilt was written on my face.
"It wasn't your fault, Apollo. You tried. He CHOSE to help, KNOWING that he would die. You did everything you possibly could."
It didn't make me feel better. He was still dead because of me. I HAD to fulfill his wish, his wish to… what?
Remember
I jolted. I needed to do this NOW, before I forgot more, before my memory faded again.
I quickly crawled out of the tent, into the outdoors, and more importantly, over to the dirt.
Mom, sis, and Meg followed, perplexed.
"Where are you going, brother?" Artemis asked.
I clawed at the dirt with my useless little baby hands. "Hya! Hya!" I cried.
Artemis looked at me sadly. "Hyacinthus is dead, Apollo. Even I can't bring him back from the Underworld."
'That's not what I mean!' I wanted to shout. But I couldn't.
I crawled over to Meg, using her dress to pull myself to a standing position. I pawed at the pouches on Meg's belt, trying to open them.
Meg opens a pouch, taking out a packet of seeds. "You want this?"
I grab the seeds, not opening it, but shaking it up and down over the hole I had dug. "Hya!" I cried again.
This time, she got it.
"You want to plant Hyacinths?" she asked.
Success!
I nodded vigorously… and then fall over. Need to work on my balance.
Mom summoned a flowerpot. I carefully poked a hole in the soil, and Meg handed me a seed. I dropped it in and covered it up.
Now normally, this might not be enough to get a hyacinth flower to sprout and grow. Normally there weren't several gods on hand who really, REALLY want that hyacinth to grow.
It grew rapidly, reaching full bloom in a matter of minutes.
I hugged the pot to my chest, crying a little. I won't forget. I could never forget what this flower means.
There are more people I have to remember though, more I can't afford to forget.
I tore myself away from the pot.
"Da-nee!" I shouted.
This time, they got it immediately.
Meg summoned a laurel tree seed. Artemis handed me one of her arrows.
I poked a hole in the ground, dropped it in, and covered it up, just like I did with the Hyacinth seed. Within minutes, a fully grown laurel tree had grown outside of the tent.
I sat back and stared at the two plants for a moment. My two loves. They had stopped fading from my mind. Even when my mind reverts back, I was certain that I'd still remember them.
I still felt antsy, though. I'd enjoyed being here, but I felt like I was missing people now.
Like there was somewhere else I wanted to go, some people I wanted to see.
Faces flashed before my eyes.
A young man with blond hair and blue eyes, looking down at me, concerned.
Another young man with dark hair in cornrows, playing the saxophone.
A young woman with ginger hair tinged with green, giving me advice on shooting arrows.
Family
"Ca'p Haf-bud," I say. They look over to me.
"Ca'p Haf-bud, Ca'p Haf-bud!" I exclaim more urgently.
More of my family was there. I wanted to see them! I wanted to see them so badly!
"You want to go to Camp Half-Blood?" Artemis asks. I nod.
Meg cartwheeled around a bit. "I'd like that. I was getting bored. Plus they've got some good food."
"Ok, let's go," Mother said.
Artemis broke down camp, and summoned her chariot. "You've never ridden in my chariot, have you, little brother?"
I hadn't. I tried to look unimpressed and aloof.
Then one of the deer nuzzled me.
SO. CUTE. SO SOFT. And such pretty golden fur!
I immediately forgot that I was trying to be cool and patted their heads, squealing. The deer huffed, and the other three deer joined in, deciding to lick me. I laughed and squealed, it was so fun!
Then I glanced over and saw Artemis with a video camera. I tried to look aloof, but it was too late.
She smirked at me. I tried to be angry, but then one of the reindeer nuzzled me again and I couldn't.
We entered Artemis's chariot. I watched as Delos became smaller and smaller, clutching my ukulele (Crest's ukulele) to my chest, hyacinth in a pot at my feet. The laurel tree grew smaller and smaller as we flew away.
"We'll plant a new one," Meg promised. "To remember her by."
I nodded, tearing up as we flew towards more of my family and friends.