Chapter 2

They were five days out of Seattle and Farah was still worried that they were shaking off tails. It hadn't taken long to figure out that they were on the FBI wanted list and that her accounts were frozen. Blackwing was coming at them from all angles. The spent the first three days just tying to outrun the hunters behind them. She hadn't spotted anyone in the last two days, but she was afraid it was just because she was missing something important.

Farah had also become an unofficial expert on pararibulitis. She'd had to. Todd was her primary now and it was her job to keep him safe.

The first two weeks would be brutal. Every source agreed on that. Farah had hacked into medical databases and found everything written on it. Because of how rare it was, that wasn't much. And it was a very strange and unpredictable disease.

Not to mention terrifying.

Subjects who had recently developed the disease usually spent at least a month in the hospital. As the disease manifests, the attacks come hard and fast and frequently until the subject learns their personal triggers and their body adjusts.

Farah knew with his family history, Todd had to know a lot about it. Unfortunately, it seemed that talking about it was one of his major triggers. That was not uncommon. Just thinking about it during the early stages could induce another attack. He couldn't talk or hear about it for a full minute before he was incapacitated again. She wasn't sure which of them found that particular issue more frustrating.

On top of having to manage Todd's newfound condition, they were in constant danger of being discovered. On more than five occasions, they had to abandon a planned stop because Farah had spotted someone she was sure was there to look for them. When Todd would ask her how she knew, she really couldn't explain it. Like the "doctor" at the diner. They were just wrong. Farah was sure he would press the issue, but he didn't. Despite the fact that it made an already horrific situation even more stressful and challenging. They had nearly been out of options when she found a route that seemed safe. She hadn't spotted anyone that made her change their course in twenty-four hours. But every snapping twig or pair of headlights or passing plane made her heart leap into her throat as she tried to assess if this would be the one that they would have to fight their way out of. Or, more accurately, that she would fight their way out of. She just hoped Todd would be aware enough that she wouldn't have to carry him.

Whenever they could stop, Farah would devour whatever literature she could on how to help reprogram his brain to help him fight it and be able to deal with the symptoms. There was a lot of speculation, but not nearly enough information about actual human trials with encouraging results.

Todd slept a lot. That was apparently normal too. Subjects spent most of the first few days post diagnosis in an exhausted state. It was a combination of the body being worn out by the attacks, and also by the fact that a major side effect of the medication was drowsiness. Finally, by day four, Todd was awake more than he was asleep.

They had broken into an abandoned gas station and set up camp. Until they could get Todd's attacks a bit more under control, anywhere where someone was likely to hear the screams was out of the question. He'd had up to three in an hour, and that would be hard to explain.

"Lay down." Said Farah as she gestured to the blow up mattress they had set up on the filthy floor.

"I'm not that tired right now." Said Todd. He seemed relieved to be awake and alert.

"It's not rest. It's therapy. I've been doing a lot of research and have a plan. Lay down."

Todd complied and laid on his back.

"Ok." Said Farah. "Relax."

"I could relax more if you told me what you're about to do." He said.

"We're going to work on reprograming your triggers." Said Farah as she knelt next to the mattress near Todd's head.

"What are you…"

"Just relax." She said as she started tapping on his forehead with her index finger. "Focus on the sensation of the tapping. Breathe deep. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Deep, cleansing, intentional breaths."

She listened to Todd's breathing for close to a minute before she spoke again.

"Now," she said in a tone of voice that could best be described as yoga teacher on a cruise ship. "I am going to talk to you about your condition."

"I know all about my condition. I've been hearing about it and seeing it first hand since I was…"

"No talking." She said "Focus on the tapping and your breathing. I will do the talking."

"Look," he said "I appreciate what you're trying to do here but I don't think…"

"Listen!" she shouted in a voice that snapped him to attention with enough force that she was a little shocked that he didn't have an attack. "While you have been unconscious I've been working my ass off trying to keep us alive and becoming an expert on stuff I didn't even know existed two weeks ago! I know you're scared and I know you're going through something horrible that I can't even imagine and I even know that this method will probably end up being just a bunch of bullshit that doesn't work! But I'm trying! I'm willing to try something, anything, no matter how ridiculous if it even has a chance of helping you fight this thing! So can you humor me for ten minutes? Just ten minutes?!"

Her outburst had surprised her even more than it had Todd. She felt emotionally spent. How desperate and foolish had it been to even try this? It was stupid.

I'm stupid. Stupid to think I could do this.

She felt the burn of unwanted tears starting to creep up. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to push the tears back by sheer force of will. This was too much. They couldn't keep going like this. She couldn't keep him safe. She couldn't even keep Patrick alive and he could handle himself in a fight and wasn't having constant, painful hallucinations.

I can't do this. I've failed.

She jumped when she felt the gentle touch of Todd's hand on hers.

"You're right." He said "I'm sorry. You've been working hard on this and I've been too caught up in my own issues to even listen. Let's do this."

Farah blinked in surprise. She watched Todd close his eyes and begin deep breathing. She slowly began to tap on his forehead and swallowed the lump in her throat as she started to walk him through the process.

The next several days were better. Farah tried to hide her surprise that her method had actually worked. Todd was averaging two to four attacks a day. Not great, but certainly a significant improvement. They had started venturing to actual motels. They'd been forced to steal another car. They still didn't have a real plan, which was eating at Farah more then she let on. Todd kept insisting that something holistic would happen. Farah wasn't so sure. Though she had to admit there was something strongly holistic about finding Amanda's pills right when they needed them. But without Dirk or Rowdies around, what was the likelihood that something like that would happen again?

She was still in a bit of shock that Todd was adjusting so quickly. The progress he'd made in days typically took weeks.

"It's because of your sister." She said.

"What is?" asked Todd.

"You're progress. How your body is adapting to your disease and you're not in that constant state any more. You shouldn't be doing as well as you are. It's because you watched her go through the process and learned first hand how to cope with it."

"Well, I guess that's part of it." He said.

"And what's the rest?" she asked.

"Are you serious? Are you honestly going to just forget all that work you did with me to help reprogram the way I process my triggers? How I went from not being able to say the word pararibulitis without bursting into flames and now I can talk about it with you no problem because of what you did to help me?"

Farah crossed her arms. "Please. It was a crash course therapy out of desperation. I'm lucky I didn't make you worse."

"Are you kidding me right now?! You're really going to try and dismiss all the hard work and research your poured into a crazy genius plan that actually worked?"

"I cobbled together ideas. A professional would have done better."

Todd reached over and took her hands. She was surprised by the gesture and looked up into his steady gaze.

"Your cobbled together is easily on par with most people's masters thesis. You did it! You pulled it off not because you could push the right buttons and say the magic words. You created a solid plan and I believed in it because I believe in you."

She couldn't maintain eye contact any longer, and looked down at their hands. She both wanted to pull away and hold them tighter. She was self conscious about his confidence in her, but also felt comforted and craved the acceptance and support. Her grandmother had been the first, and for a long time the only, person who believed in her. Even when the rest of the family didn't understand her, Grandma Black had looked into her eyes and said, "You are as you should be. I am proud of you." When she died while Farah was in high school, she had never felt so alone. She didn't feel accepted again until she met the Spring family. Patrick was unwavering in his conviction that she was the very best for the job. For a long time, she thought he had settled for her. She was shocked when she discovered just how many people he had turned away to give her the job. Soldiers whose resumes and training left her in the dust. When she brought that to his attention, he had taken her by the shoulders and said "You are the best and only person for this job. Don't ever, ever doubt that." He had trusted her with everything, including Lydia. Lydia, who she loved and protected and fought for with everything she had. Lydia who had said that even when she was turned into a dog, all Farah had to do was show up and she knew it would be alright. Farah couldn't believe she had that kind of faith in her. It was hard to say goodbye to her. While she was thankful that Lydia was safe, Farah ached to be near her and hear her laugh again.

And now Todd. Todd believed in her. He saw her as more then a bundle of neurosis and anxiety. He squeezed her hands. His touch was warm and gentle and genuine. "You are amazing. Please, don't even forget that."

It was too much. She pulled away. He let her go.

"I'm… uh… I'm going to check the perimeter. Make sure we're still secure."

Todd's shoulders slumped slightly. "Sure. You're the expert."

You're no expert. Said her inner voice. The voice was sounding more and more like her father again. She thought her therapist had helped her fix that. She felt like she'd regressed on a lot of things during their time on the run.

She stepped outside. She could see none of the typical signs they had been followed. Nevertheless, the tightness in her chest was growing. That ever present anxiety was building in the pit of her stomach.

You're missing something.

"No, I'm not." She muttered.

Look at you. Always missing the signs or overthinking everything. Usually both.

"It's fine. Everything's fine."

Is it?

Panic set in and Farah ran back to the motel room. As soon as she opened the door, her eyes darted around. She couldn't see him. Then she heard the shower turn on. She sagged with relief. He was fine. Everything was fine.

It's never really fine.

"Shut up." She snapped as she removed her boots and crawled into bed. She hadn't slept much since leaving Seattle. It had begun to take it's toll. The heaviness that accompanied utter mental and physical exhaustion crept over her as she sank into the cheap mattress.

"I just need sleep." She said "Just need a little…"

She'd barely drifted off when she heard the screaming.

She was still mildly disoriented as she bolted towards the sound. She found Todd on the floor of the bathroom. The shower was still running, and he was naked and tangled in the torn shower curtain. He was screaming and writhing on the ground.

"What's happening?!" she cried.

"Acid!" he cried out "Burning!"

His nerves thought the water on his skin was acid.

She grabbed a towel and began frantically trying to dry him off.

You're missing something.

She ignored the thought as she tried desperately to bring relief to the helpless and terrified man on the cold floor.

You're missing something important.

Then she remembered. His pills.

She abandoned him and raced to the nightstand. She was running while she was opening the bottle and tripped. The pills flew everywhere.

While Farah was scrambling to recover the medicine, Todd was still screaming. It was only a matter of time before someone knocked on the door.

Get the pills! Secure the primary! Get him quiet!

"Let me think!" she yelled as she pulled two pills out of the dirty shag carpet, ran to Todd, and shoved the pills into his mouth.

Soon the screaming had stopped, but he was still shaking and sobbing. Pararibulitis was a bit like a migraine. If you take the medicine at the first sign, it was pretty effective. But the longer the attack has to build, the less effective the pills become. She'd taken too long and the meds only took the edge off. He was clinging to her and breathing in pained, ragged breaths. She took a towel and draped it over his lower half.

Finally, Todd lifted his head and blinked. He seemed suddenly aware of his surroundings. It still managed to amaze Farah just how out of touch with reality he was during an attack.

Todd gasped and pushed away from her, clutching the towel tightly against himself.

"I'm sorry." He said, not making eye contact.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Besides the fact that the only way this could be more humiliating is if I had literally shit myself, I'm fine."

Farah was about to say something trite about him having no reason to be embarrassed, but stopped herself. She couldn't even imagine what he was going through. She just got up and gave him some privacy.

It took him a long time to get dressed and come out. On the plus side, it gave her time to collect all the pills off of the floor and pick the mystery hairs off them before putting them back in the bottle. Todd finally emerged from the bathroom and stumbled towards his bed. Somehow he made it and collapsed onto his pillow.

Farah didn't sleep well again that night.