No beta, sorry for mistakes, if anyone would like to apply for the job feel free :)
Thnx to Iridescent Thilbo Bagginshield on your support, for you some more dreaming :)
Thorin was restless after White Deer's night. He was walking ahead, then behind giving out orders, looking forward but the whole time he knew where the hobbit was even if he never looked straight at him. It was irritating how he got aware of every move he made. That's how he noticed change in his behaviour. Master Baggins was light on his feet and had a smile at hand when listening, also he argued a lot when something wasn't at his liking. But after his venture in dreams he was quiet. He didn't complain and he stopped smiling. Thorin felt responsible for this change. He was reckless enough to send out Kili and Fili forward alone.
It could be justified if he didn't encounter Deer's dreams before. He wasn't lying to Gandalf when he said his heart desired nothing anymore. Visit to the dream world showed that vividly. There was nothing for him there, only darkness and death. Did that meant that his heart desired death most of all? Maybe, maybe that was so, but he wasn't allowed to venture towards it, he was obligated to carry on, to live on, to lead. His grandfather went to death, and father to madness, he had no such luxury. Someone had to give his dwarves hope and he did what he could.
But he remembered when he returned from that dream full of death, where he wanted to dive into the darkness and find his dead friends. He remembered how empty he felt days after, maybe even months. To be denied the rest and forgiveness of death was too much. To sit by his grandfather's feet and just look at the living as they struggle.
Thorin feared for Master Baggins heart. Hearts were stubborn when they were denied even something that is obviously never meant to be. Maybe even more then. Thorin knew he will receive his death and clear name that it brings with it, all plates were cleaned in death, there were no debts to drag you back to living.
As much as he felt obligated to do something, to help, Master Baggins did sprain his heart saving his nephews, but he couldn't think of what to do. He couldn't show he knows of what the dream was. Although he really didn't know. All Thorin knew that he was in it, and he was smiling. As to which was referred as beautiful and lovely is not sure.
Thorin hoped that Master Baggins would get over his disappointment with real world on his own, it would be easier. So he kept an eye on Master Baggins face to see the change, return of his spark, but that didn't happen. It was too easy to observe the hobbit, he never once looked in Thorin's direction, he looked at everything else. Apparently Master Baggins also thought that avoiding was a good tactic, but Thorin have seen enough battles to know this is the one he'll lose. Master Baggins had no intention to start behaving normal again.
What made him finally to get up and to the fire where Master Baggins was keeping guard, was his face. As Master Baggins watched the flames, thinking everyone is asleep and he's unseen, his face dropped blank, washed out expression, and exposed deeper sorrow. Thorin could relate to that all too well so he stepped out into the light and started talking, not sure what he'll say.
"You look worried" he said offering little hobbit a cover for his sadness but he didn't took it, he was too far off into the melancholy so Thorin continued to talk of what he knows best, future, plans, orcs. That seemed to work since Master Baggins snapped from his slumber and offered to help with the look out. Thorin paused thinking of this small hobbit alone before enormous warg armed with only a dagger, but he let that emotion pass. Master Baggins fought with them and he deserved respect. He surely did proved himself to be apt in keeping quiet, being unseen, and keeping his head together in danger's way.
Thorin accepted his offer, there's nothing better to keep a man to the present moment but a worthy task. However he did warned him to be cautious, little hobbit was far too courageous for his own good. Master Baggins was surprised by mentioning of that warg and he laughed. It was a nice laugh, Thorin smiled satisfied. That's how it supposed to be, a smiling hobbit in a good mood, or yelling for that matter, but not quiet and sad.
"I'll keep that in mind" Master Baggins accepted his warning but he continued a bit angry "but I won't have mercy if they get on my nerves" he said and everything was back in its place. Anger and brightness. Just as it should be, a resilient small man. Now Thorin felt confident enough to address his dream sacrifice.
"I'm aware that you chose to stay awake with us. I know how luring dreams can be, but even if they offer something that seems worth having they change on you the minute you try to hold them" like his grandfather turned to a demon the second Thorin tried to embrace him. "I'm glad you chose this dreary reality you share with us, as dark it is, we take the light it gives us and run with it. It's all we can do to stay sane."
Master Baggins held his gaze showing he's alright, that he's strong enough to take this reality for what it is, not what they would like it to be.
"Well, that's it, isn't it? In dreams light never changes, its steady colour in the background, it leaves out the movement that day and night exchange between them. It's a profound though really, to have the change, how much it hurt as measure of reality, because when there is no pain, there is no reality really, doesn't it?" little hobbit once again demonstrated how he understands life and the price that goes with it.
"There are days I could do without pain" Thorin said thinking of the green hills, sunny days and sounds of hammering dwarves at work, burning furnace and smell of liquid metal before it turns to swords
With that thoughts he leaned on the rock, its solidness comforted Thorin. Leaning against it allowed him to envision the mountain around him, sound of dwarves singing at work, sound of falling coins, banging mattocks on the solid rock, and breathing of the mountain, the smell of caves, the warmth of fire, and in the midst of it all, just before he fell asleep a small creature with his hands clasped behind his back, barefooted and curious. He lifted his face towards Thorin and smiled, warm and gentle. Thorin felt safe from that smile, like everything is just fine as it is. The dreams that came after that Thorin wouldn't care to discuss with anyone, but it made running towards orcs somehow easier. Even when they were chased the anxiety was bearable, dealing with enigmatic wizard didn't bring him to erupt.
"What choice do we have?" he said bitterly to his face knowing there is no path but forward, and he wanted to go forward to find out is there a different life path than just pain and suffering.
Inside of skin changer's house everyone went to sleep and he thought of morning. He was ready to fight, but somehow ready to take on Gandalf's word and follow his lead. There must be a way forward.
Thorin walked through the darkened house and counted his dwarves. He knew all came in, but he wanted to be sure, all the running, questions and riddles, made him forget what was important, his dwarves were important. All were there, safely snoring, even the wizard, but one was keeping the eye on the gate. Thorin thought of leaving him there to guard them, but there was no real point in keeping guard against your host, it could bring them only trouble.
"Don't be afraid. The Wizard keeps us in the dark but he more often saves the day. Hopefully this would be one of those days" Thorin approached Master Baggins and put a hand on his shoulder. It was reassurance really, that they are both there and they aren't dreaming.
Master Baggins turned towards him and Thorin felt an urge to hug him, nothing more, just to give that comfort of still living, but he restrained himself. Hobbit has clearly stated his attitude towards hugs and even if Thorin didn't respect that border before, now it would be foolish to cross it.
"We'll yes. There is nothing we can do now, is there? We better go to sleep. He'll show us how to tame a skin changer that can turn to a bear at will and eat us all."
Master Baggins reprimanded him and Thorin laughed a bit, it was endearing how resilient towards comfort hobbit was.
"You always know how to make it sound like a joke, we have our axes still, we will fight if necessary, you just hide as well as you do and you're safe anyway" Thorin tried to squeeze that thought into small Hobbit, thinking of him stubbornly fighting when he can hide made him uneasy.
"I wouldn't abandon you to fight alone" Master Baggins refused that suggestion as expected.
"I meant nothing ill" Thorin withdrew and gave him his space back, there is space needed to have dignity, and that's what Master Baggins demanded, respect. "It's comforting that in any situation you could hide, survive and write tales of us. In a way that's an immortality better than the ones elves have. They don't change, their songs stay the same not changing, not reaching out, but stories live on and are read even when times change and tides turn."
After that he left Master Baggins to his decisions of keeping guard or leaving it to be. He found a place where he couldn't see him. He lied awake waiting for the sunrise with his axe at hand, ready to wield it if necessary.
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