Chapter twelve

The elevator doors opened and Elena strutted in, her head held high in confidence and her mouth set in a determined pout. Her steps faltered when she spotted Christian and Ana standing together in the foyer. She came to an abrupt stop, her eyes shifting between Christian and Ana before an ill-concealed frown turned her lips down.

Elena cleared her throat and looked at Christian, completely ignoring Ana. She batted her eyelashes innocently and pulled her lips into a wide smile, as she said, "I'm sorry, I would have called if I'd known you had company, Christian."

Christian leveled a glare at her, his expression stern as he stared her in the eye. "You should have called regardless, especially considering the time."

Elena's spine stiffened. "Well, I never had to call before."

"That was before I told you you no longer had a place in my life."

Elena's nostrils flared, her eyes quickly darting to Ana before she looked back at Christian. She reached up to smooth down her hair as if one strand was out of place in her perfectly straightened hairstyle. "I apologize, Christian, for not calling but I was just coming to drop something off." She dug around in her overly large shoulder bag and pulled out a picture frame. She handed it to Christian with a smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth, slyly glancing Ana's way.

Christian tensed when he looked down at the ornately decorated picture frame. He and Elena were captured at a charity event held at the Fairmont. It was set outdoors, circular tables covered in pristine white cloths were placed around an open dance floor with string lights twinkling in the dark orange and pink streaked sky. Christian and Elena were the only two on the dancefloor. Christian was holding Elena close, his head held back in laughter as Elena stared up at him in awe, her silvery silk ball gown floating gracefully about her feet. Christian remembered that night clearly; the charity event was in honor of women and children struggling to get out of abusive households. It was a successful night in terms of the charity. Christian wasn't sure how he ended up dancing with Elena though; he didn't even remember what he was laughing at or who took the photo.

He was scowling as he looked up at Elena. She was staring at him hopefully. "Why are you giving me this?" Christian asked.

Ana tried to lean over to see what the picture was of but Christian kept the photo out of her line of sight. She stood next to him, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment, but too curious to leave. She wasn't exactly sure what she was supposed to do, but she knew for certain Elena wasn't going to let Christian go without a fight. That much was obvious by the set of her mouth and the determination in her snake-like eyes. Ana was feeling her defenses rise, wondering what Christian was going to do.

Elena shrugged, slowly pushing her hair out of her face, the diamond rings on her fingers glistening in the dimmed lighting. "I just wanted to give you something to remind you of me, you know, to remember the good times. I remember that night just like it was yesterday, that was the first night we made love and—"

"Did you come here with the intention of seducing me, Elena?" Christian asked, his tone appalled, his expression angry and disgusted. His frown was so severe Ana was sure he could light a match on fire just by looking at it. "Because it's not going to work." He pulled Ana closer to him, his right arm pulling her closer against the side of his body. "I'm with Ana now and you're desperate attempt to give me this photo to remind me of a night I don't even remember sharing with you is pathetic, and not something I expected from someone who prides herself on appearing so classy and self-assured." He tossed the picture back at her, his frown still intact. Elena caught the photo with both hands, a look of hostile indignation on her face. "Go home, Elena, and don't come back. This is the last time I'll warn you or I'll sell a tell-all to every news outlet in the U.S., making sure to depict you as the manipulative bitch you really are."

Elena's face was beet red, her nostrils so flared Ana thought they were going to fly off her face. The innocent look she was trying to manage had completely dissolved, and in its place was a slithering snake who looked like she was ready to spit venom at anyone who crossed her path.

Her gaze settled on Ana, her ice cold, hollow blue eyes staring at her with nothing but loathing and jealousy. "You think you're so special don't you, you little whore? Well guess what, Christian was mine first, and when he realizes that I was the best thing that ever happened to him he'll come running back to me! You're just a mousy, ugly gold digger, and there is no way you'll ever be able to satisfy a man like Christian for a certain amount of time."

Elena looked pleased with her spiteful words, but her anger increased when Ana didn't even so much as blink at her spirited tirade.

"Clearly I'm not the one who wasn't able to satisfy him for a certain amount of time," Ana quipped, her tone light and her body relaxed. Of course she was insulted by Elena's words, but when she looked at the big picture she actually felt bad for the woman. A man she wanted no longer wanted her, and no matter what, no one liked to feel rejected. And being rejected by Christian Grey had to be a hard pill to swallow.

Elena took a step forward a long bony finger pointed at Ana. Christian's gripped tightened around Ana as he tried to pull her away from Elena's wrath.

"You think you can just waltz back into his life the like the irrelevant nobody you are? Well guess what, you and that bastard child of yours better not get too comfortable. You'll never be more than trailer trash looking for a hand out. You and that tramp you call a daughter will never be able to survive in his world," Elena sneered, her eyes glowing with her contempt.

Ana would have let it fly if she had just kept her insults limited to herself, but the moment Elena mentioned Elsa, Ana was ready to rip every strand of hair out of Elena's self-absorbed head and gouge her eyes out with a knife.

Slapping Elena's blood red finger out her face, Ana stepped forward, shrugging Christian's arm away from her shoulder and standing to her full height in front of Elena. Her shoulders were firmly set, her hands balled into tight fists at her sides. She glared daggers at Elena, her mouth set in such an angry frown her lips looked like they disappeared.

"You can say whatever you want about me. And though I understand why you're upset, don't ever make the mistake of saying another insult about my daughter ever again. You may think you can walk over people with those long, spidery legs, but do you know what happens to spiders when they stumble into the wrong web? They get trapped." Ana stared at Elena, letting her threat sink in. "I don't think you want to know what happens after they get trapped."

Elena and Ana stared at each other, both seething in anger for different reasons, both looking ready to commit some bodily harm. Christian intervened before things escalated further. He pulled Ana closer to him and glared at Elena.

"I think you've overstayed your welcome, Miss Lincoln. Taylor?" Taylor appeared from thin air, his hands folded in front of him, ready to escort Elena out. "Please see Elena out, and make sure Bruce knows she is no longer welcome here."

Elena stood where she was, her chest heaving in anger as she glared at Christian. When Taylor realized she wasn't going to move, he reached out and grabbed her by the arm. Elena snatched her body out of Taylor's reach and took a step toward Christian.

"You're making the greatest mistake of your life, Christian Grey."

Without another word she turned on her heel, stalking toward the elevator the same way she exited it: head held high and a determined set of her mouth. All three of them stood at the threshold of the foyer and watched as the elevator doors closed on Elena's seething fury. When she was completely out of sight Taylor nodded to Christian and Ana and took his leave.

Christian called him back before he could fully disappear into his office again. "Taylor? I don't think I've properly introduced you two," Christian stated when Taylor came to stand in front of them again. "Ana this is Jason Taylor, my close protection officer and right hand man. Taylor this is Anastasia Steele, the mother of my child and first love. I'm sure Elsa will be making an appearance soon and you will be more acquainted with her."

Taylor nodded his head and held his hand out for Ana to shake. "Pleasure to meet you ma'am," Taylor said in his usual deep, no nonsense voice.

"Please, call me Ana, and it's a pleasure meeting you too, Taylor." Ana shook his hand and gave him a smile. She gazed at him as his eyes shifted back over to Christian and automatically felt a protective aura about him. He looked like a trustworthy man and Ana was glad Christian had someone like Taylor looking out for him.

Once Taylor exited the room, Christian and Ana stood in the foyer, not really sure what to do or say after the debacle that just occurred. Christian blew out a long breath and ran his hand through his hair.

"Well, that was a great way to end the evening," he muttered, a low chuckle escaping.

Ana pursed her lips and silently nodded her head. She avoided his gaze as she said, "I think I'm going to check on Ellie."

She began to walk away but Christian caught her by the arm before she could make it further across the room.

"Whoa, Ana, wait," he breathed, pulling her back toward him. He looked down into her eyes when she was standing in front of him again. He couldn't resist reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her face as she gazed up at him with those blue eyes of hers that never failed to make his heart beat fast.

"What?" Ana asked when Christian only stared down at her, his fingertips still resting against the side of her face.

Christian peered down into her eyes. "You know I would never jeopardize what we have, right?" he asked, his eyes practically pleading with her to agree with him. "I told you what I want, I'm not going to give that up for anything."

Ana reached up and pulled his hand away from her face, squeezing his hand before she let go. She looked up at him with a small smile. "I know."

With that she turned and walked away from him. Christian's eyes followed her as she climbed up the stairs and disappeared around the corner. He ran his fingers through his hair, his shoulders slumping forward as he tried to assess Ana's mood. Had he just unintentionally ruined his chances with her? He thought the idea absurd considering he didn't invite Elena over, but who knew how women's minds worked. They were piqued by some of the strangest things that Christian would never understand. He just hoped that Ana understood that he meant what he said. He would fight with every ounce of blood in his body to make a relationship work between them.

Sighing again, he turned away from the stairs intending to go to his bedroom and wash the day away off his body, but the letters sitting atop his counter caught his eye. He slowly walked toward the stack of bound letters and picked them up. He put his thumb on the short edge of the letters and ran it down, the paper making a slapping sound as the wind the letters generated displaced a few strands of his hair. He took a moment to just stare at years of lost time hidden within multicolored envelopes. He felt his heartrate increase as he thought of meeting his daughter through the written perspective of a sixteen year old Ana. Taking a deep breath, he held the letters close to his body and started in the direction of his office.

He felt as if he was on autopilot as he silently walked into what he thought of as his safe haven and plopped down into his seat. The letters fell on top of his desk with a muted thud. He stared at them with apprehension, wanting to read every single one of them, yet feeling hesitant to do so. He wasn't sure how he was going to feel once he started reading the first letter of years past, and the significance each one held. Would he feel guilty for reading about Ana during a time she needed him most but he wasn't there? Would he feel resentment that he only had the chance to read about his daughter's growth and development? Jealously because Ana was able to watch Else grow into the beautiful young woman she was? Or would he become angry all over again and feel contempt toward his little sister for taking every single one of those opportunities away from him?

With shaky hands he untied the black ribbon that held all of the letters together. He watched as the letters toppled out of the neat stack and spread across his desk in front of him. Not knowing if the letters were in any certain order, he grabbed a random light blue envelope from the pile and gently, slowly opened it.

He unfolded the evenly folded notebook paper and came face to face with Ana's print from fifteen years ago. His breathing stopped and he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat as he started reading.

October 7, 1998

Christian,

Baby Steele-Grey is now 12 weeks and the about the size of a lime from what I'm told by the doctor. I haven't felt the baby move yet, and honestly I'm a little scared. Feeling him or her move would make it all the more real. It's still a little hard to believe I'm going to be a mother, but I don't think I could imagine my life now without thinking as myself as a mom now that I am one, or at least soon to be.

I remember talking to you about our future. I remember the nights we spent telling each other about our wishes and dreams. I remember you telling me how you wanted at least four kids, two boys and two girls. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined you'd be getting either a boy or girl so soon.

I really miss you, Christian. I wish you were here. I wish you would respond to my letters. I understand that you may not want to be a father right now, but don't you think I at least deserve to know how you really feel instead of leaving me guessing?

It's really hard not to be angry at you when you've abandoned me with a child I'm not ready for. My mother looks at me as if I'm a different person, and my father has a hard time looking at me period. I've cried myself to sleep so many nights since I found out I'm pregnant that I don't even know if I have any water left in my body.

It's been really hard, Christian. I don't have any friends here. Not yet at least, but I'm sure once my belly gets bigger people are going to start looking at me like I'm a circus freak.

This letter is terrible and all over the place, but I can't seem to keep a single thought straight in my mind long enough to write it down. I've been so emotional too, and hungry, but at least the morning sickness has thankfully passed.

I'm getting tired so I think it's time for my nap. Hopefully I'll hear from you soon, Christian.

The baby and I love you.

Ana x

Christian read the letter three more times before he folded it up again and stuffed it back into the envelope. Feeling a desperate pressure building in his chest, he reached for another letter and opened it less delicately than the first. He pulled out the letter, feeling the thickness of two sheets of paper and unfolded them. A small square paper fell out from the folds, catching his attention. He placed the letter down on his desk and picked up the slightly thick, shiny looking paper. He held it up to his face and stared at the picture in a daze. It was an ultrasound photo. He looked at the date and guessed it was the first picture of Elsa in the womb. He ran his thumb over the glossy photo, feeling an emotion he'd never felt before settle heavy in his chest and constrict his throat.

He stared at the white blob in the middle of a black space surround by a white and black static-like triangle. He gazed at the thing in the middle, thinking it looked similar shaped to a little peanut. A smile pulled at his lips, then just as quickly disappeared as he ran his thumb over the picture once again. He felt like he was just learning he had a child even though she was sitting up in a room he personally designed with her in mind. He was in awe, he couldn't believe that this tiny little dot was his fifteen year old daughter. He rubbed his thumb over the picture for a third time before he picked up Ana's note, keeping the picture in his hand as he began to read.

August 29, 1998

Dear Christian,

It's been a while since I've last seen you, and I'm missing you like crazy, now more than ever. First I wanted to say that I'm sorry I haven't called. We moved apartments and the house phone we were using belonged to our landlord. I guess my mother never thought it would be useful to buy a phone of her own, though I guess that's beside the point. I would have called you from one of the public phones, but I stupidly forgot your number. Thankfully I remembered your address, which I assume is due to the fact that my father is your neighbor.

Anyway, I might as well get to the big news and the picture I assume you have already seen. I'm seven weeks pregnant, Christian. I don't know how it happened, we were careful. Maybe one of the condoms broke? I don't know what happened, but I'm not terminating the pregnancy. I won't give him or her up for adoption either. I never imagined I would be having a baby this young, but that's what I'm doing. I'm going to have this baby.

I won't pressure you to be an active participant, you know considering the distance and all, but I'd really like for you to know our baby. I want us to be a family. I know we had plans, and I know they've changed now with the baby, but I think we can somehow make it work. Maybe I can persuade my mom to move back to Washington and stay. Or maybe I can just move in permanently with my dad.

Ray still doesn't know yet, and I'd appreciate it if you don't tell him either. I want to tell him. I don't know how I'll tell him, but he'll be even more disappointed if he hears the news from someone other than me.

Honestly, I'm still in a daze. My mom and I just left the doctor's office not too long ago, and I'm still not sure exactly how I feel about it. I should have realized earlier something wasn't right. I'd been throwing up almost everything I ate, I'm sleepier than usual, and a few ago I started crying when I saw a bird eat a worm. I hadn't even notice that I missed my period until my mom and I were at the drugstore and walked past the pads and tampons. I bought a pregnancy test once I realized I was late. I wasn't going to tell my mom, but she walked in on me holding the positive test, and well, let's just say she's having a harder time with it than I am.

I wish you were here with me. It would be so easier to adjust if I had your physical support. It was tense with my mom when the doctor stuck that probe thing inside of me to see how far along I was. I could feel the tension in the room, and when the doctor pointed to the little speck that will be a living, breathing baby in eight months and two weeks, nothing else mattered. I vowed then and there, no matter what anyone said, I would love and protect our baby with my last breath. Of course I'm terrified and I have no idea what I'm doing, but maybe with you by my side it won't be so hard. Maybe this might be the best thing that could have happened to us, even though the timing isn't the best.

I wish you could have been there to see the ultrasound in person, but I hope the picture makes up for it. It's hard to believe such a tiny little dot will turn into our baby. It's going to take some major adjustment getting used to the idea of being a mother, but I know I can do it. And I know you're going to make a wonderful father Christian.

I know your parents are going to be just as disappointed as my mom is, but I hope you they will accept the fact that I won't be giving him or her up. Like I said earlier, I would love for you to know our baby, but I'm not going to force you to do so. I don't want anything from you except for your love and time, and if you don't think that's something you can give me, I guess I have no choice but to accept that, though I hope that's not the case.

I hope to hear from you soon, Christian.

I love you so much,

Ana x

Christian laid the letter down on the desk after re-reading it for the tenth time. He felt a warm wetness gradually moving down his face and he lifted his hand to wipe it away. He hadn't realized he was crying, and he wasn't able to explain why he was crying. Was it because he missed out on the most important part of his child's development? That Ana was all alone, waiting to hear from him with no response? He knew it wasn't really his fault, but he still felt guilty. He felt like a failure because he wasn't there to help the mother of his child deal with the stress of taking care of a baby. He wasn't there to feel the first kick, hear the first words, watch the first steps. All of that was stolen from him.

His anger was renewed with a new vengeance toward his sister. He didn't think he could ever forgive her for intentionally hiding away such important information from him. Her selfish actions caused him to miss out on his daughters childhood, and that's not something that could ever be replaced.

He clenched his fists on his arm rests, feeling hot tears of anger stream down his face. He could taste the fury and anguish in the salty drops, and he didn't know what he could do to soothe the feelings swirling around like boiling lava in his chest.

A timid knock on the door pulled him from his inner turmoil. He wiped his face on his sleeve before he looked up and said, "What?" His tone was sharper than he intended. He felt like an ass when he saw Ana's head peak out from the edge of the door.

"Hey," she said quietly, looking unsure if she should come all the way in or not. "I was just wondering where I should sleep?"

She was gazing at him with a concerned look, forcing Christian to keep his head down so she wouldn't question why he was crying. "You can sleep in my bed," he said quietly.

He waited a full minute for Ana to respond, and when she didn't he looked up to find her standing a foot away from his desk. Her blue eyes looked even more concerned, but then he watched as her eyes fell to the top of his desk and saw the letters strewn atop it. Her eyes met his again and she asked, "Is that the first one?" Her voice was quiet, almost as if she was trying to keep from anyone hearing her.

Christian nodded his head, his fingers tracing the outline of the ultrasound. "Is Elsa okay?" he asked, not realizing he even asked the question until the words had already left his mouth.

"Yes," Ana answered, her voice still soft. "She fell asleep about twenty minutes ago."

"Did she like the room?"

There was a smile in Ana's voice when she answered. "Yes, she loves it. She was bragging to all of her friends back home how she could stay in the room forever."

Christian nodded, his eyes still on the ultrasound. "Good. I'm glad she liked it. I want her to have whatever her heart desires. Whatever she wants, I want to be the one to get it for her."

Ana frowned slightly and crossed her arms over her chest. "Christian, I already told you I don't want you to spend an exorbitant amount of money on materialistic things. I want Elsa to know the difference between genuine love and things given in place of love."

Christian looked up at her, his eyes red rimmed. "She's my daughter too, is she not? I should be able to buy her whatever I want, Anastasia. It's not just you who can make the decisions anymore."

Ana's arms fell to her side as her mouth fell open. She immediately closed it and scowled at Christian. "I never said she wasn't your daughter, Christian. And I realize that you can also make decisions regarding her well-being, but there's a certain way she's been raised thus far, and I don't think it would be the smartest idea to change it now. She needs stability, not money thrown at her that won't mean anything in the long run."

Christian abruptly stood up and ran his hands through his hair, a heavy sigh escaping his mouth. Ana followed his every move as he placed his hands on his hips and paced behind his desk, his head hanging so low his chin touched his chest. Christian stopped pacing when he stood in front of the floor to ceiling window, staring out in the distance but not really seeing anything.

He noticed Ana's reflection come into view. She placed her hand on his upper arm and stared up at him. He turned, his head still hung low as he gazed into her eyes. Ana reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, wiping the tears away.

The gentle touch was enough to break through Christian's armor. He sank to his knees before her, the tears silently streaming down his face as he rested his head against her belly.

"I'm so sorry," he cried into her shirt. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry you went through it all by yourself, Ana. I'm so sorry."

She ran her fingers through his hair, her eyes filling with tears. "It wasn't your fault, Christian. You didn't know. Don't blame yourself for someone else's actions."

He shook his head, smearing his tears across his face and into her dress. "I should have been there. I should have been able to see her grow up. To see your belly grow with our daughter."

He pulled his face back and moved his hands from around her back and held her by the waist. His thumbs brushed against her lower abdomen as he stared at the place his daughter once called home for nine months.

He looked up at her, his tears coating his eyelashes. "I would have never left your side. I would've rubbed your back, and ran out for midnight cravings. I would have let you break the bones in my hand as you gave birth to our baby girl. All of that was taken away from me and I don't even get a say in the matter. I didn't even get a choice." He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead back into her stomach. "I didn't even get the chance to know my own daughter."

Ana put her hands on the side of his face as she said, "Christian, look at me." He leaned his head back, and she moved her hands toward his cheeks, her fingers rubbing the moisture along his stubbly skin as they gazed at each other. "The same opportunities that were taken from you, were taken from Elsa too. If I could go back in time and change things, I would, but I can't. None of us can. I understand you're upset and I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do, but there's nothing you can do about the past. We have to look forward to the future and hope for the best." She ran her hands through his hair again, gazing at the beautiful features of his face. Christian leaned into her touch, relishing the feel of her hands on him. "Nothing is stopping you from getting to know your daughter now, and I know she'll love you like she would as if she'd known you since the day she was born. Don't let the past dictate your future, Christian. You have every right to be angry, but don't let that anger keep you from seeing what's really important."

Christian stared up at Ana, his senses overwhelmed by her presence. He felt his anger slowly fade and a calm contentment took its place. With his eyes still on Ana's, he grabbed her hands and kissed each palm. He held her hands in his as he gave her a pleading look and asked, "Stay the night with me, Ana?" When a look of uncertainty passed over her features, he added, "Please? I don't want to be alone tonight."

Gazing into the gray orbs she fell in love with over a decade ago, she nodded her head. "Okay."

Without a word, Christian stood to his feet , one of Ana's hands still clasped in his as he led her to his bedroom. He turned on the light next to the door and pulled Ana further inside, closing the door behind them. He let go of her hand and walked over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of pajama bottoms and two white cotton t-shirts. He tossed one of the shirts at Ana as he took the other one and the pajama bottoms and went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Ana took that as her que to change out of her clothes. She quickly stripped out of the dress and bra, leaving her underwear on, and slipped Christina's shirt over her head. The hem reached the middle of her thighs, but she didn't mind the length. She was too tired to care about her attire anyway. She was tempted to wait for Christian before she climbed into his bed, but it was so tempting, she couldn't resist pulling the covers back and sinking into the Egyptian cotton. Once her head touched the pillow she immediately fell into unconsciousness.

Christian opened his bathroom door and found Ana snuggled under his covers. He smiled at the sight, reminiscing about the last time they shared a bed a decade and a half ago. Pulling the covers back, he slid into bed next to her. He cuddled his body up next to hers so his chest was pressed against her back. He leaned over and turned off the light before he settled into a comfortable position. Burying his nose in Ana's hair, he inhaled deeply, pulling her closer up against him. He fell asleep feeling new hope blooming in his chest and a smile on his lips.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It's kind of a stepping stone to next chapters, and I hope the emotions weren't too much. Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement, it's really what keeps me posting new chapters.

Thank you all for the reviews, follows and favorites it means so much!

By majority vote I guess the name stays the same, which I'm kind of glad because I couldn't come up with a good name to change it to anyway.

Happy reading and those living in the U.S. with me have a happy and safe 4th of July!