Wandering into the wild

by Risa Zugva

Thorin had his life all planned up but then some dragon-fire later everything changed. Was it all for the worse? Or is there something bestowed for him? Much later Bilbo thought he knew everything there is to know of life. These two unrelated men seemed destined never to meet, but then again. What had life in stored for them they could never predict.

6. Carvings in the wood

Bilbo got tired of his everyday life. He was too good at it and soon it became boring. Everyone always said the same things of weather, food and clothes. He trained himself not to show his boredom and in the strain of it he started to squint. It happened one time during especially long descriptive speech of old lady Brandybuck in which she described to the letter each one of her carrots. Soon it became part of his posture and everyone took it as a sign of concentration so it made him very popular guest. They thought it was a clear sign that he's thinking pensively of what they were saying.

For him it was a part of coping mechanism which allowed him to break eye contact that forced him to imagine every little thing that was said. Instead with each blink he was able to think of something else. At first there were just random pictures that would make situation humours. Strange looking hat that was on someone's head would be decorated with live duck that would quack with every word someone would be saying. Simple things like that would make him look amused so his list of invitations to parties became quite long.

Soon that technique started to develop into something his mother wouldn't approve of. He started to lie through his teeth without even second thought. Just for fun at first, little things that would embellish the story. But soon there were useful lies instead. The ones that would keep him out of those parties. He became very good at it looking innocent and not raising any suspicion. He justified to himself that he made it to stay on the good side of the rumours, if he said what he meant he would soon live like a hermit all alone and grumpy.

That's how happened that he got on the desirable bachelor list. When that happened women stopped being shy and withdrawn. It was like their inhibitions were suspended, like accepted behaviour was turned upside down. All at once it was more rude and non-sociable not to impose on him than making very direct suggestions.

That made him start to dance. Not in the sense of following music with someone but to dance around avoiding any kind of contact that could be interpreted as inappropriate and therefore lead to some kind obligation towards any of ladies in question. Soon enough his dancing around started to cause multiple frowns all around so in attack of panic, he thought he would be mauled to death by young Sackswille girl, he started to give out big compliments. His compliments were so preposterous he thought he would be immediately disclosed as enormous liar but unexpected happened. His compliments were accepted and with not at all undesirable conclusion.

"Oh, you poor dear" she said. "You think I'm too good for you. Maybe I'm just too much, too confident. I scare you. I understand, you need someone more timid so she could respect you as a man. Don't worry your secret is safe with me." She patted him on his hand and surprisingly his secret was safe, more so he got respectful nods in passing while she held on her new fiance.

He repeated that same recipe and soon enough he could walk through the party without complex dance of avoiding contact but still he continued to move around a bit like dancing. He rather choose to avoid contact than to greet it. He was more comfortable that way, it saved him some unnecessary closeness and besides he liked to avoid confusion of his intentions. After all he was a bachelor with a big house and he could look like a goblin and still be desired for his furniture.

As he sat in the back on yet another wedding he considered maybe for the first time about himself. He always found it natural that he didn't desire someone to impose on his home and things but looking at young couple kissing and clearly finding joy in it he wondered what could he possibly find attractive, whom would he consider desirable. He couldn't picture that kind of person. All he knew that everyone around him seemed utterly boring and not even a bit attractive. Maybe he was just devoid of those kind of needs and feelings. It could be so because even the immaculate images of elves he finally found didn't provoke in him nothing corporal. They were just pretty pictures, like carvings in the wood, nothing you would desire to touch.