Culpability

Chapter Seven

After dinner, Rebecca found Lily in her painting studio. "Mind if I come in for a moment?"

"Of course." Lily replied, not looking away from her canvas. "What's up?"

"I brought some tea for us. I was hoping we could talk."

"Ok. That was sweet of you. What's on your mind?" Lily asked, putting down her paintbrush and looking over at her.

"I'm just a little worried about you lately." She explained, going over and setting Lily's tea on the small table next to her canvas.

"Why?"

"You don't normally have to take a nap after your treatments anymore. And you have been extra quiet the last few days. What's going on?"

Lily sighed. "Nothing is going on."

She knew that was a lie and wasn't going to let Lily get away with it. There was clearly something bothering her and she wanted to know what it was. "I find it hard to believe. I know you. Something is wrong. Please tell me."

Lily sighed. "Fine. These treatments…I know you think they are working…and I hope to God that they are. I just…I'm getting tired of them."

"I know that the treatment has got to be draining." She acknowledged. "Are you sorry you agreed to them?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "I'm just tired of the treatments and getting impatient. That's all."

"It's only another two weeks before the doctor does the tests to see how you are responding to the treatment." She pointed out. "Then we will be know if the treatment is working."

"If I'm completely honest I'm also worried about what will happen if the tests reveal the treatments aren't working." Lily admitted. "I don't want to die. But it is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. It's the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night and I think about it a hundred times during the day. And I'm frustrated because if the tests show the treatment isn't working, then I have wasted time I could have spent enjoying my life."

"Why haven't you said anything about this before?" She asked. While she knew that it wasn't easy for Lily to be going through this, she didn't realize the magnitude. Guilt seeped into her brain.

Lily sighed. "You have had more than your fair share of things to worry about. The last thing I wanted to do was add to your burden. How was I supposed to tell you this?"

"But I want you to be able to tell me these things. Lily, Harvey and I love you. We want to be there for you throughout this whole journey. I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me when something is bothering you."

"I appreciate that." Lily nodded. "But the truth remains that you and Harvey have enough on your plate without worrying about me."

She couldn't help but grin. "You realize we will worry about you no matter what though, right? And when you don't tell us something is bothering you it only makes it worse for everyone. What happened to making sure that we start telling each other everything in this family?"

Lily chuckled. "I know. I just…"

"You're scared."

"I am very scared." Lily admitted softly. "I'm trying not to be, but I can't help it."

"What you are facing has got to be scary." She pointed out. "I'm sorry I haven't done a good enough job being there for you."

"You've been doing everything you can." Lily told her. "Don't be hard on yourself."

"I'm going to do better from now on." She promised.

Lily smiled at her.

"Anytime you feel like you want or need to talk, I want you to find either me or Harvey and we will drop everything. Alright?"

"It's not necessary…"

"Yes, it is." She insisted. "We have been too wrapped up in other things to support you the way you need right now and I'm sorry about that. But we aren't going to do that anymore."

"Alright." Lilly nodded. "Thank you."

Harvey pushed the button on the phone and waited for them to pick up.

"Hey Harvey." Mike greeted.

"Is this a bad time?"

"Actually no." Mike chuckled. "Laura is asleep and Rachel is putting James to bed right now. So it is relatively calm here for the moment. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor."

"A favor? Sure. I can most likely help you. What do you need?"

"It's a two part favor." He explained. "I want to surprise Rebecca with a weekend away. I just need you to cover any emergencies that come up with our clients and I need you and Rachel to take Olivia for the weekend."

"Just Olivia? What about Ethan?" Mike questioned.

"Ethan is pretty self-sufficient. I have no doubt that my mom can take care of him by herself. Olivia though…she is a different story."

"Oh. I understand."

"Do you think you and Rachel could do it?" He asked.

"What weekend were you thinking about taking Rebecca away?"

"I was hoping maybe this weekend if it isn't too short of notice." He said, hoping that Mike would come through for him.

"This weekend?" Mike chuckled. "That's not a lot of notice."

"I know." He acknowledged. "But I want to surprise her and I want to try and make up for everything that has happened by letting her have some time to relax. She's been going 100 mph taking care of everything for weeks now and that's not good for her or the baby. I want to show her that I am serious about being there for her and the baby."

"Well I don't think Rachel and I have anything going on this weekend. So I think it should be fine."

"Really?" He couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah. Go ahead and plan it. We'll watch Olivia. Laura will actually be thrilled about it. She adores your niece."

"The feeling is mutual." Harvey laughed. "Olivia talks about Laura all the time."

Mike laughed. "Who would have thought when you hired me that we would end up arranging sleepovers for our families?"

"I never thought that would happen." He admitted.

"And I never thought that you would have a wife or a baby on the way." Mike admitted. "But I am so glad I was wrong."

"Thanks for your help, Mike. I appreciate it." He said, getting serious again. "Are you sure that Rachel won't mind you agreeing to babysit without asking?"

"She will be fine with it."

"Just remember that this is supposed to be a surprise. So please don't mention anything to Rebecca."

"Got it." Mike laughed. "I do understand the definition of the word surprise."

"Just double-checking since you aren't really a Harvard graduate." He teased.

"Ha ha." Mike scoffed. "Why do you always have to go there?"

"Because it's fun since I know it aggravates you." He explained. "Anyway, we'll talk later."

"Bye Harvey."

He put his phone down on the bed stand and grinned. He was glad he had thought of this little getaway and was sure she would love it.

Rebecca came into the bedroom after making sure Ethan was going to bed and then checking on Olivia. It had been a long day. She couldn't wait to get her pajamas on and climb into bed. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Harvey was already in bed, typing on his laptop.

"Hey." She smiled, going over and starting to change clothes.

"Hey yourself." He smiled back.

She felt his eyes on her as she changed clothes. After she was done changing she noticed he had put his laptop away. "Are you done with your work?"

"No, but I can easily finish it tomorrow." He assured her.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He nodded. "I would rather focus my attention on you."

She climbed into bed into his awaiting arms. "It has been such a long day."

"Yes, it has." He agreed.

"So you and Ethan…what really happened at the gym? He seems to have completely changed his opinion about you." She asked as she laid her head on his bare chest.

"We talked about some things that were way overdue." He explained. "And I apologized for being absent in his life. I think he has forgiven me and we are on good terms again."

"Yes, you are." She nodded. "He told me so tonight."

"Good."

"I'm proud of you, Harvey." She said, linking her fingers together with his.

"Why?" He scoffed. "I haven't done much except try to fix what I broke."

"But it takes a strong man to admit when he makes a mistake and then try to fix things." She told him. "You're trying to fix a lot of things right now. You're going to therapy with me. You're going to start your individual therapy sessions this week. You're trying to make things right with Ethan. And you've fixed your relationship with your mom. I know it can't be easy for you but I'm proud of you for making the attempt."

"I appreciate you saying that." He moved so he could kiss the top of her head. "I couldn't let this animosity with Ethan go on much longer. And you know I would do anything for you."

"Are you nervous about therapy by yourself?"

"A little." He admitted. "But maybe it is time I get everything out and work through it."

"Like I said, I'm proud of you." She propped herself up so she could look him in the eyes.

He leaned in and kissed her. "How was baking cookies with Olivia? When we got home you seemed a little off somehow."

She sighed and went back to putting her head on his chest. "She just asked a question that threw me for a loop."

"What was the question?"

"She wanted to know if this baby was going to be her brother or sister."

"Oh." He chuckled. "What did you end up telling her?"

"I told her that it would be her cousin but she could refer to it as her brother or sister since they will be raised together by us." She explained. "I didn't really know what else to say. Was that alright?"

"I think it is fine." He told her.

"Good." She breathed a sigh of relief. For whatever reason, she thought maybe Harvey would be upset with her explanation. She was glad to be wrong. "There is something else we need to talk about."

"That sounds serious. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's really wrong…it's just something that we need to work on. I had a talk with your mom tonight. I guess I never really realized just how scared she is about the treatment and what will happen if it doesn't work." She explained, watching his face as he realized where she was going with this.

"I see." He nodded.

"She hasn't wanted to bother us about it, but we really need to be doing a better job of checking in with her and making sure she is ok. I feel absolutely terrible that I've dropped the ball on this…"

"Hey." He interrupted her. "You haven't dropped the ball. You've been over-extending yourself for weeks."

"I know but I should have seen it…"

"You are not perfect." He interrupted her again. "You are only human and some things are bound to fall through the cracks at times. But it is ok. If anything, I should have been around to catch what might fall through the cracks. So if anything, this is more my fault than yours."

"It's sweet you want to take the blame for it." She couldn't help but smile. "But honestly, I still feel like it is my mistake."

"It's both of our faults. I haven't been checking in with her about the treatments as much as I should either. But we can fix that now." He promised her.

"Thank you." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too." He told her. "Now let's get some sleep."

She curled up against him and was thrilled to have his arms wrapped around her protectively. She closed her eyes and almost immediately went to sleep.