Culpability

Chapter Ten

"So Ethan, are you ready for your big math test today?" Rebecca asked as she sat down at the table with the rest of the family to eat breakfast.

"I think so." Ethan nodded.

"I'm sure you will do fine." She assured him.

"I've studied." Ethan sighed. "That's all I can really do."

"Olivia, your permission slip for the field trip is due today. It is in your folder. Right?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded. "It is."

"Good." She smiled, taking a sip of her orange juice and looking around the table at her family. It was still weird to think of this as her family but she did take a certain amount of pride from it. It didn't seem right that she and Harvey were now in charge of their niece and nephew but she was beyond glad that they were able to be here for them since they didn't have living parents anymore.

She caught his eye as he drank his coffee and watched as he winked at her. He was making an effort to be more open and be present with them instead of working all the time. She had to admit that it was nice to have her husband's attention again.

"So I have a little surprise for you." Harvey told her.

"Really?" She chuckled. "What is it?"

"We are going away for the weekend."

"But…" She started to protest.

"Before you tell me all the reasons why we can't, let me finish." He interrupted. "Rachel has agreed to help out by having Olivia stay with them this weekend."

"I get to have a sleepover with Laura!" Olivia exclaimed happily.

"Well that is certainly exciting." She told her niece.

"And I am staying here with grandma." Ethan told her.

She smiled at Ethan and then looked at Harvey. "Can I talk to you in the hallway for a moment?"

"Of course." He got up from the table and she followed him to the hallway.

"I love that you want to go away for the weekend and I love that you want to do something nice and surprise me with it. But I'm really not sure this is a good time."

"It's the perfect time though." He told her. "Rachel and Mike can take care of Olivia. You know how much Olivia and Laura love spending time together."

"They have had quite a few play dates the past few weeks." She laughed. Ever since she and Rachel got the girls together, they were inseparable. Despite the age difference between the two girls, they loved spending time together. It was nice because it gave her and Rachel an excuse to get together more often.

"And Ethan can stay here with my mom because he is able to take care of himself for the most part. She just has to chaperone him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like burn the place down and make sure he eats." He explained. "Knowing him, he will probably be in his room reading most of the weekend anyway."

"Have you cleared this with your mom? You know she has her treatment today."

"Of course I did." He assured her. "She is perfectly fine with it and said if you didn't go because of her she would feel terribly guilty."

She grinned. "Way to throw on the guilt there, Mr. Specter."

He put his arms around her expanding waist and pulled her closer to him. "Well I have to make my case and play to my strong suit, Mrs. Specter. What do you say? Come away with me this weekend. I promise it will be fun. It can be like a babymoon of sorts."

She laughed. "Did you really just use the term babymoon?"

"I did." He nodded.

"I thought you hated that term." She pointed out. "You made fun of Mike both times when he and Rachel went on theirs."

"I do hate the term." He chuckled. "But I love the thought of having you all to myself for a couple of days so I'll use whatever term will get the job done. Besides, I enjoy making fun of Mike whenever possible. I don't need a real reason to laugh at him."

She thought about it for a moment. "Where would we even go?"

"I have it all planned out. We're going back to the cabin we went to for your birthday."

"Really?" She grinned. She loved that place and it meant a lot to her that he would take her back there. Judging from how his smile grew after telling her about the location, she could tell he was proud of himself for choosing that place.

"Yes." He nodded.

"When would we leave?"

"We'd leave right after the kids go to school and we would be back late Sunday afternoon." He explained. "Does that mean you are saying yes?"

She leaned in and kissed him. "No. That means I am saying yes. I'd love to go away with you."

"Great." He kissed her forehead. "You stay here and pack while I walk the kids to school. We'll leave when I get back."

"Sounds good." She nodded, watching him go back into the kitchen.

Later that day, Harvey opened the door to the cabin. He let Rebecca go in first.

"I almost forgot how much I loved this place." She marveled, setting her purse down.

"Well I didn't forget." He told her. "That's why when I thought about where we could go, this was the only option I considered."

"I'm surprised this place wasn't booked already and you were able to get it on such short notice." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He leaned down and kissed her. "You're very welcome."

"I must say though, I feel guilty about leaving the kids."

"Don't." He shook his head. "How many times have you babysat for Rachel and Mike over the years?"

"Too many to count." She laughed.

"So they are just repaying the favor. And my mom is perfectly fine with watching Ethan. It's Olivia who exhausts her." He chuckled.

"Well to be fair, Olivia can exhaust anyone." She pointed out. "I don't understand how that girl always has so much energy."

"It's a mystery, for sure." He smiled. "But everyone is fine with this."

"So basically what you are trying to tell me is that I should stop worrying about them?"

"It would be nice if you could let it go for a while and relax." He pointed out. "But I know that will be hard for you because you've really taken to this new mom role."

While he was still trying to adjust to his new role of raising Ethan and Olivia, Rebecca took to it like a fish to water. She was amazing with them and he was incredibly proud of her.

"I will try my best to stop worrying." She promised.

"And I will try my best to distract you so you can't worry." He promised.

"Deal." She leaned in for another kiss. "Now what is for lunch?"

He grinned. "You and your food."

"What can I say? The baby is hungry." She fake pouted.

"C'mon." He grabbed her hand. "I had the fridge fully stocked with the stuff I know you have been craving lately. Let's go see what we can find."

"God, I love you." She chuckled as they went to the kitchen.

"The feeling is more than mutual." He assured her.

After lunch, they both settled on the couch. Harvey was slouched down and had his feet up on the coffee table while she was laying on her side across the couch with her head in his lap. He was occasionally running his fingers through her hair and she was loving every minute of it.

"It is so nice to just be able to relax with you." She commented. "No phones, no work, no drama or stress…just you and me."

"I agree. It feels like we haven't gotten a break like this for a long time."

"It's just been one thing after another. If it isn't work, then it's family or friends."

"And therapy." He pointed out.

"And therapy." She repeated. Thinking about therapy made her remember her first solo session with Stan several weeks ago.

"Hello there." Stan greeted with a smile as he opened the door for her. "Please, come in. You must be Rebecca."

"Yes. I am." She nodded, giving him a small smile. She still wasn't completely sold that coming here was a good idea, but it seemed like her only option right now. Louis always spoke of Stan like he was some kind of superhero, able to help sort out any problem or complex known to man. She heard Louis compliment Stan at least twice a week, if not more. So when she realized that things in her life were getting out of control and she didn't know how to deal with all of the stress, her only idea was to come see if Stan could help her.

Now though…standing in Stan's office, she felt extremely nervous and second-guessed this decision.

"Please. Have a seat." Stan motioned towards the couch.

She walked over and sat on the side of the couch, crossing her legs and placing her hands in her lap.

"So, what brings you here today?" Stan asked, opening up a notebook and picking up his pen.

"I'm not sure where to begin." She answered honestly.

"Well take your time." He advised. "Sometimes the best place to start is the thing that is bothering you the most."

"The most?" She laughed. "Everything seems to be bothering me about the same amount these days. But I guess it starts several months ago. My sister in law was murdered. Then shortly after that her husband relapsed on his gambling and alcohol addictions. He drove drunk with his daughter in the car and crashed the car, causing our niece to end up with a broken arm. He went to rehab but a couple of weeks before he was to be released he killed himself."

"I'm sorry." Stan said. "That is a lot to process."

"There's more though. My mother in law has cancer that could easily kill her within a few months to a year. So I got her into a medical trial to keep her alive. But since she is sick she couldn't take care of our niece and nephew. So my husband and I moved the kids here from Boston, where they lived, so we can take care of them as well as my mother in law while she goes through her treatments."

"So much change." Stan stated.

"And I'm still not done." She chuckled nervously. "I'm pregnant. I'm trying to get everything for the move settled and trying to get everyone taken care of. All the while, things with my husband have deteriorated to the point where I'm not sure our marriage is even going to survive. Basically my life is a mess. I'm completely stressed out and overwhelmed and I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that keeping it bottled up inside isn't good for me or my baby. I just didn't have anyone else to talk to about this so that's why I'm here."

"I can understand why you would feel overwhelmed. It is a lot of change in a short amount of time. And you are right. Holding your emotions inside isn't good for you or your baby. Congratulations by the way. Bringing a new life into the world is a special thing."

"Thanks."

"You have come to the right place." Stan assured her. "I am more than happy to listen to the thoughts you have bottled up inside and help you make sense of things. Do you have a preference on where we start?"

"Well…" She trailed off. "You said sometimes the best place to start is with the thing bothering me the most. If we are adhering to that, then we need to talk about how I think my marriage might be over because my husband doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"Alright." Stan nodded. "Let's talk about the reasons you believe that to be true."

The first session was painful and emotional, but it was one of the best things she did. She needed to have that safe space where she could say anything without fearing that she would offend or anger the people she loved.

"What do you want to do this afternoon?"

When she didn't get a response, she turned so she could look up at him. A smile played on her face when she saw that he had fallen asleep. A nap sounded good to her too so she got comfortable and closed her eyes. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep either.