Culpability

Chapter One

Three months earlier

Rebecca went into the office first after Harvey opened the door for her. While she had been to Stan's office several times before, this was going to be Harvey's first time. It had been almost a week since Louis' wedding…almost a week since she suggested they come to counseling together and he agreed. During that week he had been making an effort to be around more. He was coming home for dinner every night and trying to spend more time with both her and the kids.

She knew he was really trying and she appreciated it.

But today she couldn't help but be nervous about being here and she could tell by the look on his face that Harvey was nervous too. She grabbed his hand as they walked to the couch, hoping that would ground him and make him feel better.

"Rebecca." Stan greeted. "It's good to see you again."

"You too." She smiled at the man. "This is Harvey."

"Harvey." Stan smiled at him. "It's good to meet you."

"You two." Harvey replied, breaking away from her to go sit on the opposite side of the couch.

She tried not to be hurt by the fact that he was sitting far away from her, but realized this was his first therapy session. He probably just wasn't comfortable here yet and she would try not to read too much into it.

"So, what brings you both here this evening?" Stan asked.

Rebecca looked over at Harvey. It was now clear to her that he wasn't comfortable here because he was just staring at the pillow he was clutching and pulling imaginary lint off of it. So she decided to answer. "We are here because we need your help to strengthen our marriage."

"I see." Stan nodded, opening his notebook and picking up his pen. "What would you say are the weak spots in your marriage that need strengthening?"

She looked over at Harvey again, but could tell he wasn't going to answer this question either. "I think they are communication and teamwork." She saw Stan write that down in his book.

"Harvey, what do you think?" Stan asked. "Do you agree with Rebecca or disagree?"

"I agree." He nodded.

"Ok." Stan nodded. "Can either one of you give me an example of a time when either lack of communication or lack of teamwork caused an issue between the two of you?"

She looked over at Harvey, certain that now he would speak up. Although she knew he wasn't thrilled about going to therapy, he said he would do it to work on their marriage. So he would speak up. Right? When he didn't say anything, she sighed. "I guess I have an example."

"Ok." Stan nodded. "Tell me about it, please."

"When Harvey came back from Boston, he went behind my back with Jessica to take the majority of my clients away from me. And he didn't tell me about it until after it was a done deal." She explained.

"I thought you were ok with that now." Harvey spoke up.

"I'm only ok with it because I don't have a choice in the matter. Jessica isn't giving me my clients back because she says we have to work it out ourselves. She's not going to get in the middle of things." She replied, looking down at the couch and taking a deep breath.

"You decided on your own that just because I am pregnant and have a lot of other things going on, I can't also do my job. So you convinced Jessica to sideline me from my clients and leave me with the ones that hardly have any billable hours or complicated issues."

"That's not what happened and you know it. I was trying to look out for you." He defended himself. "I thought you could use a break and I was trying to do something nice to show I cared."

"By stealing my clients?" She chuckled, looking over at Stan. "Which, by the way, is something that caused huge arguments between us when we first got together and then several months into our relationship when he thought I was stealing his clients. But he gets to steal mine and I'm apparently not allowed to be upset about it because he was trying to give me help that I never asked for and never wanted. In fact, I'm supposed to be happy and grateful about it because he was only trying to look out for me."

"Do you want your damn clients back? Is that what this is about?" He snapped sharply, whipping his head to look at her. "Because if you do then I'll give them all back to you right now."

"I didn't say that, Harvey." She sighed.

"You didn't have to." He scoffed. "And I didn't know you were still so angry about it."

"I'm not angry." She insisted, releasing a heavy sigh. "I'm frustrated. You unilaterally make decisions for me and for us sometimes and it makes me feel like I don't have a say in things."

"You're one to talk." He pointed out.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She scoffed.

"You decided we weren't selling the penthouse and then bought our house without…"

"No." She interrupted him. "You don't get to play that card here. I tried to get your opinion on the house before I bought it and you refused to give me more than a one word answer about it."

"Because you had that look on your face that meant you loved it and you had your heart set on it." He explained.

"So you're telling me you don't like our house?" She asked quietly. "I tried really hard to find someplace I thought you would like. I did everything I could think of to find someplace to make everyone happy."

"I know." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I do like our house. You did a great job."

"See now I'm not sure what to think about that." She admitted, looking at his face to see if she could tell if he was being honest or not.

"I am being sincere. I just…Shouldn't you be intervening here or something?" Harvey asked, turning to look at Stan. "Isn't that what you are supposed to do?"

"Right now I'm merely trying to get a sense of the dynamic of your relationship." Stan explained.

"So what do you see?" He asked.

Stan sighed and closed his book. "I have only been around you both a short time. Right now, what I see is a lot of unresolved conflict and hurt feelings. I would suppose that you both sweep your issues under the rug, so to speak. Am I correct?"

"No." Harvey answered.

"Yes." She corrected him, looking over at her husband. "We do that a lot of times."

"No we don't." He argued.

"It's one of the main reasons we are here." She reminded him. "We talked about this."

"I can also see that communication is your biggest issue so that is what we are going to focus on first." Stan informed them. "Let's talk about some strategies for better communication."

"I am so glad that is over." Harvey sighed as they exited Stan's office. A couple of moments later, Ray pulled up on the curb. He opened Rebecca's door for her and watched her get in. She was quiet on the way out of Stan's office and on the elevator ride to the lobby. He wondered how much longer she was going to be quiet.

He was aware that he wasn't the most forthcoming patient tonight. But to be fair he wasn't used to a perfect stranger asking such personal questions about his relationship with his wife. It was weird and was going to take some getting used to.

As the car traveled through the city on the way home, he looked over at Rebecca. She was on her phone and it looked like she was returning emails. Since Louis was still on his honeymoon, she was a lot busier than normal. About half-way to their house, he decided to speak up.

"So what did you think of tonight?" He asked.

"It was ok." She replied, not looking over at him.

"I'm not convinced that Stan is the answer to fixing things." He admitted.

She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You have to give it more than just one session to see any difference."

"I guess." He nodded. There was silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "Can we talk?"

"Now you want to talk?" She asked, having turned her attention back to the emails. "I think the time to talk was in the office."

"I'm not used to talking about stuff like that in front of strangers."

"I know that."

"Can we talk when we get home?" He asked.

She sighed and looked over at him. "We can, if you will actually talk and it won't just be me saying everything."

"It won't." He assured her.

"Ok." She nodded. "We can talk when we get home."

Rebecca sat on the bed, going over some paperwork for one of Louis' clients. Harvey was putting Olivia to bed and she was kind of glad for this brief respite. She had let herself have too high hopes for therapy. She thought that they would go and Harvey would immediately open up. They would be able to work through their issues and get to a much better place in record time because they were just that special and wonderful.

But the reality was sinking in.

Harvey didn't really want to talk to a stranger about everything going on. Louis had been talking about Stan ever since she met him. She assumed that Harvey had been hearing about Stan for much longer than her because Louis was always quick to admit that Stan was the reason for his breakthroughs and achievements in the emotional realm.

But hearing about someone and feeling comfortable with them yourself were two different things. While she was angry with him after they left Stan's office, she was starting to realize that Harvey needed to feel safe and respected before he could delve too deeply into the problems that were manifesting themselves into their marriage.

So she needed to cut him some slack. It wasn't going to be easy if he continued to act the same way in future sessions that he did today. But she had to try.

She looked up when the door opened. Seeing it was her husband, she gave him a smile and watched as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"So I bet you aren't happy with me."

"Why do you say that?" She asked.

"I wasn't very vocal in therapy."

She put the stack of papers on the nightstand because they could wait until tomorrow. Then she scooted over so that she was sitting next to him on the bed. "I will admit I was frustrated by that. But I understand why you were quiet and I'm going to try and be patient."

"Thank you." He smiled at her.

"You're welcome." She smiled back. "But that does mean you have to make a real effort to talk more in our sessions. I can't be the only one speaking up all the time. We'll never get through any of our issues that way."

"I agree and I will try to talk more."

"Thank you. That's all I ask." She leaned over to kiss him. "Shouldn't we try and do the communication exercise Stan gave us?"

"We can start doing that tomorrow night."

He wrapped his arms around her body and she felt him gently lift her so that she was on his lap. "Harvey…" She giggled.

"What?" He asked.

"You know what." She lightly swatted his arm because she didn't buy the innocent look he has plastered on his face. She knew what he was trying to do. Luckily for him, she wanted it too. She started to undo his shirt, glad that he had already taken off his tie after they got home.

After his shirt was off, he removed the Harvard shirt she was wearing. She watched as his eyes roamed the top half of her body, starting at her face and moving down to her baby bump.

"God you really are beautiful." He whispered.

"You aren't so bad yourself." She grinned, moving in to kiss him. After a moment she detangled herself from his embrace and laid on the bed, pulling him on top of her.

Rebecca entered the kitchen later that night. Harvey was fast asleep but she was having trouble falling asleep so she thought maybe a snack would help. She was surprised to see Ethan sitting at the table.

"Hey. What are you still doing up?" She looked at the clock and saw that it was after midnight.

"I can't sleep." He admitted. "So I thought I'd get a snack."

She saw the package of cookies on the table, right next to the glass of milk. "Well great minds think alike because I had the same thought. Do you have enough to share?"

"Yeah." He smiled.

She went over and sat next to him. "I know why I can't get to sleep. I have trouble getting comfortable sometimes. But why are you having trouble sleeping?"

"It's nothing." Ethan shook his head.

"It isn't nothing to me." She said, dipping a cookie in the milk. "Tell me. Please? Or else I will have to start guessing. Trust me. No one wants that to happen."

He chuckled. "Alright. I just…miss everything."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"I miss the way my life used to be. Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy here. I'm aware that things could be so much worse. But I still sometimes miss my old life. I miss having my parents around. I miss my old house and my old room. I miss…just everything. Is that bad?"

Her heart broke for him as he looked up at her with his sad eyes. "No, it isn't bad. It's normal. You've been through so much in such a relatively short amount of time. It's ok to miss your old life."

"I didn't want to seem ungrateful."

"You aren't." She assured him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "And you don't have to worry about seeming ungrateful."

"Because I am grateful to you for letting us come live here."

"I know that." She nodded. "Did something happen to make you feel this way?"

"I got my science test back today and I failed it. The teacher said I have to have a parent sign it." He explained.

"Oh." She now understood. "I see."

"It just made me sad." He sighed.

"I can understand how that would make you sad."

"Life's not fair." He scoffed.

"No it isn't." She agreed. "You should have both of your parents still around but you don't unfortunately. You are stuck with Uncle Harvey, your grandmother and me. But the good news is you are still surrounded by a ton of love."

"Yeah." He grinned. "I know."

"Now about that science test." She chuckled. "What is up with that? You are a very smart boy and you normally get good grades. What is going on with science?"

"It doesn't interest me." He shrugged. "I don't like it and I don't understand it."

"Do you want me to get you a tutor?" She offered.

"No." He shook his head quickly. "I'll get made fun of by the other guys if I have to get a tutor."

"Ok. Then how do you propose you raise your science grade?"

"By studying harder?" He questioned.

"Yes." She nodded. "And if you need any help, you can come to me or Uncle Harvey. Ok?"

"I'm not going to Uncle Harvey." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Give him a chance." She encouraged. "Please? He is trying."

"I'll think about it." Ethan sighed.

"Good. Thank you." She smiled. "Now it is getting late. Go on up to bed and try to get some sleep now. Ok?"

"Ok."

He got up from his seat at the counter and surprised her by giving her a hug. She hugged him back. "Everything is going to be ok. Trust me."

"I will." He told her.

"Good night Ethan."

"Good night Aunt Becca."

She waited until she was sure he was on his way back to his room before grabbing another cookie. Parenting was hard.